Behavior Challenge Thread

[BeckyScott]

mechurchlady, it's because the righties made all the rules. This is just a guess, but the whole place setting thing has been around for ages, at least a century and probably more, and you know it used to be that lefties were forced into righties. So it was all designed for righties, much the same as pants zippers and spiral notebooks.

Kirsten, DS potty-trained at 4 (which for autism ain't bad) but he did it at preschool long before he'd do it at home. However, the preschool had one para whose sole purpose was taking kids to the bathroom. They called her "the potty whisperer". So he was getting taken to the bathroom once an hour, no matter what. It's harder to do that at home. Then the preschool teacher told me it was okay to start sending him in real undies and not pull-ups, and I was like "whaaat?" because he certainly wasn't potty-trained at home. Because of that, I felt comfortable going cold-turkey with him, I knew that he could do it if he wanted. At night, it just happened that one night he had ran out of pull-ups and it was pretty late so we were looking at quite a drive to buy more. So I stuck a bunch of towels on the bed and kept my fingers crossed, he was dry that night so we just kept going. He had a couple accidents the first week or two, but we decided to keep trying. However (caveat), he was never a poop-smearer or anything like that, he was like many kids in that he'd just be too busy playing to take the time out. And he is under-sensitive so it wasn't a matter of the pants being wet, it was getting him to recognize the urge.

(the short answer to your question: someone else potty-trained him for me, LOL, that's what happened)

However, I do think that I contributed to the bad aim situation. I was so happy he was using the toilet at all, that I didn't pursue the aim problem. I figured it would work itself out. Four years later, no such luck. So when you do decide to try, work on the aim at the same time.

 

[mechurchlady]

Coffee for Becky

I mentioned that to show how I as a neurovariant type person just cannot understand some things in life.Tie the hand down was one method and my dad was a beat right that is beaten and hand tied down type of training to be right handed. He had chalk teeth and issues with green beans that gagged him so they served him the same cold green beans until he ate them all. Mom comes from the caning days of public school when they rapped your knuckles for being bad.

I think you need to either lay something on your kid like ooh that is disgusting, rewards, or personal hygiene. If he wants to be normal and sees himself as an outcast that would work. Other kids might hit the mark if they understand that it is hard on mom or is disgusting. Others might just need some gold stars, candy or quarters to get them to aim right. Make a game of it like putting out the fire or shoot and score. Lots of ways but which is right. I know the answer and may not tell.



The answer is:


The method for hitting the mark is: Which ever one is the last one you try.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Mechurchlady,

DH and were just talking about handed-ness. last night. I'm a leftie. Dh is naturally a leftie, but he's from Denmark and he's old enough that they made him write with his right hand. he is really ambidextrous in everything else. DD is a natural rightie and DS has a very hard time writing anything and they trained him to write with right hand, but he is very ambidextrous. He will eat an entire meal with utensils in BOTH hands, eating a bite from one and then the other and not spilling a thing.

I have photos of him as a five year old with two pens, one in each hand, drawing a picture with both pens at the same time. His picture was split down the middle-but both pens moved in unison and made each "half" of the entire drawing. It was amazing. He stopped doing it recently, but I've never seen anything like it before.

Having lived as a leftie- yes it's stupid that the place settings are that way. And how many drinks have I knocked over in my life reaching across my plate for my cup??? Ask my mother-she always ended up with them in her lap at restaurant meals. I always sit on the outside in booths because I hate knocking elbows.

If I had a bunch of $, I would design a line of ASD clothes for children with texture/fixture issues. Soft cotton or manly silk prints with optional polarfleece lining, no tags ever, no tight elastic, lots of big pockets, and no buttons. And then I'm make matching adult clothes because I'd want to dress this way, too!!!

 

[bookwormde]

Being innately non discriminatory about left or right seems to be one of the most common characteristics. Give me a book upside down or even in a mirror it looks the same to me as the standard way. I have been trained to be right handed but any new skill I can initially do equally well with either my right or left hand. I have never innately known left from right AS DS9 is the same way.

My guess is somehow it is related to the nondiscriminatory wiring but that direct a link between the intellectual world and the physical world is interesting.

bookwormde

 

[sleepingbean]

Mechurchlady,


If I had a bunch of $, I would design a line of ASD clothes for children with texture/fixture issues. Soft cotton or manly silk prints with optional polarfleece lining, no tags ever, no tight elastic, lots of big pockets, and no buttons. And then I'm make matching adult clothes because I'd want to dress this way, too!!!

and seamless socks too, while you're at it! That is really a great idea!
When Bean was a baby, I would get so irritated that I could rarely find 100% cotton clothes without embroideries that were rough on the back side or other things that would irritate her skin (she would break out in rashes at the least irritation due to a bizarre birthmark that was a collection of mast cells, which released histamine response when rubbed/irritated).

I ended up buying only very pricey organic cotton natural stuff or I could find things sometimes through Gap or Carters. It was surprisingly difficult! And then to not have the zippers where they would irritate the chin, velcro where it would irritate the skin and so on.
And that is just the BABY stage...once they get old enough to learn that they hate seams, tags, buttons...then the fun starts!

I think a clothing line like that would be a hit among many groups of people, for the sensory issues alone! Love the idea!

 

[BeckyScott]

Yes, bless the Tagless Tshirt!

I will have to chew that one over. I sew, my degree is in costume design. Because DS is undersensitive, we haven't had issue with it so much. There are certain things he is picky about (for example, must have fingerless gloves) but in general he'll wear whatever he is handed. But good heavens, some tags even bother me!, sometimes I swear they find the scratchiest cardboard fabric to make them from.

It would also be good to Garanimal the line so that there is guidance when picking out combinations.

And of course the cobbler's children go barefoot. I very seldom make clothes for them. Partly because they're boys, so their needs are pretty basic. And mostly because it's almost impossible to duplicate some things like jeans without them looking odd and home-made.

On the behavior front, we've almost made it thru the second week. Little Mr. Play-Date came over Wednesday and once again all heck broke loose. Grrr! Long story. But I think his appearance is a big negative factor in the cooperation I get at home, and also in the kids behavior for the rest of the day. I'm not sure exactly how to handle it. And on top of that, when I picked the kids up from school yesterday, I personally witnessed a girl handing her phone number to oldest DS. Fortunately he's not sure what to do with it. Help!

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Oh, Miss Becky! The Number from the Opposite Sex!!! It's like Jasmine and Aladdin, baby- A whole new world! At least he's not sad about NOT getting girl's numbers, so there is an upside.

Hey, with a little motivation, we could make a heck of a clothing line. Anyone sitting on a few million bucks that wants to go partners with Becky and me? How cool would that be? I'm with you on the Garanimals concept, too. Let's make everything from a season match in some way or another, like at Talbotts. Think of as Business Casual for the ASD set (and the ones that love them). I'm all for the seamless socks. My mother loves to knit and she makes DS (and me) these gorgeous Alpaca sweaters. Wool is the most horrible thing to wear for me and my DS thinks so, too. But anything Alpaca is wonderful- it's fibers, not a bunch of sticky thorns in my neck and sides. If you haven't tried Alpaca stuff, then make an effort to. It'll change your life. I wish i could get her to make me socks. I only wear LL Bean polar fleece socks for the seamless nature of them and because they don't itch.

Why do other kids make our kids so nuts. My NT DD has some friends that I just detest having around. They make DD act like such a brat. I can't imagine letting my kids act the way these do. And their table manners are atrocious. A few of kids friends make my stomach turn the way they eat- and talk back. A good friend of mine said that the way your kids act at an early age is how they will act as teenagers. Dear Lord, let me not have nasty, gross kids. Life is just too short.

DS sat with his pugs all afternoon watching a movie. He was so sweet to them. He kept kissing his finger and lightly touching Suzie's nose. It was so cute. Progress is made...Hardliner today for a peaceful tomorrow::cop:

 

[C&G'sMama]

I love you guys. You all get it. DS can't do buttons so he wears the pull on pants. He's only 5 but he wears a size 7X or 8. He's definitely a husky. Someone else mentioned having a kid who's "undersensitive" to touch. So is DS and one of the things is he never knows when he's full so he'll just keep eating. So we are trying to "train" him now to know he has to stop before he's full. (As a pooh sized person myself (of course I think I'm more Ursula than Pooh), I'm very sensitive to the weight thing).

I'll buy clothes from you. Once he gets past size 8 I think sweat pants will be our only option. He doesn't like jeans and they can't wear them to school (but they can wear sweats (the school is big on fitness)).

 

[mechurchlady]

I am wearing my favourite rags tonight and will buy from you also, lol. It is a sof blue chenille shirt with a big hole and major bald spots. The top underneath lined and smooth, dark blue and the decorative eyelets at the bottom is tattered. I just love that and who knows why. Comfortable is the key word.

I want 5 blue pants and tops sets please. Will donate $5 as again I was feeding Calvin. Will trade one Calvin for 76 of your kids, lol.

Big hugs and chocolates

 

[C&G'sMama]

Why do other kids make our kids so nuts. My NT DD has some friends that I just detest having around. They make DD act like such a brat. I can't imagine letting my kids act the way these do. And their table manners are atrocious. A few of kids friends make my stomach turn the way they eat- and talk back. A good friend of mine said that the way your kids act at an early age is how they will act as teenagers. Dear Lord, let me not have nasty, gross kids. Life is just too short.

Our 8yo DD is NT and yes the other kids make us nuts. She's pretty good though. She stands up for herself. Once in awhile she tries to act out but she's learned it's not worth it. No screen time (and really she's so senstive all you have to do is tell her how disappointed you are in her and she cries). She has one friend that we feel is a true friend. Her mom feels the same way about DD. The other kids aren't bad kids per se but they play the mind games (at 8). We tell her to be a leader. You know most of the kids come around because they've realized she just doesn't care.

As for "the boy". I pray a lot. Right now he's oblivious to what other kids think. We have him in various activities at different places so hopefully he'll always have somewhere to go. We are thinking of enrolling him in a class at a local facility that has peer groups for ASD kids. They also have peer groups for siblings of ASD kids.

 

[BeckyScott]

C&G's, I have wondered sometimes if that's what is happening to both my boys. They will eat non-stop if I let them, and neither one of them are starving or anything. They've both been wearing Husky for years now. We have an ongoing joke at home, youngest DS will come ask me for a snack and I will say "you don't look like you're starving". And he'll pull the front of his shirt up and suck in his stomach. Yeah, even sucking it in he still doesn't look starving.

It is more problematic with oldest DS because his "lack of empathy", his biggest issue, means for some reason he does not think about others when eating all our food. For example, there will be three of us at home for dinner. Let's say I'm cooking hot dogs, and I only have 3 left, which should work. I'll cook all 3 of them, then tell the kids that dinner is ready. Oldest DS will come in and grab 2 hot dogs. "You can only have one hot dog." "But I want two!" "But there are 3 of us, and 3 hot dogs. If you have two, then one of us doesn't get one." And then he'll ask youngest DS if he wants his hot dog, which of course he does. But it truly does not occur to him to consider the big picture, and variations on the theme happen pretty often. The combination of him not thinking about anyone else, and eating when he's not hungry, means that food will disappear quickly around here if I'm not vigilant. I don't know how many times I've told him "you're not hungry, you're bored. Find something to do." He does think he's fat, which I've never told him, he doesn't like anyone to see him without a shirt on. Classic struggle, he thinks he's fat but he will eat as many cookies as he can get his hands on.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

How odd, yet another post that I could have written myself. DS is constantly hungry. Like tapeworm hungry. And the kid drinks liquid like he's on fire. He's not obese, but he's husky. He thinks he's fat, too, but will sob when told that he's already had enough to eat. I am trying to time meals better, and constant grazing seems to do best for him. He isn't ever hungry enough to eat a giant meal, but will eat six cheese sticks in an hour.

Bookworme, when DS was a baby, he would take the refrigerator magnets and arrange them backwards, Z through A on the floor. I didn't realize he had taught himself the alphabet. The letters were just flipped around and the end was the beginning. He still has issues with wanting read stuff "hebrew" style (from the right). He was flipping letters and numbers all the time, but it's gotten a little better this year. He can look at a map that is upside down or look at it through the wrong side and still identify the continents and countries that he likes. He'll be eating food and stop and shout, "Look, my potato chip is Africa!" and darn it, if I turn it around and flip it upside down, it sure is...Never a dull moment.

 

[C&G'sMama]

C&G's, I have wondered sometimes if that's what is happening to both my boys. They will eat non-stop if I let them, and neither one of them are starving or anything. They've both been wearing Husky for years now. We have an ongoing joke at home, youngest DS will come ask me for a snack and I will say "you don't look like you're starving". And he'll pull the front of his shirt up and suck in his stomach. Yeah, even sucking it in he still doesn't look starving.

It is more problematic with oldest DS because his "lack of empathy", his biggest issue, means for some reason he does not think about others when eating all our food. For example, there will be three of us at home for dinner. Let's say I'm cooking hot dogs, and I only have 3 left, which should work. I'll cook all 3 of them, then tell the kids that dinner is ready. Oldest DS will come in and grab 2 hot dogs. "You can only have one hot dog." "But I want two!" "But there are 3 of us, and 3 hot dogs. If you have two, then one of us doesn't get one." And then he'll ask youngest DS if he wants his hot dog, which of course he does. But it truly does not occur to him to consider the big picture, and variations on the theme happen pretty often. The combination of him not thinking about anyone else, and eating when he's not hungry, means that food will disappear quickly around here if I'm not vigilant. I don't know how many times I've told him "you're not hungry, you're bored. Find something to do." He does think he's fat, which I've never told him, he doesn't like anyone to see him without a shirt on. Classic struggle, he thinks he's fat but he will eat as many cookies as he can get his hands on.

We don't tell the kids they'll get fat either. We just say it's unhealthy. "Have some carrots" etc. "It's bedtime have a glass of ice water, it's good for your tissues, hydrates your body" (DS likes scientific terms). For DS we've realized and the Developmental pediatrician confirmed that he just doesn't know when he's full. This is the same kid that can fall of a piece of playground equipment from a few feet off the ground and not feel any pain(but try to take a splinter out of his foot and you'd think you were killing him).
He also walks around with his underwear hanging out and his heiny showing half the time because he doesn't know his pants aren't pulled up Hopefully as he gets older he'll just remember to check once in awhile.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

G & C's mama, are you sure you don't have my DS's long lost twin? I swear he's not trying to emulate a gansta rapper with is undies showing. I t's just that he never thinks to pull his pants all the way up (unless of course they are more than 3 month old pants, and by then they are too small!)

 

[mechurchlady]

Mom has never been able to write a check except about twice in the past 40+ years and she very carefully copied an existing check. Forget about mail order or phone orders.

Bleary eyed yesterday I was informed there was a box of about 20 criss-cross puzzle books on her bed. Then she told me that she had used her credit card to order them.

Um, should I be elated that she ordered something she wanted or shocked and on the floor as we only have right now about $100 for the end of the month stuff like bread, salads, and eating out if I get sick. I was so proud of her and hid my fear and wonderings as to what was in the checking book.

Be ye warned this is just the beginning and you think they are bad at age 6 or 12 then wait until they are old men, lol. As for potato chips shaped like continents my mom is that way and she can look at stuff and see things I never see. Worst is that those findings are of great importance as you probably noticed.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Speaking of stuffing..
I looked at DS earlier this evening and we was on all fours and his cheeks were full. He had stuffed grapes in his mouth as he apparently was a squirrel storing food for the winter. At least it wasn't Hershey's Kisses...

ooo I have some Hershey's kisses in the car. Maybe I'll go get them once the kids are settled down...

 

[DisDreaminMom]

I like the squirrel thing. My DS used to eat so much dog food (because he was a dog!) when he was little that I switched to Lamb and Rice Premium food because I didn't want him to get Mad Cow Disease. Thankfully he grew out of that phase. Our kids have such vivid imaginations...

 

[C&G'sMama]

I like the squirrel thing. My DS used to eat so much dog food (because he was a dog!) when he was little that I switched to Lamb and Rice Premium food because I didn't want him to get Mad Cow Disease. Thankfully he grew out of that phase. Our kids have such vivid imaginations...

Maybe they are twins separated at birth - Do you want him back?

Anyway..., if I remember correctly your DS is the one that is going to live in Paris in house with a lot of rooms and cats? Our DS announced he was going to have a house and he wants to be a dad but he doesn't know where to buy a baby. He's very concerned about that


Rather getting into a 3 month discussion on why you can't buy babies and how he would get one if he can't buy one, we just left that one alone for now.

 

[mechurchlady]

I now have one hour where I set with mom and watch Law & Order with her at midnight. Tonight was the end of a long day of meltdowns and hissy fits.

I had speech therapy as a kid but I pulled the wool ever their eyes according to mom. My day was from Indiana and had dentures. Soft almost southern speech. Mom and her mother speak very fast like mom's mother who was Mexican. Thus is why I speak funny. There you have the rocket science explanation as to why I have speech problems.

It does not matter that I have no indoor voice and even was tested for hearing problems which came up negative. It does not matter that I am adaptable and learned to be right and left handed at an early age. I even read somewhere that a certain signature feature was good like lucky so I adapted that as well. It does not matter that I live with Mom and her Mother the first 5 years of my life. The first 5 years were with hispanics so you think by age 5 I would speak fast like them and have good patterning after them.

SCREAMING FIT
Who in their right mind would have bought that hog poop. I speak funny because after 5 years Dad move in with mom and that affected my speech or maybe I inherited a jumbled speech pattern from them.

Opinions are welcome but only if you bring dole whips and chocolates. Just kidding and I love to hear anything form people.

As for pulling the wool over their eyes, I took remedial reading in junior high school despite my intelligence and great reading abilities.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

C & G's Mama, thanks, but I think our "twins" will shine more if left separated. My sanity decrees such things. That is a touchy subject these days- where to buy a baby. Maybe he should ask Madonna.

Last night, we were eating dinner and DH's basketball game was about to come on. I'm trying to get DS into sports, so I said, "Who is going to watch the game with Daddy?!" And DS looks at me and says, "WHY?"

Then the topic turned somehow to how DS thought it was scary being a baby in my stomach. "I was glad when I got out of there.", he said. WTH? Then I told him he cooked in there for 9 months, like a bun in the oven just with a super long bake time, and he said, "No wonder I was so freaked out!"

That kid cracks me up. Thank God we live on a farm and DH's job is breeding and foaling out horses. We have more of a laboratory model for learning the birds and the bees. DH's office is the breeding lab overlooking the breeding shed, so there are diagrams and live "demonstrations" going on all the time, if you get my drift. DD got in trouble in Pre-K at church for describing to all her friends what placentas are. But I got a nice note from her Kindergarten teacher that she was the one who knew the proper name for a male pig, so there is a silver lining.

We are snowed-iced in here in KY. At any moment I know we'll lose power. Over 300K in our state are out, so you folks keep warm and stay safe. This is why I moved to FL four years ago and why I'm sad we moved back to KY last year. Not fun.