How do you quiet the one upper?

[manning]

Raise one eyebrow, say in a flat voice, "I can't believe that", and walk away.

Better yet look her in the eye and say "bull crap" then turn around walk away and ignore her. If she persist ignore her. It will drive her crazy. She is looking for attention.

 

[wgeo]

It took me a second! I was thinking..how does this person know? I gave 3 of a million examples. Here we go again!

But then I got it! Well played!

Yeah I was going for the joke, and then got worried that no one would catch it Seriously sorry about the annoying co-worker though.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Do you work with my sister in law?

 

[Summer2018]

Do you work with my sister in law?

OMG! My sister-in-law used to pull that crap, and then she somehow grew out of it.

 

[DISNEY1975]

deleted

 

[amberpi]

I'm starting to realize that most issues with other humans are best treated by ignoring it.

 

[LilyWDW]

My come backs:

"Uh huh."
"Riiiiight."
"No."

All with a look that says that I can see right through your BS.

My cousin is like this. The stories she will tell just to be "better" then you or to show how hard her poor life is.

 

[momz]

You have some choices in this situation.

You can stop caring, let it roll of your back. You recognize this person is full of hot air and you can choose your response to it.

You can call her out and then have to deal with the consequences.

You can find a new job. If you've worked with this person for 20 years it's not likely SHE will be the one to move on.

So, live with it, address it, or move on.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, you have to realize that your desire to 'call her out' is just NOT the thing to do.
Do you really, for one tiny micro-second, think that this would work???
Seriously.
This lady will go to her grave being this way.
I can guarantee you that.

And, I wouldn't even engage in ANY conversation about my daughter or anything personal, AT ALL.
PERIOD.
That would be my policy with anyone, whatsoever, who is not a personal friend, and who's agenda is not my and my families best interests.
There is this thing called boundaries.

Why should you let her, or anyone's, BS even have the power/ability to impact your day.

do not engage.
DO NOT FEED THE ANIMAL.

Do the whole 'your excluded' thing... The - your comments aren't even going to get a response from me, thing.
Do not engage...
Ignore... and Ignore... and Ignore...
Once you find your ability to do that... you might find that it is just SO freeing!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhh!!!!
A really good one just came to mind!!!!
Dana Carvey's

"Well isn't THAT 'special'...."

 

[Nancyg56]

I want to call her out so maybe she will stop. I have to listen to the ridixulousness 8 hours a day. Its mentally draining, constantly thinking "Well, thats not what you said a week ago" or "Why cant you just let XXX tell his story?" We all sit in silence which seems to get her going even more. Its really really bad. If it was just occasionally I would not start a thread. Im really looking for advice on how to make it stop. I will try what a PP stated and just say "Oh thats nice" and turn back to the original conversation. Hopefully all will follow suit and she will tone it down.

If you call her out you will not win. WHile she may be annoying she is not being cruel.

I generally put up with the chronic one upper for a while and then if I reach a breaking point I just comment" Of course you did" or something liek that. And lately I picture Mila discussing her One Upper friend . and LOL!!!

 

[undertheradar]

I'd get some airplane vomit bags and pull them out every time she starts her story telling.

 

[Hrhpd]

I want to call her out so maybe she will stop. I have to listen to the ridixulousness 8 hours a day. Its mentally draining, constantly thinking "Well, thats not what you said a week ago" or "Why cant you just let XXX tell his story?" We all sit in silence which seems to get her going even more. Its really really bad. If it was just occasionally I would not start a thread. Im really looking for advice on how to make it stop. I will try what a PP stated and just say "Oh thats nice" and turn back to the original conversation. Hopefully all will follow suit and she will tone it down.

You are expending way too much energy thinking about her stories. Someone that annoying can only be mentally draining if you choose to buy into her game. It is up to you to be invested in her stories or to just ignore them.

Who cares if what she said last week is the same as she said this week. Hear it and if it doesn't sound the same as last week, just laugh to yourself and forget it. Your plan to briefly acknowledge her fiction and turn right back to the original conversation is the best plan. Don't give her conversations more than a moment of attention. You can't change her, especially not after 20 years. You can only choose how you react. you can choose to laugh and ignore it or to let it get under your skin.

This woman is 44 !! (But lives vicariously through her 15 year old daughter)

Why, after 20 years, do you now have such a desire to one up her yourself, to prove she is wrong and you are right? Did something happen in the workplace to make her stories more annoying now? You have known who she is for 20 years. If she is 44, she started this at 24. That is a long time to put up with it, going through having families and growing up, now start really getting under your skin.

Ive been waiting forever! She does make comments about our VP...nothing bad, but that tells her all the time to not be working from home (she doesnt....I do because I handle the west coast projects and work on the east coast), or he asked her to be in charge of a project, when I know she asked if she could do it. I dont have the guts to ask him if its true.

Did she get a promotion or something that you attribute to her stories? You said she was put in charge of a project. Is this something you wanted? Explore why all of a sudden the past few years she is bothering you so much that it is mentally draining.

Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Along the same lines, no one can annoy you without your consent. Don't be so invested in what she says. Does it really affect your life if she changes her story on her vacation? Don't consent to care enough to let it bother you.

 

[VandVsmama]

How do you deal with people like that? There are a couple of different options:

1. blunt and rude response - not a good idea if this is someone who you have to work with
2. the brush off - something like "Oh, that's interesting" or "oh wow" or "oh my." You're not agreeing with her. You're giving a very middle of the road response.
3. ignore - you could just blankly look at her in silence. Most people are uncomfortable with silence. You could use that to your advantage.
4. ignore & leave the room - get up and walk out of the room

 

[DISNEY1975]

deleted

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

As I said before, its not only with me, but with everyone. Hard to sit and listen to her tell bold face lies to others and see them believing every word when she just told someone else a completely different story.

Since her daughter became a teenager, its gotten much much worse. Literally can not say ANYTHING without her having a story about herself or her daughter. Since we work closely together, there is no avoiding it and its gotten on my last nerve.

No promotion, she never will. In addition to her one upping and lies, she is a hypochondriac and misses a ton of work. Her father was a big wig in our company. He just retired though. I assume thats how she stays.

She and her daughter must be hollow by now with everything they have had removed. When her daughter was about 8 we were told she got braces. She missed days almost weekly for many months for orthodontist appointments. Fast forward 5 years and my daughter had to get braces. I left an hour early once a week for 3 weeks so she could have some baby teeth removed. 2 teeth per appointment, total of 6, and I was back to work and she was back to school the next day. She got her braces on about 6 weeks later. All of a sudden, my coworker needed a week off because her daughter was getting 7 teeth removed, all in one day, to get braces. I said "Didnt she have them on years ago?" She said no. ??????? Then about a week later she needed a day off because her daughter was getting the braces on......before the week off to get the teeth removed. I asked why she was getting them on before removing the teeth and she just said "Because thats how they do it". My brain cant handle this nonsense.

We work in the same department, but have completely different jobs. She would never do something I do and vice versa. It not a competition.

My kids had teeth removed after their braces were put on. It happens.

The woman makes crap up and lies about why she's taking time off work. There's one in every office setting, at least. Honestly it's up to you to just do your own job, ignore her and mind your own business about why she's missing work.

 

[Hrhpd]

She is going on vacaton next week and someone asked what she was doing. She said she was going to some time share in AZ and just sitting by the pool for a week. The other person said "Oh you should visit the grand canyon, go to the biosphere, go on a cave tour etc..etc..etc.. A couple hours later someone else asked about her vacation and she said "Im going to AZ to go to the grand canyon, cave tour, biosphere etc..etc..." Ahhhhhhhh I wanted so badly to say something, but I just let it go. I think this is why she continues because nobody says anything to her.

As I said before, its not only with me, but with everyone. Hard to sit and listen to her tell bold face lies to others and see them believing every word when she just told someone else a completely different story.

Since her daughter became a teenager, its gotten much much worse. Literally can not say ANYTHING without her having a story about herself or her daughter. Since we work closely together, there is no avoiding it and its gotten on my last nerve.

No promotion, she never will. In addition to her one upping and lies, she is a hypochondriac and misses a ton of work. Her father was a big wig in our company. He just retired though. I assume thats how she stays.

She and her daughter must be hollow by now with everything they have had removed. When her daughter was about 8 we were told she got braces. She missed days almost weekly for many months for orthodontist appointments. Fast forward 5 years and my daughter had to get braces. I left an hour early once a week for 3 weeks so she could have some baby teeth removed. 2 teeth per appointment, total of 6, and I was back to work and she was back to school the next day. She got her braces on about 6 weeks later. All of a sudden, my coworker needed a week off because her daughter was getting 7 teeth removed, all in one day, to get braces. I said "Didnt she have them on years ago?" She said no. ??????? Then about a week later she needed a day off because her daughter was getting the braces on......before the week off to get the teeth removed. I asked why she was getting them on before removing the teeth and she just said "Because thats how they do it". My brain cant handle this nonsense.

We work in the same department, but have completely different jobs. She would never do something I do and vice versa. It not a competition.

Stop egging her on by asking questions. You are part of the problem by always questioning her. Do you keep a spreadsheet on everything she says? You are way too invested in her life.

A lot of what you are posting are your assumptions.

So, she changed her story about her vacation. You said a co-worker gave her some tips on what to see. She then incorporated those suggestions into her travel plans. You got annoyed by that? Just let it go.

It is very plausible that her child would have braces twice. I have many friends whose children had braces in 4th and 5th grade, had them off during middle school, and then continued treatment in high school. It is actually very common to have braces "years ago" and then have braces again.

We have an insecure person in our workplace who is similar. But we just give a simple ok and move on. We do not grill her and point out her inconsistencies. Even with her stories, we do not know every detail of her life like you do of your co-worker. It is none of your business to keep track of why she takes off work. That is between her boss and her. You need to back away and not engage for your own sanity.

You have made proving her a liar a personal mission of yours and it will never end well. It is just causing you stress. Just back away and leave her life alone.

Honestly, the more you post, the more it sounds like you are more jealous than annoyed. Usually, if someone is this obsessed with another person and not able to tune them out, there is more going on than just annoyance.

 

[Southernmiss]

Be pleasant, don't get in her business, don't share your business with her. Ignore, avoid and let it go!

One of the things in life we have to learn is how to get along with others.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Why is it hard to sit and listen....
Why are you listening....
Why are you even engaging and questioning her.

YOU are enabling this. You are def. making this more of a problem for yourself.
Why are you engaging?

If your work does not entertwine and this is not affecting your job status.
Like the song says...
LET IT GO.... LET IT GO!!!!!

So.... what.....

Really, just look at it as the daily 'entertainment'....
And, her personal stories do not have to be any of your business.
I would be making darned sure that MY personal life was never, ever, in a million years any of her business.

PS: I might still go with the Dana Carvey thing if really came down to it.
Hahahaha!!!!!!
But, you should just NEVER let it come down to that.

 

[Wishing on a star]

You ask... How do you quiet the one-upper.

Answer: You don't.
Remember the old adage. You can't, and shouldn't, try to control anyone else's actions and attitudes.
You must, however, take control of your own!