starry_solo
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2010
Ughhhhhh. I do NOT like him!!!
I agree!
Ughhhhhh. I do NOT like him!!!
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Your DD is so young to be dealing with such an overwhelming relationship.
Their friends being cold to you is a sure sign that he is very vocal in his complaints regarding you. He is only being minimally civil to you himself because he doesn't have enough control of your DD yet to cut you off completely. Once she gets the wedding she wants, he'll be doing all he can to cut you guys completely out. Continue to do all you can to be very calm and loving with your DD.
I would caution you to not put too much nonrefundable money toward the wedding. She wouldn't be the first person to go through with it just because too much had been spent not to.
Prayers that she sees how unhealthy this relationship is very soon.
I had another thought...Does your faith require premarital counseling? Some do and it could be a help to your DD if it's really good counseling with a qualified counselor rather than just a minister checking boxes.
I had another thought...Does your faith require premarital counseling? Some do and it could be a help to your DD if it's really good counseling with a qualified counselor rather than just a minister checking boxes.
Speaking in generalities I trust everyone I know IRL until they prove to me are not trustworthy.
Once proven I'm pretty much done.
I do not base this feeling on he said, she said.
Sometimes girls (and even older women) get so focused on the wedding that they forget about the important part, the actual marriage. I would just say your not discussing it till she's 21. The whole this is just way too quick at pretty much any age, never mind at 20.
If she knew for certain that he was trying to get back with the ex, would she leave him? If so, I'd get that proof and get it to her. If she wouldn't leave him even with proof, then she is in for a life of misery. I would do whatever I could to get her away from him. I would also just stop talking about the wedding. Sometimes girls (and even older women) get so focused on the wedding that they forget about the important part, the actual marriage. I would just say your not discussing it till she's 21. The whole this is just way too quick at pretty much any age, never mind at 20. Are you some sort of religion where they are "waiting" for marriage? Nothing wrong with that but wondering is that is what the rush is all about. Although I think you said they live together, so probably not the case.
I think it is a fine line when it comes to 'talking about the wedding'....
My thoughts from the last update were that this was a LOT of focus on the wedding.
LuvsJack, while you can't just issue a judgment and refuse to talk about the wedding... which would backfire, of course.
I would try to back WAY off....
Focus on everything else...
I do feel that the big 'wedding' thing, all of the dreams and fantasies, could easily hold way to much appeal for an impressionable young person, maybe like the DD.
I would 'listen'.... ALWAYS listen.... listening is always so much more valuable than talking...
Be more non-chalant, non-focused, and non-committal.
LuvsJack, just how focused is she on the whole wedding thing?
Is she really pushing to talk about and set these details?
I would imagine, and be afraid, that this is actually the big thing in her mind right now!
Wow, looking at dresses....
That is def. now past the point of any return.
She IS focused and dreaming 'wedding'.
That means that, even more than having to think that her relationship is not what she thought, and losing that dream... If she is going to begin to question things at all, she is also going to have to let go of that 'wedding' dream. I can't imagine how hard that might be for her.