Weddings Sure Have Changed..

[Disneyfan754321]

My my ds26 got married I was surprised when his bride gave all her bridesmaids and moms the color they were to wear and they all picked what type of dress they wore. The maid of honor and our son ( bow tie/cb) wore the the coordinating color. Apparently it's the trend ... I liked it but I was expecting to be told what color to wear.

 

[wgeo]

I like that everyone these days can do whatever fits them best and doesn't have to worry about fitting whatever "tradition" dictates for them.

I think we probably had what was considered a very traditional wedding 20 years ago, wouldn't change too much, although for sure I would definitely not have registered for china. What a waste, I have drug that china around the country through many moves, it almost never gets used and is generally just a waste of space.

Mainly, weddings are just delightful and I'm happy to celebrate whatever way the couple wants to.

 

[ForceofWill]

Married in Vegas with just us, it was awesome. Neither of our parents could have afforded to give us a big wedding even if we wanted it. Our families are scattered all over the country, would have been a logistical nightmare.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

My 20 something kids and I just had a conversation about their generation getting married. DS24 was horrified that his fraternity brother just got engaged at 25. DS thought he was “packing it in” way too soon. In his opinion, guys shouldn’t even think about marrying until they are 30-32. DD22 on the other hand hopes to get married at age 24-26. Most of my friends kids are getting married at 24-26 as well. I have no idea where my DS came up with 32. Looks like it may be a long time before I’m a grandma. Thirty years ago, DH and I were the first of our friends to get married at 23 (DH) and 25 (me). My best college girlfriends married at 29, 31 and 35. So I guess I was young.

 

[Disneychick75]

My husband and I had a largish wedding 350-400 people. Our daughter and her now wife chose to have a smaller wedding with about 55 people attending. We paid for everything. She and I bought her dress and we both chose the menu.

I don't really care who pays.

If someone tells me what to wear, I won't go.

 

[TLSnell1981]

We still have old traditional weddings in the South...minus the “fluffy gown”.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

There's an adjustment in just what people view needs to occur for a wedding to happen and what that wedding entails. That's not to say that there still aren't all sorts of weddings that have a lot to them but it's not seen as a necessity any longer.

I'd say thank you notes are still important to most couples (just the way it's done may have changed) but there's always someone who complains about what the thank you card entails. Acknowledgement in some form is nice and IMO still expected, but if it's shorter than you like, not in cursive, or not in gold plated ink..it's still okay (sorry feeling a little saucy today lol).

A lot of people here on the DIS see showers as gift-grabby (even if I don't share that opinion) so I'd think those people would be fine without it.

Weddings are still first and foremost about the couple getting married so I see no harm in the couple taking over the planning. In a strange twist I find it more interesting that an adult act of getting married it's/it was expected for there to be so much family involvement and must do's primarily from the parents. I realize how it was ages ago with the woman basically leaving the home to go to another home but it's been way different for quite a long time but that parental involvement/expectation (not necessarily in a negative way) has stuck around a lot longer it seems.

 

[BayouQueen]

When DS married a few years ago, it was as others have said -- we were stunned at how many people we had to host for the rehearsal dinner. Very big dinner party. Oh well, we did it.

When DD married a few years ago, she planned virtually everything, as she has a lot of background in event planning. We basically just paid and showed up. Between the friends of the bride and groom and the groom's family, there were a ton of people, so DH and I basically invited like five people.

Both weddings were beautiful and we adore our DSIL and DDIL, so all is well. But I can't say that the wedding process itself was very fulfilling.

 

[disykat]

I do miss church weddings, but certainly agree it's important for the couple to have what they want. I planned my own and had a gift of money from my parents to cover about half of my inexpensive (cake and punch in the church hall) wedding. I gave my oldest enough to pay about 1/3 of their wedding banquet/party and hosted a rehearsal dinner. Plan to do the same for other son and would've done about the same for a daughter.

 

[a1tinkfans]

What??? You can’t be serious?? No. And also the use of the word “gal” makes me think the op is seriously out of touch.

I use gal all the time lol. … out of touch? Perhaps it’s more of a a regional word? Or perhaps, I’m out of touch too lololol

 

[Karin1984]

Hi Karin I’d be interested to hear what weddings are like in NL.

Oh I am really not the person to ask, as I am not part of community where people get married. I am 37 and I had 3 weddings in the last 10 years (Ok, I am not a social butterfly).
I think registered partnerships are also popular. The Dutch are very pragmatic, organizing a wedding is quite a hassle. If you want a party with your family, have a party ;-)

I think the standard is:
Go to city hall / church to have the ceremony, I think wedding venues are a bigger thing n the US. There are plenty throughout NL, but also a lot of people who do everything at city hall. An employee of city hall is the officiant. There are always moments at city hall where you can get married for free.
Then you have a lunch/dinner en then a party. Somewhere in between the couple goes to take their pictures.
It's normal to make a difference between people you invite for the entire day, or the ceremony & party. You can specify on the invitation for what you invite the guests.
For gifts, as most people have already lived together, we don't have registries to get household stuff. Most common gift is money, and if you as the couple want to receive money as a gift you put a little envelope icon on the invitation. If the guest wants to be funny they can wrap the money in something sticky / gory (think a box filled with €50 in pennies, saw dust and syrup).


1. The wedding of a gay couple. Couple was in their mid/late twenties, and together for 5-10 years. This was a day wedding with maybe 20 guests. We went to city hall, had the ceremony which took 20 - 30 minutes. And then we left to a nearby small cafe to have something to drink, they had rented it out. Their aunt had baked a cake. I do not remember what they did with presents. I think they unpacked them there in front of us. I am pretty sure they paid for all of it themselves. They both bought new suits, but with it in mind that they could wear the suits later.

2. Re-wedding for a couple who got married abroad, as a large part of the bride's family was not living in NL. They had to go to city hall here to make their marriage recognized in NL as well. And because not all their Dutch friends could travel abroad / weren't invited, they made this a bit bigger with a ceremony at city hall. For the bride a good excuse to wear her wedding dress again. And after that we went the parents of the groom's house with homemade snacks.
My suspicion is that the wedding abroad was paid for by the parents and was more in line with what people consider traditional weddings. The dress was at least poofy.
The re-wedding was on a Monday morning, so I guess it was a free ceremony at city hall, and homemade snacks don't have to cost a lot, so the couple probably paid for that.

3. Was the wedding of a distant cousin. We were invited as ceremony/party guests. We went to city hall, then they left with their dinner-guests to have dinner. Me and my mom had dinner in town, and then we left to the party location for the rest of the evening. It could be my aunt & uncle paid for some, but as the couple was older and together for a longer time, I think they already had at least 1 kid, I assume they paid for everything themselves.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

I like that everyone these days can do whatever fits them best and doesn't have to worry about fitting whatever "tradition" dictates for them.

I think we probably had what was considered a very traditional wedding 20 years ago, wouldn't change too much, although for sure I would definitely not have registered for china. What a waste, I have drug that china around the country through many moves, it almost never gets used and is generally just a waste of space.

Mainly, weddings are just delightful and I'm happy to celebrate whatever way the couple wants to.

The part about the china reminds me of our wedding. We were college students when we got married, so registered for inexpensive, practical stuff our friends could afford. My grandparents however really wanted us to register for china, crystal, silverware so to appease them, off to Macy’s we went. We assumed they could pick something off of it and be happy. Wouldn’t you know, it all went on sale right before our wedding, so everybody bought it! We have 12 full place settings and almost never use it!

 

[disykat]

I chose "chinastone" that would work for every day and fancy. We used it daily until we had kids, then occasionally afterwards for 30 years and still going. I'm glad I have it, but now you can buy pretty nice sets pretty economically so if I were marrying now I wouldn't choose it. I bought something that coordinates with my grandmothers wedding china and so did my mom. I could have a formal dinner for 28 -and that won't be happening! I do occasionally supplement my 8 place settings from the other sets but haven't served a formal dinner for more than about 14. (We actually had 32 people for a sit down meal with tables in the dining room, nook, family room, and living room, but we used chinette paper plates because there's no way I could have managed the dishes!)

 

[EMom]

I use gal all the time lol. … out of touch? Perhaps it’s more of a a regional word? Or perhaps, I’m out of touch too lololol

I don't use "gal" but my relatives from the Midwest use it all the time. I do think it may be a regional thing.

 

[_19disnA]

There is a similar recent thread on here discussing weddings and who pays for what. It seems to me that those getting married now tend to be more independent and less bound by 'rules' that existed 40+yrs ago. Some may not have the means to afford a big wedding or just don't care for all of that. More couples now seem to do what works for them regardless of how it might have been done in the past. Various couples we know in their 20's getting married now each have chosen a different type of format from something more traditional (rehearsal dinner, wedding, reception) to those who got married in a park with just close family members present and chose not to have any kind of reception. I think that is how it is done nowadays regardless of what part of the country you are from.

 

[dvcgirl67]

We're invited to a wedding in August. It's a big wedding....few hundred people. There was an engagement party back in 2019 for this couple. Then they postponed their 2020 wedding to this year because of the pandemic. I heard there was a bachelorette party. There was a bridal shower (I sent a gift). And the wedding has not only the reception, but also the after party, which starts at 11:00pm and goes until 2:00 am.....which everyone is invited to as well. I see that all of the time now with weddings in this area. Mostly immediate family and younger relatives and friends go to that. But it'll be open bar with a DJ. This one even has a brunch the next day if you stay over at the hotel. I don't know....it's just too much. This is for my husband's cousin's daughter....and we're not close, and so we've decided not to attend, but will send a gift. But...compared to our wedding in the late 90s, weddings today seem to be bigger and longer and more, more more.

Here in the Northeast we've been to some crazy expensive weddings. We even attended on in 2017 at St. Patrick's Cathedral in NYC. The couple was married by Cardinal Timothy Dolan. That's a pretty tough "get".....you need to know some people, and apparently the bride's parents had connections. The reception had to have been 250K....easy. Sadly, that couple is now separated and headed for divorce. Thankfully, they didn't have children and so it'll be an easy split once they divide up the assets. I'm friends with the mother of the groom in that scenario, and now all of the huge wedding portraits of that day have been taken down from the walls in her home.

We're not religious people, but did find a Reverend to marry us....we had a destination wedding in Florida....and we found him on the internet and paid him $200....lol. Twenty-three years and counting....

 

[MillauFr]

The part about the china reminds me of our wedding. We were college students when we got married, so registered for inexpensive, practical stuff our friends could afford. My grandparents however really wanted us to register for china, Crystal, silverware so to appease them, off to Macy’s we went. We assumed they could pick something off of it and be happy. Wouldn’t you know, it all went on sale right before our wedding, so everybody bought it! We have 12 full place settings and almost never use it!

Same with us. My wife's mom insisted we register for the China. When we got some we returned it all to Macy's and got the stuff we really wanted. High end pots/pans, good knives.... I think the fancy china is a thing of the past.

 

[sk!mom]

Aw, that's too bad. We didn't come from 'try to impress' people. Our rehersal dinner was in the church reception hall, catered by a family friend, and our wedding was not a brag fest. In fact, it was a very sweet event that my parents pulled together and ran everythiing by me to keep me informed of what was going on. No nightmares, no forcing ideas, no brag fest.

Glad you were able to pull a happy wedding together that was perfect for you.

Were you a young bride? I ask because “the parents pulled it all together” seems to be more a thing of the past when brides were young.

My DD25 married at the end of 2019 (thank God she beat the pandemic.) They were 23 and 24, a year out of college and living and marrying in a big city 3 hours away. They knew what they wanted and planned it all. By contrast, 40 years ago, I was an 18 year bride whose mom planned it all.

I like that everyone these days can do whatever fits them best and doesn't have to worry about fitting whatever "tradition" dictates for them.

I think we probably had what was considered a very traditional wedding 20 years ago, wouldn't change too much, although for sure I would definitely not have registered for china. What a waste, I have drug that china around the country through many moves, it almost never gets used and is generally just a waste of space.

Mainly, weddings are just delightful and I'm happy to celebrate whatever way the couple wants to.

I love that weddings have followed the general American cultural shift. Anything goes is prevalent in many areas of life: I’m about to go to church wearing jeans, I don’t know any occupation who regularly wears suits, etc. Life is generally more casual.

I personally love that weddings can be whatever you want and paid for in whatever way works. In DD’s case, we and the groom’s parent split the cost pretty closely 50/50. In their words, “we’re not going to let you pay for everything!” We did travel to look at venues with them and were happy with their choice of an all inclusive venue that included the outdoor ceremony space, catering and bar so we split the wedding and reception 50/50. DH and I paid for the dress, florist, and photographer. The groom’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner (wedding party and out of town family so about 50 people), DJ, and tuxes for groom and groomsmen. We split the wedding planner 50/50.

They had two showers here in their hometown. One a traditional one hosted by bridesmaids and a couple’s shower hosted by friends of the groom’s parents. The couple’s shower was more of a barbecue/pool party. Gifts were not opened but just brought unwrapped and set out. They both had a bachelorette/bachelor weekend prior. All in all pretty traditional except for the paying.

I just went to my nephews wedding a couple
Of weeks ago. It was a very traditional church wedding with a cake and finger food reception.

Listen, I love weddings. However, whenever, wherever. I rarely miss one.

 

[ronandannette]

Oh I am really not the person to ask, as I am not part of community where people get married. I am 37 and I had 3 weddings in the last 10 years (Ok, I am not a social butterfly).
I think registered partnerships are also popular. The Dutch are very pragmatic, organizing a wedding is quite a hassle. If you want a party with your family, have a party ;-)

I think the standard is:
Go to city hall / church to have the ceremony, I think wedding venues are a bigger thing n the US. There are plenty throughout NL, but also a lot of people who do everything at city hall. An employee of city hall is the officiant. There are always moments at city hall where you can get married for free.
Then you have a lunch/dinner en then a party. Somewhere in between the couple goes to take their pictures.
It's normal to make a difference between people you invite for the entire day, or the ceremony & party. You can specify on the invitation for what you invite the guests.
For gifts, as most people have already lived together, we don't have registries to get household stuff. Most common gift is money, and if you as the couple want to receive money as a gift you put a little envelope icon on the invitation. If the guest wants to be funny they can wrap the money in something sticky / gory (think a box filled with €50 in pennies, saw dust and syrup).


1. The wedding of a gay couple. Couple was in their mid/late twenties, and together for 5-10 years. This was a day wedding with maybe 20 guests. We went to city hall, had the ceremony which took 20 - 30 minutes. And then we left to a nearby small cafe to have something to drink, they had rented it out. Their aunt had baked a cake. I do not remember what they did with presents. I think they unpacked them there in front of us. I am pretty sure they paid for all of it themselves. They both bought new suits, but with it in mind that they could wear the suits later.

2. Re-wedding for a couple who got married abroad, as a large part of the bride's family was not living in NL. They had to go to city hall here to make their marriage recognized in NL as well. And because not all their Dutch friends could travel abroad / weren't invited, they made this a bit bigger with a ceremony at city hall. For the bride a good excuse to wear her wedding dress again. And after that we went the parents of the groom's house with homemade snacks.
My suspicion is that the wedding abroad was paid for by the parents and was more in line with what people consider traditional weddings. The dress was at least poofy.
The re-wedding was on a Monday morning, so I guess it was a free ceremony at city hall, and homemade snacks don't have to cost a lot, so the couple probably paid for that.

3. Was the wedding of a distant cousin. We were invited as ceremony/party guests. We went to city hall, then they left with their dinner-guests to have dinner. Me and my mom had dinner in town, and then we left to the party location for the rest of the evening. It could be my aunt & uncle paid for some, but as the couple was older and together for a longer time, I think they already had at least 1 kid, I assume they paid for everything themselves.

Very interesting - thank you. The wedding industry in North America is a multi-billion dollar enterprise and expectations have been somewhat of a snowball rolling downhill since the advent of the internet. Reading some replies here perhaps those trends have peaked and are now heading in the other direction with economy, practicality and individuality taking over.

The pandemic undoubtedly put countless venues and goods-and-service providers in financial peril as events were curtailed. Hard to know if they will ever completely rebound but many things have gone the same way. We shall see.

 

[Meglen]

No puffy dress for me. I had my wedding 6years ago and we did it in my dad's living room (pretty small only 12 ppl). Had the dress (only cuz my mom wanted to see me in a dress once in my life) my grandpa made pasta and I had Carvel ice cream cake for my wedding cake. I changed into a sweater and jeans right after the ceremony (was a December wedding).

Including the dress total cost was about 2k. My dad hired a friend to do the photos idk the cost of that. I don't see the point in spending money on a party.

I have memories and photos and my family was there. Spending another 20k to make it BIG would not change the outcome.

To each there own.