Behavior Challenge Thread

[mechurchlady]

Becky, big hugs and coffee for you. It is a battle but you have to rewire the brains of kids very young so that when they are 25 they will not be bancrupt. They need to learn how to budget time now so that later in life they will not be in debt and not understanding why they cannot have everything.

Give the older one time to see his brother rich with coins and using the money to get stuff he cannot get. When he wants something special then he will have to make you cave in or he will have to cave in. At least now you have one little man around the house to help you.

Big hugs and chocolates and dole whips
Laurie

 

[Forevryoung]

Becky, maybe you should have them count out how many coupons are left and remind them how many days they have left ("you have 6 days until you get more" kind of thing).

If your son really has an issue with your system, maybe set up a "day's of the week strip" with a "pocket" for each day (think construction paper and a stapler). Have them put an equal amount of coupons in each pocket on Saturday that way they can visualize taking time away from another day. Might be easier to understand and reduce verbal reminders of how much time they are using (when borrowing from other days).

The first time that a kid realizes that they aren't going to get away with something that they used to get away with causes panic (any kid). The first week will be the worst and I bet that it will get better.

Good luck!

 

[Minnie M6]

Good luck and stay strong Becky! I remember it being pretty tough the first week of implementing the system at our house. I think weekdays are easier in general because there is more structure to the day. I really struggle with keeping screen time down on weekends, and DH doesn't back me up on limits. It was cold and dreary here this weekend, and there was too much TV and Wii time going on. Plus both kids LOVE Club Penguin right now.

I have actually considered asking our pediatrician to tell DS that he is "prescribing" no more than 2 hours of screen time per day. He tends to want to follow rules from the Doctor. I remember when he was younger he would get really upset if he couldn't take his medicine exactly at 8:00 P.M. each night (vacation was a nightmare). It turns out he understood the pedi to say he had to take it at bedtime and he was concerned about any deviation. I didn't understand it at the time, the depth of his upset over things like that. But now I feel so much more laid back about his quirks. It's like now that I know he is not being difficult for the sake of being difficult, it is so much easier to tolerate. I can actually enjoy him more, knowing that this is the way he is wired and he is not deliberately trying to push my buttons.

Keep us updated!

 

[ireland_nicole]

Becky- try the tickets they sell for raffles, drawings, etc. They are in the office supply section of Wal-Mart and how much fun is it to count out tickets, tear them off, and throw them away at the end of the week. I can't do poker chips because they end up everywhere. It's like going to Chuck E. Cheese (stomach flu, anyone?). With 2 kids, just tear off one side for 1st and give other side to #2 (you know the tickets they use for door prizes where you write your info on one and keep the one with the # on it?)

My kids fight a lot, too. I am completely at a loss as to what to do. Most of it is DS being loud and unable to keep his hands to himself. He just can't stop touching EVERYONE!!! He gets in trouble for that a lot at school. I know it's sensory, because he will grab my arm hard when we are out in public and ask me to grab his arm back harder. After a week in WDW in December, my right arm was 6 inches longer than my left and black and blue the entire length of it (and I'm mean and try to keep him from grabbing me!!!)

If his sister and I hate it, then my poor dogs are going to go insane. We have 2 pugs and a Rottweiler/Great Dane cross and he is so mean to the big dog that I pray she only takes half his arm off just to teach him a lesson (she puts up with his constant hitting- she's kind of a big oof). I got 2 sibling pugs from the rescue this fall, hoping 2 would keep DS occupied, but he only likes the female and is constantly grabbing her to sit in his lap. That's not bad, but he can't sit still with the dog and is always flipping her ears or hugging her too hard. Most of the times, she runs when she sees him coming. I guess it's better than the flea infested back-yard puppy mill she and her brother came from, but I know she is trying to like my son, because she loves sitting with him when he wakes up in the AM and is very calm.

I'm yelling, pleading, time-outing, taking away stuff, showing him how much he hurts by doing the same things back to him, all to no avail. When he's in the zone where he needs to be physical, nothing works.

This may sound a tad harsh, but it is just as much our responsibility to care for our pets as our children. Not that we love them as much, or they top the priority list, but we chose to bring them into our homes, they are defenseless, and they depend on us for safety; as well as food and shelter. Being abused by our children is not better than a puppy mill at the end of the day. Dogs that are abused can become frightened and unsocial, and are at greater risk of being euthanized. If you have any feelings for the dogs, I would suggest either finding a way to keep them seperated from your child or rehoming them. I speak from a compassionate place, I also have dogs and an autistic(high functioning) child, who acts out and rages on a very regular basis. The dogs have been therapeutic, but only under very strict supervision. Before my kids (7 and 5 at the time) were allowed to touch the dogs, they had to feed, water and clean up after them. Then, at first they only were allowed to stroke the dogs on my lap. They were given positive feedback for gentle, appropriate touch, but with a rough touch, the dog was removed. Eventually, they were allowed to sit next to the dog, and that progressed to being able to hold the dog on the floor in their lap. All of these privileges were only allowed if they had enough "chips" for the day- we also use a chip system. I never, ever leave my daughter alone with the dogs. It is not in her best interests to hurt them, and certainly not in the dogs. That being said, I don't leave her alone with her brother either. If I can't be physically present with my daughter, I crate the dogs. They are used to it, and they are warm and safe.

FWIW, I am still having tremendous challenges with my daughters rages. She was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea as well, and I'm hoping surgery to correct that will help. We are also considering stronger meds. It is very hard, I am always exhausted, but I will never give up fighting FOR my daughter. The other day, as I was restraining her, right after she "reset", she actually thanked me for making her "mad" go away. I used that moment to remind her that we are all giving her tools to help her control her mad. And explaining that she is stronger than her mad. It's a slow process (mindnumbingly so) but in this case, failure is not an option.

On the sensory side, consider a weighted vest, even make a weighted jacket maybe so he gets that firm pressure. also a fabric swing or egg chair, a punching bag (my SPD son loves running into the bag), a nest of beanbags; we also use chew tubes and I have a small sandbox in the house filled with pinto beans because he like burying his hands in it. I also do a lot of kiddie burrito where I wrap them tightly in a blanket (with their head out, of course) and give some firm presure. My son is also doing better since we started Tae Kwon Do (the studio he is at is small and family run, and they are wonderful at accomodating him, while still helping him be challenged and meeting his full potential.)

We're all in this together, we're all making mistakes and trying desperately to learn from them. I've just maybe been at it a little longer

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Ireland Nicole,

DS is not with dogs unsupervised. He is never deliberately trying to hurt the pugs, but as with the rest of his life, he just doesn't have an internal voice telling him it's time to back off. It's been great that Suzie the pug has started running away from him because she runs straight to me or his DS and it is going to be the only way for him to truly understand that if he cannot control his actions, "people" don't want to be around him. And the rescue people met my son and had him interact with dogs at our home visit. It's not like he's Jeffery Dahmer trying to torture them. He just needs to know it's not OK to make her sit on his lap if she doesn't want to at the time or hug her. Gentle strokes, gentle strokes.

The big dog, Mimi, thinks the more physical the better. She loves that kid. We used to have a Jack Russell (he passed away- rattlesnake won the fight that time ) that loved my son and would sit with him for hours, sleep with him, etc. We think the Jack Russell was ASD, too.

Did you explain to the Tae Kwon Do folks about your son or did you just sign him up? I have been wondering if this would be a good thing for DS to get into. Apparently, DS does very well following direction in PE but not well in free play time-that's when he gets in trouble. I've seen a lot of NT kids that make my kid look like an angel, so I'm guessing the martial arts guys have a pretty good handle on kids who don't tow the line.

 

[mechurchlady]

I been setting here from the beginning of this thread and finally have to say something that will offend someone. I agree with Ireland Nicole on the dog issue. The animal is being hurt and that is wrong. He has to learn those things he is lacking in his brain wiring. He may not realize that he is hurting the dog but he can and will learn that hurting the dog is wrong and not allowed. Bookworm probably has great advice on this matter and Nicole had some great ideas. Would you keep handing your kid $50 bills if he destroyed them? Then why hand him a dog if he destroys him. I think Nicole's method is something you need to try. When he starts hurting the dog then the dog is removed.

Sorry but I love animals and had to see them suffer at my mother's hands for too long. I will never get the dog that I so need for therapy and friendship because of her. I hurt very much when I read about animals being hurt, sorry but that is the way I am wired and taught.

 

[ireland_nicole]

Ireland Nicole,

DS is not with dogs unsupervised. He is never deliberately trying to hurt the pugs, but as with the rest of his life, he just doesn't have an internal voice telling him it's time to back off. It's been great that Suzie the pug has started running away from him because she runs straight to me or his DS and it is going to be the only way for him to truly understand that if he cannot control his actions, "people" don't want to be around him. And the rescue people met my son and had him interact with dogs at our home visit. It's not like he's Jeffery Dahmer trying to torture them. He just needs to know it's not OK to make her sit on his lap if she doesn't want to at the time or hug her. Gentle strokes, gentle strokes.

The big dog, Mimi, thinks the more physical the better. She loves that kid. We used to have a Jack Russell (he passed away- rattlesnake won the fight that time ) that loved my son and would sit with him for hours, sleep with him, etc. We think the Jack Russell was ASD, too.

Did you explain to the Tae Kwon Do folks about your son or did you just sign him up? I have been wondering if this would be a good thing for DS to get into. Apparently, DS does very well following direction in PE but not well in free play time-that's when he gets in trouble. I've seen a lot of NT kids that make my kid look like an angel, so I'm guessing the martial arts guys have a pretty good handle on kids who don't tow the line.

I did speak to the studio before enrolling DS; i told them what his strengths and challenges were, and made sure that they were comfortable. In fact, they were excited about the opportunity to work with him, and really made us feel welcome. He is in a regular class, he is one of the oldest, as he is socially "immature" so he fits in well. He responds well to the structure that they have, too. The school is a Jhoon Rhee school, which I recommend; they focus on fun especially the early years, while also emphasizing respect and structure. I would be open with the school/studio. Better to find out before your child is enrolled if they are not willing to "accomodate" so to speak. Not so much in ADA terms, but more whether they really want to teach your child. That's not something that can be legislated, and I want my child to be under care/teaching/supervision of people who really want him to be there. BTW, he loves it!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Has anyone tried the "card" system at least for younger children. I was thinking about that. At school everyone starts the day out green and then there are consequences if you go to yellow, to orange to red. They can go back a space. My DS had his card turned once. It hasn't happened since. So I'm thinking of trying it at home. This way he has a visual of where he is at. Yellow would be a warning, orange would be a penalty and Red would be bigger penalty. The next day you start all over. I've talked to him about it and at first he did not like the idea, but when I explained it could help him know where he is he kind of thought it might be a good idea. I just have to get there. Just wondering if anyone has tried this already.

 

[BeckyScott]

DisDreamin, when we started taekwondo, the instructor/owner let us do a couple lessons for free. I would think, especially in this economy, they would be really wanting new students, they'd let you try before you buy. And there might be other things necessary- DS stayed in the preschool class (which was much less serious) into the 2nd grade. I was the one that finally pulled him out of that class and into the regular beginner class, he was just so much bigger than the rest of the kids it started to bother me. The other parents were very nice and they all knew DS's diagnosis, so it didn't bother them that this very tall 6-year-old was still in the preschool class. Or at least that's how they acted when I was around.

We did have some problems that kinda bugged me but I ignored. (aside from other problems I've mentioned before, like him using his stranger-escape techniques on me) The school we went to had heavy emphasis on testing and going to tournaments, and I think that's pretty common with ATA schools. You will probably be able to tell pretty early on if the school does that. It wasn't required but heavily encouraged, so you always kinda felt out of the loop if you didn't go to tournaments or really didn't care about belt rank. Having said that, ATA tournaments do have a special room/area for disabilities, so if we did go there would have been accomodation.

(speaking of, I believe the accomodations room is divided between physical and mental disabilities, which is giving me a flashback to that previous thread here) But point being, your child wouldn't be competing against an adult in a wheelchair, they consider them two very different things. We didn't go to tournaments (very occasionally DH would go to one) because they are money-sucking events.

I guess the bottom line is that we're not big into competition, that's not why we were taking class. And once you got out of preschool-level, that was the emphasis.

The upside was that there were many kids with ADHD there (this seems to be a common thing to try out when your kid is ADHD) and the main instructor had worked with several different disabilities before. There just came a point where DS "hit the wall" ability-wise and it got frustrating to him and I both, because he would have been in that beginner class for probably forever. But we managed well over two years before that happened, so it might not be a consideration for you at this point. While they were well-versed in how to do testing accomodations for physical disabilities, there wasn't anything in place for anything else. They had specific guidelines set up for what to do if, for example, you had no use of your legs, how to modify the testing so that the forms were done only with arms, etc etc, but nothing in place for situations like autism where there were some physical delays along with all the other stuff. I was torn between wanting to "make a difference" and lead them into better policy, and being tired of trying to save the world and just going home to watch Grey's Anatomy instead. If you kwim.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Tanks for info on Tae Kwon Do. Will look around in my area for qualified place and give it a try.

To poster who was asking about the card system (green, yellow, red), this is great. It's been used with DS since Pre-K and he totally gets it for the most part. I even had the sitters use it for him and it worked. Little kids can understand it because it's just like a stoplight. I use it a lot this summer, when boredom makes DS a little out of his mind and behavior escalates.

And to those of you who are concerned, please know that dogs are fine. DS spent half an hour quietly on sofa yesterday rubbing Suzie's tummy (her favorite). He started to want to hug her and then looked at me when I warned him and said, "I should go play-I don't want to make Suzie mad at me!" and ran off to his room.

Here's the deal- all children- not just ASD kids- need to learn how to treat animals. I've seen much worse from "normals" and after years spent doing horse rescue, I know that there are some people who really don't care how kids treat the animals. And if you saw how rough my pugs play with other dogs, be assured that they are not nearly as fragile as we think they are. (Though I do worry about eyes, but I could pull them too hard on the leash and do the same damage by accident). Dogs are supervised! I'm just waiting for the time when DS finally gets it like he did yesterday. It's coming.

How open are you to other people about your kids' diagnosis? Becky got me wondering. My DH doesn't like me to talk about it unless I have to, but sometimes it explains so much and avoids headaches. What do you do?

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Oh, Becky, how is it going in the house with system in place?

Interesting thing happened yesterday. I picked up kids from school and DD immediately said one of the boys from her class was teasing and being mean to DS in the carpool line. She was very angry about it (he didn't say much, though). She spent the rest of the day being SO nice to him. I couldn't believe it! I asked her how/why she was so nice to DS and she said she felt bad that the kid was so mean to him.

I asked her if she noticed that while she was being nice to him and playing with him, he never did anything to antagonize her the entire day. Usually he does a few things to get her attention, but since he had it the whole afternoon, he was just fine. It was so nice and peaceful...How can I pay the kids in the carpool line to be mean to DS so DD will keep on feeling bad for him?????

 

[BeckyScott]

Well, they're going to run out of coupons I'm guessing tomorrow. They can earn more, but not much. So that will be when it all breaks loose.

As far as who I feel the need to tell, it kinda depends on the day and the situation. When DS was younger, he was quite the flapper, so it was pretty easy to spot and saved me some work. I will always tell medical people or in an educational setting. That includes stuff like taekwondo or swim lessons, although I only tell the people he's in direct contact with. I think actually I've started mentioning less as he gets older. He's tried to use it as an excuse a couple of times, and I realized that he picked up on me mentioning it, so I've stopped saying anything unless it was really necessary.

As far as taekwondo went, I think most of the moms figured it out by themselves- plus- there were a couple of moms who worked in the school system and already knew him, or moms who were nurses, or one or two who would tell me they had a nephew with autism or their neighbor's child... stuff like that... so it wasn't a big deal. It also made me feel more comfortable when I would go out on the floor with him, that they knew why I was out there, or if their kids wanted to know why this huge child was in their class, they could explain it properly.

I don't just casually mention it to other parents at the playground. Except for the time that another mom came up to me and asked specifically, because she had suspected a PDD with her own son.

 

[koolaidmoms]

I am very open with most things but I have been burnt by a few parents when telling them about DS diagnosis. I told one mom, our older kids have been in class together for 2 years and were fairly friendly, about DS and after that she avoided us and would keep her DS away from my children. I have had something similar happen two other times so now I don't know.

DP is much more open about it. She will look right at strangers or others who make rude comments about DS's behavior or inappropriateness and tell them, "Just be thankful your child isn't autistic." (DS has been diagnosed with autism even though the Developmental Ped. thinks it is really Asp. Syn. and once he matures enough that is where he will land on the specturm.)

DD the other day had a friend in the car with us and DD's friend had finally had enough of DS and his perceverating on something and told him in no uncertain terms she was done with him. DS of course kept going. DD's friend was not pleased but DD looked at the friend and said, "He has autism. If you don't know what it is I have a book at home you can read." DD's friend stopped and let it go. I smiled inside. That is the first time she has kind of stuck up for him!

 

[mechurchlady]

Today I finally am seeing the variations in mom. Today is a bad day for her and I can tell that I am going to have to walk on eggs or get melt downs and fits. I had to wait for her coughing spell to end then she had to tell me the very important news that there was stuff on the door, OH MY. It did not matter that I had just told her I rolled out of bed and got wedged between the bed and book case. Normally she would ask questions and have concern but she was telling me in detail everything I had to do like "Put the book and rug against the door", put the mail there, and get the stuff off the door.

You think rules police is bad wait until you get someone who has to tell you to do everything. She would tell me everything in the fridge when I would go get something to eat. Remind me to lock the door, close the door, take out trash, and all of this is stuff I do automatically like turn off the porch light. A simple minute of stepping out the door and getting mail can end up with me getting 10 reminders like close the door.

Another of her quirks is not being able to say "I need" or "I want". She will drop a lot of hints but will never tell me she wants to go some place, needs new clothes, would like a hot dog, or anything. I have spent most of my life running from her and now I can see these quirks. Can you imagine a person who cannot tell you that they need new clothes or would like a certain book? Does anyone else have someone like that in their life?

Sending hugs and chocolates to all and warm wishes.
Laurie

 

[ireland_nicole]

Koolaidemom: Good on your daughter! she is showing wonderful maturity and poise!!

Mechurchlady: keep holding on; there will be better days too, I hope. Have you looked into any day programs or respite or in home support?

As far as letting people know; it's a constant balancing act and I never know if I'm doing the right thing... I do have an autism ribbon on the car, and at Disney at least we wear t-shirts. I have also been known to make comments; usually just "adventures in Autism" to adults who say something mean/inappropriate. It's usually enough to get them to stop.


BeckyScott: keep it up! you're doing great!!!

 

[BeckyScott]

Okay, I forgot about the autism ribbon on the car. And DH's car. And my MIL's car. (we bought three and couldn't figure out what to do with the spare) My MIL is not exactly the best spokesperson for ASD, but she does like to stick stuff on her car.

I've met other parents that way. I was at Wally World once, and a woman with an autism ribbon on her car was loading groceries into her trunk, so I stopped and talked to her. It was a grandma. And once, we must have been out of our minds, we were driving down the street and the person in front of us had one. We followed her back to her house. Amazingly, she didn't think we were crazy. The thing is, it used to be pretty unusual to spot those ribbons, now it's more common. Very sad. And there isn't a support group here (although a mom just started one, first meeting Thursday night so I'm going) so it's hard to find other parents. And I believe the mom who started the support group has a preschooler, which seems to be the way it works around here, usually DS is older than the other kids and instead of getting good info, I'm the one giving the good info. I mean, that's okay, but sometimes you want to hang out. She is having a local chiropractor speak at the meeting, locally he is known as sort of a quack, so it will be perfect (seriously), I'll have to ask him about the DAN stuff and see if he knows much about that, would save me some travel time.

Yesterday the kids were starting to rebel a bit, and I tried my best to squash that.

mechurchlady- just an idea, I don't know if this would work or not. The stuff that is automatic routine at your house-- for example, the going-to-bed routine of checking the doors, etc, or the steps involved in retrieving the mail, is it possible your mother could write down the steps for you? She could make a list of all the steps that you need to follow, and then you could stick it on your fridge or by the front door. Then when it's time you could tell her you're checking thru her list, carry it around with you while you do the stuff you normally do anyway. Then maybe she'd quit bugging you every time? It might not work at all, she might still feel the need to double-check, but on the off chance that it will help, it might be worth trying. She'd know that you have all the important stuff listed right there and won't forget it, and you'd be spared the constant barrage of yapping.

 

[mechurchlady]

Hugs Becky tight and gives her chocolates.

It is her coping mechanism like with autistic kids. Stress and illness bring out her quirks. When the quirks come out she copes the best she can. I just ignore it as she is not being bossy but just rattling off how everything should be. Even if it is out of order like put the rug against the door then lock the door.

I cannot put her in day care as it is a pain in the rump to get her out of the house. Pluck stray hairs, shave mustache, other grooming, change clothes. I rue the next trip to the doctor because it will be her demanding I do things even though I also have other things like bathroom, find keys and move the car.

You just live with it and love them despite their quirks. I let her speak until done or I will get a hissy fit and she will ignore what I am saying. I listen to her boring stories and obsessions with certain news stories. 9/11 was horrible for me in that she kept repeating over and over certain graphic bits. It is obsession like. Like your kids you just live with them and their quirks. You train them as best you can and live what you cannot change. I love her very much and when I see your kids I wonder what her life would have been life if she was loved and doted on and had parents that fought for her.

You parents look at my mom and me and be ye warned that without loving parents and strong community and school system your kids could end up like us. Breakfast time which is peanut butter, two sourdough toast, a spoonfull of jelly sometimes, mild jack cheese, and coffee with 2 sweet n low, 3 spoons of canned milk. Everyday the same thing. Dinner requires me giving her lots of food so she will fill up on what she loves. I even have eaten cold veggies (sensory issues) just to get them down and to get her to eat.
In the end I will stay with her and read this board for advice and idea.

Quirks and all you still love them and you duck the blows when they come. Just keep on and hope for the best. Keep your eyes out for good news from someone who went up against a school. Cannot say yet but it is good news.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Okay, Mechurchlady, here are more hugs. Good lord, I hope she's not physically violent with you. My grandmother was exactly like your mom and it was so hard on everybody. She was the most vile, abusive, selfish woman; though when she needed something from someone (most likely a stranger), she could be as sweet as honey. God help you if you were on her bad side. And she loved men but hated women. And she cut me out of the will when I had my first child. She always said children ruined her life and never wanted me to have any (mainly so I could take care of her). Glad she can't torture anyone anymore. She ruined so many people's lives with her behavior.

OK, now we have a new problem. We moved into a new (for us) very old house on Sunday. It's right near the road, so you can hear cars go by. It also has a heat pump (the kind that goes on and off all the time) and creaky wooden floors. Kids are on 2nd story. Now DS won't go to sleep because he's scared UNLESS he has the TV on (he only can watch movies). His sister is camping out with him, but as soon as she goes to sleep, he is scared and stays glued to TV.

Normally he is a great sleeper (if he can actually get to sleep!). Do you think this will burn itself out or should I get tough and turn off TV? He just winds himself up soooo much and would cry all night if I let him. He is truly frightened. I know it's only been a few days, but he's already exhausted. I do leave the lights on, too. (Full disclosure- I slept with lights on until I got married- I hate the dark unless there is 6'5" hunky man protecting me). DD can sleep through anything, but DS will watch until he passes out from exhaustion.

 

[mechurchlady]

The apple does not fall from the tree. Where did the tree come from? As you all sit here and talk about the quirks of your kids have you started noticing that some of you also have quirks. Little habits or have to have things a certain way or maybe you are have to have things done a certain way. I am realizing that I am an apple from a tree that is from a tree that is from a tree. My cousin used to get up and always before school crawl into her mother's bed. Every Saturday as a kid I would visit our grandmother and crawl into her bed and burrow in there. I think your mom probably had some neurovariations that made her the way she was.

I do not know what to tell you to do about night noises. You can try rationalizing the noises and explaining them to him. He wants the television to mask the noises. Does he have hyper hearing? Some kids and my mother can hear far away stuff. My mom could hear the cows lowing clear in Dairy Valley which was like miles away. Maybe the ladies and bookworm can come up with some ideas.

I will never give up on mom because I now know she is broken merchandise that has been cast off by society. She had them fits not because she was evil but she was overwhelmed. I am the miswired apple from a gnarled and damaged tree that once was an apple that fell close to a tree.

Now time fo rhugs and chocolates and for Becky the usual coffee.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

About the hyper hearing, when I was a child, I could hear the alarm system at the mall when I walked through the main doors. I would start screaming and crying until I got far enough away to make the intense sound in my ears go away. It was painful and many years later, I can still clearly remember how it made me feel. My mother thought I was lying until she asked the security guard one day and he said the only thing that could hear the system was a bat. After that, my mom used the entrance at the other end of the mall that didn't have that system.

DS does most likely have same problem. And yeah, if you read enough about ASD, you will realize that there are a lot of us that fall somewhere on the spectrum but we develop coping skills, marry great people, have good NT parents (my dad was wonderful). People often ask me why I'm not a raving loon, after the childhood I had. I just say they don't know me well enough! (But I'd bet that's why I like Disney so much...) It's all in how you look at it.

It's too bad that your mom didn't get the help she needed. I'm so sorry. But look at all the good you are doing for all of us. It's not our job to fix the past that we have no control over- but we'd be wrong not to try to prevent history from repeating itself.