150 was a compromise. MOG got 80, groom got 30, bride got 20 and I got 20. MOG wanted 130 by herself and groom's original list was closer to 50. Now the numbers seem to bee creeping back up to their original lists. It's not a question of money since everyone will pay for their own guests and the venue will fit, but this was just not DD's vision, and she's not really unhappy, just overwhelmed, I guess.
150 was a compromise. MOG got 80, groom got 30, bride got 20 and I got 20. MOG wanted 130 by herself and groom's original list was closer to 50. Now the numbers seem to bee creeping back up to their original lists. It's not a question of money since everyone will pay for their own guests and the venue will fit, but this was just not DD's vision, and she's not really unhappy, just overwhelmed, I guess.
The OP said her groom has a big extended family. I'm guessing the majority of people on MIL's list are family, while those on the groom's list are friends and coworkers.
150 was a compromise. MOG got 80, groom got 30, bride got 20 and I got 20. MOG wanted 130 by herself and groom's original list was closer to 50. Now the numbers seem to bee creeping back up to their original lists. It's not a question of money since everyone will pay for their own guests and the venue will fit, but this was just not DD's vision, and she's not really unhappy, just overwhelmed, I guess.
If that is true, I'm going to call that bad accounting. They are the groom's family too, and if the groom wants them there they should be counted in the groom's numbers. Just my personal opinion.
I sincerely doubt the MIL is inviting 80 of her close friends!If that is true, I'm going to call that bad accounting. They are the groom's family too, and if the groom wants them there they should be counted in the groom's numbers. Just my personal opinion.
Dd and her bf have been having a few conversations about weddings (no date set, he hasn't officially asked her yet). And I guess he is in the "minority" because he truly wants a big guest list. She has the bigger family but they have a LOT of friends together. He wants to be able to include anyone and everyone. She wants a beach wedding so they have talked about where so that everyone could be invited. Don't assume its the MOG, it may very well be the groom. Some guys really are social.
Now, when and if they have a wedding, it will be the third one of my kids. With yds, there were no issues as it was basically a immediate family only wedding and a huge reception. But with ods, we knew there would be a lot of extended family plus friends in a small church. So we all sat down (us, ds and finance, her parents) and made a list of family members who would be invited. Then we divided the rest of the number up so that everyone could pick friends to invite. We gave our number to ds because I didn't see the need in inviting my friends if some of his were getting left out. I think the bride's parents gave her some of their number too but her father's line of work sort made it a requirement for him to invite certain people. But that's just how we did it.
Either way, if the groom wants a big wedding its his day too. Your daughter needs to sit down and talk to him about her concerns with the numbers and sees where he stands on it. Maybe she just needs to relax and give a little his way.
I sincerely doubt the MIL is inviting 80 of her close friends!
I agree. Family should go as being on the groom's list. It is his family too and from what the OP said, he wants the big wedding. Now if his mom is trying to invite her boss that should count towards her number.
How were those numbers arrived at? Did they get to 150 and then figure out the breakdown or did they figure out how many each need/want to invite and got it to 150? And yes, I think it matters.150 was a compromise. MOG got 80, groom got 30, bride got 20 and I got 20.
Honestly, the MOG getting over 50% of the invites is unheard of in my world. I'm all for parents getting some invites, but for the MOG to have more than the Bride, Groom, and Bride's family combined is insane. I'd be past overwhelmed and flat out unhappy.
And to be quite honest, I'd expect my Groom to say something to his mother about it. If the groom's list creeps up to 50 that's one thing, but for the MOG's to creep up when she's already invited more than half the guests -- No. Just no. I don't care that she's paying for them, that completely changes the tone and feel of the wedding to have her dominate the guest list so heavily.
150 was a compromise. MOG got 80, groom got 30, bride got 20 and I got 20. MOG wanted 130 by herself and groom's original list was closer to 50. Now the numbers seem to bee creeping back up to their original lists. It's not a question of money since everyone will pay for their own guests and the venue will fit, but this was just not DD's vision, and she's not really unhappy, just overwhelmed, I guess.
I disagree with that unless the groom really wants them to be there. I have a very large extended family but when it came time for my wedding many were not on my list because I wasn't close to them and didn't really want them there. They were people I saw maybe once a year or two, kind of like people who you know of, but not who you really know well.
Now, for my father it was important for them to be there because he was close to them, so they went on his list of "must invite".
I did end up cutting my list short to accommodate them because my father paid for my wedding and I felt I owed him at least that. Looking back I don't regret it, I had a great wedding with plenty of people I was close too there to share the day with me. However if I could do it over I would do it differently and invite less extended family and more of my friends and/or co-workers.
I'm sure whatever happens with the guest list the bride and groom will have a wonderful day and the guest list will be the farthest thing from their minds.
I think it is great everyone seems agreeable to paying for their own guests, as paying for the costs is sometimes a cause for stress. However, I still think that the bride and the groom should get to set parameters on how big a wedding is. I am not sure the MOG should get the largest guest list.
Fine, maybe she has a big family she wants to invite. But maybe she is considering family everyone down to the third cousins who the bride has never met and have not seen the groom since he was 3 years old. The couple has every right to say these people do not need to be included.
But the OP stated the groom wants the big wedding. Maybe he's just shifting the blame on his mom.
I think inviting your postman's cousin is just rude, even if you are offering to pay the difference.