Weddings Sure Have Changed..

[olwyngdh]

My parents and my grandparents, all have numerous China sets. They have curios filled with, what I call crap, that they expect us to take. I don't want that stuff. We won't use them and so they just sit there, taking up space and collecting dust. A few years ago, I had a conversation with my grandma about all of her sets. She said that they collected them because everyone else did and it was about showing off when you had guests over. She admitted how dumb that was and it does not matter what you serve your meal on. I started serving Thanksgiving on paper plates to have less of a mess and she said how smart that was and lamented all of the years of extra work she had to do. LOL

I do all the holidays with the china, silver, and crystal. Holidays can include birthdays, report cards, the second full moon of the month...anything. My youngest loves polishing the silver, as much as I did when I was young and still would if she would let me. I don't mind handwashing the china and crystal. I love celebrating the small things as much as the large and something as simple as a meatloaf is elevated by the place setting. I understand the desire to simplify--my oldest runs that way as does her husbands family. For my youngest and me, the connection to history and to the stories told are important. I guess that is part of why I am the family genealogist and she is studying Archeology. The past is alive to us.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

I think a lot of what has changed in terms of the couple taking the reigns is that more couples are waiting until they are a few years older to marry, *if they ever do actually marry.
They are tired of the "well, I'm paying for it, so I should get a say stick." They would rather pay for it themselves and have it be a reflection of who they are as a couple, versus being inundated with everyone else's opinion, because they are "paying for it."

 

[TLSnell1981]

Same. I don't think my oldest is interested in it, but I know my youngest wants it all. Not sure where she will keep it and when she will use it as she is studying Archeology with the intention on working digs in the Mediterranean, but once I'm dead it is her problem, not mine.

And sometimes they change their minds when they are a little older and have kids. It’s made a difference with mine. It’s been a tradition as long as they can remember with grandparents and parents. We tell family stories while setting the table and doing the dishes afterwards. Those place settings have fed lots of folks over the years.

 

[Lilsia]

I do all the holidays with the china, silver, and crystal. Holidays can include birthdays, report cards, the second full moon of the month...anything. My youngest loves polishing the silver, as much as I did when I was young and still would if she would let me. I don't mind handwashing the china and crystal. I love celebrating the small things as much as the large and something as simple as a meatloaf is elevated by the place setting. I understand the desire to simplify--my oldest runs that way as does her husbands family. For my youngest and me, the connection to history and to the stories told are important. I guess that is part of why I am the family genealogist and she is studying Archeology. The past is alive to us.

I think it is great that you want to do that. Everyone should that wants to. I am against expecting others to go all out with the fancy china, just to impress others. And I am certainly against making your children ask for things on their wedding registry because you think they should have it, which is what happened to a lot of people "back in the day".

 

[Boopuff]

And I am certainly against making your children ask for things on their wedding registry because you think they should have it, which is what happened to a lot of people "back in the day".

Omg. Yep. My mom made sure I asked for "good china, crystal and silver" I do pull all the fancy stuff out on every special occasion. But my mom (an only child) had her china, and when Gram passed, she now had two sets! So now my mom has passed and I have 3! sets! thankfully I have two girls so they each got a set (they really didn't want it...) but my mom also had sets (lots of sets) of really nice crystal glass ware. No one wants that stuff. Tried selling it to no avail. So I quickly boxed it up, and now it's sitting at Goodwill.

 

[MissBritt]

My 20 something kids and I just had a conversation about their generation getting married. DS24 was horrified that his fraternity brother just got engaged at 25. DS thought he was “packing it in” way too soon. In his opinion, guys shouldn’t even think about marrying until they are 30-32. DD22 on the other hand hopes to get married at age 24-26. Most of my friends kids are getting married at 24-26 as well. I have no idea where my DS came up with 32. Looks like it may be a long time before I’m a grandma. Thirty years ago, DH and I were the first of our friends to get married at 23 (DH) and 25 (me). My best college girlfriends married at 29, 31 and 35. So I guess I was young.

I am the oldest in a VERY large family with only 1 brother. He watched 4 of us get married and swore he'd wait til 30 to tie the knot. Then he met someone and was hitched the same week he turned 23.

 

[Cheburashka]

Back in the 1980s when my friends and I were all getting married, the gal wore a floofy white dress, her parents were the 'host' of the wedding, inviting their friends and circle of peers, showers were thrown, the gifts put on display at the mother's home, thank you notes were written, china/crystal were chosen, etc etc. And if the girl's parents could afford it, they foot the bill. The groom's family hosted a rehersal dinner.

I do realize this was not the same for everyone and I am painting with a broad brush.

Nowadays, it seems only the couple does the planning themselves, the parents are told when to show up, no more showers, not a lot of thank you notes mailed out.

This has been the experience for me, my best friends and their 20 something kids.

Is it the same in all parts of the country?

I'm not complaining at all. AT ALL. So please don't assume I am.

I'm just pointing out how things have changed.

We're in the southern part of the US. My 20 something kid is getting married this fall and hasn't needed my help although I have offered to do anything at all they might need. I'm super excited for this event!

Thoughts? What's been your experience? Do you think all the old traditional wedding events have forever changed?

It's definitely different because a lot more couples marry at an older age, so they are more economically and emotionally independent from their parents when they marry. And that changes the wedding.

 

[Wayland10]

I do all the holidays with the china, silver, and crystal. Holidays can include birthdays, report cards, the second full moon of the month...anything. My youngest loves polishing the silver, as much as I did when I was young and still would if she would let me. I don't mind handwashing the china and crystal. I love celebrating the small things as much as the large and something as simple as a meatloaf is elevated by the place setting. I understand the desire to simplify--my oldest runs that way as does her husbands family. For my youngest and me, the connection to history and to the stories told are important. I guess that is part of why I am the family genealogist and she is studying Archeology. The past is alive to us.

I was going to say- I’m an archaeologist too, and I love antique China, the link to tradition and memory. I think we’re just wired that way!

 

[Hisgirl]

So a suggestion regarding old china sets.

My mama had a set of china with eight place settings. She wasn't using it any longer and it had ended up stacked up at my house. Where I didn't want it.

I went to hobby hobby and purchased seven beautiful large, round hat boxes. They have fitted lids.

For Christmas, I bubble wrap stacked one place setting and gave each granchild one place setting with a beautiful note from my mama, asking them to remember them when they used it. Each girl received a plate, cup, saucer and dessert plate.

I figured everyone had room for that, and could pull out the cup for a cuppa tea one day a year and think on their legacy, history, family stories. Or....send it off to goodwill.

Everyone LOVED their gift, and one young grandgirl got teary eyed.

I've also seen people take the teacup and place a little flower in it.

 

[Jonathan J]

So a suggestion regarding old china sets.

My mama had a set of china with eight place settings. She wasn't using it any longer and it had ended up stacked up at my house. Where I didn't want it.

I went to hobby hobby and purchased seven beautiful large, round hat boxes. They have fitted lids.

For Christmas, I bubble wrap stacked one place setting and gave each granchild one place setting with a beautiful note from my mama, asking them to remember them when they used it. Each girl received a plate, cup, saucer and dessert plate.

I figured everyone had room for that, and could pull out the cup for a cuppa tea one day a year and think on their legacy, history, family stories. Or....send it off to goodwill.

Everyone LOVED their gift, and one young grandgirl got teary eyed.

I've also seen people take the teacup and place a little flower in it.

Wow, that's was really good. I am getting married next month and would like to set up a surprise for my wife, but I am struggling to find good ideas. She loves music and thus I changed the theme of the wedding to music-related without knowing her. Initially, we together have prepared the banquet hall with a colour theme. I also organized a band to play music. I like to do something more that will surprise her and also to make cool photos and videos. Any good ideas out there?

 

[Lady Gaga]

Wow, that's was really good. I am getting married next month and would like to set up a surprise for my wife, but I am struggling to find good ideas. She loves music and thus I changed the theme of the wedding to music-related without knowing her. Initially, we together have prepared the banquet hall with a colour theme. I also organized a band to play music. I like to do something more that will surprise her and also to make cool photos and videos. Any good ideas out there?

Ummm... my idea/suggestion would be that you NOT change the theme of the wedding without first consulting your wife-to-be!

 

[ronandannette]

Ummm... my idea/suggestion would be that you NOT change the theme of the wedding without first consulting your wife-to-be!

Right?!? My DH changed the style of his attire as a “surprise” for me. I was so shocked to see him standing at the alter in a bright purple tux that I barely made it down the aisle. If the entire decor had been different I’m pretty sure I would have assumed I was in the wrong place and turned around and walked back out.

 

[Keli]

My sister got married 3 years ago and her wedding was very traditional. Other than a Poufy dress, hers was very much like you described as "80's weddings". We are in KY, so the northern part of the south.

I'm in KY too and for us weddings are much different now than in the 80's. When my daughter married 12 yrs ago we told her how much we would give her towards the wedding and she planned the whole thing, possibly our son in law had a hand in the planning but i really doubt it, lol. It was a much more sophisticated affair than weddings in the 80's and wasn't in a church. But it was lovely and they are still happily married 12 yrs later so no complaints from me.

 

[Magical2017]

A lot of people in our family get married in their late twenties or early thirties after grad school, so many live together first. They don't need much. The parents still pay for some of the wedding but they also chip in. Thank you notes are always sent out, and there are showers (some of the showers have been virtual, with the host sending out a package of goodies in the mail for the guests to use/play at the shower). We have mainly started giving cash to the wedding couples that have lived together for a number of years vs giving a gift on the registry.

 

[MamaLema]

DS is getting married next year. So far they spend their Friday nights planning. I have told them I am here to help you plan if you need me but so far they haven’t asked. I am making the wedding cake myself though.

We will give him a set amount but he knows not to expect too much because we are putting his 2 brothers through school at the same time.

 

[Darcy03231]

Four out of our six children are married. We wrote a check to the couple for them to use as they wished. No one wanted a shower as they had all been living together for a while before they got married and didn't need anything. 2 of the 4 had already purchased a house. Thank you notes were sent.

 

[ronandannette]

Oh good Lord, preserve us from the "Pintrest/Instagram wedding". As I sit here typing (after a huge dose of Advil), every bone in my body hurts from a rigorous 12 hour day of helping put together a wedding yesterday for a dear friend's daughter. The scope of the bride's "vision" was truly epic and it definitely grew over the past year it was deferred due to Covid.

Today's version of DIY is not necessarily budget-conscious and certainly not simple and modest like it was back in our day. And one must go all-out whether there's 25 guests or 250. A million and one little details that all had to be just so, requiring a lot of money (when it all added up) and an army of helping hands to bring it to life. And I shudder to think about who was scrambling around that venue at 2:00 am this morning cleaning all that **** up.

 

[Lady Gaga]

Oh good Lord, preserve us from the "Pintrest/Instagram wedding". As I sit here typing (after a huge dose of Advil), every bone in my body hurts from a rigorous 12 hour day of helping put together a wedding yesterday for a dear friend's daughter. The scope of the bride's "vision" was truly epic and it definitely grew over the past year it was deferred due to Covid.

Today's version of DIY is not necessarily budget-conscious and certainly not simple and modest like it was back in our day. And one must go all-out whether there's 25 guests or 250. A million and one little details that all had to be just so, requiring a lot of money (when it all added up) and an army of helping hands to bring it to life. And I shudder to think about who was scrambling around that venue at 2:00 am this morning cleaning all that **** up.

Ohhh, I would love to see photos!

 

[ronandannette]

Ohhh, I would love to see photos!

Well, I don't think I should post any without their permission but if you google "autumn wedding decor ideas" you will get the basic gist of it.

 

[lifesavacation]

Don't even get me started on weddings these days! DS is engaged and his fiance's mom has a ton of big ideas. I was more than happy to contribute money and stay far away from the planning, but they specifically asked that we plan the rehearsal dinner. The fiance's mom then told us she wants all 350 guests invited, music, plated food, slideshows, and speeches. The whole thing turned into major ordeal and we politely told them we'd cap the guest list at 150, which I still feel is excessive given it's a rehearsal dinner but whatever. The fiance's family was so insulted by this they decided to host their own rehearsal dinner and that's when we tapped out. Not going to get involved in dueling rehearsal dinners. DS and his fiance were given a set amount of money and they can spend it on the dinner or whatever they want. Just leave us out of it so we can show up and convince ourselves that his fiance isn't as high maintenance as her mother. And don't even get me started on the post-wedding brunch the next day.