Child-free, but not by choice?

[want2bamommy]

Hi, everyone! I see there haven't been any posts for a few months now. Mark just deployed again and Disney is offfering a deal that we CANNOT pass up so it looks like we will be going when Mark gets his 2 weeks vacation. We aren't sure when it will be so we'll be booking last minute. I would LOVE to stay at the Animal Kingdom Lodge (especially the Savannah view) but I doubt it will be available at the last minute. We thought he'd be getting his 2 weeks around mid October but now it might be at the end of August. So we'll see....I was excited about October for the Not So Scary Halloween party but August would be great because we'll bring our niece who will have just turned 8 years old.

You may remember that I had Gastric Bypass in August. It is going so well for me....I am down 96 pounds and guess what? I just had my first 28 day cycle in YEARS! I am temping my BBT again for the whole year that Mark is gone so that I can see how the loss is affecting my body (for the better, hopefully).

I hope everyone is well!!!

Missie

 

[Debbs]

Hi Suzanne,
So sorry to hear about your mom.. great big hugss! Its debbie from before, I had to make a new ID because I cant remember my old password and we changed our internet provider so I cant even get them to email it to me lol.

I hope things are going well with you otherwise!

Nice to see a familiar name on here!

Take Care,
Debbie

 

[hematite153]

Hey there Missy!

That's fabulous weight-loss progress! I assume, from what you said earlier, that you aren't really supposed to try getting pregnant during the next year, so, the timing of the deployment isn't a problem (on the TTC front). Is this correct? I'm asking because if it is problematic, you could consider having your DH donate so that you can freeze samples to use for a couple of IUIs.

I've now had 3 IVF failures despite being told that I had good quality embryos. We transferred embryos from my eggs to my DW during the 3rd one and she got pregnant, but, miscarried.

We're moving to foster care as our primary focus while still hoping to try a couple of last TTC hopes at a slower, less intense pace. We're also still considering private adoption, but, given the costs of that it will take us awhile to make the decision.

 

[disneybridetobe]

I am also happy to have found this thread!! We are going to Disney in Dec. for hopefully our last time with out kids!! My doctor proscribed me Clomid (I don't know how to spell it) so hopefully I just have a hormonal problem and that will be it. I knew I would have a hard time because all of last year (2007) I didn't have a period. It would just be spotting every once and while. The doctor put me on birth control to hopefully regulate me for 3 months. I had my period while on birth control but as soon as I went off of it I went 65 days without my it. Like I said I am hoping that it will be an easy fix. Has anyone tried Clomid?

Hi! I'm new to this thread... have one DD, born at 35 weeks, horrid pregnancy. Then diagnosed with PCOS after many 50-100 day cycles and 1 year of TTC. Took Clomid in november, then had m/c on Christmas. I just finished my 2nd round of Clomid today. I didn't get any side effects, but many women do. But, it's got a pretty decent success rate. I'm hoping for the best. Worth a shot to ask your Dr about it, worst he can say is no and tell you why. Have you looked into PCOS?

 

[disneybridetobe]

You may remember that I had Gastric Bypass in August. It is going so well for me....I am down 96 pounds and guess what? I just had my first 28 day cycle in YEARS! I am temping my BBT again for the whole year that Mark is gone so that I can see how the loss is affecting my body (for the better, hopefully).

I hope everyone is well!!!

Missie

I don't really know you, but that is SUPER that you had a 28 day cycle!! Woooohooo!! What I'd give for one of those!

Congrats on your weight loss, too!!

 

[Nennie]

Hi Ladies!!! Anyone have any fun plans for the game tonight? We'll just be watching at home (paying more attention to the commercials than to the game of course) and checking our boxes in our office pools! LOL!!!

Missie -- CONGRATS on the weightloss!!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!! I am so very proud of you, and so happy to hear of your success. Great news about your cycles regulating as well!! I saw the great deals they are giving military families, so I'm glad you'll be able to take advantage of it!!!

Debbie -- LOL about forgetting your password! I've done that too on other sites.

Hematite -- Best of luck with fostering!!! Have you started the classes yet? I hear ya on the cost of adoption...which of course makes we want to strangle the people who say things like "Why don't you just adopt?" like it's so easy and cheap. Best wishes on your less intense TTCing regimen!!!


So who has some fun Disney trips coming up????? We are doing a long weekend in May, and then going for a week in Sept (staying in a Grand Villa, which I've never done before. Woo Hoo!).

 

[Debbs]

Nennie - I tried every possible password I had ever used and nothing would work. I have no clue what I had used lol. oh well..

I'm planning a trip with just dont know when yet. I'm thinking either, March 5-12, april 2-9 or may 14 -19. It'll just be me and the kids.. dh doesnt want to go, we spent 2 weeks there for christmas 2007 and that was too much for him lol Any advice on which week would be best. I was thinking of taking them the 2nd last week of August but was told that was a bad time to go.

Have a great day everone!

 

[hematite153]

We are just in the early stages for fostering. We've been to the info session and have the beginning paperwork. I suspect we'll get this first paperwork done and submitted within 2 weeks and then we've been told that we'll have a case worker within 2 weeks of that and be signed up for classes.

We decided to sneak in a trip to wdw in March. We've been having a tough time and needed something that we could be looking forward to. We're DVC members and we decided to rent most of this year's points to pay for a trip (transport & tickets) and use a small number of them for a Sun-Thurs stay for us.

 

[Josh125]

Hello,

Well, I think I might be the only guy in this thread but thought I might share me and my DW's story. It's a bittersweet one. In fact the definition of bittersweet.

About a month before we were to be married, 3 years ago this coming May, DW began having massive headaches and loss of funtion in her legs. We go to the docs and find out she had an orange sized tumor in her brain. At the time she was 26, a bit much for us both to take. She had surgery to resect the tumor then underwent 20 sessions of radiation. Since the tumor had spread to the sacks in the brain that hold a common fluid that is shared with the spine, her entire head and body had to go under radiation.

The radiation left her in POV, which 3 docs here in Houston have confirmed. So she is alive and 2 1/2 years cancer free but we are unable to have children. We essentially have two options, egg donation and adoption and each have their problems. Donation is very costly and only has a ~66% percent chance of working and adoption is going to be an issue with her cancer so recent. We have just decided to wait a few years and think about it again. I honestly don't feel like my life is incomplete, however she does want children. So, here were are and now you know our story!

 

[hematite153]

Josh -- Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. (There have actually been a few guys here over the years, but, I think you might be right that the others have moved on.)

I'm really glad to hear that your DW survived treatment and continues to be cancer-free. If you're thinking about adoption there are probably a couple of international options that would be less concerned about the recency of her cancer treatment. (I.e. countries that allow single men to adopt.) There's also a lot more flexibility than most people realize in terms of state fostering and adoptions...you may find that inquiries in that direction could lead to parenthood.

Stick around and join in our conversations. If you look through the full thread you'll see that we tend to talk in waves, but, it's a difficult topic to engage in daily.

 

[want2bamommy]

Hey there Missy!

That's fabulous weight-loss progress! I assume, from what you said earlier, that you aren't really supposed to try getting pregnant during the next year, so, the timing of the deployment isn't a problem (on the TTC front). Is this correct? I'm asking because if it is problematic, you could consider having your DH donate so that you can freeze samples to use for a couple of IUIs.

I've now had 3 IVF failures despite being told that I had good quality embryos. We transferred embryos from my eggs to my DW during the 3rd one and she got pregnant, but, miscarried.

We're moving to foster care as our primary focus while still hoping to try a couple of last TTC hopes at a slower, less intense pace. We're also still considering private adoption, but, given the costs of that it will take us awhile to make the decision.

Thanks! You are right that we need to wait to TTC for the next year so the timing was a BLESSING for Mark's deployment. Though we have frozen his sperm about 3 years ago in the event that something happened to him while he's deployed.

I am so sorry to hear about the m.c! (((((HUGS))))) to you both! A good friend of mine did 3 rounds of IVF with ICSI and the 3rd chance she became pregnant but it was an ectopic pregnancy. It was so hard to hear that....they were on a rollercoaster of emotions as I'm sure you were. First getting that BFP and then the sad news of the MC. My friends issue is Male Factor Infertility so they just did a round of IUI with Donor sperm and she is pregnant. I am so happy for them but I pray everyday that this bean sticks.

How wonderful that you are becoming foster parents!! It is something that Mark and I have discussed and would like to seriously think about pursuing in the future.

I understand about the Private Adoption too. My hubby is adopted (from Columbia) and we will just never afford to do that. I had a friend that I've now lost contact with and she adopted her son from Guatamala about 2 years ago. It was very costly too.....but if you can afford it that is great.

Take care!!
Missie

 

[want2bamommy]

Hi! I'm new to this thread... have one DD, born at 35 weeks, horrid pregnancy. Then diagnosed with PCOS after many 50-100 day cycles and 1 year of TTC. Took Clomid in november, then had m/c on Christmas. I just finished my 2nd round of Clomid today. I didn't get any side effects, but many women do. But, it's got a pretty decent success rate. I'm hoping for the best. Worth a shot to ask your Dr about it, worst he can say is no and tell you why. Have you looked into PCOS?

Hi, Disneybridetobe! Welcome to the board! I'm so sorry that you had a m/c on Christmas. (((((HUGS))))) to you! I too have PCOS and have had my share of those darn long cycles (106 days was my longest) and not knowing if I really ovulated or not.

Good luck this cycle!

Missie

 

[want2bamommy]

I don't really know you, but that is SUPER that you had a 28 day cycle!! Woooohooo!! What I'd give for one of those!

Congrats on your weight loss, too!!

Thanks so much! I'm definitely celebrating it!! I started charting again and my temps are higher than they've ever been....hoping this means good news when we can TTC again in January 2010!!
Missie

 

[want2bamommy]

Hi Ladies!!! Anyone have any fun plans for the game tonight? We'll just be watching at home (paying more attention to the commercials than to the game of course) and checking our boxes in our office pools! LOL!!!

Missie -- CONGRATS on the weightloss!!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!! I am so very proud of you, and so happy to hear of your success. Great news about your cycles regulating as well!! I saw the great deals they are giving military families, so I'm glad you'll be able to take advantage of it!!!

Debbie -- LOL about forgetting your password! I've done that too on other sites.

Hematite -- Best of luck with fostering!!! Have you started the classes yet? I hear ya on the cost of adoption...which of course makes we want to strangle the people who say things like "Why don't you just adopt?" like it's so easy and cheap. Best wishes on your less intense TTCing regimen!!!


So who has some fun Disney trips coming up????? We are doing a long weekend in May, and then going for a week in Sept (staying in a Grand Villa, which I've never done before. Woo Hoo!).

Hi, Nennie! Did you have any luck with the boxes? I had two boxes but no wins, lol. My Sister's FIL won $2,500 for the final score though!! Awesome!

Thanks for the WLS support! It feels amazing to me every single day. We are definitely taking advantage of Disney's GREAT offer!! Turns out that the latest news is Mark's leave will be in July. We are a bit disappointed but we will definitely take our niece with us since school will be out. It will be pretty neat to go with her!

Yay for 2 upcoming Disney trips for you!! I'm so jealous, lol.

Missie

 

[want2bamommy]

Hello,

Well, I think I might be the only guy in this thread but thought I might share me and my DW's story. It's a bittersweet one. In fact the definition of bittersweet.

About a month before we were to be married, 3 years ago this coming May, DW began having massive headaches and loss of funtion in her legs. We go to the docs and find out she had an orange sized tumor in her brain. At the time she was 26, a bit much for us both to take. She had surgery to resect the tumor then underwent 20 sessions of radiation. Since the tumor had spread to the sacks in the brain that hold a common fluid that is shared with the spine, her entire head and body had to go under radiation.

The radiation left her in POV, which 3 docs here in Houston have confirmed. So she is alive and 2 1/2 years cancer free but we are unable to have children. We essentially have two options, egg donation and adoption and each have their problems. Donation is very costly and only has a ~66% percent chance of working and adoption is going to be an issue with her cancer so recent. We have just decided to wait a few years and think about it again. I honestly don't feel like my life is incomplete, however she does want children. So, here were are and now you know our story!

Hi, Josh! Welcome to the thread. I am happy to hear that your wife is Cancer free and has been for 2 1/2 years. I understand that both donation and adoption have their own problems. I think that taking a couple of years to decide how you want to procede is a great idea.

I didn't think I'd every say this but lately I feel that if I don't get pregnant I might be ok. Dh on the other hand is adament that we must have at least one child. We've been married for over 12 years now and I just feel that we love each other so much and yes I suppose a part of me feels incomplete since I'm not a Mom but I might have to accept that it won't happen.

I wish you and your DW happiness and peace!

Missie

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hey guys, So good to hear from ya'll.

Debbie, believe it or not, I was just thinking about you recently, how funny. I was wondering where you had been. I have missed all your infinite wisdom. Losing mom was the hardest, lowest point in my life, but I have picked myself up and am trying really hard to be there for the rest of my family, I had to choose them, even thought I wanted to be with her (I would never take my own life, but did think I had reached a low enough that I was going to die anyway, naturally)

Missie, so good to hear from you, so glad the weight loss is going great. Wish I had the nerve and the money to do something, I really need to lose some weight just because I need to. I don't know about you, but Dh and I didn't enjoy the AKL much. We were there for 9 day in Dec 08 and we won't stay there again. I gave it a second chance from last Dec, but it just wasn't for us. I was able to get a great pool view last minute, so you might be able to get that Savanna View

Hematitie, Sorry about the loses,I know that is hard. Dh and I had considered foster again or a while, but ya know we are really enjoying being a childles couple and we sure are having some fun I don't know if I will consider TTC, adoption, or fostering again or not. I do have custody of my now 18 year old cousin and she is a challenge. She is a senior this year and boy is it expensive. I will be glad when she graduates in May.

Nennie, How are you? I am not a football person. DH changed over to look at the score, and I gave the evil eye until he changed it to something else. Of coures, Dh and I already have 2 trips booked for this year and was discussing a third over the weekend. We are taking advantage of the 4/3 deal for my birthday in June, the 6-13th at POFQ and We booked a Bounceback free dining in Sept , right now 20-26, but will have to change that to the 23-26 when some other openings come avail. We also want to go back for our Annual Anniversary/Christmas trip in Dec.

Disneybride, sorry for your loss. I haven't even been able to conceive much less experience a loss. More than likely I have PCOS, but can't deal with the effects of the Glucophage. I have done medicaited cycles with Clomid and IUI cycles with Clomid and an injectible and never even ovulated, even with the trigger shot. Dh and I have given up amd moved on. I think probably the best thing I have ever done. My mom, my best friend passed away in Aug and I went through a low point because I wasn't able to give her a grandchild. My Dh stood strong by me and pulled me through this low point and we are like a newly married couple. I do have custody of my cousin who my mom had custody of and it is like having a child of my own and not as fun and I had imagined. I practically raised this girl from the time she was born until her mom passed away when she was 5 and then her father took her away from me and she has only been back in my life for a few years and mom took her away from her father last year and now I have her. She is a good girl, just a teenager.

Josh, glad to have you here. Sorry about your wife, but glad she has a great outlook for life. I know a women that went through breast cancer in her 40's and still had a baby afterwards and she is a beautiful 15 year old, if I remember correctly. So don't give up hope just yet. Sounds like you are still young, so keep fighting the good fight. I am almost 36 so I am nearing the end of the journey to parenthood and I believe I am just too selfish to have a child now.

My cousin's 10 year old told me she wouldn't let me have a baby, she is my baby and she meant it, too She isn't kidding and reminds me as often as possible that she isn't kidding. I took her and her mom, brother , sister, and aunt to WDW in Dec 2008 and we had a great time, sure missed mom, she was really looking forward to taking the 2 little ones for their first trip. I really thought about her alot and did alot of crying. the 10 year old and I did a balloon release on our last night and both cried in front of the Christmas tree on Main Street, in honor of mom. I plan on doing something special on each trip to remember her special place.

Well, I better get to work.

Suzanne

 

[Debbs]

Suzanne, I'm so sorry I wasnt here for you when your mom passed away. The biggest of hugs that I can possibly give you this way. I know exactly how you feel as I lost my mom years ago at a very young age. She was 53, I was 29. The days are hard.. but you have your memories and they will never leave you. Even after all these years I still cry almost on a daily basis. My mom and I were very close like you and yours. Just remember that she is ALWAYS with you and watching down on you all the time. Don't be afraid to still have talks with her. I still do it. I know she is listening and no matter what any one tells you.. Its your time with her.
Hugsss my friend!

 

[Debbs]

For the new people that have joined.. my earlier posts, near the beginning of the file, give everyone hope that have tried to get pregnant and havent been blessed as of yet. My DH and I also went thru the fertility pills, double clomid, double hormone for years, nothing happened. Went to do IVF and were told by 3 specialists we're sorry you'll never have children. Well you cant always believe a dr. You believe in your faith and pray that it will someday happen to you. The happy ending of this story is.. after being devastated by the news we'd never have children we gave up and destined our lives to living on our own. Well, after years of non working fertility, we got pregnant, to this day they dont know how.. along came our beautiful little girl. (who is 16 now) and low and behold.. 7 yrs after her.. came her brother.. another baffling time for the drs.. quote( we have no idea how you got pregnant) he is now 9.. so my words for you are.. never give up hope! you never know what some greater power has instore for you!

good luck to all of you trying and my thoughts n prayers go out to each and every one of you!

 

[Golden Rose]

Nice to see another round of posts here. It is really great to be able to check in and see how people are doing.

We're giving up entirely on all fertility treatments and on having any more children genetically related to us. It has been an emotional journey, but I'm sort of at peace with our decision.

On the bright side, I have seven friends who have struggled with infertility issues... one has recently had twins, two are expecting twins, and one is expecting triplets, so I promise you, ladies, there is definitely hope if one can afford the sometimes exorbitant costs of medical assistance. (Not one of them is a happy "got pregnant accidentally" story; one used IVF, one used IUI, one used IVF with donor eggs and sperm, and one used a surrogate to carry her embryos. Oh, I say that, but I did have another friend struggle with secondary infertility for seven years, then suddenly get pregnant.) It is very, very strange to have so many friends suffering with infertility at once. I guess it is partially a factor of our age - we're all between 35 and 45- but it certainly is strange that I know so many families struggling. These are not people I met because of my infertility issues, these are women I have been friends with for years and years. I am truly, deeply happy for my friends that have been successful in their attempts to have children. I can't help being just a touch envious when I see so many of my friends either pregnant or "enjoying" new babies, even though I know how hard they worked for those pregnancies.

We've decided that we are going to try to adopt domestically. We've found two agencies that we think would be good fits for us, and we're scheduled to attend the orientations for both of them to see which one strikes a stronger cord with us. (Both have good reputations here in Texas, and both are known to take good care of the birthmoms and provide them with extensive counseling, which is important to us.) It's expensive, but it is no more expensive than two rounds of IVF, which we were prepared to do had the numbers been different.

Good luck to all of you!

 

[Golden Rose]

Hello,

Well, I think I might be the only guy in this thread but thought I might share me and my DW's story. It's a bittersweet one. In fact the definition of bittersweet.

About a month before we were to be married, 3 years ago this coming May, DW began having massive headaches and loss of funtion in her legs. We go to the docs and find out she had an orange sized tumor in her brain. At the time she was 26, a bit much for us both to take. She had surgery to resect the tumor then underwent 20 sessions of radiation. Since the tumor had spread to the sacks in the brain that hold a common fluid that is shared with the spine, her entire head and body had to go under radiation.

The radiation left her in POV, which 3 docs here in Houston have confirmed. So she is alive and 2 1/2 years cancer free but we are unable to have children. We essentially have two options, egg donation and adoption and each have their problems. Donation is very costly and only has a ~66% percent chance of working and adoption is going to be an issue with her cancer so recent. We have just decided to wait a few years and think about it again. I honestly don't feel like my life is incomplete, however she does want children. So, here were are and now you know our story!

Hi, neighbor! (I noticed you're in Katy, and we're in Houston.) Glad to hear that your wife is doing well after the cancer, but sorry that she won't be able to have children. We have a close male friend who also had chemo and radiation for cancer and was told he wouldn't have children, but just two years later sired a handsome, healthy little boy who is now 4.

You're right about egg donation being costly... we looked into it a little, too, and we came to the conclusion that we would rather adopt. (I do have one biological child, and I had an extremely difficult pregnancy.) I do have a friend who elected to go the egg donation route who is now expecting twins, so I know it can work out well.

We're starting down the adoption path right now. You're probably right that some agencies will be hesitant to work with you because she is a cancer survivor. But talk to lots of different agencies if that is the route you choose. We got told but some that we weren't good candidates because my husband is over 40 and we have a biological child, but we kept talking to different agencies and we have found two that I think could be good fits for us. As you've said, after a few more years cancer free, you will look like more appealing candidates.

Best of luck to you.