How was your experience with private schools vs public?

[MICKIMINI]

I spent my entire youth through high school in Catholic school. I am grateful to my parents for providing a great education for me.

We sent our son to private school in 8th grade. It is competitive with students from ME, NH and MA. He was offered a spot and chose to attend. It was amazing for him as he was so far ahead and able to score a 5 on the AP tests he took. He was able to skip a semester in college and earn a doctorate at 24. Public schools in our area do not have programs for advanced students and being at the top of the class isn't the same as having a thorough education. It was as expensive as college, but we'd do it again.

 

[GreatLakes]

I went to both public and private and had a good experience in both. It is hard to really compare since all schools are unique but if the main driver is social and not academic I'm not sure you'll find what you are looking for. The specific kids along with the values placed on social inclusion by administration will have more to do with your daughter's experience than the size or public vs private. I think the smaller classes are as likely to encourage cliques as they are to make everyone feel welcome.

 

[TLSnell1981]

It was a positive change going from public to private. My child was an individual instead of part of a herd. We also had more input in private school.

 

[diznygirl]

I went to both public and private. My kids attended public. Also, it’s a regional thing. But what I’ve noticed is that the public schools had more to offer in art and music and extracurriculars. Also, the high schools here offer duel-enrollment with the local community college.

Cliques are going to be everywhere. This will not be avoided in either situation.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

For those who have experienced both private and public schools, especially in middle school and high school, what were the differences? Did you find better social opportunities with one vs the other?

We are considering private school for our daughter beginning high school, but I am worried private may be even more cliquey and possibly difficult to find good friendships because of the competitiveness? My daughter is very shy and doesn't make friends all that easily.

Can anyone share their experience?

Thanks!

My daughter attended a small private school (it was kindergarten to 8th) in California. When she started in Kindergarten, the class size was small. Class sizes increased after that year after year. In my experience, the private school is about the parents as much as the students. As a parent, it's about your vocation, how you pay tuition (are you getting assistance, which we didn't), and how much you can do for the school and donate to the school. There was not only tuition, but there was also Back to School Night when the Head of School gave presentation and was asking parents to donate money. They were wanting an additional $3000 per kid on top of tuition that was $24k a year. Some gave that, some gave less and there are some that donated tens of thousands of dollars and those in the 6 digits. Yes, I know this for a fact because it was all published months later in their magazine. There were a lot of students leaving and a fair amount coming in, mostly in the younger grades. Parents did A LOT! Class parties for all the holidays, Fall Festival, the back to school night is all managed by parents (cooking& bringing food, setting up...all of it), parents were involved in everything and it was expected. I felt the girls in my daughters class were clicky. That crowd stayed to themselves and let it know no new members were being accepted. I thought my daughter was getting a great education, private school, right? That was until we moved across country. We moved to a town with a very highly rated top school district. When she started 5th grade when we moved, it was to public school. And she was behind and mostly in math. When standardized tests were done, she was testing on 3rd grade level in most areas. Public school was much harder. I'd show the math homework to my friends in California who were still in the private school and they didn't even know what it was. Also, private school was way behind in technology. My daughter got her own issued device to do homework and other things when entering 5th grade. My daughter has had a difficult time when it comes to friends. Even when she started 5th grade public school, she said their clique of friends have been made and they don't want someone new. Especially the popular kids. As a mother, that has been breaking my heart. Not all private schools are the same, you really need to do your homework. Public schools too.

 

[JAMIESMITH]

It was a much smaller school and he got much more attention - he was actually known by both the faculty and most of his peers (56 kids in his graduating class). Although he had several “risk factors” for being bullied, it never happened to him in that environment and he was quite successful socially, even without being on the sports teams or in organized clubs.

Now there were a few downsides, if you want to call them that. Because the school was small, it lacked certain resources and enrichment opportunities that would have been available in the huge, public system. For example, there was no band or marching band, the library was very small and basic and the athletics weren’t competitive. It was also not renowned for being academically rigorous, although it certainly did turn out some students who just naturally excelled, and as I understand it, they did tailor support to those kids. Our DS was never destined for that particular track, so it didn’t matter to us.

All-in-all, it was an excellent choice for him and I’m so glad we were able to make it happen.

I could have written this about my girls' transition from public to private school. They left a very large 300 + kids per grade three campus school for a tiny school with anywhere from 5-25 kids per grade. Seriously fifth grade has four boys and a girl.

The seniors know the kindergarteners by name and vice versa. It feels very inclusive. Kids are encouraged to participate in the sports and extracurriculars that are available so that they will have enough participants to play. There is a lot of parental involvement.

The only downside is that there are less classes available. Only one foreign language is taught. There is no band or chorus, no track or swim team, and no soccer team.

The school also doesn't tolerate subpar teaching. We've seen a few teachers not have contracts renewed for things that would have been overlooked at the public school.

 

[fly girl]

How big is the school she will be attending? Does the same school have an elementary and middle? Or is it a school that is stand alone but most enrollments are from feeder schools?

As most people have stated, it really depends on the school. I know you mentioned taking a tour. I know I mentioned it in previous threads, but have you inquired about shadowing? That is where your daughter will follow a freshman for the day and really get the feel of how it will be, a "day in the life" so to speak. Most schools that offer shadowing will ask your daughter what her interests are and align her with a student with similar interests. IMHO, shadowing would be beneficial for her to see what it could be like.

My DD has always gone to Catholic school. This is her first year in high school (it is a completely stand alone school - but does have feeders) and although she still is friends with some from her previous school, she has tons of new ones this year. The cliques will always be there, but no where near middle school level. And no one is "mean" they all just keep to their group. FYI, her freshman class is approx 150 kids. A good size as her middle school was only 40 kids.

I know your original question was public to private. I don't have first hand experience, but my sister went from public to private as she got in with the wrong crowd her freshman year. Private school saved her, but I don't think that applies as your child isn't going down a wrong path.

As for competitiveness, I haven't seen that. They work together to help one another. Maybe because it isn't super small, idk. But in all my years with her at Catholic school (and her HS is touted as college prep school), the competitiveness isn't off the charts. FWIW, she does take honors classes.

All of us can tell you our stories, but it all depends on the individual child and the unique circumstances of the student body. It really is amazing how different the same school can be. Example: my dd's previous school had a great group of kids that were in her grade from PreK-8 grade (she started in 1st.) However, her friends that had siblings at the same school had poor experiences based solely on the kids in their grade. It really all depends.

The beauty is that you are open to it. You want what is best, and if it doesn't work out you can always switch.

Good luck!

 

[mjkacmom]

I spent my entire youth through high school in Catholic school. I am grateful to my parents for providing a great education for me.

We sent our son to private school in 8th grade. It is competitive with students from ME, NH and MA. He was offered a spot and chose to attend. It was amazing for him as he was so far ahead and able to score a 5 on the AP tests he took. He was able to skip a semester in college and earn a doctorate at 24. Public schools in our area do not have programs for advanced students and being at the top of the class isn't the same as having a thorough education. It was as expensive as college, but we'd do it again.

My kids went to public, about 300 in the graduating classes. They took almost all honors/AP classes, and the handful of regular classes they took they weren’t thrilled with (mostly the students). My 21 year old took 9 AP classes and was able to graduate college a year early (she will have her doctorate at 24). One of my 19 year olds took 7 with all 4’s and 5’s as well and will either graduate early or double major. My 26 year old did a 5 year masters of accounting in 4 years. Honors/AP’s makes classes smaller. My 19 year old even reached out to her AP BC teacher when she was having issues in calc 3 this year in college, the relationship with teachers was great. What I liked about public (besides the cost) was there were rigorous classes, choirs, orchestras, different bands, a yearly musical, lots of clubs, and sports (including crew). The advanced math track meany they started algebra 2 freshman year, and could bang out 2 years of a language in middle school.

 

[mefordis]

How big is the school she will be attending? Does the same school have an elementary and middle? Or is it a school that is stand alone but most enrollments are from feeder schools?

As most people have stated, it really depends on the school. I know you mentioned taking a tour. I know I mentioned it in previous threads, but have you inquired about shadowing? That is where your daughter will follow a freshman for the day and really get the feel of how it will be, a "day in the life" so to speak. Most schools that offer shadowing will ask your daughter what her interests are and align her with a student with similar interests. IMHO, shadowing would be beneficial for her to see what it could be like.

My DD has always gone to Catholic school. This is her first year in high school (it is a completely stand alone school - but does have feeders) and although she still is friends with some from her previous school, she has tons of new ones this year. The cliques will always be there, but no where near middle school level. And no one is "mean" they all just keep to their group. FYI, her freshman class is approx 150 kids. A good size as her middle school was only 40 kids.

I know your original question was public to private. I don't have first hand experience, but my sister went from public to private as she got in with the wrong crowd her freshman year. Private school saved her, but I don't think that applies as your child isn't going down a wrong path.

As for competitiveness, I haven't seen that. They work together to help one another. Maybe because it isn't super small, idk. But in all my years with her at Catholic school (and her HS is touted as college prep school), the competitiveness isn't off the charts. FWIW, she does take honors classes.

All of us can tell you our stories, but it all depends on the individual child and the unique circumstances of the student body. It really is amazing how different the same school can be. Example: my dd's previous school had a great group of kids that were in her grade from PreK-8 grade (she started in 1st.) However, her friends that had siblings at the same school had poor experiences based solely on the kids in their grade. It really all depends.

The beauty is that you are open to it. You want what is best, and if it doesn't work out you can always switch.

Good luck!

The class size is 120 in the school that is my top choice. I actually think they have the same number for both of the schools we are considering. They also have middle schools and one starts in pre school. My daughter is reluctant but we are saying just apply and we will not force her to go. We just want options. The applications need to be in by Dec 15. The process is more involved than applying to college was for my older daughter. Essay from both her and us, zoom interview, SSAT (3 hour long entrance exam), recommendations from 3 teachers...!!

We only have 2 schools on our list since she nixed the 3rd one. I hope one accepts her. I just want to have the option of going -- she will make the final decision. Oh, and tuition is the same for both: 48k per year but will probably go up before fall.

Thank you so much for the encouraging words!

 

[tvguy]

My kids went to public, about 300 in the graduating classes. They took almost all honors/AP classes, and the handful of regular classes they took they weren’t thrilled with (mostly the students). My 21 year old took 9 AP classes and was able to graduate college a year early (she will have her doctorate at 24). One of my 19 year olds took 7 with all 4’s and 5’s as well and will either graduate early or double major. My 26 year old did a 5 year masters of accounting in 4 years. Honors/AP’s makes classes smaller. My 19 year old even reached out to her AP BC teacher when she was having issues in calc 3 this year in college, the relationship with teachers was great. What I liked about public (besides the cost) was there were rigorous classes, choirs, orchestras, different bands, a yearly musical, lots of clubs, and sports (including crew). The advanced math track meany they started algebra 2 freshman year, and could bang out 2 years of a language in middle school.

Wow, that is great with the AP classes. My son took them, and the course work benefited him greatly in College even though the College he chose did not allow him to apply them against his College Credits.

 

[barkley]

having taught in one, married to someone who was a 'lifer' in another, had my kids attend pre-middle in multiple (due to aging out, moving), related to teachers and admin at several different ones (all 'academically focused', some with religious backing)-

research and make sure that teachers/admin meet the same minimum education and licensing requirements your state public do (privates in many states do not have the same education requirements and it is scandalous the lack of BASIC education let alone any teacher ed some private school staff has while the admin can be simply awarded positions due to monetary or religious standing if applicable),

research and make sure that the private provides and meets the IDENTICAL graduation standards the public do (it can sound the same but if it's a word off-check. the UBER well respected and high cost private near us does NOT meet the minimum public standards),

if you have any kind of 'in' (know someone who will share privately with you) at your local public high school or college-see if/where the grads of the school you are considering may be lacking. i had the mother of the classmate of one of my children contact me a couple of years after her's went to the private high school while mine went to public to ask if i noticed my kids had experienced any academic 'challenges or deficits'. my immediate response was 'you mean in math in science?', the woman gasped 'how did you know-he's always gotten straight a's but when we did a college entry test prep we found he's severely lagging behind'. private school system had it's own criteria for math proficiency that was a few years behind the public (and they used an outdated testing matrix that other privates used but was never compared to public math scores), private had old religious roots that made science 'light' (la, la la-um we don't talk about those aspects of science that the religion does not mesh with so we focus on the other aspects...),

see if you can find out the average age of students in a given grade. it is not unusual for private school students to be a year older than their public school peers. it is telling if this is the situation b/c kids WILL test out better if they are a full year older than the median age that the testing is designed for (a marketing technique i've seen far too much).

 

[georgina]

Yeah, what colleges do with those AP tests varies a lot also. Oldest DD was able to double major because of some credit. DS skipped a whole quarter of classes and graduated a year early with a summer study abroad in there. His school was the most generous with credit. Youngest DD took 10 AP classes and scored 5's on everything, she went to a competitive liberal arts school that may have let her skip a couple of classes. She was more interested in learning than credit and was able to start in third level French and skip a year of calculus.

So obviously all public schools are not places kids don't get prepared for college. There was a small private school nearby that taught an IB program but my kids liked the bigger school with more options. The question of fit is much more dependent on the individual child and schools.

 

[barkley]

The question of fit is much more dependent on the individual child and schools.

so true!!! one of the big deciding factors for many around us is that public high schools do the ap classes as well as offer the opportunity for free dual college enrollment for jr/sr year. a few of the privates participate in the program BUT largely do not b/c they are acting as feeder schools to their associated private universities. those that do can be few and far between b/c they have to meet specific educational criteria (for staff overseeing the students in the dual programs) and, as i mentioned in my prior post-many do not require their staff to meet minimum state teacher education standards (and in some cases-have any college education what so ever).

 

[AustinMommyofThree]

Used private schools all the way. The kids were well prepared for university and found it east enough to get through. They noticed many public school students were not prepared, didn’t know how to study or write papers. Of course that’s not all. Only their observation in general.

But they still ended up at second-or third-tier state schools, right? I seem to recall UCF and maybe UF?

 

[barkley]

disclaimer-

for the record, i am not anti private schools. there are some spectacular ones that provide wonderful experiences and educations but just like any other bushiness or industry-

buyer beware (esp. when you are buying for your impressionable minor child).

 

[tvguy]

research and make sure that teachers/admin meet the same minimum education and licensing requirements your state public do (privates in many states do not have the same education requirements and it is scandalous the lack of BASIC education let alone any teacher ed some private school staff has while the admin can be simply awarded positions due to monetary or religious standing if applicable),

I agree 100% and disagree 100%. Absolutely do your research. But keep an open mind, a Teaching Credential is not a guarantee of a good teacher. The best teacher my daughter had 40 years experience and the personality that she really connected with kids. She had no teaching credential, felt it was a waste of time. And ironically, her classroom was where the local State University always sent their student teachers to observe.

 

[barkley]

I agree 100% and disagree 100%. Absolutely do your research. But keep an open mind, a Teaching Credential is not a guarantee of a good teacher. The best teacher my daughter had 40 years experience and the personality that she really connected with kids. She had no teaching credential, felt it was a waste of time. And ironically, her classroom was where the local State University always sent their student teachers to observe.

to observe for what purpose? it certainly wasn't to consider student teaching under her b/c that person would not have met the standards in california almost 40 years ago when i student taught let alone now. not saying the person wasn't a great teacher but credentialing entails so much more than 'just being taught how to teach'. it is not a guarantee of a good teacher but it does ensure that a teacher is educated in (and maintains for current credentialing in many states) awareness of/competency in STATE and FEDERAL mandates for minimum educational standards, state and federal child protection/abuse detection and reporting, learning disability assessment and detection, and a wealth of other subject areas that are vital for both the education and support/protection of students. in my experience it is far easier for a credentialed teacher to opt into the private education sector absent additional education and licensing vs. a private school teacher moving into the public. this may no longer be the case due to drastic teacher shortages in some states but i believe those states are issuing waivers that exempt these new hires from 'meeting minimum educational standards' (not something i wanted for my kids in the public schools let alone in the private where i was paying substantial sums of money for their education).

 

[JLTraveling]

having taught in one, married to someone who was a 'lifer' in another, had my kids attend pre-middle in multiple (due to aging out, moving), related to teachers and admin at several different ones (all 'academically focused', some with religious backing)-

research and make sure that teachers/admin meet the same minimum education and licensing requirements your state public do (privates in many states do not have the same education requirements and it is scandalous the lack of BASIC education let alone any teacher ed some private school staff has while the admin can be simply awarded positions due to monetary or religious standing if applicable),

research and make sure that the private provides and meets the IDENTICAL graduation standards the public do (it can sound the same but if it's a word off-check. the UBER well respected and high cost private near us does NOT meet the minimum public standards),

if you have any kind of 'in' (know someone who will share privately with you) at your local public high school or college-see if/where the grads of the school you are considering may be lacking. i had the mother of the classmate of one of my children contact me a couple of years after her's went to the private high school while mine went to public to ask if i noticed my kids had experienced any academic 'challenges or deficits'. my immediate response was 'you mean in math in science?', the woman gasped 'how did you know-he's always gotten straight a's but when we did a college entry test prep we found he's severely lagging behind'. private school system had it's own criteria for math proficiency that was a few years behind the public (and they used an outdated testing matrix that other privates used but was never compared to public math scores), private had old religious roots that made science 'light' (la, la la-um we don't talk about those aspects of science that the religion does not mesh with so we focus on the other aspects...),

see if you can find out the average age of students in a given grade. it is not unusual for private school students to be a year older than their public school peers. it is telling if this is the situation b/c kids WILL test out better if they are a full year older than the median age that the testing is designed for (a marketing technique i've seen far too much).

This is all SO important. A couple of the privates I attended early on were a hot mess...especially the one where the headmistress ran off with some guy midyear, leaving the school in the hands of her assistant, who only had a 6th grade education! There was also the heavily religious one that made us write essays on why the Salem witch trials were a GOOD idea and taught us that humans lived alongside dinosaurs.

At my alma mater though, teachers were required to hold a master's at minimum and most had doctorates. The graduation standards were far above state minimums and, while I was the youngest (graduated at 14), my class also had a 16 year old graduate and many were 17 at graduation.

It's just so different school by school. Research is definitely key here.

 

[Lumpy1106]

We sent our two older kids to private school through middle school. Our oldest went to a private HS his Freshman year and it turned out not-so-good. Reason being, the school would not let him in the AP classes and the grading was much tougher in the non-AP classes. End result; he did not get the bump in GPA he would have gotten in public school. As good as the actual education in private HS was, it was putting him at a disadvantage getting into college. He also missed playing lacrosse as there was no team in the private school, but there was in the public school. The final straw was that the the school changed to an earlier start so it nearly impossible to get him to school on time (we couldn't drop off him and his sister at a different school in time). They offered to let him in the AP classes if we signed a contract but there was no wiggle room on the start time and no hope of a lacrosse team so we (begrudgingly at the time) moved him back to the public HS. That was one of the best things we ever did; he thrived and loved every aspect. We still believe the private school was good for him as he did appreciate all of the things the public school could offer him a whole lot more.

Our youngest (3rd grade)goes to a private school in the next county over. They stayed open through COVID when no other school would and we had had enough of the school shutdowns. They asked us if we were going to move back to public school when the schools opened - NO WAY! They were supportive of us when things were at their worst, we for darn sure are going to be supportive of them - we're in for the duration. We'll move her to the public HS after she graduates from 8th grade.

 

[Colleen27]

so true!!! one of the big deciding factors for many around us is that public high schools do the ap classes as well as offer the opportunity for free dual college enrollment for jr/sr year. a few of the privates participate in the program BUT largely do not b/c they are acting as feeder schools to their associated private universities.

And here it is just the opposite. The AP classes were a big part of why older DD chose private high school. She took 5 and while her university doesn't accept them for credit in a student's major, the history, government and lit tests all covered core requirements and opened up breathing room in her schedule - a big deal, since she started off as a biology and Japanese studies double major with no wiggle room at all (she eventually dropped the second major but is still taking four years of Japanese language). As a focused college prep school where nearly every student is on the AP-and-honors track, the private school offers a lot of advanced study options. Far more than our small public school, with its mostly community college and trade school bound student body; public school has a great vo-tech partnership and some dual enrollment opportunities, but some years there aren't any AP classes offered at all.