Discipline tips? We lost control at WDW!

[RUDisney]

My Mom came up with a wonderful idea prior to our trip in October. She told my kids that all of the cast members were actually working for Mickey Mouse and watching to make sure that all of the children behaved. She told them that if they acted very badly, when we got home, they'd receive a letter from Mickey saying that they wouldn't be invited back to WDW for 15 years. My kids did NOT want THAT letter. If they started to slip, I'd remind them that the cast members were keeping an eye on them for Mickey and they'd usually snap out of it.

Another thing that worked is they didn't want for me to bring any bad reports back for my mother, their Baboushka (Russian for Grandmother.) If they started being stubborn, or pouty about something, I'd take out the camera to take a picture of them acting up for Baboushka to see. Our DS would snap to attention with a big smile on his face.

The only bad time we had, that I actually took a crabby picture was after we went on Kali River Rapids. DS and I got soaked... beyond soaked. DD was angry because she barely got wet. She crossed her arms in front of her and put her head down and wouldn't move. After I snapped her picture, she made me promise that if she was good for the rest of the day, I wouldn't show the picture to Baboushka. I promised and she was good.

 

[NotUrsula]

If you have UMP's (aka Length-of-stay passes), and you have to sit out a day, money is wasted along with time. Most of us can stomach wasting time, but throwing money in the trash is a deal-breaker. It makes a big difference to be able to say that today we will just sit here and do nothing (no TV or pool time) and enforce it. I think that the most of the families you see doing the "Dumbo or die" commando bit have been suckered into the trap of the UMP.

We designate a spending budget at the start of the trip, but we have an ironclad "no shopping until the last hour" rule that cannot be broken by ANYONE, including me. I keep the bank, and I will take money out of that spending allowance for serious misbehavior.

Also, you CAN do time-outs in the parks, and we do them. It's not that difficult to find an out of the way spot to do some nose-to-the-wall time. They also don't like it much when the siblings get ice cream, but they only get water and pretzels.

Lastly, if there is some activity that you KNOW will lead to fights or meltdowns, resign yourselves to skipping it, or to splitting up so that only those kids who handle it maturely get to go. DS' waterloo is arcades; if it requires passing through one, we don't go there. (So for now, Space Mountain is a no-go.)

 

[deb305]

We took DD 4.5 yrs, and DS 1yr old this January to WDW. On previous trips I was the comando leader, and we had daily meltdown (the kids and I). This time we did it differently. We didn't talk much about what rides were in the parks, and only set a few expectations for each kid. For example DD knew she would be taking a pirate cruise (GF), do Haunted Mansion, one rollercoaster, Indiana Jones, Lion King Safari and Lion King show.. Over our 6 day stay we made sure we did those things. Other than that we leisurely strolled through all of the parks, if they wanted to spend 20 minutes watching the fishes at EPCOT so be it. Our only PS were a few breakfast (one dinner the day we arrived). We snacked our way through the parks. Since the kids knew we would be back to WDW one day they didn't worry about seeing everything.
For the first time we had no melt downs. The low crowds and low temps in Jan helped a lot as well. We did concierge (40% off Value rate w/AP pass) so we knew there would always be a quick free snack when we went to the Hotel. We avoided sit down meals in and out of the parks. I did the shopping while DH took kids on rides. Bottom line if an activity could lead to a melt-down we skipped it.
Admittedly once we got home, the melt downs have returned but thats just normal family life for us.

 

[vicb]

Wow, lots of great advice on this thread!

Just wanted to add that each time my family travels together it all gets easier. Our first big vacation was to WDW 4 years ago, it was hard but fun. Each year the kids seem to understand a little more what a family vacation requires from them and as parents we learn from our mistakes. Our kids rarely melt down any more because we better anticipate their needs and when things don't go according to plan we clearly let them know why things aren't working out, what we will try to do and thank them for being so good. It actually works! My kids are now 10 and 7.

So to the original poster... don't give up, keep trying!

 

[twinmomplus2]

I think most adults if not for years of social conditionong would like to take a tantrum as well. We as a group had adults take major hissy fits last year on a particularly hot, mobbed day at Magic Kingdom. And it was alot less tolerable than when the kids do it. That being said Disney can be stressful, I travel with 4 all ages, 2 two year old twins, one 8, and one 16, We do tend to split up, but we also travel in a large group. Grandmothers, cousins, aunts etc...My feeling is laugh and walk it off, it's easier than crying......and better for the overall mood. If that doesn't work, We penalize with spending money, our kids carry Disney money for thier own purposes, so they can get a pop or an icecream without mom being a bank every few minutes.For example hit your sister in line? that will cost the 16 year old 5 dollars, The 8 year old it would cost 3 dollars, as he is younger and has less self control. As for the incessant whine brigade, a dollar for every time your voice hurts my ears. I do not hit so I have found the fine system to be pretty effective. Ps, The money goes in the kitty for the next trip, not in moms pocket. that way its even all around. Good Luck ,Lauren

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

Just a thought ...

If your children need some "down time" and you don't want to leave the park, go to one of the attractions where you can sit in a/c that they won't find too interesting. I'm thinking of the American Adventure in Epcot, or Hall of Presidents in MK. I know in the past, we've gone to those and the kids have taken a short nap!!!!

 

[Tiiiigergirl]

Oh this thread brought back some memories! When our DS was 7 we took him to WDW for the first time. I should also probably mention that he is autistic (high functioning). I'll never forget standing in the entrance plaza at Epcot while he screamed at the top of his lungs "I WANT A NEW FAMILY". I was looking around to see if we had any takers for the lil' darlin' or at least if the Baby Swap could mean something else in this case.

The next year I did not want a repeat. We did all of the other suggestions to minimize a meltdown but we also implemented a graduated time out plan. The first time out is in line – no talking. The second time out we have to leave the line. The third time out we have to leave the land or plaza. For example, if we are in Fantasyland we have to go to Main Street or if we are in The Land we have to exit that pavilion. Too bad Disney Studios did not make this one easier. The fourth time out is out of the park gates. The next one is back at the room with the option to return later. The last one is back at the room for the rest of the day. This may seem extreme but since we can blow through 1-4 in 10-15 minutes and then have him fine for the rest of the day it works for us. We have never had to reach the last level.

We started out with the attitude of it is a vacation so we can ease up but this just made our son nervous. He wants the same rules everywhere. But that is just my kid!

 

[sm4987]

My children know how to act when we are home, and I let them know before we went to Disney that I expected no less when we went. I also rewarded them for their good behavior while we were there. Only one time did my DS (6) act up at Disney, and after the trouble he got into, we didn't have another problem with him. DD (3) was great. No complaing, whining, or anything. I think that you should try to keep the same discipline at Disney that you have at home. They need to know that whether at home or Disney, you are still in control and that bad behavior will not be tolerated.

 

[NLK]

We had a meltdown with my DD 2 1/2 and my cousin 9 on our last day at Epcot. My DD wanted to be carried, she wouldn't walk and wouldn't go in her stroller. She stood and screamed, she didn't care that I started to walk away, she just wasn't moving. At this point the 9 year old started crying saying that she wanted to go home and she didn't wanted to be in DW anymore. You can just imagine the pain we and everyone around us were in. I gave in and carried my DD and took her to see some characters hoping this would take her mind off her crying. It seemed to calm her down but the 9 year old was still in a bad mood. Then we asked the 9 year old why she wanted to leave. She told us she didn't want to walk anymore. So we went and got her and my DD a double stroller. Wow! Heaven on earth!!!! What a difference in both of them. My DD wanted to sit in the stroller because her cousin was in it and the 9 year old was so happy because she didn't have to walk. They thought it was great, it was like their own ride and they had so much fun just sitting in it. Even when we went into stores they just stayed in the stroller playing patty cake or with their masks. Sometimes you just have to talk to them and find out what is wrong and if there is something that you can do within reason to help. We hadn't planned on renting a stroller but it was worth the $15. Sometimes you have to change things around to help them. My DD also loved the playareas, so before I was ready to leave I would give her a warning. I would tell her " You can go on the slide one more time and then we have to leave. Or we will be leaving in a few minutes so do you favorite thing" It seems to help get her out a lot easier. The thing is you must stick to your word. After they do their favorite thing you have to leave, otherwise they will take advantage of you and keep begging for more. Hope these help. Happy Travels

 

[heart4dis]

Great, reasonable, ideas here! Expectations are key. Our mental ability to handle crankiness (due to heat, tiredness, hunger, etc.) has a LOT to do with how we think the day is going. Remember, if we Dads or Moms have a hard day, we allow each other a little crankiness. In other words, we don't expect ourselves to be perfect all the time, and we overlook certain comments (especially during certain "times of the month!"). We can't expect perfection of our kids, either. So...1) Try to figure out what the underlying problem may be (tiredness, hunger, selfishness, or maybe they are even justified about being overlooked!). Address that issue if you can or split up to do it. 2) Give them some slack. If they are having an "off" day, allow them some chances and even overlook some minimal behavior. We use a "strike" system (like baseball). We assign a "strike" for inappropriate behavior (it has to be moderate to severe). When they reach 3 strikes, they're out and receive an appropriate punishment (loss of privileges, loss of allowance, extra chores, whatever). I use this in public quite a bit because I can calmly and quietly tell them "strike 1" instead of lecturing them or raising my voice.
Beyond that, the other ideas here are great!

 

[NicsMom1500]

I'm taking notes as I read through this thread!

Our son had just turned 2 on our first trip to WDW as parents and he was nearly 3 on our last trip. I had my itinerary all scheduled. I am a planning fanatic.

As all you parents already know, my schedule wasn't exactly followed! I forgot to put in several spins on Dumbo, my son's obsession with the characters and swimming pool.

On our first trip, he wouldn't sit in his stroller. He had to walk or be carried the entire time. I pushed that stroller everywhere and at least I could put our bags and jackets in it. Thankfully the grandparents were along to help but then they also let him get away with some behaviors that we wouldn't necessarily allow. Oh, well.

This stroller defiance really threw us off track. I tried to amuse myself with how ridiculous we must look carrying the kid and pushing the bags! Not to mention that my husband is a behavior specialist (yes for children) and even using all his years of education and work experience could not get our son in his stroller. Thankfully, on our second trip, he hopped right in the thing! Before our trip, I will admit that I took many outdoor walks in late November/early December pushing my son in the stroller and talking about the wonders of his stroller every second of our waking day!

On both trips, we did schedule afternoon breaks for naps. This helped all of us maintain our composure. While our son napped, we also took a rest. Or took turns going to the gift shop.

We also were sensitive to some of our son's sensory issues. He was 3 months premature and for a long time had a problem with any loud noises, even if coming from an adorable looking toy. So watching fireworks was just not possible for us.

Touring Disney as parents was completely different then touring as a couple.

I think what kept us going was the magic in our son's eyes. Maybe we can't have a romantic dinner alone, but I'll never forget taking my son down Main Street for the first time or our first night at Chef Mickey's with our son running up hug Mickey. This was my dream for him on the day he was born weighing only 2 pounds 13 ounces.

And yet even with all those magical moments, we were still frazzled when our son wouldn't sit well at meals! And this is a child, who sits for all his meals while at home. I'll admit to some rather embarrassing moments at meal times.

I think that what works for us is taking it slow(er) and really soaking up the magic rather than trying to dive right in to everything at once.

Keep sending great ideas!

 

[WhispyPixie]

I smile with delight while reading this post....

I have 4 children....16...11...11.. & 4....so we cover the entire gamet of ages here. Somethings we do..

1. We start an individual point game system called "CAUGHT BEING GOOD". They earn a point for each time they are caught begin exceptionally nice, kind or helpful! Our children amazingly scramble to be good, to be the first to clean up after we eat, to be the first to offer to give the 3 year old a piggy back ride when she gets tiredm the first to be accomadating when things dont always go our way. We tally the points each day and at the end of the trip, the 1st and runner up gets a small prize (the last trip it was a WDW trading pin)

2. We allow them to help plan each day, and then loving but FIRMLY remind them that this is what they chose to do, following through with the orignal plan.

3. We dont overplan, tour really fast and try to do more than what we think is tolerable for all ages. We very RARELY spilt up to meet the needs of each child's age. We are a family, we remind them of that and stick together. The four year old waits while the others ride Rockin Rollercoaster 3 times and the older ones ride It's A Small World several time, oooing and ahhing in support of the 4 year olds reactions. Helping it to be as special for her as it was for them.

4. Last but not least, we take time to laugh and smile at the things around us. We dont have to have the WDW park schedule to have fun, we make the fun IN the parks. The fun is enjoying your family in a magical setting. Remember YOU make the magic!!