wedding proposal question

[NYCgrrl]

Times obviously have changed again.

One of my proposals was done at a restaurant in front of my mother and his parents. I didn't have any issues with the setting or other members of the party. Also dinna have problems not giving a definitive yes. I thought the setting and other attendees was correct but the timing in our relationship wrong.

As far as the OP's specific question, I get what she is saying and think the solution might be to talk directly with her son about whether he would be unhappy with her presence or not. I also think he should be paying for his own proposal costs as a sign of being a fully mature adult but maybe that's just me. That doesn't mean I don't get the mom's generous assistance.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I rented a pontoon boat for the fireworks cruise and he was going to propose to her on the boat on the first night that we are there.

So was the boat your son's idea or your idea? Not the proposal part but the fireworks cruise part.

Did the proposal then come after the fireworks cruise was thought of?

So now his friend is telling him that I shouldnt be around when he does it.

Well your son may have not thought about it all the way through until his friend mentioned it.

Problem is I am paying for the fireworks cruise and I want to see the fireworks.

Well whether you're paying for it or not to me doesn't me you get the right to be there when your son is proposing. I do think it gets you the right to be on a boat itself watching the fireworks.

I had planned on talking with the captain while he proposed to give them privacy.

Eh still not really privacy. Besides how was he going to time the proposal? During the fireworks itself, after the fireworks, before the fireworks?

Should he do it on the boat with me there or do it somewhere else in disney.

That's really up to your son-it's his proposal after all. He has to consider his hopefully bride to be and what she may want, what he wants as a hopeful groom to be, etc





All that being said if your son would like to have both privacy from you and be on a fireworks cruise to propose then I would say he needs to get himself his own reservation for his own boat--if you felt gracious you could pay for that additional boat for him or not that's totally up to you. If that's the only night available/feasible then you may be on your boat and he on his boat. Discuss with your son what he wants to do.

 

[tcufrog]

Assuming that the proposal is accepted and they get married you're laying the groundwork for the sort of relationship you have with your future DIL and (hopefully) future grandkids since in many relationships the DIL is the family planner and gatekeeper. That's way more important than a single boat ride.

 

[Marchand63]

Just don't do it during or at the start of a parade!!!


Congrats to them & anywhere in Disney would be magical. As far as you there, I would say his decision. How well do you know his future wife would also be a consideration. If it's been 10 years and she is like family, sure but if just maybe year or 2 - private. Again I am assuming if he is old enough to make the decision to marry he is old enough to know how he should propose.

If I had it to do again, I love DH to hit his knee right by the hearse after we exited the HM, at night of course.

 

[luvsJack]

Op, ask your ds what he wants to do and what he thinks his future wife would want. That is your answer.

Proposals are as different and varied as anything else in this world and no matter how HE wants to do it, it doesn’t mean anything as to the planning of the wedding or the marriage.

I have witnessed two proposals at an event where it was completely public and lots of family and friends around but also lots of strangers (I was a stranger for one and an acquaintance at the other). Another that was completely friends and family and exactly what they both wanted (well she was surprised but he knew she would want everyone there).

And of course know of plenty of private proposals where it was announced later.

The type of proposal didn’t signify anything later. Some of the private ones had the most over involvement of family in the wedding and the relationship.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Ask yourself this question:

Would you have wanted your MIL there when your husband proposed to you? Be honest.

 

[GreatLakes]

I would find it a bit odd if another person was with me during my engagement which is partially why I hate public engagements like Disney or sporting events. I wanted to be somewhere private with just the two of us.

To each their own but one of our parents being there would have been a big fat no.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Times obviously have changed again.

One of my proposals was done at a restaurant in front of my mother and his parents. I didn't have any issues with the setting or other members of the party. Also dinna have problems not giving a definitive yes. I thought the setting and other attendees was correct but the timing in our relationship wrong.

As far as the OP's specific question, I get what she is saying and think the solution might be to talk directly with her son about whether he would be unhappy with her presence or not. I also think he should be paying for his own proposal costs as a sign of being a fully mature adult but maybe that's just me. That doesn't mean I don't get the mom's generous assistance.

I agree with your advice....
BUT, given that the timing in your relationship was 'wrong'.... you can still say that to put you on the spot and handle that it was 'wrong' was a good thing to have on public and family display?????? I would have to disagree.

I, just for myself, can see absolutely no way that a man's mother needs to be involved in the proposal. I just can't. No matter how wonderful the relationship seems to be. I would have a huge problem with that...
I might even just say yes, when put in that kind of very public and uncomfortable position. The pressure is def. there, with people watching...
Then, the very next minute we were in private... I would be - "Sorry... it's over..."

 

[monorailsilver]

I vote for your son to propose before the cruise this way you all can celebrate on the cruise!

My dh proposed on a hammock at the Poly, sadly that hammock is no longer there and if it was I would not have a view of the castle but the bungalows...sigh...

Have him find some place private, yet beautiful, unless they both agree to a crowd.

We were at the Poly in August and a couple got engaged in front of the Tiki. The whole family (friends) were there as well as a photographer plus all our onlookers.

 

[Wendy31]

Honestly, I think it depends on the couple.

Some couples want a lot of family and friends around while some couples prefer a more private proposal. A lot of guys will even plan to have a family member or friend there as a photographer.

And, while we'd like to imagine the guy always coming up w/ the proposal idea himself, I'm sure there are quite a lot of guys who get input & ideas for the proposal from various friends and/or family members.

However, w/o knowing any more details, it does seem a little strange that only the mother of the future groom would be on the boat w/ the couple. I don't know the personality of the girl, of course, & what the relationship is like between the girl & her boyfriend's mother. The girl may be totally different than I am, but I think I'd be a little uncomfortable having only my future mother-in-law there. I'd think I'd either want my proposal done privately just between us, or I'd want more family/friends there w/ my future mother-in-law.

I wish the OP would come back & provide more details.

 

[tzolkin]

I vote for your son to propose before the cruise this way you all can celebrate on the cruise!

My dh proposed on a hammock at the Poly, sadly that hammock is no longer there and if it was I would not have a view of the castle but the bungalows...sigh...

Have him find some place private, yet beautiful, unless they both agree to a crowd.

We were at the Poly in August and a couple got engaged in front of the Tiki. The whole family (friends) were there as well as a photographer plus all our onlookers.

I would also recommend he propose privately before the boat ride, but I’m one who feels really uncomfortable about public proposals. It would be awful if it happened to me (fortunately DH knew better), but even witnessing someone else’s makes me feel a little queasy with anxiety and awkwardness. Having other people present removes the intimacy of the moment and, to me, adds a weight of obligation/manipulation that the person must say “yes”

Perhaps the prospective fiancée is an extrovert who would enjoy a public proposal, but I think that’s rare.

We haven’t heard back from the OP. It wasn’t totally clear if this is a private boat ride or with a group of strangers. I would have been embarrassed by such a proposal either way, but I almost think it would be more awkward if it were just the three of them. If they want to kiss or talk or cry or whatever, the MIL will have to just pretend that she’s not paying attention in order to give them some privacy.

 

[luvsJack]

I agree with your advice....
BUT, given that the timing in your relationship was 'wrong'.... you can still say that to put you on the spot and handle that it was 'wrong' was a good thing to have on public and family display?????? I would have to disagree.

I, just for myself, can see absolutely no way that a man's mother needs to be involved in the proposal. I just can't. No matter how wonderful the relationship seems to be. I would have a huge problem with that...
I might even just say yes, when put in that kind of very public and uncomfortable position. The pressure is def. there, with people watching...
Then, the very next minute we were in private... I would be - "Sorry... it's over..."

You disagree with how the pp feels about her own situation? How do you "disagree" with her feelings about her proposal???

It could be completely wrong for you and completely right for the pp. I would hope the person proposing would know their future spouse (possibly?) well enough to know what they would like or not.



Honestly it sounds to me like the OP planned a trip to WDW with her son and his gf. (happens all the time). The DS decided he wants to propose at WDW. The OP booked the fireworks cruise and the DS decided that would be the perfect setting to propose.

OP. really, just tell your son to think about it and decide if that is what he wants to do. Let him decide. Not his friend, not you and not a bunch of strangers on the DIS.

 

[Lynne M]

Times obviously have changed again.

I don't think it's so much a matter of times changing as is differing personalities. Some women would love a big fancy public proposal, some wouldn't want to be on the stadium jumbotron but would enjoy having family there, and some would want it to be really private, just the two of them.

If the OP's son knows his girlfriend well enough to be proposing, he knows what she'd want (and what she wouldn't want).

 

[NYCgrrl]

I agree with your advice....
BUT, given that the timing in your relationship was 'wrong'.... you can still say that to put you on the spot and handle that it was 'wrong' was a good thing to have on public and family display?????? I would have to disagree.

I, just for myself, can see absolutely no way that a man's mother needs to be involved in the proposal. I just can't. No matter how wonderful the relationship seems to be. I would have a huge problem with that...
I might even just say yes, when put in that kind of very public and uncomfortable position. The pressure is def. there, with people watching...
Then, the very next minute we were in private... I would be - "Sorry... it's over..."

I'm not easily embarrassed when asked a question of a personal nature. I can say yes, no, or maybe with ease. OR I can pretend I dinna hear you...ask my kiddos about that last bit and they'll be happy to give you for instances, LOL. As Lynne M noted, it's a matter of personalities, and in some cases, cultural differences.

I don't think it's so much a matter of times changing as is differing personalities. Some women would love a big fancy public proposal, some wouldn't want to be on the stadium jumbotron but would enjoy having family there, and some would want it to be really private, just the two of them.

If the OP's son knows his girlfriend well enough to be proposing, he knows what she'd want (and what she wouldn't want).

Now a Jumbotron proposal would be a mighty turnoff for me and I would hope anyone who knew me would act accordingly. I can be very gregarious in public but at my core I'm a veddy private person.

 

[Skellingtonj]

And saying “well i paid for it” makes you sound incredibly immature and selfish.

 

[Hikergirl]

And saying “well i paid for it” makes you sound incredibly immature and selfish.

Wow that isn't really fair to the OP. Maybe she just wants to enjoy the fireworks show from the boat so that is why she booked it. There is nothing immature and selfish for wanting to enjoy something you paid for.

 

[buzz2400]

I want to make a few things clear. First I do not want to be present when my son proposed. I have told him so. He insisted. After I told him about booking the cruise, he said he was going to propose then. It was his idea to propose on the cruise. Marriage proposal v. wedding proposal to me is the same thing. I do not even believe in love or marriages. I really didn't think people would pick apart my words.

I am single and I always vacation with my son (with plenty of trips to disney) and now that he has a girlfriend, she has been coming with us on trips. Her parents don't vacation.

I will be talking to my son and telling him everything that was posted. I am hoping that he decides to do the proposal elsewhere. Thank you everyone for giving me your insight.

 

[Wendy31]

And saying “well i paid for it” makes you sound incredibly immature and selfish.

Wow that isn't really fair to the OP. Maybe she just wants to enjoy the fireworks show from the boat so that is why she booked it. There is nothing immature and selfish for wanting to enjoy something you paid for.

Exactly.

I don't think it's fair to call the OP "incredibly immature & selfish".

Until the OP comes back to provide us w/ more detail, we have NO IDEA how the fireworks cruise came to be.

All we know is that the OP & her son & his girlfriend are going to WDW. The OP booked a fireworks cruise. The OP's son wants to propose to his girlfriend while on the boat. The OP's son's friend told him that the OP maybe shouldn't be there. But the OP was excited about seeing the fireworks from the boat.

We don't know if the OP booked the cruise BEFORE her son decided to use the cruise as his proposal setting or if the OP booked the cruise intentionally for the proposal.

And, even if she did book it intentionally for the proposal, obviously the son didn't have a problem w/ the set up & his mom being there until he talked w/ his friend, but, now, after talking to his friend, he's re-thinking things a bit.

And so is the OP... which is why she came to the DIS.

But, again, only she really knows her son, & her son should know his girlfriend well enough to know what kind of proposal w/ which she'd be comfortable.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Wow that isn't really fair to the OP. Maybe she just wants to enjoy the fireworks show from the boat so that is why she booked it. There is nothing immature and selfish for wanting to enjoy something you paid for.

I disagree. She is trying to push her way into somewhere she doesn’t belong. She needs to back off

 

[Hikergirl]

I disagree. She is trying to push her way into somewhere she doesn’t belong. She needs to back off

Apparently you missed where she came back a few posts above. Maybe you should read it.