Behavior Challenge Thread

DisDreaminMom,

What about trying some type of white noise machine? I have to have one to sleep, I have since college. Any little sound would keep me from falling asleep. It may cover the noises that are scaring him. DS has one in his room now and it helps to keep him from waking up at the crack of dawn. The past couple of nights he wanted to sleep with the lights on....he said he started thinking about what it was like to die and it was freaking him out. Poor guy was crying- I felt awful for him. I talked to him for quite a while and let him keep the lights on that first night (Tuesday), but last night I told him that he could not start that habit or he would not be able to go to sleepovers. That seemed to work (even though he is rarely invited to sleepovers) because his best friend wants him to sleep over this weekend. I do plan to go get him a nightlight today though.

Mechurchlady,

Major hugs and chocolates to you too! Your Mom is lucky to have you. I think you're right on target about the apple and the tree thing. I won't even tell you about my OCD finger counting and spelling :rotfl:
 
We certainely had a behavior challenge (which is pretty uncommon for DS) today.
His teacher called me and told me he was refusing to print his name on the sign in sheet (which they do every single day) because he 'wasn't allowed to'. :confused3 I talked to him briefly and he said he was sad because he missed his daddy. Aww...:hug: I told him DH would be home tonight and he needed to cooperate with Mrs. Awesomesauce (not her real name ;) ) and do what she told him. He said he would and then we hung up. Poor guy..DH hasn't been home at all this week except to eat or sleep and I guess it's finally starting to take a toll on DS.

He needs to get used to it though..DH's final for his EMT basic class is next month and when he gets hired on at a fire dept, he'll probably we working several days in a row where he has to be at the firehouse.
 
Disdreamin Mom: is there any chance he would listen to a radio? Or could you leave his tv on but on a sleep timer so it didn't affect his sleep all night? or is there anything else that can reduce the noise? It's always scary in a new place, and to be honest, I don't know that the "tough love" approach is always the best for our "unique" kids. I know this sounds like a cop out, but honestly, I would ask what do you feel in your heart is the right answer? I'd try that one first, b/c it's probably the right one. Also, maybe ask DS's therapist/psychiatrist/neuro type individual if they have any suggestions. In the meantime, :hug:

sdarwkcadbmanmy: (btw, is there any name easier to remember and write that I can call ya lol? that screen name is a doozy) I promise, it will get better. ya'll are almost there. And when I was an EMT firefighter, we used to work 24/48 which is awesome for a dad. Yes, he's gone one full day, but then he's home for 2 which means a lot more quality time and time to play, hang out, etc. Sounds like your little guy is doing a good job talking to you about his feelings, and that's awesome.:hug: to you, too.:)
 
DisDreamin- confession time, everyone in our house sleeps with a tv on.

First it was Justin, he wouldn't sleep without the tv. A radio didn't work, night light didn't work, had to be the tv. I mentioned it at an eval once and basically got told we had plenty of other more important things to worry about. :laughing:

Well, at the time, both kids were sharing a room, so Richard got used to sleeping with the tv on. When we split them up, he wanted the tv on since he was used to it, plus of course, "it wasn't fair". :sad2: It's more of a problem for him, though, he will stay up too late watching it. For Justin, anymore it's just white noise and he'll knock out anyway. So I'd say it could burn itself out, or it could not, it's gonna depend on the kid.

Good thing you have him trained to only watch movies, at least. I leave the cartoon channels on, which you have to be careful you don't end up with Adult Swim in the middle of the night. What you could also do is leave it on a tv channel, but make it a really boring one, not cartoons, so it would provide the security he wants without being so entertaining that he'll try to stay awake. You can also try turning the volume down just a little bit more every couple of days until it's very quiet. Both kids tv's are turned down very low. We had a problem a couple of times with the tv making noise, like an explosion on the tv or someone on the tv screaming, and waking the kids up. So we have to keep the volume pretty low so they don't hear that.

Me, what happened was DH started working overnights and we have an old house on a busy street and I'm paranoid. The Fox News people keep me company. Even now, he works 2nd shift so he gets home around midnight, I still have the tv on. And he doesn't bother turning it off when he goes to bed.

Gee, and I remember when the tv stations used to go off the air at like 11:00, I don't know what we would have done then.

My suggestion would be, if you really don't want to do the tv, how about a humidifier? I was just thinking, cause we have one, it does make white noise and a cheap one is kinda loud, and it does provide a useful service.

So looking toward the future, our kids are obviously supposed to be room-mates when they get older, cause nobody else is going to put up with that nonsense.
 
Big hugs and lots of chocolates

Mom is deaf and I have to pronounce carefully and clearly but not loudly "Do you want steak or chicken?" Loudness means I am yelling at her and she shuts down or says "Don't start with me" or to that effect. The funny thing is she can tell when I am in the bathroom if she needs me. She will startle at the sound of falling bowls in the kitchen and she will get me to come to her and she sets in bed bleary eyed because she heard noises. Go figure how she cannot hear me but she can hear the bowl falling and a noise in the driveway. You are lucky they did not call you Batty, lol.

I sleep with the computer on. Which I am about to do now. I think you that mom needs to get some books on monsters that turn out to be nothing. Reassure him and rationalize his fears. Television and humidifiers mask the problem. What if a kid is afraid of dogs? Would you work to get the kid to like dogs or shelter the child from all dogs for life? Eventually he may have to move again and will be hiding in fear with the television on.

As with many things in life a person with hypersensitive hearing will assume that how they feel and the noises they hear are normal. Doesn't everyone hear the cows lowing a mile away? You need testing and some things you can do at home. Mom is a jumper when it comes to noises. "OMG. What happened?" I cna be cleaning a pan and she reacts. Sorry but that pan is heavy and I let it down hard on the stove. Watch for jumping at something simple like a set of keys plopped on a table. Startled, jump, freaking out and yelling OMG.

I need a hot fudge sundae right now but life is good now that I know why I and mom are the way we are.
 
Good thing you have him trained to only watch movies, at least. I leave the cartoon channels on, which you have to be careful you don't end up with Adult Swim in the middle of the night. What you could also do is leave it on a tv channel, but make it a really boring one, not cartoons, so it would provide the security he wants without being so entertaining that he'll try to stay awake. You can also try turning the volume down just a little bit more every couple of days until it's very quiet. Both kids tv's are turned down very low. We had a problem a couple of times with the tv making noise, like an explosion on the tv or someone on the tv screaming, and waking the kids up. So we have to keep the volume pretty low so they don't hear that.

Me, what happened was DH started working overnights and we have an old house on a busy street and I'm paranoid. The Fox News people keep me company. Even now, he works 2nd shift so he gets home around midnight, I still have the tv on. And he doesn't bother turning it off when he goes to bed.

Gee, and I remember when the tv stations used to go off the air at like 11:00, I don't know what we would have done then.

My suggestion would be, if you really don't want to do the tv, how about a humidifier? I was just thinking, cause we have one, it does make white noise and a cheap one is kinda loud, and it does provide a useful service.

So looking toward the future, our kids are obviously supposed to be room-mates when they get older, cause nobody else is going to put up with that nonsense.

We don't allow the children to have tvs in their rooms but when they end up sleeping with us we found the Food Network works really well to put them to sleep! It is fairly interesting and there is never any explosions and we tell the kids to watch how they make the stuff and maybe we can try some out. Plus there is the how they make the packaged food they eat segments and the history or science of foods. There is not a great deal of movement, bright colors or other things to stimulate their brains.

We have lots of things that make noise to mask other things in our home. A humidifier during the winter in the upstairs hallway and the kids run fans from the moment we turn it off in the spring to late in the fall. They also have cd players that turn themselves off after one time through unless they are reset.

We also let them leave their lights on to sleep and we just turn them off when they fall asleep. DD can wake up and not mind but DS is deathly afraid of the dark. He will turn his light back on if he wakes up (at least he doesn't scream anymore). When he falls back to sleep we turn it off again. We do leave the hall or bathroom light on so it is not too bright in the other rooms.

I learned in college to sleep through lots of noise. Believe me college dorms are not quiet! I really think that is why I need the noise I have now. :)
 
i have two children with behavior problems. Today my 7 year old son (today is his birthday) was throwing tantrums every 20 minutes, screaming, crying, yelling, punching and kicking walls, almost tore the bathroom to pieces but was caught right beforehand, slamming doors, stomping on the floor, being very very horrible. Very defiant today. He is ADHD, mood disorder, sensory integration disorder, auditory processing disorder. He is homeschooled. His older sister 8, is also homeschooled and has ADHD, bipolar, schizophrenia, DID, ODD, OCD, she has been on medication since she was 6 years old, and is doing well overall. I am at my wits ends on what to do, nothing works, reward charts dont work, no punishment works. He has in home counseling, and I was very close to calling the police today, thats how uncontrollable he was.
 
Mommy2three all I can do right now is hug you and tell that you are loevd and a great mother. Give the people here time to talk with you. He was overwhelmed by the birthday as stress is often a trigger. The police cannot do anything though. Read up on the lady here who has two interior doors, the bathroom and her bedroom are the only one in the whole house because the kids slammed doors so much.

Hugs and prayers and chocolates for you.
Laurie :cheer2: :grouphug: pixiedust: :cheer2: :grouphug: pixiedust:
:wave2: welcome to the board a good thread.

I need some explaining at to high sensitivity condition as that fits mom the most. Is HCD seperate from SID/SPD or a disorder all its own. I passed the test but honestly that is not me but it is mom.:laundy:
 
Mommy2Three,

What you describe is “alphabet soup children”, the manifestations you are seeing is actually quite typical with this level of secondary diagnosis’s without finding the core reason. From my experience there is an extremely high chance that your children are on the autism spectrum. To put it bluntly the clinicians that your children see, in this day and age, would be considered to be negligent for not referring you to a major medical center with a clinicians who specialize in the Autism neurovariant with a subspecialty in HFA and Aspergers for a complete evaluation.
The reasons children who have an alphabet soup set of diagnosis deteriorate so rapidly and just build overlays of additional diagnosis are 2 fold. First is that many of the treatments and medications are contraindicated for Autism spectrum individuals and at best just do little good and in the worst cast actually accelerate the occurrence and acuity of the manifestations until they eventually become acute enough to become a separate clinical diagnosis. Second is that they are not getting the supports and understanding that is needed to allow them to understand the nature, challenges and benefits of their neurovariation and for parents, family, clinicians and educators to make sure they get the appropriate and state of the art supports that they need.

What you are seeing is what you would expect from a child who was being abused on a daily basis. This is not intended to be a criticism of you as a parent since you are not trained or educated to understand what you are “dealing with”. It is a serious indictment of the clinicians who have been treating your children. Please become educated as quickly as possible about higher functioning Autism and find some new clinicians who are highly experience in Autism spectrum evaluation and clinical practice. Order a copy of Tony Attwoods’ The Complete Guide To Aspergers C2007 available on Amazon for about $25. The day after you read it your life and your children’s will improve immensely and progress back from the abyss can begin

There is good news, there is likely nothing at the core “wrong” with your children, they just have a neurovariation which makes them different so they do not “mesh” with neurotypical society without special supports education and accommodations. When well supported these children (and adults) are a great gift to society due to their special abilities and nature (typically highly inventive, creative and inventive, non-discriminatory, heightened level of social justice, able to hyperfocus in areas of interest, abilities to do amazing visual/ non-linear processing as examples)

Again as much as possible do not feel guilty about what you did not know in the past (although all of us as parents who have been through this do to an extent) just understand that much of what you where taught by society and your parents about how to parent was for neurotypical children and is not appropriate for spectrum children and that is why you are having so little positive results and are dealing with the maladaptive manifestations that come from this “standard” approach. Our children are “different” and accepting that fact and avoiding measuring them by and trying to turn them into neurotypicals (which is were most of the damage occurs) is the first major step to progress and a productive, fulfilling and enjoyable life for them

If you have any questions please feel free to ask or PM me.

bookwormde
 
Mommy2three, big group hug. :grouphug: You're not having much fun.

Have you looked into seeing a DAN dr? While they usually deal with autism spectrum, they will see your kids. http://www.autism.com/dan/danusdis.htm It's possible that there might be things you can do to alleviate some of the problems, using dietary interventions and supplements. Not a "cure". There are kids with autism that have very bad behaviors until they are taken off of gluten and casein. Sometimes there are digestive issues or vitamin deficiencies that can really mess up your kid, and most regular doctors aren't going to delve into that. There is also the possibility of metals toxicity, which can really really affect behavior. Many DAN's don't take insurance but some of them do, and they'll usually want to do labs, some of which are covered by insurance and some aren't. It can get expensive, but it might be worth a shot if you're at your breaking point. They tend to "think outside the box" and look at the whole child as opposed to doing the alphabet soup.

Many DAN's will want to have you keep a food diary before the first visit, and that's always a fun experiment. You could try to do that now, and see if you notice a pattern. If that's what's going on, the reaction is sometimes delayed a day or two. I know for fact that my oldest DS (ADHD and slightly Aspie but one of my two reasons for starting this thread) cannot tolerate red food coloring. At all. Around here, red food coloring is the devil. pirate: (okay, there is not a devil smilie, guess I have to use the pirate, LOL) I am wondering, just out of curiosity, the incident you're mentioning, since it was his birthday if he had been eating anything that he doesn't normally eat, that day or the day before...

Please don't think I'm trying to downplay your problem, saying "oh he just needs some fish oil and he'll be fine", trust me that is not what I mean. I'm just saying it might be a good idea to eliminate any physical problems that might be happening, and that a regular doctor is going to give you the eye-roll if you mention, before pursuing more drastic measures. I got to a point where I was willing to try almost anything that was not dangerous.

Please please please, feel free to post and vent here, that's what the thread is for. We all have our "bears to cross". :scared: I'm sure some of the other parents here will have ideas for you.
 
Mommyto3 :grouphug: I want to second the good advice you've been given about food sensitivities. Our neighbor has an Aspie son. She's taken him off of foods with dye, and his behavior is much improved.
 
I want to thank everyone for the advice. Just to clarify things a little bit, I am not birth mom, I am adopted mom. Dad is the bio dad, he and I met when the kids were 2 and 4, there was abuse and neglect on bio moms part. She abandoned both of the kids when dad was over in afghanastan, when ivan was only a few weeks old and kyla was 2 years old. she left them with a 16 year old sitter and didnt come back for them until my husband got sent back to base to get the kids. she was only a block away the whole time. then they got divorced, he got an honorable discharge from the army, and all (including bio mom) moved back up here to WI. Bio mom would only take kyla until I came in the picture then said it wasnt fair, she needed to take both of them as they are both her children. She would come in and out every 3-6 months. Got sent to jail for non payment of child support, got out, said she changed, and it was agreed that she would take kids every other weekend. both were also sexually abused by an uncle. that worked for about a whole month, then she stopped calling, stopped coming to get them, and she didnt see them for about a year and a half when we took her to court and got rights terminated and I adopted them, that just happened last year in Jan 2008. His in home therapists don't think he is autistic or has aspies, but i had thought at one time he could be an aspie. he didnt start talking until about4, wasnt potty trained until 4, very immature for his age, but very very smart and is very eager to learn. He hasnt had anything unusual to eat lately, I honestly don't know what was wrong with him yesterday, we try to do calming techniques with him, but he just refuses. My oldest daughter on the other hand is getting alot better, she was very uncontrollable, but with medications and counseling she has come along way, both get SSI disability from the state also. Hope this information helps, and hope today is a better day. Not really looking forward to tomorrow as that is when his birthday party is and that normally is not a good day at all with family over.
 
Wow sounds like they have had a rough time to say the least. Since only a small percentage of clinicians have the training to even have a basic idea of if your children have Autism spectrum characteristics it is very doubtful that you can put muchreliance in the therapists opinion. Everything else in your description including the points towards it and the birth family history (maternal) reinforces the possibility.

It is really something that the children need, to be evaluated for formally by a clinical group which is highly specialized in Higher end Autism, especially with the complicating factors of the history. It is unfortunately not that unusual for a parent with characteristics who is not “self aware and educated about spectrum issues” and has not been supported during their upbringing and particularly if they suffered abuse as a child to end up having the parenting issues that you describe at a much higher rate than neurotypicals.

Once you read Attwood you will be in a much better position to make a decision (he is the leading clinician for HFA/Aserpgers in the world).

Thank you for being such a caring mother to these children.

bookwormde
 
I once read an article about foreign orphanages and their children. The disabled and the ones who do not fight are left behind and it is a fight to get love, attention and even basic needs at times.

Your son probably has been left alone for long periods, not given proper nutrition as an infant, was abused, and did not get the normal training that children get. A child sits and watches how people around him talk, act and do things but he did not get enough of that.

First off you are dealing with many things here. He needs to be evaluated by a good doctor who can differentiate the various influences on the child. There is the possibility of post-traumatic syndrome where a trigger sets him off. A scent, food, sound, or just the mind wondering off toward thoughts related to the trigger. He may have developed phobias or certain things could have become triggers.

Also you need to look at his daily life. How does he react to stress is important. You are going to have to do scientific studies of your son and daughter both. How they talk, walk, think, react to things, etc will have to be studied by you to look for signs of disorders as well as to see what is his triggers. In the morning you need to note how he is then what if any changes occur. Food allergies should be checked as kids cannot always tell you that they are reacting to food. When a doctor tests him for HFA he will ask you a lot of questions and you should be prepared to answer them. Does the kid fidget and you answer I do not know but if you had been watching then you would notice little things. Look into his maternal medical history also. Does his mother, her siblings, siblings' kids, her parents, or her uncles have quirks, mental illness, mental retardation, or have something peculiar about them.

That boy is lucky to have you as a mom and God gave him to you for a reason. It is going to be a long long and very trying time ahead but you can do it. I will be here with hugs and chocolates and aspirin cheering for you and praying for you.

:cheer2: :grouphug: pixiedust:
 
Well, we got thru the first week of our little plan!

Yesterday was our second family meeting, we had a few little things to talk about and then the kids got their second round of allowance and computer coupons.

Last week went okay, with a few trip-ups. When they both still have a lot of coupons (like over the weekend), there is still a little problem with both of them wanting the computer at the same time. No fighting, but quite a bit of discussion.

Richard ran out of coupons Friday afternoon and so that was a problem. This week is going to be harder for them anyway. First off, no school Monday so they'll be home all day. And second, last week on Thursday night we went to a playgroup so we weren't home at all. (left for it an hour after school got out, and didn't get home til bedtime, although Richard did get a bonus coupon that night because he was very helpful at the meeting) Justin still had one coupon left yesterday morning, but he was intentionally keeping it because he didn't want to run out. They both have been pretty good about getting off when the timer beeps with no complaints. The only real issue they have is that they can't earn any coupons for last-minute stuff. (I did it that way on purpose) ;)

I did have a situation come up that I wasn't sure what to do. Richard's friend came over (pretty much the only friend he has). Now of course his little friend gets to play on the computer and video games as much as he wants at home, but I'm not his mommy. :sad2: And I wasn't sure what to do with him. Or what to do about it. Of course the friend wanted to play on the Wii, it was his idea as he doesn't have a Wii at his house, and wanted Richard to play with him. Richard didn't think he should have to give up coupons when it wasn't his idea. I am pretty sure that if I tell them no Wii or no computer, the kid will stop coming over, and he is Richard's only friend. But I see Richard's point, too. But it could backfire, if I tell Richard that he doesn't need to give up coupons when the friend is over, he's going to want the friend over every day. Does that all make sense?
 
Yes, their bio mom and grandma both have mental issues. Bio mom has been hospitilized in the psych ward a few times. She has bipolar and schizophrenia. The therapists that work with them in our home are also therapists for autism also. Like i said before, i see alot of aspie signs in my son, and i left one thing out, hard time with eye contact. There are situations that stress him out, such as having a bunch of people over for family get togethers such as holidays and birthdays, going to the store, he has a tendency to really act out then, he thinks there are no boundries in the store, or in the general public for that matter. Yes, he fidgets a great deal. I don't think his body can stay still for even a millisecond. He does have triggers, and right now we are trying to figure out what those are, and when I do, i write them down in my book, i also keep a sleep log for him and his sister, although hes the one that has the most problem with sleep. He has actually gone 4 days with no sleep, and no naps and then he finally crashes. They both tend to be very sneaky, although I would say his sister is more so than him. She will steal things, not from a store, but from our house and other peoples houses, I always have to check pockets before leaving anyones house and when she was in public school I would have to do a pat down and a backpack check every morning. One time she took all my makeup and took it to school with her, this was after I did the backpack check and had my back turned she put it all in her backpack. She wanted to take it to school so she could go in the bathroom and put it on. She also has an eating disorder. She will make herself throw up after eating, or refuse to eat all, and that can happen for a week at a time. But my son on the otherhand is a huuuuuuuuuuge eater. He never stops. We think it is due to when being with bio mom they would never get fed, so he hoards the food now.

Becky-I do like the coupon idea. I should try that here. We have a Wii also and they are always wanting to play but they have rules in order to be able to play. When they do have their cousins over and the cousins want to play the Wii then I will allow that, but if they start acting up while playing the wii then my child has to sit out for a certain amount of time. Give them a time limit of how long you will let your child and his friend play on the wii and once that time is up then shut it off.
 
Mommy2three, wow you have your hands full. I brought up the orphanage to show what happens when kids are neglected. The girl is purging and not eating probably as a passive aggressive behavior. My mother is 83 and you will hear me talk about her here. She is probably HSC, high sensitivity condition, whatever or maybe even AFD or SID or ADD. If my mother is having a fit then she will not eat. She has been this way all her life by the way. Any time she is upset she just stops eating or threatens to eat her crackers. Passive aggressive people are worse than screamers, boy are they worse.

I rather deal with a screamer than someone who quietly and sneaky will shut down by not eating. There is more to passive aggressiveness. Basically they do not want to do something but cannot or will not scream or say NO but instead slow the things they do not want to do.

The kleptomania needs counseling and retraining the kid as she probably never learned the consequences of her action. There are drugs and therapy for that. I am used to sneaking as my mom has her set ways like I cannot bring friends over ever or telling her would cause her to rage. You learn to sneak around because that is how you get things done with the least displeasure. I actually avoid the bathroom because that will wake mom which means her list of chores even if I am puking sick.

You are a smart and great momma and them kids are lucky to have you. Kep up the good work and remember that second opinions may be needed. As kids grow they change like better communication skills. The kids sounds like he is on the spectrum and should be check by a specialist. The kleptomania can be form of OCD or it could be hording. The problem with diagnosing anyone is that there could be other answers. For me I am not quite aspie or ADD but SID for sure. Mom is not aspie or autism but close then I read up on the high sensory thing and that was her to a tee. I am the apple that fell from the nut tree that fell from an apple tree.:lmao:

I sent you lots of hugs and chocolates and ice cream. Any time you want to rant go ahead as everyone here seems to have someone to care for who gives them those migraine days when you are overwhelmed. :cheer2: :grouphug: pixiedust:
 
I've been meaning to ask if anyone has tried Gluten Free. We are toying with the idea and our friend who's son is autistic swears by it. I never thought about linking the dyes to behavior. DS doesn't not usually have dye as it irritates his kidneys. We discovered this when he was 3 1/2 and his face and ears turned bright red and he would go to the bathroom all of the time. Dr. said to take him off artificial colors, especially red and yellow and it makes a world of difference. Once in awhile dye sneaks by us and the ears turn red and he has to go to the bathroom. I never thought about the behaviors. We have a couple of decent natural food stores around here so for a special treat I get him gummy worms or gummy bears there, like when they made worms in dirt for a Friday treat.

He also can't have milk or juice (from fruits with edible skins) Fortunately he is not allergic to soy so he drinks soy milk. We also buy the Capri Roarin Waters for him as there are no artificial dyes and they are only 35 calories per pouch (no artificial sweetners, just low sugar).

This is another issue for us as he doesn't know when he's full. It goes along with liking hard touches and not being able to feel pain. He can't feel when he's full so he eats and eats and eats. We are working on that and trying to explain to him he doesn't know when he's full so he can only eat so much or he's going to get sick.
 
How did you find your your kiddos food sensitivities? Trial and error, testing, food diary and observation, etc.? We're trying to figure out what to change/exclude, but either those willing to do the testing insist that they will have to be GF/CF/SF, etc. even before testing, or they refuse to consider that food could be making it worse. UUGGGHH! How do you navigate this?
 
My opinion is you go with your gut and don't worry about what the experts say. You're the mom, you know. Track patterns and discuss with other parents (as you are doing here) what has worked as far as finding things out. For my friend she did some reading on gluten and autism and decided to try it. He's almost 9 and she started when he was 4 or 5. The other day he came home from school and was off the wall. She couldn't figure it out. She finally called the teacher and it turned out they had made playdough, using flour, at school.

We're still trying to figure out about our son, if food things will help. Like I said we've already quit dyes for other reasons. So I too would be curious do what people have done. Do you keep diaries of behaviors vs. food intake?
 

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