Sp now I have to explain how I intend to do this because it's not CLEAR to you? And that's being helpful and non-judgmental??? I have to explain to you why she moved in to you because it's not CLEAR to you? I have to explain why she's going to move out because it's not CLEAR to you?
YOU came here and asked for advice. YOU gave details in the original post and continued to add information that in several instances was contrary to YOUR OP. YOU indicated that YOUR Dh did not want any of the proceeds t go to your mother, and YOU stated YOU were not discussing any details her her in order to avoid a "temper tantrum".
What makes no sense s how you plan to go from keeping all the proceeds from the sale of your home to establishing Mom into a living community and taking care of her if you are not just going to give her any money gained from HER investment into what was supposed to be her home, as well as yours. YOUR continued added tidbits are making your OP as clear as quicksand, and that is why people ask you to explain. What YOU fail to understand is that no one here has a dog in your race, but since you came here asking for feedback, and since for some reason you seem to need validation for those of us who just don't roll the way your posts indicate that you do, you are angry when people ask for clarification.
I can assure you that as a 60 year old woman who has had to make sime gut wrenching decisions in my lifetime, I have never had to look back ask anyone to confirm that I made the right decision when it came to taking one dime from my family. My brother and sister in law were ont eh title of my Mom's house when they paid her mortgage off for her. Their name remained on the house until her death. Her will had been written over 25 years prior to her death, and never was changed after they paid her home off, leaving 1'2 to my brother, and 1/4 to my sister and to myself. This meant that upon her death, my brother would get 1/2 of the 1/3 that was her share, and my sister and I woudl split 1/4 each of that 1/3. I asked her oen day if that was what she wanted and she gave me a lesson I will never forget. I am going to share it with you:
"He knows what my intentions were and still are. If he chooses not to follow what I want, no good will come from his taking what was not meant to be his."
I told her I was fine with that, and we never said a word again, with my sister and I continuing to fund what needed to be done for her comfort and her well-being. Less than a week before my Mom passed on she asked to make a change, and wanted to incluse my oldest sister, who for reasons of her own she had deliberately written out. My sister in law brought her cousin, who was an attorney to her adn she simply added my older sister in. That was it. She could not change the title at that point even if she had chosen to do so.
After her passing we all sat at the table, the three of us and my sister in law. My older sister was not there, nor were my husabnd and DBIL. My brother told us that he had given thought to what Mom's will said, and knew what he and Sue could do, but they were not going to do that because my Mom would be ashamed of them, and they would be ashamed of themselves. We split the proceeds of the house 4 ways. The sale was very hard on my brother, and he took every offer and negotional personally. My sister and I told him we would support anything he wanted to do, no matter the end result. You see for us, this was not a house, but was our family home. My Mom loved living there, and it was opened to all of us, no questions asked.
You are going to have to make some very difficult decisions as you move forward and if nothing else is clear, the fact that you are trying to find a way to live with your choices are. So, use my mother's life lesson. Do the right thing, whatever that happens to be, because if you make another life changing decision and it backfires the way the first one did, you may not have the time to correct it. I do not knwo what the right decision is for your family, but I do knwo that if you and your husband make decisions for your mother and then present them to her as a done deal, you will probably be getting more issues thatn just questions from strangers.
You biggest financial challenge, beyond the whole moral discussion, will be your Mother's legal status in this house. I know that in the event she faces having to use State aid for her care there is a long lookback period. You are safe as far as the sale of her original home, but I am not sure what the legal impact of her investment in your home is. When you are advised to speak to an attorney, you should follow that advice. For both you and your mother's financial well being. You may not have any legal obligation, but since none of us know how any of this was done, we cannot tell you how this will impact you if she ever becomes unable to care for herself, and cannot pay for her care.