Leaving a teen behind.....Update pg 12, we are back!

[mom2rtk]

And I will once again say, if I couldn't trust my child with money, I certainly wouldn't trust him with my house.

Yeah. That was my point when I brought it up earlier.

 

[mombrontrent]

Glad it worked out for you, OP'er. I don't think he did anything overly unusual for that age; sleeping, eating junk food, making a mess, skipping a couple classes, however, I think it is strange that a 17 y/o truly has no clue how to turn on the dishwasher! I'm going to assume that also means he wouldn't know how to turn on the washer and dryer? You may want to teach him how to use those things (and by teach, I mean show him and then actually make him do it).

Yeah the sad thing is I'm the only one in the house that knows how to use the dishwasher, even my dh has never touched it. DS does actually know how to use the washer and dryer (dh does not) and has been doing all his own laundry since she 13. That's not to say he doesn't wait several weeks until he was nothing clean to wear and does severe loads at once or that he goes far to long in between washing his sheets but he does do it.

 

[Hikergirl]

Glad it worked out for you, OP'er. I don't think he did anything overly unusual for that age; sleeping, eating junk food, making a mess, skipping a couple classes, however, I think it is strange that a 17 y/o truly has no clue how to turn on the dishwasher! I'm going to assume that also means he wouldn't know how to turn on the washer and dryer? You may want to teach him how to use those things (and by teach, I mean show him and then actually make him do it).

This reminds me of when dh and I went away and left our 18 and 16 year old home. My dd couldn't figure out how to use the dishwasher because the delay button had been pressed. She did know how to turn it on normally but I never showed her anything beyond that. Lesson learned LOL.

 

[mombrontrent]

This reminds me of when dh and I went away and left our 18 and 16 year old home. My dd couldn't figure out how to use the dishwasher because the delay button had been pressed. She did know how to turn it on normally but I never showed her anything beyond that. Lesson learned LOL.

Funny that is exactly what DS did he pressed the delay start button and couldn't figure out why it wasn't starting!

 

[Magpie]

Oh, and he didn't have a keg party nor did he sleep around.

How can you be sure?

Some of the most outwardly "responsible" kids I knew in school were at the same time the wildest. Their parents just never knew, because they were always smart enough to cover their tracks.

Keg party while the folks are gone? House always sparkling clean by the next day! Frequent sex with the boyfriend? Parents none the wiser. Smoking pot? Make sure you do it in the basement bathroom with the fan on, and give it several hours to air out before the folks get home. Red eyes and hung over from an evening of "studying" aka partying? Blame allergies and complain that you think you might be coming down with something. Rack up the sympathy points.

Meanwhile, I was a big enough nerd not to try anything terribly exciting in high school, and yet when one day a single cigarette burn mysteriously turned up on the sleeve of my shirt (I had probably brushed by someone smoking on the bus), my mum freaked out, accused me of lying about my smoking habit, and then started that whole, "If you'd just tell me the TRUTH, I wouldn't be so ANGRY!" FFS, I was telling the truth. Best part, some twenty years later, I discovered that my mum still thought I'd smoked as a teenager!

Anyway, I have a 19 year old son, who has had his own apartment since he was 18. I've heard rumours that he throws some pretty nice parties at his place, and I've heard rumours he might have a girlfriend. I know when he first moved in he went weeks without hot water because he failed to figure out how the taps work. I know the wall in his bedroom is un-insulated brick and you can see light coming through it. I also know the heat sometime cuts out, and last week he managed to blister his arm sleeping too close to the radiator. Such is the adventure of living on your own for the first time!

At 17, I think he would have handled things similarly to the OP's son (except, my boy's a very good cook, we don't have a dishwasher and he'd been washing his own clothes for a couple years already). I wouldn't have thought twice about leaving him for a week.

 

[mom2rtk]

How can you be sure?

Some kids just don't have it in their DNA.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yeah the sad thing is I'm the only one in the house that knows how to use the dishwasher, even my dh has never touched it. DS does actually know how to use the washer and dryer (dh does not) and has been doing all his own laundry since she 13. That's not to say he doesn't wait several weeks until he was nothing clean to wear and does severe loads at once or that he goes far to long in between washing his sheets but he does do it.

My husband knows exactly how to use the dishwasher but man his loading skils could be improved. I ended up so frustrated that I've taken on that chore probably 90%-95% of the time.

It's like the toilet paper..it somehow magically appears in the bathrooms when it's getting low...and the towels oh my somehow they get washed and ready to go

But on the flipside he prefers the way he does the yard work and I have to be honest I hated doing the yard work while he was gone working in another state last year and a portion of the year before.

 

[Magpie]

Some kids just don't have it in their DNA.

Fair point!

After I wrote that, I actually thought of my daughter. I don't think she has it in her DNA, either. She's still living at home, going steady with Science, and finds boys to be nothing but an annoying distraction from her studies. And she hates the taste of alcohol. I'm just grateful she has a couple actual friends (even if they're all also equally intense about the whole Science thing).

She wouldn't enjoy a keg party, much less throw one.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

How do I know?

Partly because he is a big enough nerd not to try anything. And partly because his idea of a good time is pulling an all nighter gaming. He also hates beer. If he drinks even a sip, it comes back up faster than it went down. Yes, I've seen this. No, he isn't faking to make me think he doesn't like it. He is actually into frufru drinks, but he doesn't know how to make them. So, I'm pretty sure he didn't get a keg.

As I said, his idea of a good time is playing games all night. Most girls won't put up with that. His best friend would, and did, while we were gone. They played until 7am. He doesn't have a girl friend, but I guess if they had been willing to drive the hour to the nearest town, he and his friend could have hired someone, but that seems a little "Risky Business" for me to believe.

Maybe I am in my own little world, but I trust my son. I trust him with my debit card (he didn't use it), I trust him with the house (no parties, cops or random prophylactics), and I trust him with my car (no accidents, so far.)

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Fair point!

After I wrote that, I actually thought of my daughter. I don't think she has it in her DNA, either. She's still living at home, going steady with Science, and finds boys to be nothing but an annoying distraction from her studies. And she hates the taste of alcohol. I'm just grateful she has a couple actual friends (even if they're all also equally intense about the whole Science thing).

She wouldn't enjoy a keg party, much less throw one.

That is my son. He is very focused on school. He wants to be an engineer and he keeps his eye on the ball.

He has been invited to parties like that. He doesn't go. He just isn't interested.

 

[mom2rtk]

That is my son. He is very focused on school. He wants to be an engineer and he keeps his eye on the ball.

He has been invited to parties like that. He doesn't go. He just isn't interested.

My nerd is a senior majoring in Chemical Engineering.

The party thing? Nope. Not happening. I wish he would let loose a little, but it's just not him.

 

[Magpie]

That is my son. He is very focused on school. He wants to be an engineer and he keeps his eye on the ball.

He has been invited to parties like that. He doesn't go. He just isn't interested.

The thing is, though, that's why I didn't use my daughter as an example of typical teenage/young adult behaviour. She's not typical, at all. I can't take credit for her turning out the way she did, and I can't measure any other young person by the standard she sets.

It reminds me of way back in kindergarten, when both of my children were in the same classroom (split grade). The teacher, very frustrated with my daughter's inability to act like a "normal" kindergartner, said to me, "I know it's not anything you're doing! ONE of your children turned out just fine!"

She was a horrible teacher (for many reasons).

Anyway, my son at 17 went to parties. I once caught him (age 14) trying to make out with his ex-girlfriend ("I didn't think you'd be back so early!") My son, I am sure, drank underage, though I'm happy to say he never came home visibly drunk, nor was he ever brought home by the cops. He kept secrets from us. He lied occasionally. He was irresponsible, occasionally, but just as often would surprise us all with a sudden brief burst of responsibility and maturity. His room was an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable. Yes, he did his own laundry, but only about once a month. He never put any of it away, and just let it all pile up on the floor. When he moved out, he actually found about eighty-some dollars in change and small bills scattered around his room. All in all, he's what I consider a "typical" young person, rather like the OP's son, and not at all like his sister or your son.

 

[mummabear]

It's like the toilet paper..it somehow magically appears in the bathrooms when it's getting low...and the towels oh my somehow they get washed and ready to go

Have a watch of the Magic table, its hilarious (and quite accurate)

 

[Hikergirl]

Some kids just don't have it in their DNA.

Somehow mine and dh's DNA totally didn't make it into my dd and my oldest ds LOL. We are constantly surprised at how different they are from us when it comes to partying at that age.
My youngest definitely has our DNA, and we are going to be in for it when he hits the later teen years

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Have a watch of the Magic table, its hilarious (and quite accurate)

I love that video. Everytime I see it I just laugh harder. And yes I find it to be quite accurate myself.

 

[mom2rtk]

Somehow mine and dh's DNA totally didn't make it into my dd and my oldest ds LOL. We are constantly surprised at how different they are from us when it comes to partying at that age.
My youngest definitely has our DNA, and we are going to be in for it when he hits the later teen years

I was talking about DNA in more of a figurative sense. No doubt literal DNA could yield much different results.

 

[Marchand63]

Have a watch of the Magic table, its hilarious (and quite accurate)

Omg we have one of those too!!! Plus magic cabinets that close themselves

 

[Lilacs4Me]

That is my son. He is very focused on school. He wants to be an engineer and he keeps his eye on the ball.

He has been invited to parties like that. He doesn't go. He just isn't interested.

Same for my 16 year old. He has specific college/career goals in life and since he ONLY thinks in black and white terms, there is no room for getting drunk, getting high, or drama-filled girlfriends (although I think that will be changing very soon once he gets his license next month. He has hinted that he is waiting until he can drive -alone- so he can ask the girl who he likes out). Anyway, he is convinced that if he tries smoking a joint or gets a contact high, he will automatically be randomly selected for a drug screen by his high school's athletic association the very next day and be banned from playing sports forever.

I try to tell him that it's not very likely and to calm down, relax, and sneak a beer, but since I'm the mom, I can't really protest my son making mature, sound decisions....

But seriously. The kid needs to let loose a little!