Leaving a teen behind.....Update pg 12, we are back!

[Gumbo4x4]

OP here with an update. We got back from our trip Saturday night. We ended up leaving ds17 here alone for 8 nights and he actually did better then expected. The weather was unseasonably warm and above freezing the whole week so he never had to worry about shovelling snow or bad driving conditions.

He only was late for one period and absent for one and he even made it to a field trip. For some reason he misses way more then that when we are home. He told me he was asleep by 6:00 every night and was up by 3:00 am so he had plenty of time to get ready. He even remembered with reminder texts to take out the garbage and recycling and bring the bins back ink.

Our dog looked to be well taken care of. He had multiple bowls of water set up for her, I'm guessing so he didn't have refill it quite so often. She is a little overweight and I remarked upon our arrival home that she looked skinner and dd10 said her face looked cuter now because it fit her body better, lol!

I had given him the van on a full take of gas and got it back on empty, no surprise there! I had also given him gas cards, a little cash and a $50 Walmart card to buy some extra groceries if he wanted. He sent me a picture of his purchases, nine boxes of bagel bites, one bag of Doritos, a box of microwave popcorn and 5 bags of frozen fruit to make smoothies. The total came to $49 and something sense so he worked that out well! He said he finished the bagel bites in the first two days

Dd14's boyfriend came over about an hour before we got home to wait for us. He texted me as we were driving to tell me the kitchen was a HUGE mess. Appently the garbage can was full so there was piles of garbage all over the counters. Almost all the dishes were dirty and he hadn't cleaned anything the whole time we were away. I told him to wake DS up and get him cleaning before we got home. When I arrived DS was furiously cleaning the kitchen, all garbage had been thrown out and he had loaded the dishwasher but didn't know how to start it. He was also eating a smoothie out of a casserole dish because nothing else was clean. He told me yesterday he was glad I was home because it sucked having no clean dishes. The rest of the house was pretty clean.

I guess he told dd14 that he had a couple friends over one night and that's it. My neighbors told me it was quiet at my house all week so I'm satisfied with how things turned out and I would leave him again.

Okay, the only thing that stuck with me was - in bed at 6:00 and up by 3:00 am. What time does school run where you are?

 

[mombrontrent]

First of all, I'm happy that your son was OK (albeit messy) alone. However, I'm just shocked that you only left your 17-year old son with about $50-$75 for "extra groceries" for 8 nights. I guess you must have had a stocked freezer or something, but less than $10 per night for a growing boy for 3 meals a day doesn't seem to be enough for food.

LOL! I bought him lots of his favourite foods before we left. We really didn't want to leave him with much cash (we ended up giving him $50 cash, $50 in gas cards and $50 in Walmart cards) because we felt he might use it irresponsibly. He had more then enough food to get by for the week and then he used the gift card to buy some stuff he wanted, he could have easily went the whole week without buying a thing. In fact we came back Saturday night and I didn't go grocery shopping again until this morning and our whole family was able to get by what we already have, with lots of teens coming and going in this house I usually keep it pretty well stocked.

 

[mombrontrent]

Okay, the only thing that stuck with me was - in bed at 6:00 and up by 3:00 am. What time does school run where you are?

That's the funny thing, he drove himself to school all week and wouldn't have had to leave the house until at least 8:30. He generally sleeps at all odd hours of the night and day. You never know when you are going to find that kid awake or asleep! Sometimes he could be getting up for the day at 3:00am or going to bed for the night at 3:00am you never know. On a weekend he could be getting up at noon or going to bed at noon, he's always been like this from a very young age and the older he gets the more sporadic it becomes! When we arrived home from our trip at 10:00pm he had been sleeping before dd's boyfriend arrived and woke him up to clean. He said he had fallen asleep at about 5:00.

 

[hereyago]

Glad it worked out, but honestly, the bf of your dd is a snitch. He should have stayed out of it.

 

[jdb in AZ]

I would recommend a pkg of paper plates, and disposable cups next time.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Glad that everything worked out, and your son was fine at home while you enjoyed your trip. I would teach him how to use the dishwasher.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Glad it worked out. i'd be hesitant to believe everything about your son's story though. Bed at 6 up at 3 and yet he was still late to classess? Are your eyes itching, because it seems they might have a bit of wool in them. Not saying your son is 100% lying, but it sure doesn't sound like the whole truth.

 

[mom2rtk]

LOL! I bought him lots of his favourite foods before we left. We really didn't want to leave him with much cash (we ended up giving him $50 cash, $50 in gas cards and $50 in Walmart cards) because we felt he might use it irresponsibly. He had more then enough food to get by for the week and then he used the gift card to buy some stuff he wanted, he could have easily went the whole week without buying a thing. In fact we came back Saturday night and I didn't go grocery shopping again until this morning and our whole family was able to get by what we already have, with lots of teens coming and going in this house I usually keep it pretty well stocked.

Honestly, I can't imagine trusting a teen home alone for a week if they weren't someone I could trust some extra cash with.

Glad it worked out though.

 

[mombrontrent]

Glad it worked out, but honestly, the bf of your dd is a snitch. He should have stayed out of it.

Ha ha, yeah maybe! The bf had texted me earlier to let me know he was coming over and I told him I was scared to come home because I wasn't sure what I would find after ds being home alone all week. When he got there he immediately texted me to let me know about the huge mess. He gets along very well with Ds and they hang out sometimes when dd is busy or out, ds laughed and was like "he texted you to rat me out!" He thought it was funny and wasn't mad because we weren't actually mad at ds, I wasn't expecting anything more and was happy enough that he had cleaned up some by the time I got home.

 

[mombrontrent]

Honestly, I can't imagine trusting a teen home alone for a week if they weren't someone I could trust some extra cash with.

Glad it worked out though.

If an emergency had occurred we could have e-transfered him some money

 

[mom2rtk]

If an emergency had occurred we could have e-transferee him some money

That wasn't my point.

 

[mombrontrent]

Glad it worked out. i'd be hesitant to believe everything about your son's story though. Bed at 6 up at 3 and yet he was still late to classess? Are your eyes itching, because it seems they might have a bit of wool in them. Not saying your son is 100% lying, but it sure doesn't sound like the whole truth.

You would have to know my son to know that this is entirely possible. As I said earlier he sleeps at spardic times all the time. We have a group chat that includes my two teens and he texted me frequently on there while we were away (or posted stupid memes that he always thinks are funny!) If someone posts something on the chat it alerts you and then you can see who has read the chat. My ds always checks the chat and when we wouldn't see his name at the bottom indicating he read it in a long while we knew he must be sleeping and the classes he was late for or missed were in the afternoon so he either came back from lunch late or left for the day early.

 

[quandrea]

Perspective is a funny thing. What you describe as things going well would have made me furious. Late or absent from school, crazy sleep schedule, filthy kitchen, crash diet for the dog. I expect way more from my 12 year old at this point. Give her five years and I'll expect she can run the house just like her dad and me.

 

[mombrontrent]

Perspective is a funny thing. What you describe as things going well would have made me furious. Late or absent from school, crazy sleep schedule, filthy kitchen, crash diet for the dog. I expect way more from my 12 year old at this point. Give her five years and I'll expect she can run the house just like her dad and me.

I understand what you are saying and I have different expectations from each of my kids. I admit my son had attendance issues at school and me and Dh were actually shocked that he had only missed one class and late for one other, honestly we expected him to be late or absent much more then that. My dog is a grazer when it comes to her dog food and only eats it when she is hungry, she will eat any scraps offered to her though and that is why she is overweight.

A crazy sleep schedule occurs whether we are home or not, we have tried many many times over the years, especially when he was a child to get him into a regular sleep pattern and it's just not happening with this kid. I remember many times when he was a first grader and I had to keep him home from school because he had been up the entire night and hadn't slept a wink. We always joke that he will make a great shift worker. He can go 2 days without sleep or be goodvto go after just a couple hours of sleep or he could sleep for 16 hours straight, you never know with him. I've given up that fight and I let him sleep when he wants to.

As for the messy kitchen, I give him credit for attempting to clean it up before we got home although if he wasn't woken up by dd's bf he would have been fast asleep when we got home. He still is a teenage boy after all and cleaning isn't his strong suit. We were happy with the outcome.

 

[aprilgail]

I would not be leaving a 17 year old home alone for a week, even if they were the most trustworthy, responsible kid on the planet. Is that even legal?

Kids are in college at 17- I have no issue leaving a 17 year old home alone!

Perspective is a funny thing. What you describe as things going well would have made me furious. Late or absent from school, crazy sleep schedule, filthy kitchen, crash diet for the dog. I expect way more from my 12 year old at this point. Give her five years and I'll expect she can run the house just like her dad and me.

Most wouldn't be a blimp on my radar- he is a teen, they have crazy sleep schedule, my daughter will take a nap in the evening and stay up till 2am doing home work then sleep again until 6 and get up for school. The dog thing could have been as simple as when I go away- my dog stops eating, he is sad and won't eat and is always thinner when I get home. Filthy kitchen, would just have them clean it when I got home if it was not straightened up. I would consider it a good that house was not burnt down, there were no parties and arrests and he went to school most of the time. When I was 15 my parents left me and my 17 year old brother home, he went to school but I took a nice stay at home break for myself LOL.

 

[Hikergirl]

LOL, do some of you forget what being a teen was like?
I remember that age, yup, the dishes would pile up until the last minute when I knew parents were coming home. $50 for groceries, ok, that is for me and my friends to go to the movies and mcDs one night.
Sleep at 6:30 PM- that would have been a no way.
Late for school- check.



I forget though, the kids of the DISers are perfect. If they are left alone for a week they would act exactly like they act when they are home with their parents. Perfect angels, not in the least bit irresponsible, or even a tiny bit rebellious, doing everything they were suppsoed too, just the way mom and dad told them too, at exactly the time they were supposed to do it.

 

[quandrea]

I remember well how I was as a teen. I was routinely put in charge of siblings11 and 15 years my junior. Things ran exactly as they did when my parents were home. Got all of us to school, maintained the house, took care of three dogs and looked after aged grandparents. This prolonged adolescence we have in North America is ludicrous. I believe kids rise or sink to the expectations we set. The scenario described above is not a win in my book.

 

[mjkacmom]

The mess would've bothered me, and 3 of my 5 are slobs. There were years when I couldn't see Ds18's floor, and even though dd20 is back at school (shares an apartment with 4 friends), I won't even try to climb the attic stairs to her rooms upstairs - too much stuff on them.

However, I expect more respect for public spaces, and if you use it, you clean it. When I went away for a long weekend with 2 dd's, I made it known that I would not be returning to a disaster, and I was not disappointed.

 

[Hikergirl]

I remember well how I was as a teen. I was routinely put in charge of sibling day 11 and 15 years my junior. This ran exactly as they did when my parents were home. Got all of us to school, maintained the house, took care of three dogs and looked after aged grandparents. This prolonged adolescence we have in North America is ludicrous. I believe kids rise or sink to the expectations we set. The scenario described above is not a win in my book.

You know I managed quite well to take care of things too. I also had some hiccups, like most teens. That was my point, we, even you, and your own kids, are not and will not do everything right all the time. We also learn and grow from our experiences. I pitty those who don't get those experiences, they never learn how to grow IMO.

And I'm not sure what you mean by "prolonged absence"? A week vacation and letting a 17 year old stay home alone? Thinking there is something wrong with that is ludicrous in my book.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Kids are in college at 17- I have no issue leaving a 17 year old home alone!



Most wouldn't be a blimp on my radar- he is a teen, they have crazy sleep schedule, my daughter will take a nap in the evening and stay up till 2am doing home work then sleep again until 6 and get up for school. The dog thing could have been as simple as when I go away- my dog stops eating, he is sad and won't eat and is always thinner when I get home. Filthy kitchen, would just have them clean it when I got home if it was not straightened up. I would consider it a good that house was not burnt down, there were no parties and arrests and he went to school most of the time. When I was 15 my parents left me and my 17 year old brother home, he went to school but I took a nice stay at home break for myself LOL.

LOL, do some of you forget what being a teen was like?
I remember that age, yup, the dishes would pile up until the last minute when I knew parents were coming home. $50 for groceries, ok, that is for me and my friends to go to the movies and mcDs one night.
Sleep at 6:30 PM- that would have been a no way.
Late for school- check.



I forget though, the kids of the DISers are perfect. If they are left alone for a week they would act exactly like they act when they are home with their parents. Perfect angels, not in the least bit irresponsible, or even a tiny bit rebellious, doing everything they were suppsoed too, just the way mom and dad told them too, at exactly the time they were supposed to do it.

Exactly! Let kids be kids while they can (I'm talking dirty dishes and an off sleep cycle). They have their entire lives to be adults. It's not the end of the world to make a mess or be late to school or be a bit rebellious when mom and dad aren't looking. They'll have a funny story to tell their kids when they get older. Everything doesn't have to be so dull and by the book.

My son (16) often takes a nap after school and then is up until 2 am then is up at 6 for school. About once a week he does go to sleep around 6:30 pm and will wake up around 3-4 am and has trouble falling asleep. Waiting to do the dishes until 5 minutes before I get home is the norm. Giving him lunch money has resulted in him buying girl scout cookies. He goes to school on the bus so if he misses the bus he will be super late because he'll have to walk but he'll most likely stay home.

I remember being a teenager and doing the same things and I grew up to be a productive member of society. I have a good job and am responsible. I get to work on time everyday and I manage money pretty well. I even clean on a regular basis.

I'm going to leave DS home for 5 nights this summer. He'll be 17. I'm taking DD11 to grandmas because she'll be bored at home with DS for that long. Grandma will entertain her. DS is fine being home doing nothing. He's my homebody. DD needs to be entertained and doing things. I'm sure I'll come home to a messier than usual house, all of the food gone, laundry not done, his sleep schedule completely off, having a few friends over, etc and I'm okay with that.