Sorry to hear that. My oldest is only 15, so they're still at home. I've told them all (and still tell them) that I love them very much and want to have a great relationship with them. At the same time, I'm their parent, not their best friend. If I say things that upset them or they don't like and they're angry at me for it, oh well. If they are disrespectful and ugly, it's simply not tolerated, nor does it hurt my feelings. At all. They're more than welcome to voice frustration, anger, concern, etc...but respectfully.
Guess I won't know how I'll react when their adults until they are and they're on their own, but as of now I very much feel that if they're "ugly" to me then I still simply won't tolerate it. I will always love them with all my heart, but I'm their father and they will be respectful to me just like they would anyone else (if not more). If they aren't, that's their choice, and it's my choice not to listen to it.