Are manners becoming extinct?

[sam_gordon]

i also want to be formally announced

That might be creepy... I mean the guy would have to know your name!

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

I've found that the people that are saying manners are going downhill are the ones with the worst manners.

I have heard the same overly nice people say horrendous things about family members in private. Things that my "no manners" having self would never say.

 

[barkley]

That might be creepy... I mean the guy would have to know your name!

seems like these days it's become 'boomer' (allthough i much prefer the occasional 'mrs lady' i'm called by random toddlers )

 

[maxaroni]

Funny story, our 5 kids are in their 20’s, but loved playing outside when younger, especially sports. Our lots are only 60 feet wide, and the 2 houses on the right have built in pools in their back yards, which take up all if it. The 3 young boys next door and 2 young boys in the ne t house play football and baseball, so we told them and their parents to please play on our front yard so they can have 180 feet to play. I love hearing them out there!

We were always fine with the neighbor kids on our lawn. Our backyards were sizable as we butt up against Green Acres and our next door neighbor at the time said it was fine to use her backyard. She moved and her grandson & his wife moved in. DH & DS were having a catch outside and they were on the side yard between the 2 houses. One was standing on the property line, not going over as they hadn’t asked permission. Neighbor comes out and says the noises bother them, they were on our own property. Okay, they moved to the far back of our property. Fine, no problem. Said neighbors then had their own kids. Those kids were up and down our driveway on their cozy coupes, without asking. We didn’t say anything, no big deal

 

[maxaroni]

When we got married, we each called our in-laws mom and dad. I could never called friends of my parents by their first names as i became and adult, always Mr. & Mrs. When our DS31 was born, we wanted to be called Mr. & Mrs. as that’s how we were brought up. We were the only ones in our circle to want to be called Mr. & Mrs. It was first names only, some would say ”Miss First Name” or “Mr. First Name”.

Now, DS31 is married and they call each others in laws by first names, which seems to be fairly common. If we sign a card, it’s Mom & Dad. I also know it can be awkward for some to call their in laws mom and dad but that is how we were raised.

 

[georgina]

I genuinely do not understand how anyone could be insulted at another person kindly holding open a door. I am female and hold the door for everyone - male, female or whatever pronoun they wish to represent. It's just basic courtesy. The men always thank me - about 1/3 to 1/2 the women do.

Geez....I do think some people look for ways to be offended these days.

So, if there is a man walking behind you, you stop, open the door and wait so he can go in first? I find that bizarre, just as bizarre as the poster I responded to who said if a woman is behind him he stops and opens the door so she can go in ahead of him. Why? It's common courtesy to not slam the door behind you, but not to insist a woman you do not know go in first.

And I can't stand being called ma'am!

 

[shh]

So, if there is a man walking behind you, you stop, open the door and wait so he can go in first? I find that bizarre, just as bizarre as the poster I responded to who said if a woman is behind him he stops and opens the door so she can go in ahead of him. Why? It's common courtesy to not slam the door behind you, but not to insist a woman you do not know go in first.

And I can't stand being called ma'am!

In your scenario - yes - if a man is walking behind me, also intending to enter and is holding bags, a dog, or assisting a child/companion, etc, I'd hold the door and invite him to go through first. If he was alone & unencumbered, I'd hold the door until he could grab it himself. As you say, common courtesy. (Unless I felt unsafe and wanted to get away.)

If a man invites me through first? This doesn't insult me at all. I feel it's gallant and old fashioned in a nice way. My husband and all male family members all do this, as well as offer their seat to women - it's how they were raised. Now if I felt unsafe, I would certainly not do so and politely decline. But I probably would have been outta there by then anyway!

Some men in my family also call women "Ma'am." While I empathize with those who dislike it, I've seen others respond warmly and a few actually thank them for being so polite. I can't speak for all men, but the ones in my family were taught it is respectful. They do so with the best of intentions: they don't mean to insult or demean anyone.

Frankly, it's sad to me that we rarely give anyone grace or the benefit of the doubt anymore. We're all walking on eggshells: what pleases one insults another.

 

[dizneegirl]

Our niece and nephew have learned most of their manners from us, I think. Their parents don't seem concerned with teaching or enforcing usage of manners (including eating with your mouth closed, please and thank you, etc.).

 

[shh]

(including eating with your mouth closed,

So many kids do this and their parents never seem to notice or correct them. Yuck! But I gotta believe this will be socialized out of them sooner or later: someone is going to be grossed out enough to set them straight - whether it's a teacher, friend - just hopefully early enough in life so it's not a job interviewer, a coworker or the boss!

 

[Genie+]

Manners are customs, which can change and some even go extinct like a mannerasaurus. Decency and manners is not carved in the bedrock. Some people get carried away with their own very specific expectations of others, and to me that intolerance can end up even higher on the scale of impolite. My thinking that probably put me higher up on the scale to someone else. It’s always a 2 way street. Society tries to meet somewhere in the middle where most people are comfortable.

 

[goofyernmost]

or insulting to the woman. same thing with holding a door open for a woman-i personally know men whose common practice was if they were approaching a door ahead of a woman they would automatically open it and hold it open for the woman to enter prior to themselves. now they have seen or experienced being verbally berated for it so they have to balance the risk of being perceived by some as rude/others as sexist and insulting. no win situation.

That's a bunch of crap. I know of no one that was ever scolded because they held a door open, it's not sexist it is common courtesy for male or female.

Poor parenting is the cause of the decline of manners and the outside world all acting like spoiled little brats. Because they are spoiled little brats.

 

[sam_gordon]

That's a bunch of crap. I know of no one that was ever scolded because they held a door open, it's not sexist it is common courtesy for male or female.

Poor parenting is the cause of the decline of manners and the outside world all acting like spoiled little brats. Because they are spoiled little brats.

So when your kids generation was criticized for a lack of manners/acting like spoiled brats, it's the parent's fault?

Again, this is NOTHING new.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

That's a bunch of crap. I know of no one that was ever scolded because they held a door open, it's not sexist it is common courtesy for male or female.

Poor parenting is the cause of the decline of manners and the outside world all acting like spoiled little brats. Because they are spoiled little brats.

Wow! I meet a lot of sweet and well behaved kids. Related to me and just out and about. The ones that aren't are the outliers.

 

[barkley]

And I can't stand being called ma'am!

i prefer it to when it was common to be called 'miz' (ms.).

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Hard to believe, but we even have them in completely different countries. I think most of them would be pretty uniform, too, except maybe whether or not the ubiquitous use of the terms "Sir" and/or "Ma'am" is always mandatory.

Guess what? I live in the south now and only hear sir and ma’am in the same way I did prior to moving here — on occasion from cashiers/store associates. I never hear it from kids and my son’s teachers have not required it. The only exception has been my son’s taekwondo coaches, but that’s not surprising for an activity with such a heavy focus on discipline and respect.

The kids also use first names for their friends’ parents. The adults in the neighborhood discussed it first and decided that’s how we wanted the kids to address us.

I live in a very diverse, multicultural area and the “old southern ways” don’t seem to have much hold here despite the geographic location.

i prefer it to when it was common to be called 'miz' (ms.).

Ms. as a standalone or as the title preceding the last name? The latter is pretty standard nowadays, IME. I don’t think my son’s school even uses anything else for the women on staff like they did with the Mrs/Miss distinction when I was in elementary school.

 

[barkley]

Ms. as a standalone or as the title preceding the last name? The latter is pretty standard nowadays, IME. I don’t think my son’s school even uses anything else for the women on staff like they did with the Mrs/Miss distinction when I was in elementary school.

both but i'm remembering the standalone.

one of my fondest memories of how i was addressed is by a little girl who attended school with my kiddos when they were young. she always called me 'mrs. (insert my son's first name)'s mom'

 

[Babs Johnson]

both but i'm remembering the standalone.

one of my fondest memories of how i was addressed is by a little girl who attended school with my kiddos when they were young. she always called me 'mrs. (insert my son's first name)'s mom'

I did the same to a mom of one of my school friends whose last name I wasn’t sure about. Hello, Mrs. Brian’s Mom.

 

[mjkacmom]

So many kids do this and their parents never seem to notice or correct them. Yuck! But I gotta believe this will be socialized out of them sooner or later: someone is going to be grossed out enough to set them straight - whether it's a teacher, friend - just hopefully early enough in life so it's not a job interviewer, a coworker or the boss!

I believe I suffer from dysphonia and can’t stand the sounds of eating. Trust me, my kids close their mouths, and even doing so I can’t be in the room with cereal eaters. If I slurp something I offend myself. My dad required perfect table manners (yes, we couldn’t butter the whole roll at once). I once got the hiccups and was made to ask to be excused (my kids always asked, and even now as young adults thank me for dinner).

 

[The Mayor]

Acceptance of someone’s manners took a hit yesterday. This is one small example and it has never happened to me in my 69 years on this earth.

Yesterday morning when I was leaving the gym I held the door open for a young women, maybe late 20’s, and she stopped short and told me she was perfectly capable of opening the door herself. I was stunned, so I let go of the door and walked away too stunned to respond, which is a miracle for me!!

Now when I’m leaving or entering a building and see someone approaching I always hold the door whether it be man or woman but I was raised to always hold the door for a lady. Like I said, one small thing but these kinds of issues, and others, make me weep for the future of our country.

 

[goofyernmost]

So when your kids generation was criticized for a lack of manners/acting like spoiled brats, it's the parent's fault?

Again, this is NOTHING new.

Yup! Just because one might be from the same generation doesn't mean they are all entitled. Entitlement is what propagates bad manners. I don't think we are talking about table manners here we are talking about social manners. If my children are that way it was because I failed to teach them not to be. The same goes for my generation. My generation right now are the BIGGEST/LOUDEST most seen offenders, but the following generations are more widespread and it continues to grow.