Leaving a teen behind.....Update pg 12, we are back!

[emer95]

The one thing that has been in my mind as I've read some of the replies is this: What do the parents of the girlfriend have to say about their daughter being in the home without the boy's parents present? Are they cool with this? * Perhaps this has already been answered and I missed it.*

I keep asking the same thing. OP did answer it. Apparently everyone in the OP's circle is hunky dory with boy/girl sleepovers, even at 14 years old.

I have a 17 year old daughter. If her boyfriend's family was leaving him alone for a week, there's no way in hell she'd be house sitting with him.

 

[Aliceacc]

I keep asking the same thing. OP did answer it. Apparently everyone is hunky dory with boy/girl sleepovers, even at 14 years old.
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Not "everyone." Not even close. I can't even fathom this part of the scenario, so I'll let it go.

As far as 17 being almost 18: In the eyes of the law, they're light years apart. Legally, 17 is a minor, and the parents are responsible for his actions. At 18, he's an adult, legally responsible for his own actions.

So a house party during this trip is your problem. Here's how it would go: he texts his best buddy and invites him over to watch the game-- soda and pizza, no issue. Friend asks if one more buddy can come over. No problem. Buddy mentions it to another friend, who plans to tag along. Buddy posts on FaceTime or Instagram: what time is the party at Joe's house. Three hours later, there are 50 kids in your living room.

And if one of those 50 has too much to drink, you're responsible. If he gets behind the wheel of a car-- and at 17/18, these kids are new drivers-- and has an accident, even if he's below the legal limit for an 18 year old, you're responsible. And if his birthday hasn't happened yet-- remember, it's January. Most Seniors are still 17. Well, then it's a huge, major issue.

Personally, I would board the dog, and tell the son in this particular instance that he was coming to Disney. If he wants to spend the week at the resort, texting his girlfriend about what ogres his parents are, fine. If we've pretty much accepted that he was going to miss school anyway, it would be a non issue there. Yes, it would cost more-- for boarding the dog and getting a larger room. But so very much less than the potential legal fees. And the way the OP has described her son, I think it would be the safest plan.

 

[emer95]

Not "everyone." Not even close. I can't even fathom this part of the scenario, so I'll let it go.

As far as 17 being almost 18: In the eyes of the law, they're light years apart. Legally, 17 is a minor, and the parents are responsible for his actions. At 18, he's an adult, legally responsible for his own actions.

So a house party during this trip is your problem. Here's how it would go: he texts his best buddy and invites him over to watch the game-- soda and pizza, no issue. Friend asks if one more buddy can come over. No problem. Buddy mentions it to another friend, who plans to tag along. Buddy posts on FaceTime or Instagram: what time is the party at Joe's house. Three hours later, there are 50 kids in your living room.

And if one of those 50 has too much to drink, you're responsible. If he gets behind the wheel of a car-- and at 17/18, these kids are new drivers-- and has an accident, even if he's below the legal limit for an 18 year old, you're responsible. And if his birthday hasn't happened yet-- remember, it's January. Most Seniors are still 17. Well, then it's a huge, major issue.

Personally, I would board the dog, and tell the son in this particular instance that he was coming to Disney. If he wants to spend the week at the resort, texting his girlfriend about what ogres his parents are, fine. If we've pretty much accepted that he was going to miss school anyway, it would be a non issue there. Yes, it would cost more-- for boarding the dog and getting a larger room. But so very much less than the potential legal fees. And the way the OP has described her son, I think it would be the safest plan.

Sorry- I should have said "all of the parents involved" instead of "everyone." I don't personally know a single person who would be ok with the 14 year old scenario.

 

[mjkacmom]

Really?
OP has stated that her DDS BF is the daughters best friend, nothing weird about a BF coming on holiday, lots of people allow kids to do that. Sure they could break up but we don't actually know the relationship between the two kids and the families.
DD7s group of best mates is 1 other girl and 5 boys, we do sleepovers all the time. They have been friends since they were babies, I think nothing of them sleeping over here (in the same room even), that part may change as they get older.
As far as the 17 year old son, well I married the boy I was dating when I was 17, so have plenty of other people.
I am sure what OP means about the trip is each kid gets to brings a friend, and right now the plan is for it to be those people, plans would change if circumstances did.

Huge difference between 7 year old friends, and 14 year olds who consider each other boyfriend/girlfriend with hormones. As for getting married at 17, sure, maybe the norm in the 1950's, or here in very poor remote areas where higher education isn't a priority, but at least where I live, I believe the average age is closer to 28. Hopefully the OP's dd is on BCP, and her ds's gf as well.

 

[robinb]

And if one of those 50 has too much to drink, you're responsible. If he gets behind the wheel of a car-- and at 17/18, these kids are new drivers-- and has an accident, even if he's below the legal limit for an 18 year old, you're responsible. And if his birthday hasn't happened yet-- remember, it's January. Most Seniors are still 17. Well, then it's a huge, major issue.

I don't think a parent can usually be charged under "Social Host" laws when they are not home and unaware there is a party. In general, those laws are reserved for parents who knowingly provide booze to underage kids or knowingly provide space for underage kids to drink. Of course, different states have different laws and the OP can look her state up here: http://www.ncsl.org/research/financ...liability-for-underage-drinking-statutes.aspx . Civil penalties are a whole other kettle of fish and one can be sued for anything and everything under the sun.

 

[scrapquitler]

When my daughter was a senior in high school, she never wanted to go to our cabin with us for the weekend, so we did frequently (maybe once a month?) leave her home alone for the weekend. However, she had no boyfriend and we were certain that she wasn't going to have any parties (it just wasn't something she was interested in...she never wanted to go to anyone else's parties, so the thought of her hosting was preposterous). We never had a single problem. Not all kids are party animals that will take advantage. But you've got to know your own kid and what they are likely to do.

She was still 17 for the first two months after she went off to college, so I always kind of chuckle with the "I'd never leave my 17 year old unsupervised" crowd.

Of course I have a friend with a daughter who is a college sophomore, and my friend won't even go grocery shopping and leave her daughter home alone because she says the daughter 'gets too scared being home alone'. You can go to far with being protective.

 

[mombrontrent]

When my daughter was a senior in high school, she never wanted to go to our cabin with us for the weekend, so we did frequently (maybe once a month?) leave her home alone for the weekend. However, she had no boyfriend and we were certain that she wasn't going to have any parties (it just wasn't something she was interested in...she never wanted to go to anyone else's parties, so the thought of her hosting was preposterous). We never had a single problem. Not all kids are party animals that will take advantage. But you've got to know your own kid and what they are likely to do.

She was still 17 for the first two months after she went off to college, so I always kind of chuckle with the "I'd never leave my 17 year old unsupervised" crowd.

Of course I have a friend with a daughter who is a college sophomore, and my friend won't even go grocery shopping and leave her daughter home alone because she says the daughter 'gets too scared being home alone'. You can go to far with being protective.

That last part is absolutely ridiculous! I've been leaving my youngest home alone for an hour or two since she's been 8 if need be. Now that she is 10 I think nothing of leaving her home for a few hours.

 

[scrapquitler]

That last part is absolutely ridiculous! I've been leaving my youngest home alone for an hour or two since she's been 8 if need be. Now that she is 10 I think nothing of leaving her home for a few hours.

I know, right?

 

[Vijoge]

Of course I have a friend with a daughter who is a college sophomore, and my friend won't even go grocery shopping and leave her daughter home alone because she says the daughter 'gets too scared being home alone'. You can go to far with being protective.

Sounds like this kid is more paranoid than over-protected. I know a young woman just like this. Her mother has instilled s much fear in her she's afraid of the dark, afraid to walk to school in broad daylight, afraid to ride our very safe city buses, etc.

 

[QueenIsabella]

When my daughter was a senior in high school, she never wanted to go to our cabin with us for the weekend, so we did frequently (maybe once a month?) leave her home alone for the weekend. However, she had no boyfriend and we were certain that she wasn't going to have any parties (it just wasn't something she was interested in...she never wanted to go to anyone else's parties, so the thought of her hosting was preposterous). We never had a single problem. Not all kids are party animals that will take advantage. But you've got to know your own kid and what they are likely to do.

She was still 17 for the first two months after she went off to college, so I always kind of chuckle with the "I'd never leave my 17 year old unsupervised" crowd.

Of course I have a friend with a daughter who is a college sophomore, and my friend won't even go grocery shopping and leave her daughter home alone because she says the daughter 'gets too scared being home alone'. You can go to far with being protective.

100%, you need to find a balance. And the balance can vary from child to child, even within a family. My older two have been left home, several days at a time (they're 21 and 19), it's never been a problem. Now, DD13--sweet girl, never any trouble, but she's social, and I could see her getting into a situation like some have described, where she might MEAN to invite 2 friends for pizza, and the next thing you know, things are out of control. That's the thing--that sort of thing can happen to a "nice" kid, not because they want it to, but because they don't have the capacity to anticipate what might happen.

In all seriousness, your friend should consider taking her child for a psych evaluation. That level of anxiety/insecurity isn't normal, and not even close to healthy. My youngest is 10, and when I tell him I'm running out to bring his sister to dance or whatever, he barely looks up from his book. At the very least, the mom should be actively trying to work on this with her DD--you know, try short trips leaving her home and gradually lengthening her time away. She's doing her DD no favors by catering to this. My older son (19) has anxiety and is very introverted--we insist that he accompanies us to stores and interacts with clerks. It's painful for him, but it will get easier with time. He's never going to love doing it.

 

[mummabear]

Huge difference between 7 year old friends, and 14 year olds who consider each other boyfriend/girlfriend with hormones. As for getting married at 17, sure, maybe the norm in the 1950's, or here in very poor remote areas where higher education isn't a priority, but at least where I live, I believe the average age is closer to 28. Hopefully the OP's dd is on BCP, and her ds's gf as well.

Huge difference between marrying the person you started dating at 17, which is what I said, and getting married at 17

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

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[runwad]

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^^ Say what???

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

^^ Say what???

I deleted my comment. However since you can't technically delete your own comment a common thing to do on the board is just put "."

 

[kmb584]

Where I live the police department encourages people to let them know when your home will be empty for a period of time, or if a high school senior/young adult will be the only one home. They make a point to have a patrol car go by when their out doing their patrols. It helps them to keep robbery rates lower and the incidents of parties under control before something might get out of hand. We live in a community where a lot of residents are seasonal and I've seen officers checking on homes where the owners are snowbirds. They will actually get out of the cars and walk around the property. I guess I'm just fortunate that where I live we have a low crime rate and our police department works hard to keep it that way and are proactive.

Our police department is the same and appreciates knowing when a home will be empty or a teenager will be left home alone for an extended period of time. I can see this courtesy being an issue in larger communities and metropolitan cities, but I live in a small town with a population of a little more than 13,000 people. The police, when informed, will make extra drive-bys to make sure everything looks okay.

 

[kmb584]

I keep asking the same thing. OP did answer it. Apparently everyone in the OP's circle is hunky dory with boy/girl sleepovers, even at 14 years old.

I have a 17 year old daughter. If her boyfriend's family was leaving him alone for a week, there's no way in hell she'd be house sitting with him.

This x 1000.

 

[mombrontrent]

OP here with an update. We got back from our trip Saturday night. We ended up leaving ds17 here alone for 8 nights and he actually did better then expected. The weather was unseasonably warm and above freezing the whole week so he never had to worry about shovelling snow or bad driving conditions.

He only was late for one period and absent for one and he even made it to a field trip. For some reason he misses way more then that when we are home. He told me he was asleep by 6:00 every night and was up by 3:00 am so he had plenty of time to get ready. He even remembered with reminder texts to take out the garbage and recycling and bring the bins back ink.

Our dog looked to be well taken care of. He had multiple bowls of water set up for her, I'm guessing so he didn't have refill it quite so often. She is a little overweight and I remarked upon our arrival home that she looked skinner and dd10 said her face looked cuter now because it fit her body better, lol!

I had given him the van on a full take of gas and got it back on empty, no surprise there! I had also given him gas cards, a little cash and a $50 Walmart card to buy some extra groceries if he wanted. He sent me a picture of his purchases, nine boxes of bagel bites, one bag of Doritos, a box of microwave popcorn and 5 bags of frozen fruit to make smoothies. The total came to $49 and something sense so he worked that out well! He said he finished the bagel bites in the first two days

Dd14's boyfriend came over about an hour before we got home to wait for us. He texted me as we were driving to tell me the kitchen was a HUGE mess. Appently the garbage can was full so there was piles of garbage all over the counters. Almost all the dishes were dirty and he hadn't cleaned anything the whole time we were away. I told him to wake DS up and get him cleaning before we got home. When I arrived DS was furiously cleaning the kitchen, all garbage had been thrown out and he had loaded the dishwasher but didn't know how to start it. He was also eating a smoothie out of a casserole dish because nothing else was clean. He told me yesterday he was glad I was home because it sucked having no clean dishes. The rest of the house was pretty clean.

I guess he told dd14 that he had a couple friends over one night and that's it. My neighbors told me it was quiet at my house all week so I'm satisfied with how things turned out and I would leave him again.

 

[Nancyg56]

LOL!!! Teens!!!!!!! I'm glad it worked out okay!

 

[mom2rtk]

Sounds like a perfect DIS ending.

Glad you had a great trip.

 

[robinb]

OP here with an update. We got back from our trip Saturday night. We ended up leaving ds17 here alone for 8 nights and he actually did better then expected. The weather was unseasonably warm and above freezing the whole week so he never had to worry about shovelling snow or bad driving conditions.

He only was late for one period and absent for one and he even made it to a field trip. For some reason he misses way more then that when we are home. He told me he was asleep by 6:00 every night and was up by 3:00 am so he had plenty of time to get ready. He even remembered with reminder texts to take out the garbage and recycling and bring the bins back ink.

Our dog looked to be well taken care of. He had multiple bowls of water set up for her, I'm guessing so he didn't have refill it quite so often. She is a little overweight and I remarked upon our arrival home that she looked skinner and dd10 said her face looked cuter now because it fit her body better, lol!

I had given him the van on a full take of gas and got it back on empty, no surprise there! I had also given him gas cards, a little cash and a $50 Walmart card to buy some extra groceries if he wanted. He sent me a picture of his purchases, nine boxes of bagel bites, one bag of Doritos, a box of microwave popcorn and 5 bags of frozen fruit to make smoothies. The total came to $49 and something sense so he worked that out well! He said he finished the bagel bites in the first two days

Dd14's boyfriend came over about an hour before we got home to wait for us. He texted me as we were driving to tell me the kitchen was a HUGE mess. Appently the garbage can was full so there was piles of garbage all over the counters. Almost all the dishes were dirty and he hadn't cleaned anything the whole time we were away. I told him to wake DS up and get him cleaning before we got home. When I arrived DS was furiously cleaning the kitchen, all garbage had been thrown out and he had loaded the dishwasher but didn't know how to start it. He was also eating a smoothie out of a casserole dish because nothing else was clean. He told me yesterday he was glad I was home because it sucked having no clean dishes. The rest of the house was pretty clean.

I guess he told dd14 that he had a couple friends over one night and that's it. My neighbors told me it was quiet at my house all week so I'm satisfied with how things turned out and I would leave him again.

First of all, I'm happy that your son was OK (albeit messy) alone. However, I'm just shocked that you only left your 17-year old son with about $50-$75 for "extra groceries" for 8 nights. I guess you must have had a stocked freezer or something, but less than $10 per night for a growing boy for 3 meals a day doesn't seem to be enough for food.