Child-free, but not by choice?

[choirchic]

This is the beginning of my journey, so I felt like sharing...

I'm 30 and was on Depo Provera Birth Control Shots for over 7 years!!!
DH and I decided that we wanted to have kids so I made an appointment, talked to my docs, and then stopped my shots...
I went through a rough time coming off of it. It was almost like my body was in withdrawl!

I'm also battling some Thyroid/Pituitary issues and PCOS so I'm taking meds and trying VERY hard to lose weight!
(I've been told this will help with fertility)

It has taken almost a year, and a course of Provera to get my cycle back, but my docs think I'm finally starting to ovulate!

Fingers Crossed!
Thanks to everyone for posting their stories!
You're all such strong and inspirational women!

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I haven't read the last few pages, but I have been thinking about all of you an wondering how you are doing? Dh and I are doing well.

We FINALLY got mom's family here to collect their inherited pieces of furniture and we have torn the carpet out of most of the house, thank goodness the hardwoods look pretty good. We have all switched bedrooms and we have a little more space and finally got a decent bed.

I have been overly busy at work and sometimes helping out 2 other hospitals we have accts with. I am now back to only working 2 hospitals now and waiting for next weekend.

Mom and I are taking a long weekend and going to Disney for Labor Day, only staying 2 nights, but this is much needed. We havefinally finished all this going to court for wills and child support for my cousin, so we can breathe easily

Please stop by and let me know how you are doing?

Suzanne

 

[RCDisneyFan]

I'm also battling some Thyroid/Pituitary issues and PCOS so I'm taking meds and trying VERY hard to lose weight!
(I've been told this will help with fertility)

As one who has had thyroid issues and ovarian cysts (not PCOS, but I feel your pain!) I can't stress enough that you should be very clear and firm with your gyn. Thyroid issues and PCOS can both affect fertility and you should try to get a fertility work-up if you're not successful within 6 months.

We tried for about 8 months before I convinced my gyn to put me through a laparoscopy for endometriosis - and tube check whilst he was there.
Found out we'd been wasting our time for months because one tube was totally closed, the other swollen and twisted up and both ovaries covered in scar tissue (from the endo and the cysts.) That's all the kind of thing they can't feel in an exam, can't see on an x-ray, can't tell from bloodwork and can't even validate 100% with a HSG.

All that said - Good Luck, I'm pulling for you!

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi all, I see you haven't dropped by since my last post, but since you were so wonderful for me, I just wanted to let you know that my mom passed away this morning.

Suzanne

 

[aclov]

Hi all, I see you haven't dropped by since my last post, but since you were so wonderful for me, I just wanted to let you know that my mom passed away this morning.

Suzanne

I haven't posted here in a while or on the other childless thread but just wanted to express my deepest sympathy on your loss. I'm so sorry.

 

[hematite153]

Oh Suzanne! I just read the post about the labour day trip and was planning to celebrate that and then I saw the next post.

I'm so sorry, I know that you were very close and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Let us know if there's anything we can do from a distance.

 

[want2bamommy]

Hi all, I see you haven't dropped by since my last post, but since you were so wonderful for me, I just wanted to let you know that my mom passed away this morning.

Suzanne

Oh Suzanne I am so sorry to hear that!!! I haven't been on the boards since last December since our last trip. My hugs and prayers to you and your family!!
Missie

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Oh Suzanne I am so sorry to hear that!!! I haven't been on the boards since last December since our last trip. My hugs and prayers to you and your family!!
Missie

Hi Missie, How are you doing?

I have had a difficult time here recently. DH took me to WDW 2 weeks ago, and it was so surreal. Mom would have had a great time. I did ALOT of crying, as she loved WDW so much. We really need those hugs right now.

Suzanne

 

[want2bamommy]

Hi Missie, How are you doing?

I have had a difficult time here recently. DH took me to WDW 2 weeks ago, and it was so surreal. Mom would have had a great time. I did ALOT of crying, as she loved WDW so much. We really need those hugs right now.

Suzanne

Hi, Suzzanne! I am sending your more (((((HUGS)))))!! I can only imagine that it was hard while you were at DW!

I am doing well. I had my Roux-en-y (Gastric Bypass) surgery 6 weeks ago tomorrow. I've already seen a difference in my cycles which is a good sign. I can't TTC for 17 more months and the timing actually works out pretty well as DH is set to leave for Afghanistan in late December. So when he comes home a year later we'll be ready to go! I feel confident about it and will just stay positive!

3 weeks from Friday my parents, sister and her family and I are going on a cruise to the Caribbean. I can't wait! Unfortunately Mark isn't able to go. He missed the dates by literally a few days. I've been on 2 vacations with his family in the past (without him...including Disney) so I'm happy that I am going with my family. My niece will bunk with me so I won't be terribly alone, lol. She is 7 years old.

I'm definitely going to try and keep up on this thread now! My sister and I'd like to go to DW next November for 3 nights for ABC's Super Soap Weekend. We were going to go this year since Mark was supposed to be deployed but then changed it to the cruise, lol.

My prayers will be with you!
Missie

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

Hi everyone:

I'm so glad that I found this thread.

Here is my story. My dh and I got married early enough. I was 23 and he was 26. (Honeymooned at Disney) Early on, it seemed like we never had enough money and managed to get in over our head in credit card debt. As unwise as that was, we were responsible enough to NOT get pregnant. By the time I hit 30, things had gotten a lot better and I was able to start focusing on my career. I still had time. At 33, we decided that maybe it was a good idea for me to get off the pill. It still wasn't a great time, but we were happy to let nature take care of itself.

I have never been regular, so we felt like it might not happen right off. No kidding. I waited about 4 years and finally went to an ob/gyn that specialized in fertility. After running bloodwork and asking for a HSG and a sperm sample, the Dr. put me on glucophage. The periods became much more normal. Dh had refused to do the sperm test and I then refused to have the HSG. I let another 2 years slip by. I finally went back at age 39 and had the HSG, and DH had his test too. (It took me 2 years to talk dh into the test and the lab lost it!!!) Anyway, he grumbled and did it again.

Anyway, dh has a problem. We have a follow up exam with the OB/GYN on November 3rd. Hubby has been referred to a urologist and doesn't want to go. He told me that he doesn't want children. We've been married for 16 1/2 years and DH told me last week that he don't want kids. (WHAT?) We've had names, ok a name picked out for years!! {Sarah Ashton} I'm devastated. I have psyched myself up that I would go through whatever procedure was needed.

Deep down I knew his feelings. I was in tears when I got the phone call with a referral for my husband. I thought to myself...anything but that.

Anyway, he don't want kids. He's in the driver's seat, and I can't do anything about it. I know its probably for the best, but it sure does hurt.

I'd appreciate any advice and a

 

[hematite153]

Missie--good to see you back. I'm glad to hear that your surgery went well and that your timelines all look like they're falling into place. Enjoy the Caribbean. We've been there twice (on cruises) and it's fabulous.

Suzanne--I'm glad you made it to wdw and found a way to mix the fun and the tears. I'm sure it's been a rough adjustment creating a life without your mother. What's happened with your Niece? Didn't your mother have custody? Is she doing okay?

Apprentice--That's a rough story; thanks for sharing it. I can see how you'd feel like you knew deep down given the struggle involved in getting your DH to go for the SA. Given your age you likely don't have a lot of time to figure this out, but, you do have enough time to engage the issue rather than giving up. Can you find a therapist/counselor/etc. that you could both see for awhile to discuss your viewpoints, desires, needs. Can you identify why you want kids and why your DH doesn't? I mean, if the issue was his SA then you do have several options. TESE seems to have improved significantly in recent years and there are probably options available now that wouldn't have been available a couple of years ago. You could use donor sperm (anonymous, or, from a relative). You could adopt. You could foster. For some people they get an "I don't want kids if I can't have my own" attitude. Is this what he's saying? Because if it is, then I can tell you that there is a lot that can be done medically to try to have a biological child. Also, it's a phrase that really seems to have missed the point since once you have a child it will be your own. There's a book a friend gave me called "Child of my Heart" that has brief vignettes of adoption and the strong bond that can be formed between parent and child. Good luck! Feel free to use this thread for support.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

Missie--good to see you back. I'm glad to hear that your surgery went well and that your timelines all look like they're falling into place. Enjoy the Caribbean. We've been there twice (on cruises) and it's fabulous.

Suzanne--I'm glad you made it to wdw and found a way to mix the fun and the tears. I'm sure it's been a rough adjustment creating a life without your mother. What's happened with your Niece? Didn't your mother have custody? Is she doing okay?

Apprentice--That's a rough story; thanks for sharing it. I can see how you'd feel like you knew deep down given the struggle involved in getting your DH to go for the SA. Given your age you likely don't have a lot of time to figure this out, but, you do have enough time to engage the issue rather than giving up. Can you find a therapist/counselor/etc. that you could both see for awhile to discuss your viewpoints, desires, needs. Can you identify why you want kids and why your DH doesn't? I mean, if the issue was his SA then you do have several options. TESE seems to have improved significantly in recent years and there are probably options available now that wouldn't have been available a couple of years ago. You could use donor sperm (anonymous, or, from a relative). You could adopt. You could foster. For some people they get an "I don't want kids if I can't have my own" attitude. Is this what he's saying? Because if it is, then I can tell you that there is a lot that can be done medically to try to have a biological child. Also, it's a phrase that really seems to have missed the point since once you have a child it will be your own. There's a book a friend gave me called "Child of my Heart" that has brief vignettes of adoption and the strong bond that can be formed between parent and child. Good luck! Feel free to use this thread for support.

Thank you hematite.

Dh gave me two reasons why he said he didn't want kids. The #1 reason he said is that his Dad was always a real jerk to him, and always let him know that he was a worthless piece of ____, and that he feared that he would be the same way. Yes, his Dad is really like that, but I really, really don't think my husband would ever be like that. My dh can be judgmental but it is never towards me and is never cruel. He is very warm and affectionate. Matter of fact, I believe he is one of the more warm, caring, compassionate, and helpful mates that a woman could have. The #2 reason he said is that he has seen how my niece and nephews have turned out and believes that our kids would be just as spoiled, and naughty as they are. Ouch! He was telling me the truth, and we have privately discussed my sister's kids before.

I think there is still hope in getting him to come around. He doesn't want me to get back on the pill. I had an upcoming appointment, so I asked if that is what he wanted, and he said no. It's like he is contented with God's will. Of course, I gave the story about the man that refused to be rescued by saying the Lord will provide. The Lord has provided us with all of these nifty treatments. Let's try one, or two, or twenty. I've also told him that I believe that IF he is so aware of the effects a hurtful parent will have on a child that he will be LESS likely to treat a child badly and foster poor self esteem. As for my niece and nephews, they are pretty good kids, but I am pretty sure that dh and I would do some things differently.

By the way, I'm new to this...What is TESE?

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi Mickey's Apprentince, I don't really have any advice for you, but I wanted to say hi neighbor. We are only about 1 hour west of you in Phenix City, AL.

Dh and I have decided we are content without children. I have had to pick up responsibility of a 17 year old since my mom passed away in August and boy is that an awakening.

Hematite, my 17 year old cousin is still living with me and I am going tomorrow to file papers with the court to try to get custody switched over to me, or me and her sister. Her father called her after her sister called him to let him know my mom had died and he told her my mom got what she deserved. I think he called her back a few days later, but we haven't heard from him since and that was 6 weeks ago. He has only called her maybe 6 times since December and hasn't seen her at all. She went to his house at Christmas and he and his wife weren't nice to her. She has been acting out and giving me and her sister a hard time, but we are working on that.

I am having a hard time adjusting on top of everything else that is going on. I am having a huge isse with loneliness. I have attached myself to DH and am holding on tight, but since I work at night, I don't get to see him much, except on the weekend. He has been great for the most part.

Suzanne

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

Hi Mickey's Apprentince, I don't really have any advice for you, but I wanted to say hi neighbor. We are only about 1 hour west of you in Phenix City, AL.

Dh and I have decided we are content without children. I have had to pick up responsibility of a 17 year old since my mom passed away in August and boy is that an awakening.

Hematite, my 17 year old cousin is still living with me and I am going tomorrow to file papers with the court to try to get custody switched over to me, or me and her sister. Her father called her after her sister called him to let him know my mom had died and he told her my mom got what she deserved. I think he called her back a few days later, but we haven't heard from him since and that was 6 weeks ago. He has only called her maybe 6 times since December and hasn't seen her at all. She went to his house at Christmas and he and his wife weren't nice to her. She has been acting out and giving me and her sister a hard time, but we are working on that.

I am having a hard time adjusting on top of everything else that is going on. I am having a huge isse with loneliness. I have attached myself to DH and am holding on tight, but since I work at night, I don't get to see him much, except on the weekend. He has been great for the most part.

Suzanne

Hi Princess Suzanne!

Its good to hear from Phenix City. I used to go through there occassionally on business in Columbus.

I hope everything works out with your cousin.

How do you usually go to Disney from PC?

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi Princess Suzanne!

Its good to hear from Phenix City. I used to go through there occassionally on business in Columbus.

I hope everything works out with your cousin.

How do you usually go to Disney from PC?

We go thru Columbus, Ft Benning, to Albany, to Tifton and get on I-75 there. On our first 2 trips, we went thru Dothan and got on I10 to I75 and that added several hours. On our 2nd trip, we decided to take the other route home and it was much shorter, so we go that way now. I don't like riding in the car for long distances, but can manage this route much better.

I actually work in Columbus.

Suzanne

 

[natsiswdw]

We go thru Columbus, Ft Benning, to Albany, to Tifton and get on I-75 there. On our first 2 trips, we went thru Dothan and got on I10 to I75 and that added several hours. On our 2nd trip, we decided to take the other route home and it was much shorter, so we go that way now. I don't like riding in the car for long distances, but can manage this route much better.

I actually work in Columbus.

Suzanne

My mom lives in Columbus and they were thinking of going to Disney because she see's the love that my DH and I have for it!!! I was wondering about how long of a drive is it for you??

 

[natsiswdw]

I am also happy to have found this thread!! We are going to Disney in Dec. for hopefully our last time with out kids!! My doctor proscribed me Clomid (I don't know how to spell it) so hopefully I just have a hormonal problem and that will be it. I knew I would have a hard time because all of last year (2007) I didn't have a period. It would just be spotting every once and while. The doctor put me on birth control to hopefully regulate me for 3 months. I had my period while on birth control but as soon as I went off of it I went 65 days without my it. Like I said I am hoping that it will be an easy fix. Has anyone tried Clomid?

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

I am also happy to have found this thread!! We are going to Disney in Dec. for hopefully our last time with out kids!! My doctor proscribed me Clomid (I don't know how to spell it) so hopefully I just have a hormonal problem and that will be it. I knew I would have a hard time because all of last year (2007) I didn't have a period. It would just be spotting every once and while. The doctor put me on birth control to hopefully regulate me for 3 months. I had my period while on birth control but as soon as I went off of it I went 65 days without my it. Like I said I am hoping that it will be an easy fix. Has anyone tried Clomid?

I'm hoping that my doctor will put me on Clomid when I go back in November. That was the original plan until we got hubbies sperm analysis back. I think the Dr. won't put me on Clomid until we get hubby squared away.

I've also had irregular periods. Glucophage has been very helpful. I've gone from 1 to 2 periods per year to 8-10 per year. I still miss some months but not very often, and never go more than 2.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

My mom lives in Columbus and they were thinking of going to Disney because she see's the love that my DH and I have for it!!! I was wondering about how long of a drive is it for you??

About 6 to 6.5 hours, depending on how many times we stop, which usually isn't many. The construction in Valdosta slows things down a bit, but once it is completed, it probably won't take as long.

Suzanne

 

[Nennie]

Hello All!!

So glad to see this thread nice and active again. I think of you all often!! I'm still doing well, and would be happy to talk about it more via PM if anyone is interested. In the meantime, lets talk about all of you!!

Suzanne -- I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I hope that things work out with guardianship of your cousin. You are such a kind and generous person to take on this responsiblity!!!

Natsiswdw -- Hello and Welcome!! Best of luck with the Clomid! I will warn you that it will make you moody, but of course will all be worth it if it does the trick for you!! Will you be combining the Clomid with an IUI??? I would definitely recommend it if the doctor is on board!

Apprentice -- GL with DH's treatment, and I hope that he will go through with whatever needs to be done. As Hematite said, there are many options, and I think that through counseling maybe you could both agree as to which options you are both willing to try? Best of luck to you!!

Want2bamommy -- Congrats on the surgery!!!!!!!!!!! Fingers crossed that you get great results!!!! So glad you have something so positive in your life, that will make the TTC break worth it!!!! Please keep us posted on your progress!!!

Hematite -- I hope are you doing well!! What is the latest with you???