Seventy by seven - My journey from 360 pounds to the Disney Donald (comments welcome)

[jimmduck]

Today's reading:

"Sometimes you just have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down" - Ray Bradbury

Boy this is applicable to the "gym block" I have had lately.

Last night it was so bad, I finally reached out for help. I was in my car, outside the gym, just could not bring myself to go in and almost just went home, like I have done several times before.

I texted a friend in Newfoundland. I have been kind of leaving her alone lately because she has been so sick herself. But I could not stand it anymore. She gave me a gentle push, I got in the gym and had a great workout.

Now I cannot wait to go back.

Yeah!

Guess it is just like my tests and my surgery. I just have to not worry, trust and obey.

And so I will - just for today. *** that is all we have.

If we need grace, we will get some more tomorrow.

Have a magical day.

Linda

 

[jimmduck]

Watching the Biggest Loser Thanksgiving special.

Just saw Tara Kosta - she completed an Ironman!

She was once 313 pounds, pretty close to the weight I am now (and I was once much heavier, as you can see above). She is healthy now but not super skinny either, she looks "real". She is, as she says, a "real person".

If she can do an Ironman, why can't I do the Donald half and maybe the Relay?

Why can't you do what ever you want to do?

The fact is, you can. I CAN! Those are the two words on a medal my late father in law put around my neck at the Bluenose race in 2009.

Get ahold of that and don't forget it folks!

Don't forget it Vija!

Now go and do it, do something every day. Here a little - there a little.

If that is all you can do to start, do it.

It adds up.

I believe it.

Linda

 

[BonitaMc]

Hi Linda!
I am glad to read that you are feeling a bit better. One day at a time..I think is a great motto. I think it is great to have goals but I know sometimes when things are not going well,we feel like throwing in the towel. I believe this "all or nothing" attitude can leave us stuck because it gives us an excuse to quit leaving us feeling inadequate and feeling sorry for ourselves. I admire you because you have never given up (only temporarily maybe) but you have a dream that is God-given and we can't let the enemy win. I say "we" because I know there are a lot of people in your life that love you and are rooting for you and we are here to help you just as you have helped so many. There have been days in my life that just hearing your voice on the phone helped me make it through that day. I just hope that I can be half the blessing to you that you have been in my life. YOU sooooo deserve all that life has to offer! And that is what you need to believe. Surrender and accept it. I love you

 

[jimmduck]

Hi Linda!
I am glad to read that you are feeling a bit better. One day at a time..I think is a great motto. I think it is great to have goals but I know sometimes when things are not going well,we feel like throwing in the towel. I believe this "all or nothing" attitude can leave us stuck because it gives us an excuse to quit leaving us feeling inadequate and feeling sorry for ourselves. I admire you because you have never given up (only temporarily maybe) but you have a dream that is God-given and we can't let the enemy win. I say "we" because I know there are a lot of people in your life that love you and are rooting for you and we are here to help you just as you have helped so many. There have been days in my life that just hearing your voice on the phone helped me make it through that day. I just hope that I can be half the blessing to you that you have been in my life. YOU sooooo deserve all that life has to offer! And that is what you need to believe. Surrender and accept it. I love you

Love you Bonnie You are one of the "specialist" persons in my life lol.

Still feeling pretty good, though pretty tired too night. Still very anxious about the surgery. I should be contacted re the pre op appointment either this week or next.

I sooo wish I did not have to deal with this right now. But I will leave it in the Lord's hands I guess.

I will say this - if I do not get it this month, then I do not think I will have it before April - my husband will not have any more leave until then, and he needs to be available.

I know it will be nothing like before - just not relishing feeling poorly physically when I have felt so poor in every other way.

Will be really busy too - next week is the last play rehearsal - then I will be busy every night from December 7 - 11 inclusive. The dress rehearsal is the 7th and the play performs every night - December 8, 9, 10 and 11th.

Wow, things are coming up quickly.

Lazy today - tired because I stayed up too late all weekend and I ate too much for supper. I don't like this feeling and I need to remember it for next time.

Today's reading:

Success is a child of audacity - Benjamin Didraeli Don't know who that is.

But I guess if you have the audacity to step out of your box, you can succeed.

I am going to try that tommorow -

Have a good one folks

Linda

 

[jimmduck]

Today's reading: All Things come to those who go after them - Rob Estes

Well, you cannot accuse me of at least trying to go after something, I have been doing that for six years!

But I remember Oprah saying once that she just could not understand why she could not figure out her weight issues in light of her many other accomplishments.

While my accomplishments could not compare to Oprah's in any way, I do get the point.

I was recently asked by the Atlantic director of Team Diabetes to be featured in their monthly publication - they wanted a Bluenose participant and that is a race that I do expect to do next May - it has become kind of like a family affair for us - my sister in law, my mother in law, my niece is talking about doing it next year - even my dear father in law until cancer took his life, once he was out court marshalling in the pouring rain with a chemotherapy bottle attached to him.

But I turned her down, I am no longer either a success story or an inspiration, imho. Maybe I was once, but no longer.

Nobody should take this long to get where they want to go. I am not going to be on such public display anymore.

I don't think that I could find the words to tell you how rough this fall has been, my husband continues to be quite ill, at times, almost incapacitated.

He is saying that he will not go to a doc's appointment, I can only pray he will change his mind.

This week is sooo busy, the church musical is this week and between dress rehearsal and the four performances, I will be out every night from Wednesday to Sunday inclusive.

On Friday morning, I have to go for pre op. I hate every medical test, I get sooo worried about what they will find, I really have to let this fear go and trust God, it is not healthy.

On Monday, they will tell me when to go to the hospital, as it does look like my surgery, scheduled for Decemter 13th, will go ahead.

The other night, I gave it up to God and told him that I accepted whatever he felt best. I told Norm that I would not do anything to hinder the operation and I did not.

From a work point of view, it really is the best time to have it and work is coming together. I am grateful for that.

As for Norm, I am just trying to conquer everything with love, all I can do and praying for a Christmas miracle

THE PLAN

Obviously, this is a very busy week for me - trying to straighten up things at work too.

And I need to have this surgery.

But I am determined to:

a) Stick within calorie limits (so far doing great)

b) Walk at least 20 minutes per day

c) Do hip stretches (for my short leg - physiotherapy directed) every other day

I am leaving the weight training til after I heal from the surgery and likely will delay my return to physio until February to ensure six weeks of healing.

At this time of year, the tendency is to just slide into the new year - saying you will do it "tomorrow", don't do it!

Tomorrow never really comes.

I will also try to post at least every other day til my surgery, then will be away from the computer (phone only) for a few days.

But in the New Year, I am beginning anew, 2012 is my year, it really is.

Then I may talk to the Team Diabetes people...

Have a magical day

Linda












Today is not a good day, and he is t

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Hi linda,

I know you don't feel like an inspiration, but you really are to me. I love reading your posts because you always have some very good words of wisdom. So sorry you are having such a rough time of it this fall. I sure hope your DH is going to get better soon. My prayers go out to him, and to you. I will pray for your successful surgery and I will pray that 2012 really is your year!!! I know it can be, and it WILL BE!

Hang in there my friend, you have a great plan in place, and friends that love and care for you! The best is yet to be.

 

[jimmduck]

Hi linda,

I know you don't feel like an inspiration, but you really are to me. I love reading your posts because you always have some very good words of wisdom. So sorry you are having such a rough time of it this fall. I sure hope your DH is going to get better soon. My prayers go out to him, and to you. I will pray for your successful surgery and I will pray that 2012 really is your year!!! I know it can be, and it WILL BE!

Hang in there my friend, you have a great plan in place, and friends that love and care for you! The best is yet to be.

thanks again Vija.

As most of you know, I had a ventrical hernia repair on December 13th, some complications, it has been tough battling back.

But I will, and will post again soon.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Linda

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Hi Linda,

Wishing you a Happy New Year! I sure hope you are starting to feel better and have been able to beat the complications. Hang in there!

 

[jimmduck]

Been forever since I wrote in this. Not that I have not wanted to, not that my dreams have died, and not even because I have been whole hog off my game plan.

None of this is true.

Its just the health issues. At the beginning of the year, we were asked by our pastor to write down our goals for 2012.

The first one on mine was health. Course I was meaning adherance to my training and eating goals.

But God had more in mind.

I have shared already about my hernia operations. The surgery I had in 2010 that could have ended my life, and my terrible fear of cancer.

The surgery was emergency and serious. I did recover but the hernia grew back, as the surgeon said that it probably would. A permanent fix was done last December - and I have recovered just fine, though with some complications as I shared before. All is great with that now.

I had an abdominal CT scan done in relation to the hernia. It also showed a tiny spec in my right lung and recommended a chest CT.

Took me a year to get it done, due to my fear, but I finally did in late January of this year.

The good news is that the lung is just fine - unchanged from the year before and therefore benign, no more follow up needed.

But the CT showed a mass in my right breast that I have ignored for at least four years thinkng it was just a cyst - it does feel squishy still.

The CT was otherwise clear.

It recommended a mammogram and the doctor started getting on my case.

I was mad! Felt like my bedroom blinds were open and my privacy invaded. It was my body! If I didn't want to deal with it, I didn't have to!

But I did. I had a thorough diagnostic mammogram in March. Clear, no overt cancer cells, but that mass was still unexplained - and it was not a cyst, there was more than just fluid in it.

Recommend core biopsy - which I had last Friday - and I have learned it is invasive carcinoma.

First scans, as I said, show it to be quite contained, but we won't know until the lymph node biopsy is done.

I see a surgeon April 17 and will know more then. Surgery for sure, probably a lumpectomy - it is right under the skin, and radiation. I have been told chemo is unlikely, as for this type it is usually only given to premenopausal women - a hormonal thing I think.

I had a miracle a few weeks ago, my fear is gone,

Though I would rather not walk down this road (who would?) I will do it knowing it will be all right...


Linda

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I just sent you a PM. HUGS AND HUGS AND HUGS to you!