OT- "Meeting people online" experience needed!

[acm563]

From a guys point of view, and as a former "player wannabe" (I was never very good at it...honesty and respect got in the way too often), I'd say you just about nailed it, with a couple of fixes.

1)
I'd say that most commonly, as stupid as it sounds, it's simply someone "new"...a new face, new experiences, new challenges. You even said it yourself...


2)
I'd agree that this can be true in some cases. But in most, as in #1, it's usually about the "thrill of the chase". Players don't even consider relationships. They're not even thinking about your feelings. There was a phrase we used during my time that for me, was a very real "craving". Many a night I went out with the feeling that I "needed a fix". Sick, I know, but true.

Other than that, I'd say you're exactly right.

..and unfortunately I learned it all the hard way...


and let me add yet another story...hahah...i have my ads still on a lot of the sites but honestly never do anything with it but maybe read the emails and return them with a thank you but I am not interested...but one guy did catch my eye and my ear and so we started conversing, talked online and on phone then agreed what the heck, why wait lets meet.... BLAH! We had absolutely nothing in common in reality, he didnt look like his picture, but I dont think it was a deliberate misrepresentation, he just looked better in pics than in person. The only thing he wanted to discuss was how he thought I looked...and on and on..and while I like compliments I dont want an obsessive amt of them that make me feel like a piece of meat. The point is tho, it wasnt there, it was a nice enough albeit boring evening and I went my way and he went his without getting what he obviously came for. If you are going to do the online thing you honestly have to keep a sense of humor about it as well... It is what it is.......... Just dont ever settle because all you meet are frogs....its just not worth it, whether you are male or female... I have been in relationships and 90% miserable and I have been and am single and 90% happy, I prefer being happy...

 

[Belle1962]

Well, I am finding this thread interesting. After almost five years divorced (after 15 years of marriage) I have been thinking about online dating. My main problem: I am really an introvert. I don't do well in chat rooms (heck--I can't even keep up with the chatter on the threads here ) I won't post my picture because well--as stated---there are weirdos out there.

I am at peace with myself, have forgiven my ex, and at a good place to start living for myself now. I don't go to bars/dance clubs (although I love to dance) and I work in an all female office. Overall, where I work there are plenty of married-divorced-remarried co-workers type situations but I'm pretty old school about not fishing from the same pond where I work. (Although my boss did try to hook me up with a friend of his)

Anyway I find everyone's insights helpful.

 

[Disneyfan63]

Hi,

I actually belong to an offline "introduction" service on which I've had several dates and one relationship, but have not met "The Right One" (which is actually the name of the service). I've found out quite a few things about myself and the service. When I joined it in October, 2007 and filled out the questionnaire, I explained to my counselor, Shannon, that I wanted to have a long-term relationship; but failing that, I wanted to date more than "once a year if I was lucky". Because I don't drive, The Right One guaranteed me only three dates (matches) a year during my 18-date (match) membership, which includes an option to put my membership "on hold" for up to 12 months if I want to pursue a relationship with one of my matches. I had one match in 2007 and five matches last year.

The relationship I had with Ingrid, my first match, ended in June, 2008 when I told her that I wanted to date around--I had not put my membership on hold. That declaration backfired spectacularly when Ingrid not only told me off, I didn't get a single match from the Right One from May through the end of December. The woman with whom I was matched then, Sandra, believes in "love at first sight", didn't feel it with me when we met on January 4, 2009, and told me that I'm very negative, and that is why I am not in and don't believe I can have a romantic relationship.

The only woman to ever make me shiver when she put her arm around me (for a photo) in August, 1989 was a woman from San Diego named Kirsten. It felt like a shock and I thought that I was very attracted to her. The attraction wasn't mutual--she married someone else--and I now think that if I ever have that kind of reaction again, I would probably be very upset.

I think I am happy being single. I have given up online dating because I find that bad things, such as getting dumped or robbed, happen to me when I chase women around the internet. So far things are working out with The Right One because I am getting three more dates a year than I would get on my own. When the contract ends, probably when I'm 50 years old, I'll finally hang up my spikes.

Jim

 

[GrumpyOne]

In a lot of ways, I'm glad that the online dating site phenomenon doesn't really apply to me, I've heard too many bad stories and just a few good ones.

I've never been much of a player, never really had the knack for it when I was younger and no desire for the drama now. Leisure suit and gold chains? Not really my style I'd much rather meet people I have something in common with or through friends.

But, to add another guy's PoV, if I was perusing an online dating site, I don't think I'd pay much attention to the profiles without pictures, probably preferring the average looking girl over the one that wrote well but didn't include a pic, asking myself "what is she hiding?" Of course, I would post a pic in the same case; I try not to be a hypocrite.