How was your experience with private schools vs public?

[mefordis]

For those who have experienced both private and public schools, especially in middle school and high school, what were the differences? Did you find better social opportunities with one vs the other?

We are considering private school for our daughter beginning high school, but I am worried private may be even more cliquey and possibly difficult to find good friendships because of the competitiveness? My daughter is very shy and doesn't make friends all that easily.

Can anyone share their experience?

Thanks!

 

[ronandannette]

For those who have experienced both private and public schools, especially in middle school and high school, what were the differences? Did you find better social opportunities with one vs the other?

We are considering private school for our daughter beginning high school, but I am worried private may be even more cliquey and possibly difficult to find good friendships because of the competitiveness? My daughter is very shy and doesn't make friends all that easily.

Can anyone share their experience?

Thanks!

We moved our DS to private school in Grade 9, which is the last year of jr. high here. We didn’t do it necessarily because the public system was bad; we had always wanted to but we’re just finally able to afford it at that point.

It was a much smaller school and he got much more attention - he was actually known by both the faculty and most of his peers (56 kids in his graduating class). Although he had several “risk factors” for being bullied, it never happened to him in that environment and he was quite successful socially, even without being on the sports teams or in organized clubs.

Now there were a few downsides, if you want to call them that. Because the school was small, it lacked certain resources and enrichment opportunities that would have been available in the huge, public system. For example, there was no band or marching band, the library was very small and basic and the athletics weren’t competitive. It was also not renowned for being academically rigorous, although it certainly did turn out some students who just naturally excelled, and as I understand it, they did tailor support to those kids. Our DS was never destined for that particular track, so it didn’t matter to us.

All-in-all, it was an excellent choice for him and I’m so glad we were able to make it happen.

 

[mefordis]

I'm so glad it worked out for your son. I really hope moving to private school will be a good social change for my daughter. That's the main reason we are looking into it.

 

[DeeBee3]

In my experience, the switch from public to private was a positive. However, it was at a younger age. The academics were much more rigorous, but the amount of learning was amazing. Meaning, just because there was "more work" didn't mean it was harder or too much. The information absorbed and covered was more expansive.

The class sizes were not smaller but the overall school was smaller so it was a real community. There were still plenty of enrichment opportunities: clubs, language class, instruments, etc.

Currently, I live in a district considered very good, but the high school is as large as my college (approx 4,000 students). It's just too many kids and they keep building on the school. The opportunities and activities are amazing, but I can't fathom going to a school that big. It appears (without firsthand knowledge) that there is a small sectoin of kids who excel academically and then there is the large mass that is just "ok." That's fine because not everyone goes to college or works along that track, but it does give me doubts about the high school. The kids are all over town during the day because they are allowed off site and it doesn't seem like a lot of them are in school. haha

 

[Colleen27]

I think it really depends on the schools. We're fortunate to live within a mile of good public and private high schools, and we've gotten to experience both.

My older daughter graduated from a very small (37 in her graduating class), very competitive private school. They boast a 100% record of graduates going on to four-year universities, and in DD's class, one went to Emory, one to Cornell, a couple to U of Michigan, etc. It was a wonderful fit for her. She scored very well on their placement test, well enough to get a small merit scholarship, and the academic focus and goal-driven atmosphere was really helpful in keeping her on track, encouraging her to challenge herself, and preparing her for the next level. The personal attention was great, the dedicated college counselor that actually got to know all the students assigned to her was wonderful, and I think that environment was a big part of why she had the confidence to study Japanese online instead of taking Spanish like everyone else and taking (online) oceanography and ecology as electives, to study abroad one summer and spend another at a university-run marine science camp, etc. It wasn't especially cliquey. I'm not sure a school that small can be, because there are only so many kids to be friends with, and for as competitive as the school is academically, the student culture is pretty friendly and supportive. Since they're all on basically the same track, there was a lot of support and commiseration among DD's class and not a lot of the stereotypical HS peer pressure to make choices that could distract from that track. They're seniors in college now and still a pretty close-knit bunch; DD has kept in touch with about a third of her fellow graduates, even though they're literally scattered across the entire country, and they're talking about a get-together over the holidays since this is their last year of school schedules and coming home for mutual breaks. The downside is that the school doesn't offer much in the way of athletics or extracurriculars. No drama program. No band. Sports that can be excellent one year and non-existent the next, based on the whims of student interest. A library that was more study space than book collection. But she loved it and it served her well.

My younger daughter is in public high school, and I definitely see the both pros and the cons. She's much more on her own for figuring out course selections and I'm sure that will carry over to college planning, which isn't terrible for her since we have already been through the whole process with older DD but is a downside for kids who need more guidance. But she's got a lot more "self discovery" options by virtue of being at a bigger school that is supportive of a wider range of post-HS paths. She's always been a theatre kid and the drama program was why she chose public over private, but she's also jumping in to marching band and volleyball (despite not being particularly athletic), she's taking a culinary arts class this year to further explore her interest in cooking and will take a digital arts class next year since she's toyed with the idea of something in graphic design/advertising as a career path. The greater diversity in career-exploration electives is offset by fewer AP and online course offerings and less support for choosing online courses as a means of furthering a personal interest in a subject area, but she's less academically oriented than her big sister so that wasn't a deal breaker for us. And while she's not as "known" as older DD was at her school, the public school is still small enough (about 130 in her graduating class) not to be face-in-the-crowd anonymous.

 

[JLTraveling]

It 100% depends on the school. I went to several different schools, including a few privates, and the differences from one to the next are immense. I would recommend a school like the one I ended up graduating from:

• Academically rigorous with 100% college acceptance rate
• Very strong in extracurriculars. We had a thriving theater department, band, several choruses, strong teams across a variety of sports, as well as clubs of every description
• Small but not too small. There were 87 in my graduating class. Middle school and high school on the same campus, though little interaction between the two. Enough kids to find the right friend group, but no real bullying since everyone knew everyone.
• A dedicated faculty that genuinely cares about each kid
• Understanding that learning doesn't always happen in the classroom. Family vacations were encouraged, even during the school year. Lots of opportunities to travel with school-based clubs.

The caveat is that a school like that is expensive, and the majority of families are incredibly wealthy. If that's not you, scholarships are plentiful. But your kid may be painfully aware, like I was, that even upper middle class is poor compared to their friends. BUT, I was a very shy kid who still managed to find my people and thrive. I only wish my parents had discovered that school before my sophomore year.

Really do your homework. See if they offer a shadowing day for potential new students, where your daughter can spend the day on campus and see if it's the right fit. My shadowing day was invaluable, and it also gave me one person on campus I already knew when I started. Good luck!

 

[mefordis]

It 100% depends on the school. I went to several different schools, including a few privates, and the differences from one to the next are immense. I would recommend a school like the one I ended up graduating from:

• Academically rigorous with 100% college acceptance rate
• Very strong in extracurriculars. We had a thriving theater department, band, several choruses, strong teams across a variety of sports, as well as clubs of every description
• Small but not too small. There were 87 in my graduating class. Middle school and high school on the same campus, though little interaction between the two. Enough kids to find the right friend group, but no real bullying since everyone knew everyone.
• A dedicated faculty that genuinely cares about each kid
• Understanding that learning doesn't always happen in the classroom. Family vacations were encouraged, even during the school year. Lots of opportunities to travel with school-based clubs.

The caveat is that a school like that is expensive, and the majority of families are incredibly wealthy. If that's not you, scholarships are plentiful. But your kid may be painfully aware, like I was, that even upper middle class is poor compared to their friends. BUT, I was a very shy kid who still managed to find my people and thrive. I only wish my parents had discovered that school before my sophomore year.

Really do your homework. See if they offer a shadowing day for potential new students, where your daughter can spend the day on campus and see if it's the right fit. My shadowing day was invaluable, and it also gave me one person on campus I already knew when I started. Good luck!

Thank you. We are taking a tour next week of one of the schools. My daughter is very shy as well. It's made her an easy target for being the one to exclude. I'm hoping the new environment will shake things up and help her find people she can relate to and accept her.

 

[JLTraveling]

Thank you. We are taking a tour next week of one of the schools. My daughter is very shy as well. It's made her an easy target for being the one to exclude. I'm hoping the new environment will shake things up and help her find people she can relate to and accept her.

Good luck! I compare it to the college search. If it's right, you and she will know. And one huge advantage of a private school: you get at least a sense of who everyone is really quickly, which means you're not spending months trying to find the people you relate to. They're right there, out in the open. In my case, they were one year behind me. But I skipped a couple of grades, so they were still a little older than me lol.

 

[mefordis]

Good luck! I compare it to the college search. If it's right, you and she will know. And one huge advantage of a private school: you get at least a sense of who everyone is really quickly, which means you're not spending months trying to find the people you relate to. They're right there, out in the open. In my case, they were one year behind me. But I skipped a couple of grades, so they were still a little older than me lol.

Are most people new to each other in the 9th grade? I see they have middle school at these private schools so I hope everyone isn't already in cliques on day 1 of freshman year.

 

[Travel60]

We live in an area that most people choose for the excellent schools. All within walking distance. But after attending a couple of parent/school board meetings and seeing how dismissive the board was of any parental involvement, we went the private route.

Both my kids went to private (religious) single-sex high schools. DDs was about 120 girls per class, DS about 320 boys per class. They both excelled and made lots of friends - other students and faculty that they still stay in touch with 15 years later.

DDs school was smaller (120/class) but that was perfect for her. She played volleyball and softball, ran track and participated in theatre productions (they paired with nearby boys school). She knew every teacher and administrator. Her physics teacher noticed her aptitude and recommended her for events/camps that ended up influencing her choice of career. The only negative was that she didn't have the opportunity for as many AP classes as she would have in public.

DS school was a sports powerhouse and he went knowing he would not make a team. But, he played a few club sports, got to know the coaches and worked with teams as trainer, scorekeeper, etc. He was involved in many clubs and activities. He was in an academic program that required a final research project as rigorous as some master's degree final projects. One of his outside referees (in the industry) said the report was better than what he gets from some of his staff researchers. DS got into first choice college and later PhD. I suspect after he puts in 20 or so years at his current job, he will retire and get a job teaching there.

 

[White Cat]

Used private schools all the way. The kids were well prepared for university and found it east enough to get through. They noticed many public school students were not prepared, didn’t know how to study or write papers. Of course that’s not all. Only their observation in general.

 

[JLTraveling]

Are most people new to each other in the 9th grade? I see they have middle school at these private schools so I hope everyone isn't already in cliques on day 1 of freshman year.

Honestly? These schools mostly draw from feeder schools, and most students will have known each other since preschool or kindergarten. But don't let that worry you. The schools simply aren't big enough for actual cliques. And there's sort of a pervasive belief that since the place is small and highly selective, if you're there you belong. You've already passed the test, so to speak, and you're worthy of being part of the community. And she won't be the only new student, a few people find their way in each year.

At my school, there was a definite "popular group." They'd known each other since they were babies, they were all extraordinarily wealthy, etc. But they never bullied anybody or made them feel unwelcome, they got along fine with all. And my senior year, I had first period free along with most of that group. But we all had to be on campus for homeroom, which meant we then spent first period either hanging out in senior lounge or going out for breakfast. Within a couple of weeks, I became part of that group. Just simple proximity outside of class, and all of a sudden I was popular lol.

I totally understand your concerns. But if it's the right school for your daughter, it will all fall into place. I met my best friend on the school bus my first day (started in sophomore year). She introduced me to her "known each other forever" friend group. And just like that, I had lifelong friends. And in a bizarre twist of fate, years later the annoying middle school boy who sat next to me on the bus met and married one of my very good friends from a totally different part of my life. He grew into a great man, and is now another of my close friends.

 

[JaxDad]

We actually did the opposite of many here. Our two children went to private school through fifth grade, primarily due to convenience and ties to our church. We’re fortunate to have an excellent magnet school program in our district, so our children transitioned to public school in sixth grade. I was a little worried about my daughter, because she’s less social, but both have really thrived. It’s definitely helped that their high school is very focused on academics and attracts dedicated students with supportive families.

 

[Minnie1222]

Are most people new to each other in the 9th grade?

The school our kids went to ended at Grade 9. Most of the students "apply out" during Grade 8 and attend Grade 9 to 12 elsewhere. Others go straight for Grade 10 or repeat Grade 9 at a new school. They have new classmates from all over the world.

 

[tvguy]

I think it really depends on the schools.

.

This really sums it up.
I went from public high school to private church run tiny high school in 9th grade way back in 1971-1972. It was a mess because their classes were out of sync. Went back to public high school. Had to take summer school for 3 years to catch up.

My kids went from private, for profit schools K-9 to a private church run (different church) large high school. High school was 2001-2009 between the two of them . No issue in that transition, and both said they were way way ahead of their classmates when they hit College. My daughter says she was amazed how many of her college classmates didn't know how to write a paper.

 

[JLTraveling]

This really sums it up.
I went from public high school to private church run tiny high school in 9th grade way back in 1971-1972. It was a mess because their classes were out of sync. Went back to public high school. Had to take summer school for 3 years to catch up.

My kids went from private, for profit schools K-9 to a private church run (different church) large high school. High school was 2001-2009 between the two of them . No issue in that transition, and both said they were way way ahead of their classmates when they hit College. My daughter says she was amazed how many of her college classmates didn't know how to write a paper.

Yeah, it's amazing what a difference a strong college prep curriculum makes. We had a graduate go to Harvard for pre-med. She came back to visit during her college spring break two years later, and said she had yet to experience a course that was anywhere near as tough as 9th grade biology. And that was freaking Harvard.

 

[dcassetta]

For those who have experienced both private and public schools, especially in middle school and high school, what were the differences? Did you find better social opportunities with one vs the other?

We are considering private school for our daughter beginning high school, but I am worried private may be even more cliquey and possibly difficult to find good friendships because of the competitiveness? My daughter is very shy and doesn't make friends all that easily.

Can anyone share their experience?

Thanks!

Are any of the options a girl's school? That might be a great option for helping your daughter thrive and develop stronger social skills.

 

[JLTraveling]

Are any of the options a girl's school? That might be a great option for helping your daughter thrive and develop stronger social skills.

That depends on the girl. I've always gotten along better with boys, starting when I was very young. A girl's school would have driven me insane! But for others, it's the right choice.

 

[RUDisney]

We have great private schools in my area. Our kids went to a private elementary school that closed when they were going into second and third grade. Our DD needed remedial assistance in reading and the next private school didn't have that to offer, so we sent them to public school. Our DS took a step back insofar as education is concerned. He had horrible teachers in some grades and amazing ones in others. His 3rd grade teacher told me that he went from a B+ in reading to a D because the curriculum was more challenging in the public school... um, no. He went down because she was such a horrible teacher. He was back at a B+ in 4th grade when he had a good teacher again. In 7th grade, I had a confrontation with his English teacher. She graded a paper wrong because she didn't like the man he chose as his hero. There was nothing grammatically wrong with his paper. I had warned him that she might be a hater, but he couldn't believe that an adult would be so petty. That taught him a great lesson. The teacher asked me when and where I ever taught English. I reminded her that one doesn't have to teach something to have a mastery of it.

Our DD, OTOH, because of her IEP status was treated wonderfully. She was given all of the best teachers and once we found out that her reading difficulty was caused by vision trouble and she had eye therapy to correct it, she became the top accelerated reader in 6th grade and was in honors classes by 8th grade.

For HS, grade 9, we sent them to my alma mater, a private, preparatory school. Our DS was "Mr. Mayor" of the school. Everyone knew him and he fit in beautifully. Our DD had a good time, but she didn't make many close friends. I think a lot of this is attributable to her sexuality and not wanting to come out in HS. She made great, close friendships in college.

The things that I liked most about the private school:

• If my kids had a headache, they'd give them Ibuprofen without having to have a doctor's note that allowed it. The public school wouldn't accept a parent's signature and required that we supply the Ibuprofen for them to hold once the doctor's note was received.
• If my kids were too ill to stay in school, but weren't so ill that they could drive home, the school nurse would call me to say that she was sending them home. If they were too sick to drive themselves, she would ask for me to pick them up. The public schools always required a parent to come to the school and wouldn't release walkers to walk a block or two home.
• During the first week of classes, my DS came home and said, "Mom! They treat us like adults at this school. They don't treat us like children." I told him that was because they were training them to be adults and not just herding cattle as it seemed in the public school.
• The private school taught them how to manage their time and how to study. When they went to college, they realized that this was a very important skill that many of their public school friends didn't have.

They both graduated with a little over 200 kids in their HS classes. Our DS has started his own e-business and DD is finishing her thesis to finalize her Master's.

Could they have done this with either type of education? Yes. I think it was easier with a private school education, at least in our area. In my brother's school district, it ranks right up with private schools, so he sent his kids with no additional expense for their educations. Not everyone is that lucky.

 

[georgina]

Used private schools all the way. The kids were well prepared for university and found it east enough to get through. They noticed many public school students were not prepared, didn’t know how to study or write papers. Of course that’s not all. Only their observation in general.

My kids were very well prepared for college in our local public schools. Depends on your area I guess, really can't generalize about all public schools. I went through 12 years of Catholic school and did NOT want that for my kids.

Yeah, it's amazing what a difference a strong college prep curriculum makes. We had a graduate go to Harvard for pre-med. She came back to visit during her college spring break two years later, and said she had yet to experience a course that was anywhere near as tough as 9th grade biology. And that was freaking Harvard.

Frequently said about Harvard that the hardest part is getting in.