But her complaints are never ending about me. I'm boring, lame, not as smart as her, I have mental issues, my hair is too old fashioned, my clothes are not stylish, our house is too small and has ugly stuff in it, etc.....
OP, If these really are quotes and paraphrases, then there is no doubt that this is just NOT okay.
It just isn't... And, I can say that this would not be going on in my household for more than a minute.
I will go into why a person like your daughter might do this in a second.
But, my first thought (as mentioned before) is for you to look at yourself and ask why this was even allowed, much less enabled.
There are always two sides. Of course. But, when looking at situations like this, it is always good to look at yourself, as the old saying holds true. you can not control another persons attitudes and behaviors. But one must always be responsible for their own.
First, there can always be complex issues in any personal relationship. And, nobody can really begin to know anything about that from a chat board.
I notice that you mentioned that she was pretty miserable during her teen years. (Depression?)
That, to me, says a lot.
So, as far as any psychological or neurological issues,
IMHO, to be successful, and also to be miserable, would indicate some some pretty significant psychological or neurological issues.
If it is okay, two questions cross my mind....
Does she judge others as well. Or, are you her chosen victim?
Does she show empathy to others. Or is just something that is not there with her?