Discipline tips? We lost control at WDW!

[VickiVM]

I've tried to read most posts all the way through (but impatient DH wants on the computer), so forgive me if this already has been mentioned. But when we're out with our three (3, 6 and 8), if one is misbehaving in a way that is disruptive to us and others, he/she gets taken out. Meaning that either myself or DH continues on with the other children and one of us stays back with the errant child, isolated from everyone else and the fun. They're told that as soon as they can gain control of themselves, then we can re-join the others. It may mean that we leave to go sit in the car while the others finish their meal in the restaurant, or we sit on a bench outside the store or if necessary, we simply go home. But these instances become fewer and far between because they know the consequences and more than anything, they hate to be isolated from the rest of the family.

But the meltdowns do happen and I guess we parents have to reckon with them because they're inevitable at their ages.

We have been planning our trip for almost a year now and we have been really working hard with our children about what is expected of them while on vacation. My middle child who has been prone to tantrums since day one is gaining more control of her emotions and now goes to her room when she's losing it and comes out a few moments later and apologizes to us. We've allowed her outbursts, but only in the solitude of her room. She's learning that she hates solitude!

To the original poster...I love your honesty. It's so refreshing to know that I'm not the only one who's buttons get pushed so easily by my children.

 

[SnowWitch]

First let me say the pool has been an issue with my kids since the first trip. They were both well-behaved toddlers who understood no means no and so on.... We have always had mid-day breaks. Even now with them 12 and 10. When they were younger naps were not optional they were manditory. The nap was rewarded with a visit to the pool and if everyone behaved then a late evening visit to the pool after returning from the parks.

That being said each child is different and only you know your kids and what will work for them. We have what we affectionately call a cement pond in our backyard and you would think they would careless about hotel pools but their kids and they love pools. But they must understand and I would expect a 10 yr old to understand it is a family vacation not just her vacation. And reward good behavior with extra pool time.

 

[pwoodham]

One more thought. I agree with those who have said you must set the boundaries and stick to them without compromise. The piece of advice I would add is to make the consequences something YOU can live with. Since we have 5, leaving the parks is not a practical option for us because I don't want one child to ruin the plans for the rest of them. (Although I admit to making use of the "everyone pays for your mistake" strategy here at home!). DH and I will have to decide ahead of time what an appropriate consequence will be, because if we don't, I'll start saying "Do you want to go back to the hotel?!?" with no intention of actually following through on the threat.
Our kids are 11,9,7,4 and 1. We've been to WDW four or five times with them (or however many we had at the time) and I only remember one instance when we returned to the room. We were on the 8th day of a 10 day vacation and my oldest DS was acting tired and cranky by about 10 am. He turned to me and said, "Mom, I just can't handle any more fun right now." He and I returned to our room, laid down, and watched TV until everyone else returned from the parks.

 

[jlb]

I remember our first trip to Disney my sister was seven years old, and she was horrible the first day and a half. Crying on the bus, yelling at my parents, and just miserable, not wanting to got to the parks...the whole 9 yards, So after breakfast the next morning she was still acting like this...my mother finally just asked what the problem was and she said that she really could not believe she was there and was afraid it was not real. After my mother explained to her that this was a vacation and it was real...too much hype before I guess. And that she was ruining her week at Disney and ours too, that she might as well enjoy it because we will be going home on Sunday no matter how she behaved, she straightened out.

It is overwhelming and kids talk about it to each other and there is a lot of stress, we still talk about her behavior and laugh about it now (she is 30).

 

[juliesue]

TAKE THE NAP!!!!!

Before our first trip to WDW, I read a guidebook with a section on taking kids to the park. It stressed that you need to get some down time every day or the parks will wear you out. We have always stayed on property so it was easy to go back and forth. I can't tell you what a difference this made for us.

Not only did the kids get a break and a change of pace, so did we. In fact, now that our kids are 8 and 5, I think we need the break more. This is their time in the pool, and we try to sneak in a nap for everyone too. When we come back into the park about 3:30 or so and are so refreshed and happy, we definitely notice all those other families that have just had it.

The only hard part of this plan is to actually make yourself leave the park. The key for me is the first time either my DH or I gets that yelling tone going. (I have even made us leave the park at 10:00 am because it is clear we still need more rest!)

I think a lot of the advice you got from the other posts was also very good. I am going to implement several of them myself, but we will keep taking breaks as long as I have any say in the plans.

 

[susy]

We only have one DS (4yo), but he can get out of control (like wanting to go back to the playgroud in AK all day)unless we set LIMITS!!!!!!!!!

We will be taking my niece and nephew in Nov and so far....

In the planning stage:
1. Talk with each kid (and adult) individually about what their expectations are.

2.Make a list of their must sees.

3. Have a meeting with everyone to discuss the trip. Tell them that everyone will do what everyone else wants to do without complaining. Unless, of course the ride is scary to some or there are other restrictions.

4. Talk about how every day there will be pool time/rest time, so there is NO NEED to nag mom and dad about the pool. Our son was constatnly saying "I want to go back to the hotel", until he understood that it was happening every day.

5. Set limits on playground time/ innoventions time,etc. Last trip I told my son we would play in the boneyard until daddy got back from getting our Safari FP. Then we would be leaving and not coming back to the boneyard. I spelled it out for him and he gave me no problem.

6. Take breaks . We get to the parks early, do all our must sees, then leave right after lunch-whether we are tired or not!

7. In dealing with kids (I teach preschool) I know that it is important to stop BEFORE a meltdown is even a thought! It takes a good 30 minutes at least to get out of the park and back to your room.

Setting limits beforehand, letting them know what is going to happen, and stopping to rest before you need it are all important preventive measures.

 

[elisebutt]

Just thought I'd add my thoughts for what their worth. I agree with what everyone here has said - good common-sense advice.
When we went in March(seems like a lifetime ago now!) I had made all these plans, on day 1 we will do this, this and this etc etc. By day 2 I had thrown the plan out the window.

My DH is blind and my eldest DS(7) has aspergers/ADHD/EBD,and the little DS was then only 22 months. I thought that by planning everything meticulously(sp) that I would avoid meltdowns etc - WRONG!! I found the best way for all of us to enjoy ourselves was by letting the holiday be child-led - controversial I know, but it worked. Out of 10 days on holiday, we actually only spent half in the parks and basically had one day on and on day off. My DH stayed with my DS by the pool on the off days and I took the little one off to go shopping. No-one got over stressed, we all took naps every day, I got my park and shopping fix and eldest DS was happy, he even tried Woodys rollercoaster - tame I know, but for a kid who hates anything new, amazing progress.

Mind you next time, will also be making PS's for lunchtime not breakfast - LOL - none of us are morning people!!

 

[eeyore0062]

Elisebutt, where is Woody's Rollercoaster? I know of Goofy's Barnstormer, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Space Mountain, and Rock n Rollercoaster. Am I missing a new attraction?

 

[elisebutt]

Sorry - I should have said - this is at the "other" park - USF.

 

[disneygals]

I have 3 girls, just turned 10, 8 and 6. We have been to Disney 5 times and have had other family vacations. What I try to remember is that even at home we usually have about 3 bad times a day, morning, lunch and the dreaded 5:00 ( I can set my watch by it). I just expect that and TRY to stay calm myself.

I am not strict about what my kids eat anyway, but on vacation, if they want an ice cream for lunch..go for it.

You are not alone, kids will be kids where ever they are.

Vivienne

 

[soluc]

We were in DW early June. My DD turned 5 in May and my DS just turned 3 this week. DD is a very "spirited" child and although we had each day planned, including mealtimes, we basically watched for signs of upcoming meltdowns and did everything to avoid them! For example, We never made it to Chef Mickeys for our PS because we knew if we went it would have been pure "hell"..
We canceled and rearranged alot of our ps's due to the children. We bought them mister-fans when the heat was unbearable (lifesavers!!!) and never pushed them beyond their limits!
You know your kids and you know when they are getting overloaded, overtired, etc.... Let them be your guide (so to say)..

Just my experience and Opinions..

 

[Lowe6]

OK Here's my version & it works every time. I tell my children ahead of time that they get 1 warning only ( if you give them 3 then they will wait to respond until 3). If they disobey or whatever the case may be they lose their favorite ride of the day or the next ride. My daughter still remembers how she was not allowed to ride the tea cups at WDW her first time there because I caught her trying to crowd & cut in front of other people.

This has worked every time but only because my kids are such ride lovers

Hopes this helps

 

[Debbie7452]

Wow,
I hadn't checked this thread in a while and there is a quite a bit of new (and good) advice. Just an update on our family. We have gone on two "family fun days" since the WDW vacation and they turned out wonderfully! We decided to do some local things so that we could come home immediately if there were any problems (even just in the car on the way there!). The kids really understood that we would not tolerate any misbehaivor. We all enjoyed ourselves and I think they learned that Mom and Dad are a lot more fun when they aren't mad! I have a lot of optimism about our next trip to WDW.

Thanks to all

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

I posted here earlier about warning my children of KinderCare in the hotel should they misbehave. We leave in one week, and my two (normally wonderful) children have turned into monsters! I am truly in a quandary: feel free to check out my thread "help! Children's behavior..." in this forum if you'd like to offer additional advice. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd consider this kind of punitive measure. They have NEVER acted so badly!

Lori

 

[susy]

I know I answered your other post, but here are some more ideas.

Have a trip meeting (have your mom come over).
Have a stuffed Mickey (or other doll) to pass around. Only the one holding it speaks.


You start.
--Tell them the intinerary. Everyone will get to do their favorites and ride others' favorites, without complaining. If you complain, your next favorite will be forfeited by you, while everyone else gets to ride (do baby swap).
--Tell them there will be pool time daily.
If they do "nag" about the pool: when you get to the pool, they will have to sit out 5 minutes before they can get in.

--Set limits for playgrounds,etc- 10 or 15 minutes. If you don't come when it's time to go: you will sit out the next playground for five minutes
These types of mini-timeouts along the way, will probably work better than all the yelling and threat of kindercare. You probably won't have to use them more than once.

Give everyone else a chance to speak. I think they will agree that the rules are fair.

My niece and nephew (13 and 15) just came back from a week long trip to Orlando with their younger cousins. They said there was SOOOOOOO much arguing between the little ones.

Maybe you and your kids will feel better after they know "exactly" what will happen if they don't behave. I think the threat of kindercare is too vague and they probably think you won't do it.

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

Great idea, Susy! My mother is coming over tomorrow, so that should be perfect. We made up detailed itineraries back in the fall and have talked about them as our plans became more solid, but it would be good to go over them and remind people that we will be skipping some things to hit our "must-sees" first (as we agreed). Penalties for nagging - yes! My mother doesn't care for rides, and will take a recalcitrant child to sit out a ride - I'm sure that would be pretty effective as well. I refuse to be one of those parents that screams at her children in public - there's no way I'd infringe on others' vacations that way. Given the way they typically behave, none of this should be an issue. I hope it goes smoothly and magically, but if not, I have a few more weapons in my arsenal. Thanks!

Lori

 

[Aubrey]

These are great ideas and very important to remember the effects of hunger, dehydration, anxiety, and over-stimulation on kids. I think no one mentioned my other strategy, I carry a bedsheet folded up small in my bag (along with the 2-way radios, snacks, etc) Since we stay offsite, we lay it in the shade for after-lunch naptime. If there are significant attitude problems at other times of the day, out comes the sheet for a mandatory 10 minute "nap". The kids understand that to mom, a bad attitude means "I'm tired". We make sure that even when we are frustrated, we remain matter of fact with the "tired" child and as long as they are reasonably pleasant and calm after their "nap" we continue our park activities. Sometimes it takes longer than 10 minutes for them to settle down but rarely more than 20. Make sure you enjoy people watching or bring something to read so that the cranky child is not the focus of your attention during the "nap". It is important that they know they can't command your attention through bad behavior. Our kids will generally pull themselves together once the sheet is mentioned.

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

This is a good thread to resurrect! Actually, my children did very well. It was very hot and humid - those mister fans were a lifesaver! Not only did they help keep us cool, but the novelty of them never wore off, so they provided an excellent diversion during the few times we had to wait in line.

The little guy (DS, 4) had one rough day, at Epcot. Even though he'd practically memorized the guidebooks and park maps and knew that there were few rides, he still struggled with some disappointment and boredom after being used to MK and MGM. The heat was pretty bad that day, too. By the time we'd made it to the American Adventure, we basically had a family meltdown! DD refused to take part in the fife and drum presentation, angering her US History teacher mom; DS refused to take another step past the pavilion unless it was to return to the hotel. I noticed that the Kidcot Funstop was in a cool, shady spot, so I dragged everyone over there and had them start a new mask. We spent a good half hour there, at least! The familiar activity of coloring calmed both kids down, and I found a cold drink for Grandma and myself. This in-park break helped us so much - the kids were so good on the second half of Epcot that afterward I rewarded them with a surprise boat trip to MGM and our first ride on the ToT.

I was very concerned that that bad day at Epcot would negatively color the kids' views of it, but they both say they want to go back. All in all, it was a wonderful vacation. It was nice to see this thread again and remember our time there - now, with the weather we've had this year, it makes me want to go back all the more!

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

I did not read ALL the posts, but each family is individual. If your children are well behaved at home and are just acting up on vacation, I think the ideas that Susy proposed will do the trick. I would definitely have a discussion BEFORE leaving home about expectations ... both for the parents and for the children. Also, prior to leaving the hotel each day, a review of what the day's activities will be.

Now, if you have one of those households that revolve around what the children want to do -- then you have a problem.

Anyway, what I would like to add is that we have always had a "down" day in between our days at the parks. A down day will be either going to the water parks (so you get to sleep in later and can relax and go at your own pace there) or a resort/pool day.

It doesn't matter whether or not we are at WDW, 2 or 3 days of constant over-stimulation is not good or fun for anybody, much less kids the ages of yours.

I've always tried to space out the highly-stimulating days with more relaxed ones on every family trip ... this has always worked well and my kids are now 17 & 18 (yes, they still enjoy going on trips with us!!!).

I noticed some people mentioned spending money. This is what I did when they were younger which kept us on track re our budget as well as stopped all the whining. At the beginning of the trip, they each got a set amount of money for spending on souveniers. If they chose to purchase an item of clothing, I would pay for 1/2 (e.g. T-shirt was $20, I'd pay an additional $10 and $10 would come from their money). Anyway, when we looked at some "stupid", expensive item, I'd say "Well, then you will only have "X" amount left. Are you sure this is what you want to spend your money on?" 9 times out of 10, they would choose to wait for a purchase until later in the trip.

We got a lot of enjoyment shopping and ended up with a lot less junk to take home.

Best of luck on future trips!

 

[susy]

Well, DH and I just came back from our first adults only trip. We didn't do any parks- just hung out at CSR, DTD, and the Poly for dinner.

When you don't have any kids with you, it's shocking to see how much you notice other people's kids! I never saw so many unhappy, cranky kids in my life! And that wasn't even at the parks! Are we just not noticing how "overstimulating WDW is to a child? Is it too much??? I am remembering how my son (age4) just burst into tears one morning at the AKL pool and said he wanted to go home. I had to carry him (he's so big) all the way back to the room. Thank God we were leaving that morning! I don't know that I, myslef, could stay there a week, since I've never done it. Lots of rest is important!!! I love the sheet idea!