~ The Man Report ~~~~~~~~ 2007 ~~~~~~~~ We Annoy People
There were 500,000 delayed flights in 2006 and the travel experts are predicting a 10% increase in 2007 so the odds are pretty good youre going to have a delay of some kind while traveling.
The odds go up as you add segments to your trip. Living in Montana, we have to fly to Denver first before we go to Orlando, thus 2 segments each direction.
Now, throw in the fact that its spring break for much of the country and snow storms in the Northeast and youve got a recipe for mass chaos.
Being mild mannered and the relaxed-type, Im very easy to travel with.
Since December, Ive been on over 50 flights with probably 1/3 of them delayed for a variety of reasons. Recently, I was stuck in the Washington D.C. airport (Reagan) for 9 hours because of storms in Chicago. A delayed flight out of Dallas caused me to miss a flight from Denver to home due to a late arriving flight crew.
Its always something and its best to just plan for it. If you expect for it to happen, and it doesnt, well thats just a treat that you can savor.
The best part about airline travel is the safety record. You have a 1 in 25 million chance of dying while in an airplane. Believe it or not, you have a 1 in 2 million chance of dying by falling out of bed which just seems ridiculous to me. Oh, and for those wondering, you have a 1 in 5,000 chance of dying while riding in an automobile.
But I digress.
My warriors and I were up and at em early the morning of our departure but our flight didnt leave until 10:30 a.m. so we really didnt have to hurry. Not having to hurry though is inconsequential as everything in my life is an emergency and needs immediate attention (once again, it's an issue). I jump up out of bed and sound off the war cry trying stir up the troops. Im cracking the whip on this trip right from the start. Best to let em know whos in charge early on.
The long-term parking lot at Billings Logan International Airport (Im serious
thats the name!) was full due to spring break so I parked in
short term. What the heck, its only $7 per day instead of $5. Remember, this is Montana were talking about.
I know
everyone at the airport so were upgraded by one of the gate agents I know and passed thru security quickly as I know all of them also. Our first segment to Denver went off without a hitch.
We arrive at DIA as scheduled and check the Departure board for our next flight.
On time. Great. Traveling with a little boy with disabilities is tough. Its even tougher when he has to wait around for long extended periods of time.
We hit McDucks then head to the Red Carpet room to relax and wait. Since Im Obsessive / Compulsive, I check the board again and again and find that our flight is all of a sudden delayed for an hour. Lin begins to get nervous as she expects Moan Boy to start turning on us like a diseased badger. He began to bug a little as our one hour delay turned into an hour and half and beyond.
To ease moms pain, I went & purchased us each a glass of Cabernet wine (yes, it's afternoon now). She had hers all of two seconds before she dumped half of it on her white
Disneyland shirt. She looked and smelled like an out-of-work Turkish hooker.
Now, here is the really strange part. Here she is with wine dumped all over her white shirt, waiting on our plane to arrive so we can board, and she looks in her backpack and pulls out a bottle of Wine Away. Have you heard of this stuff? Im not sure what its made of but it smells of citrus. Anyway, it went thru security in Billings because they barely even checked us since they all know me. Why she had it with her is a mystery to me but that woman is prepared for EVERYTHING. Thats why I keep her around.
So now she heads to the bathroom with her Wine Away to try and remove the multiple stains that are setting in. Loud Girl decides to go and help her.
About this time, Moan Boy is writhing around on the ground in ADD agony wanting to get on a plane, any plane, so that hes not just sitting around with nothing to do. Well, hes over near the window and cuts a big hunk of skin off his middle finger from the metal frame around the outside.
By the time mom gets back, Moan Boy is bleeding & wailing like a stuck pig and the mostly business travelers in the private club are looking at us with annoyance and a little curiosity. This is a show they dont get to witness too often.
Now mom is off to the Red Carpet rooms front desk to see if they have Band Aids (I guess shes not prepared for EVERYTHING after all). Moan boy goes with her to get patched up while Loud Girl stays behind to tell me all about her bathroom experience with mom. Her story is littered with the words poop and stinky and soon many of the suit-clad business travelers are moving away from our section. Apparently, theyd had enough. Id have left also but Im sure Loud Girl would have just followed me.
After many finger kisses and cuddling, Moan Boy recovers from the tragedy as our airplane arrives and is ready for boarding. Unfortunately, our seats are unexpectedly not together. Coupled with the recent injury, this could send Moan Boy over the edge
for Linnie
If I remember right, I was sick on our last vacation too. What is up with that!!
Okay, its Saturday! You promised....
Could it be your psyche? Are you mentallly preparing for UNGOWA!! and smelly stretch shorts? 
