Leaving a teen behind.....Update pg 12, we are back!

[mombrontrent]

A couple years ago I started a similar thread, same situation, same kid. I was contemplating leaving ds who was 15 at the time home while we went to Disney. In the end he came and we had a good trip, I made him come to the smoky mountains this past spring as well.

My DH wants to take one more trip to Disney while our youngest dd can still enjoy it from a child's perspective. She will be 10 and our other dd is 14. We are going to Disney in January for a week and my son who is 17 now has decided he doesn't need to go to Disney again. He has been 3 times as well as numerous other vacations and has opted to stay home this time. We have agreed for several reasons. For one we are going when he would miss a week of school and he's in his final year of high school. He will be here to watch our dog. He will have a vehicle and we will leave him money.

I do have some concerns, we will be out of the country (Canadians) and our closest family is 2+ hours away. I don't have much confidence in him actually going to all his classes as he struggles with that on a daily basis. I worry about him driving in the winter as he has only had his license for a year. I told him he wasn't allowed anyone in the house other then his girlfriend who will be a month away from 18. I don't care if she wants to stay here with him but when he asked if he could have other friends over I said no. I hope he follows this rule but you never know. I know I'll come home to somewhat of a mess but I don't want my house trashed.

Now I know he's 17 and quite cabable of staying home for a week and my DH was reluctant because he is scared he'll throw a party or something but we are going to trust him and have a good vacation. We will be able to contact anythime through text. Anything else I should think of?

 

[Disneylover99]

Do you have a neighbour you could count on to text you if something seems wrong? I would let a neighbour or two know of my plans. I'm not saying they need to check on him, but it's comforting to know someone is watching out for him from the sidelines. Maybe make sure your son has their numbers too, just in case.

 

[PlutoPony]

Since you think there's a good chance he will go against your rules and have kids over while you're gone, get all alcohol out of the house and lock up any drugs left behind.
Would also make sure he understands he WILL answer his phone when you call to check in, he won't blow you off (although I don't know how you enforce this with you far away). And please don't take this the wrong way, but I'd make sure I had room on my CC for a last minute plane ticket back home for one of you in case the worst happens and you get a call that he's had a party and the police are there.....

Hope he surprises you and things go well while you're gone!

 

[mombrontrent]

Since you think there's a good chance he will go against your rules and have kids over while you're gone, get all alcohol out of the house and lock up any drugs left behind.
Would also make sure he understands he WILL answer his phone when you call to check in, he won't blow you off (although I don't know how you enforce this with you far away). And please don't take this the wrong way, but I'd make sure I had room on my CC for a last minute plane ticket back home for one of you in case the worst happens and you get a call that he's had a party and the police are there.....

Hope he surprises you and things go well while you're gone!

We don't have any alcohol or prescription drugs in the house. Yes he will know he has to respond to us via text but you never know when this kid might be sleeping. I am friendly with the neighbors and there will be aware of our absence. We also have about 4-5 police officers that live within 100 ft of our house!

 

[mom2rtk]

Honestly? I would not leave a high school kid at home alone in the winter if he had to drive. You have no way of knowing how the weather will be. That would be beyond my comfort level.

We left a 16 year old home once for a few days, but it wasn't an entire week, he wasn't driving yet (he took the bus to school), and we had friends a couple blocks away in case anything came up. And we had no concerns about school work or a girlfriend.

 

[PlutoPony]

We don't have any alcohol or prescription drugs in the house.

Yes I did mean prescription drugs - I should have specified that in my post. Glad you didn't seem to take offense to that omission, I didn't mean to imply anything else.

 

[Lizziotti]

I would just tell him he has to take the bus on the days that weather seems iffy. We live in buffalo so I know how scary that is. we have older kids too 19,20. We once left and got hit with a crazy storm in November before thanksgiving! It is worrisome to leave them but we have left them home on several trips. It's always fine. It does depend on the kid though mine are both very responsible. Plus they're volunteer firefighters and emts for our local ambulance company so I wasn't too worried. I did ask my neighbor to keep an eye on them since they were teenagers and you never know. My husband also has a security camera up so he can see who comes and goes so you might want to think about doing that. Have fun!

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I would not be leaving a 17 year old home alone for a week, even if they were the most trustworthy, responsible kid on the planet. Is that even legal?

 

[ronandannette]

Do you know anybody that could come and stay with him? We have a DS who at your son's age also started "declining" to holiday with us. We were often torn between making him come under duress or leaving him home alone; being uncomfortable with that for many of the reasons you mentioned. The answer for us was to have a young adult guy we all knew and trusted come and "house sit". He took care of the driving (especially to school ), managed the food budget and any household crisis that arose (like when DS broke a window to get in because he misplaced his key ). It worked out well and DS actually enjoyed rooming with an older, "cool" guy for a week.

Oh, and we also made sure one of our other friends who was a doctor (known by everyone involved) had our signed authority to make emergency medical decisions for DS and we bought trip insurance in case we had to abandon our plans and return home urgently.

 

[NAB]

Well considering this 17 year old could be away at college already or about to go next year he should be fine, especially if you have neighbours looking around too. I have an 18 year old son up a snowy Sudbury , do I worry about him of course but he drives in the snow all the time . It seems your more concerned about a party. I always thought my son would do that too when we were away too but never happened. Just had one friend over and played video games.

Enjoy your vacation!

 

[cedricandsophie]

Personally I would never leave a teenager at home alone...I don't care what age. Particularly one that is prone to issues as you have stated and with a girlfriend. Not trying to be judgmental, which of course it is anyway, saying it's the ok to have a girl friend stay over at his age is just opening yourself up to problems. Sure there is the sex issue which you obviously don't care about (and yes I know it probably hapoens anyway...but I wouldn't make it that easy) but there also her friends,her issues, her needs, etc. letting them play house for a while just doesn't seem like a good idea at all. I'm pretty old now but back in the 60s when my parents went away and left me, the first thing I did was have a party, with booze and grass.

 

[littlejimmy]

i am not going to do what everyone else is doing and tell you not to do it. that is not what you asked. you made up your mind, and asked is there anything else you should think of? all I would say is be prepared that he didn't go to school at all. if he already struggles with it, you know in your heart and head he isn't going to go without you there. he will have parties, and he will be sleeping with his girlfriend. lets be honest here. so as long as you are prepared for all that, go and have a great time. and just know you will have to deal with stuff when you get home.

 

[Poohforyou]

I would not be leaving a 17 year old home alone for a week, even if they were the most trustworthy, responsible kid on the planet. Is that even legal?

Yes it's legal. My daughter will still be 17 when she goes to college next year.

I would leave my daughter but every kid is different. My daughter doesn't drive of her own choice so that makes it a little easier. My biggest concern would be her not getting up for school.

OP, it seems like you have your bases covered. I would make it very clear to my teen the trust that I'm instilling in her and going against the rules will break that trust.

 

[AppleDumpling]

It's true that he may be away at college or living on his own within a year and he may be very responsible, but it sounds like you don't fully trust him. If you're having any doubts, I wouldn't do it.

You say you think he might skip school and/or throw a party. Why leave him open to this temptation? Since you are ok with his girlfriend being there, could he stay with her family instead, where they might have more adult supervision?

 

[ronandannette]

i am not going to do what everyone else is doing and tell you not to do it. that is not what you asked. you made up your mind, and asked is there anything else you should think of? all I would say is be prepared that he didn't go to school at all. if he already struggles with it, you know in your heart and head he isn't going to go without you there. he will have parties, and he will be sleeping with his girlfriend. lets be honest here. so as long as you are prepared for all that, go and have a great time. and just know you will have to deal with stuff when you get home.

I agree that no matter what the OP does, the DS will likely do whatever he's going to do. Maybe it won't be totally worst-case-scenario but maybe it will and if the parents are not fully prepared to deal with all of it, they need to not leave him. No two ways about it, really. When we went away it was always with the full knowledge that despite our best-laid plans, we were NOT in control when we were 1,000's of miles away.

 

[mombrontrent]

Honestly? I would not leave a high school kid at home alone in the winter if he had to drive. You have no way of knowing how the weather will be. That would be beyond my comfort level.

We left a 16 year old home once for a few days, but it wasn't an entire week, he wasn't driving yet (he took the bus to school), and we had friends a couple blocks away in case anything came up. And we had no concerns about school work or a girlfriend.

He doesn't have to drive, he can take the school bus to school but he does have a vehicle and can drive if he wants/needs to. I do have concerns about school attendance but that is an issue with him all the time not just because we will be out of town. The girlfriend isn't a concern, I don't mind he she comes over or even if she stays the whole week. She always here anyways.

 

[mombrontrent]

Yes I did mean prescription drugs - I should have specified that in my post. Glad you didn't seem to take offense to that omission, I didn't mean to imply anything else.

No I knew exactly what you meant

 

[mombrontrent]

I would not be leaving a 17 year old home alone for a week, even if they were the most trustworthy, responsible kid on the planet. Is that even legal?

Sure it is, lol! I had my own apartment and was living on my own with my boyfriend now DH at 17.

 

[disykat]

I wouldn't do it. If you think he might throw a party, he is not ready. You would be responsible for that party at your house even in your absence. Too risky.

 

[mombrontrent]

It's true that he may be away at college or living on his own within a year and he may be very responsible, but it sounds like you don't fully trust him. If you're having any doubts, I wouldn't do it.

You say you think he might skip school and/or throw a party. Why leave him open to this temptation? Since you are ok with his girlfriend being there, could he stay with her family instead, where they might have more adult supervision?

I am sure he could stay there, he does stay there often on weekends anyways. However if he is staying home I would want him to stay with our dog. He missed school anyways whether I'm here or not. Yes I know he will miss some school even though I will tell him he must not, he won't get up on time everyday I know that. I don't anticipate him missing the entire week though. While it is possible he could through a party, I doubt he would. He asked if he could have another friend over andbi said no, he could go against that though, you never know for sure. He usually just hangs out with his girlfriend most of the time anyways so hopefully they will just do that.

As far as concerns about sex, I already know it's happening, they are 17. She sleeps here all the time and he stays at her house, obviously her parents know too since they allow this. Honestly I don't care about that, it is the least of my concerns.