Are manners becoming extinct?

[slo]

I don't think they are becoming extinct, but I do think they are being used less and less from all ages. So many times people point the finger at young people - teenagers do this, kids don't do that and it goes and on, and I gotta say....many times the ones complaining are the biggest offender of what they are complaining about. It's not just the young people, and when it is the young people, who do we think they are behaving like? It's the older people, and I'm not saying their parents, grandparents, family or friends, just older people in general. We need to do better as a society - all of us.

*When I say older people I'm meaning like 35 and up

 

[CdnCarrie]

And don’t forget the poster who has twice posted about how young people have no morals! Guess she’s perfect up there on her high horse.
Finally blocked her.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

*When I say older people I'm meaning like 35 and up

Millennials do not need any more stuff blamed on us

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I hold the door open for anyone close behind me, not just women. I don't always step-aside and let them through first, unless they're carrying something. I'll pause and hold the door behind me until they can get ahold of it themselves.

Exactly. You can hold the door open for a woman without making a big show of it. As such, I usually get a thank you from men and women behind me. Never have I been berated for doing so.

 

[jtopp]

Manners, common sense and decency are not extinct, but endangered. Seems like the older generation embraces it, but as they die off so do these qualities.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I just had an old friend text me asking me to call and catch up, as she's getting a manicure and "tethered to the manicure table."
I'm not sure who that is ruder to, me or the manicurist. And who could be that self-important?

I truly don't know what to think anymore.

It's rudest to the rest of the customers in the nail salon who don't want to listen to her conversation. Nothing drives me more crazy than people having full on extensive conversations in salons, waiting rooms, doctor offices, etc.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Ah, but why do you get to decide what others don't have to do? If someone has their arms full, or little kids to shepherd, by all means hold the door. But not just because the person behind you is a woman! Yuk! If you wouldn't do it for a man, you really don't need to act like that for a woman.


And that is what most people do. But to make some grand gesture of stepping back to make a woman go in front of you is creepy.

Creepy? If someone wants to hold a door for me I'll just say thank you and go about my day. I'm fairly certain it isn't intended as a grand gesture and they are just being kind and polite. I don't go out of my way to be offended by someone who is trying to do a nice thing. I don't assume they think I'm incapable since I'd spend a a lot time waiting by doors for someone to open it for me.

Life is difficult enough....if someone goes out of their way to be kind I appreciate it. Same way I'm sure I'm sure a person with a stroller has figured out how to get through doors by themselves, but I don't have creepy intentions if I hold it open and let them go through first to make a couple seconds of their life easier. Nor is it some grand gesture.

 

[holden]

My kids and their friends all have good manners...pleases, thank yous, holding doors, etc.

What I do think has changed among teens is this: they are bored.

When I was a teen we had so many things to do - go to the mall, movies, teen "night clubs," etc. Now the malls are mostly empty, no one really goes to the movies because you can stream everything, and we don't have any teen clubs/hangouts around here. Add to that social media/phone use and it's a recipe for disaster. As a result I've seen lots of teens causing trouble in our small town.

It reminds me of the movie Over the Edge.

 

[BayouQueen]

It's rudest to the rest of the customers in the nail salon who don't want to listen to her conversation. Nothing drives me more crazy than people having full on extensive conversations in salons, waiting rooms, doctor offices, etc.

I agree with this.

 

[Smugpugmug]

My kids and their friends all have good manners...pleases, thank yous, holding doors, etc.

What I do think has changed among teens is this: they are bored.

When I was a teen we had so many things to do - go to the mall, movies, teen "night clubs," etc. Now the malls are mostly empty, no one really goes to the movies because you can stream everything, and we don't have any teen clubs/hangouts around here. Add to that social media/phone use and it's a recipe for disaster. As a result I've seen lots of teens causing trouble in our small town.

It reminds me of the movie Over the Edge.

Doesn't help that at least for malls in my area, they completely banned unsupervised teens. Everyone 18 and under must be supervised by someone 21 and older.

 

[Travel60]

I think somewhere people got manners confused with etiquette. They don't need to know how to set a formal table, respond to a formal invitation, figure out which fork to use or greet a dignitary (etiquette). So they think that's manners and that they don't need those either. While manners is rooted in cultural norms (and may vary across cultures), manners is more about putting other people at ease and showing respect. IMO

 

[loves to dive]

I do think that we are failing, as a society to teach manners but I also think that our view of what is considered good manners has changed. Society has been evolving and behaviors that our grandparents would have considered essential to good manners are not the same in today's society. There is a whole generation of women who died never knowing how to open a car door for never having had to. But in todays world, a man jumping out of the car and running over to open a woman's car door would be described as old fashioned (at best).

Both my son and my hubby still open doors. My son because I raised him to, hubby didn't do it before we got together but it's second nature to him now. The first time he did it for his mom she about fell over. To be fair, they both open doors for both men and women. But I was raised in the south by southern parents who were raised by southern parents, etc. so manners were taught at birth. My son actually got in trouble in the Navy for saying sir when he wasn't supposed to. Finally his superiors were just, you know what, we know you were raised in the south (as if his accent didn't give that away) so we are going to give you a pass. He told them thanks, since he knew somehow I would know if he didn't say it. My brother's girls were born and lived in New York State until they were around 5 or 6 so they just said yes and no to adults. It didn't take them long to learn that wouldn't work with me or my mama or even my son. Why my brother didn't teach them to say ma'am and sir when he was raised that way is weird since he still does it.

Are we as a society losing manners, are the idea of what manners are changing? Most likely a little of both, but to quote one of my favorite movies "South Pacific" "you have to be carefully taught".

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

manners is more about putting other people at ease and showing respect. IMO

There's a term for it---table manners. I didn't coin the term generations before me did. If you feel the need to set the record straight you may need to ingrain that in entire generations.

Case in point the the advice column I was thinking about
" DEAR MISS MANNERS: My two grandchildren, ages 7 and 9, are very sweet but have terrible table manners. I lived with them for 18 months during the pandemic and taught them to put their napkins in their laps, keep their elbows off the table, hold a knife and fork properly and chew with their mouths closed. However, we just went on a family vacation together and I had to remind them of every rule during every meal. When they are at their mother’s house, she doesn’t correct them, and my son has gotten tired of trying. How can I convince the children that table manners matter?"

Also to some etiquette=showing respect and putting others at ease. Precisely why these conversations go round and round and round

 

[Boopuff]

Oh! my bad. I seriously forgot that I had previously posted about this awhile ago. Literally, brain fart.... sorry, but I love the responses. Sorry for the repeat. Continue...

 

[slo]

And that is what most people do. But to make some grand gesture of stepping back to make a woman go in front of you is creepy.

Creepy?
Seriously?
I think it’s very kind and gentlemanly.
I’m always flattered when a man holds the door for me and tells me to go ahead of him. I thank him for his kindness and go about my way.

If society is seriously starting to think this way, that a man doing a gentlemanly act is creepy, than this is no longer a world that I know anymore.

 

[CdnCarrie]

My kids and their friends all have good manners...pleases, thank yous, holding doors, etc.

What I do think has changed among teens is this: they are bored.

When I was a teen we had so many things to do - go to the mall, movies, teen "night clubs," etc. Now the malls are mostly empty, no one really goes to the movies because you can stream everything, and we don't have any teen clubs/hangouts around here. Add to that social media/phone use and it's a recipe for disaster. As a result I've seen lots of teens causing trouble in our small town.

It reminds me of the movie Over the Edge.

My teens still go the mall and movie theatres. They hang out with friends, go to sporting events.
I guess a small town is different.

 

[China Expat]

Definitely not taught at home in many many instances.

 

[leahgoogle]

Ah, but why do you get to decide what others don't have to do? If someone has their arms full, or little kids to shepherd, by all means hold the door. But not just because the person behind you is a woman! Yuk! If you wouldn't do it for a man, you really don't need to act like that for a woman.


And that is what most people do. But to make some grand gesture of stepping back to make a woman go in front of you is creepy.

I don't consider it creepy. It shows respect. I am confident enough in my womanhood to accept a man holding the door for me and letting me go first.

 

[ronandannette]

Creepy?
Seriously?
I think it’s very kind and gentlemanly.
I’m always flattered when a man holds the door for me and tells me to go ahead of him. I thank him for his kindness and go about my way.

If society is seriously starting to think this way, that a man doing a gentlemanly act is creepy, than this is no longer a world that I know anymore.

Yes, I completely agree. That post you answered was hogwash.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Both my son and my hubby still open doors. My son because I raised him to, hubby didn't do it before we got together but it's second nature to him now. The first time he did it for his mom she about fell over. To be fair, they both open doors for both men and women. But I was raised in the south by southern parents who were raised by southern parents, etc. so manners were taught at birth. My son actually got in trouble in the Navy for saying sir when he wasn't supposed to. Finally his superiors were just, you know what, we know you were raised in the south (as if his accent didn't give that away) so we are going to give you a pass. He told them thanks, since he knew somehow I would know if he didn't say it. My brother's girls were born and lived in New York State until they were around 5 or 6 so they just said yes and no to adults. It didn't take them long to learn that wouldn't work with me or my mama or even my son. Why my brother didn't teach them to say ma'am and sir when he was raised that way is weird since he still does it.

Are we as a society losing manners, are the idea of what manners are changing? Most likely a little of both, but to quote one of my favorite movies "South Pacific" "you have to be carefully taught".

I was born in the Northeast, raised by parents from the Northeast and I was also taught manners from birth. The South doesn't have some sort of monopoly on manners.