Seventy by seven - My journey from 360 pounds to the Disney Donald (comments welcome)

[jimmduck]

Well time is limited right now, but I said I was starting this today so here it goes.

I have a couple of lovely friends who are doing this and we all agreed to "kick" each other from time to time.

But the suggestion to do something like this actually came from someone on one of the BL challenges and I felt it was time for three biggies:

a) consistency

b) accountability

c) persistence, so here goes.

First of all - what does the title mean? I should say that I am not 360 lbs now, but I was nearly that when I first put myself on the start line of a major half marathon - it was Disney, 2006, my first venture with Joints in Motion.

Looking back, I must have been nuts. I have battled with an eating disorder since I was seven years of age, first threatened with a "starvation diet" if I did not give up my treats and "reduce, and lose some weight" - this while I was being fed pie and ice cream for breakfast!

I was once told I would not be given a nighttime snack, breakfast and lunch the next day for eating a five cent chocolate bar! That was a parent that said that - and my grandmother went behind his back and fed me anyway.

But I learned to sneak eat very early and at the age of 53 still do - as recently as yesterday!

I binged and purged all through college, just binged and did not purge in law school (gaining 100 lbs in three years) and it just went from bad to worse.

I have struggled to find the "magic solution" ever since.

In May, 2004, I was so weak I could not walk around a store without sitting. I was worried that my already weak knees (I am only 5 feet, two inches tall) would fail me and the day would come when I could not get up let alone walk.

I saw a newspaper column called "The Bright Spot", featuring a lady as big as I was, with so many health issues I could not list them all and she was training to do a half marathon in Disney, 2006 with The Arthritis Society's Joints in Motion.

Now I am a Disney nut and this intrigued me. I contacted JIM and expected to be told that I would need to get in shape - but, instead, I was embraced warmly by the running community and entered the event.

I did not know I would need to walk a mile (and it is, I clocked it on my Garmin) to even get to the start line. By the time we got going, I had already been on my feet nearly two hours. It took all I had not to go back to the holding area, sit down and watch the screens, I sooo did not want to start.

But I did. I saw a lady with a cane. She was going slower than my turtle trot but she had a race no on her shirt. I doubt she went much farther than the start line, but she started. So did I.

I was swept at the second mile.

There is much more (and many wonderful things happened to me afterwards) to this story, I wrote about it years ago in the Penguin Runners list.

I have tried, and failed to conquer this goal since - but the dream has never died in my heart. I love Disney, it is a very special place for me, and I want my Donald - and more!

So this is my journey, I am starting again, from scratch, forgetting the numerous 5ks,four five milers and two 10ks I have already done. Accepting that, while I have lost 40 pounds or so, I still have a lot farther to go - now with significant arthritis in my right knee. The knee is still pretty flexible, because I have kept walking on it - I was right to feel that if I had not started walking I probably would not have been able to.

But I am starting from the very beginning, following a beginner's program, and going forward.

For today I will:

a) journal my food and stay within my calorie allowance (the caloric equivalent of the WW points I would be allowed at my weight level);

b) walk 25 minutes and do 25 minutes of weights (essential therapy for my arthritic knee).

For the next thirty days, I will:

a) Ban chocolate bars from my diet (except for my WW treats)

b) Write here every day.

c) Read my friends' journals every day and comment when I can. I hope they will do the same for me.

What does 70 and 7 mean? The number seven has followed my life for some reason. I have had offices in suites 407 and 1700. I have had office addresses at 7071 and 177. I live on 17 Seventh Street. I have sevens in my cell and office nos.

It is approximately 70 weeks from now until when I anticipate the Disney, 2013 to be. And, if I conquer it, it will be seven years from my first attempt.

And today is September 7th - seven days sinc I returned to work from vacation.

So lets begin...

Be well and have a magical day folks... Thanks for reading this far. Please come back again.

Linda

 

[Rose&Mike]

You can do it Linda.

I am so sorry you got such awful food messages growing up. I had one parent who did nothing but tell me I was Big--over and over and over. Basically the message was that no matter what I did I would never be good enough because I was Big. I snuck food my entire life. I can remember eating out of the sugar bowl at a very young age. Eating became a very shameful thing. In high school I was 5'7" tall and weighed ~135 and thought I was obese and ugly. I have never felt anything but fat my entire life. Every part of my body was criticized in some way. My other parent was worse. So I spent a large part of my adult life eating and eating. I would gain and lose, gain and lose and the weight kept creeping up. Until 2010 when I said enough.

You can over come this. It's not easy, but it is so worth it. I still hear the messages, but I am able to beat them down most of the time. I am weeping just thinking about how hard it is sometimes. The WISH boards have been the very best things for me. I have found people who care for me unconditionally and prop me up when I need it--which is what I would do for anyone else, as I'm sure you would do. Let your friends and fellow Wishers carry you through the rough patches.

I can't wait to celebrate with you when you cross the finish line.

 

[BabyTigger99]

Good luck, Linda!! You can do it!!!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I am so glad you started your journal!!!!! You are already working on the accountability portion! I am so very proud of you!!!!

I love your 3 inspirations... consistency, accountability and persistence, those really are motivating words, and definitely something to live by. Thank you for sharing your story with us. hugs to you, and I know you are doing something great with your life. You have helped so many people through your profession, now it is time to work on you and help yourself to achieve your own goals.

You mentioned that doing the 1/2 is a dream in your heart... For some reason I thought of the Lyrics from Cinderella...

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

I do believe that your dreams will come true. I know you can do this, I have read some of your race reports, and you have grit and determination. You are a strong lady, you have achieved so much in your life, hit the ground running and you will make it, I know you will!!!!!

I mentioned it in my journal, and I want to say it here again... thank you so much for your determination, you have inspired me to do the 1/2 marathon. WE have come full circle. Inspiring each other to make the commitment to get started in our endeavours, now we have to keep inspiring each other in the journey so we can celelbrate our success and achievements too!

 

[treehugnmama]

good luck......i used the "penquin" trainer when i did mine in 2010 i trained hard and i didn't care if i finished as i worked so hard to get there. I did finish....with duct tape over my blister by the finish line! you can do it

 

[jimmduck]

No Internet today guys so this is short

Too awkward with the phone

Thank you all for your support. I will provide more individualized replies when I get Internet back. But I appreciate you reading and replying

Went to physiotherapist today and we worked out a lovely plan to get me where I want to go while dealing with my injuries. It involves their personal trainer and is mostly covered by insurance

Eating has been great last two days. If I can just keep the eating disorder under control I will be fine. And day by day with your support I will do that

Til tomorrow when I hope to have internet back


Linda

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Good to see you again on here. so glad you also have the support of the physiotherapist, that way you get a great personalized plan. hugs to you!

 

[jimmduck]

You can do it Linda.

I am so sorry you got such awful food messages growing up. I had one parent who did nothing but tell me I was Big--over and over and over. Basically the message was that no matter what I did I would never be good enough because I was Big. I snuck food my entire life. I can remember eating out of the sugar bowl at a very young age. Eating became a very shameful thing. In high school I was 5'7" tall and weighed ~135 and thought I was obese and ugly. I have never felt anything but fat my entire life. Every part of my body was criticized in some way. My other parent was worse. So I spent a large part of my adult life eating and eating. I would gain and lose, gain and lose and the weight kept creeping up. Until 2010 when I said enough.

You can over come this. It's not easy, but it is so worth it. I still hear the messages, but I am able to beat them down most of the time. I am weeping just thinking about how hard it is sometimes. The WISH boards have been the very best things for me. I have found people who care for me unconditionally and prop me up when I need it--which is what I would do for anyone else, as I'm sure you would do. Let your friends and fellow Wishers carry you through the rough patches.

I can't wait to celebrate with you when you cross the finish line.

Thanks so much, it really helps to know that there are others out there who feel like I do. You just feel so alone. The self loathing intensifies - and I am really working on that.

I do appreciate you reading and commenting - and I am reading yours too

Good luck, Linda!! You can do it!!!

Thanks so much for the vote of confidence, I am feeling like I can now too!

I am so glad you started your journal!!!!! You are already working on the accountability portion! I am so very proud of you!!!!

I love your 3 inspirations... consistency, accountability and persistence, those really are motivating words, and definitely something to live by. Thank you for sharing your story with us. hugs to you, and I know you are doing something great with your life. You have helped so many people through your profession, now it is time to work on you and help yourself to achieve your own goals.

You mentioned that doing the 1/2 is a dream in your heart... For some reason I thought of the Lyrics from Cinderella...

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

I do believe that your dreams will come true. I know you can do this, I have read some of your race reports, and you have grit and determination. You are a strong lady, you have achieved so much in your life, hit the ground running and you will make it, I know you will!!!!!

I mentioned it in my journal, and I want to say it here again... thank you so much for your determination, you have inspired me to do the 1/2 marathon. WE have come full circle. Inspiring each other to make the commitment to get started in our endeavours, now we have to keep inspiring each other in the journey so we can celelbrate our success and achievements too!

I love this song Vija - it makes me cry to think about it. I sooo want this. I have heard that they sometimes play this song when you go down Main Street during the half marathon. I so hope that they do it again. I can picture it!

You are incredible my friend - never would have thought of doing this without you. Felt a strong friendship with you from the first and cannot wait to meet you.

Be strong, and keep going, I do.

good luck......i used the "penquin" trainer when i did mine in 2010 i trained hard and i didn't care if i finished as i worked so hard to get there. I did finish....with duct tape over my blister by the finish line! you can do it

I must check that out, right now working with a physiotherapist due to my injuries - she thinks the pain I felt in my legs the last race, was not due to my knees but to my hip flexors - too weak and we are working on strenghtening them.

I will be working with their personal trainer starting January - who will put me on a program designed to ready me for my 2012 race calendar - starting with another 10k next May.

And all covered by insurance.

So I feel excited, and hopeful.

Eating has been fabulous. Company visiting, will hit the gym again first of the week, and get going with the program. Physiotherapist wants me to rest my legs a few more days.

This journal is terrific, I look forward to doing it everyday.

Be well and have a magical day - til tomorrow.

Linda

 

[jimmduck]

A beautiful sunshiney day today and I am feeling so hopeful and positive.

Eating has been great, and will continue to be good so long as my eating disorder stays in check. So far, so good.

Will get back to training on Monday (on physiotherapist's advice, knee kind of took a beating in Iceland) and going to a wedding tonight.

Been thinking about 9/11. Though I am a proud Canadian, I love America too. Norm and I travelled to San Francisco within weeks of 9/11, and it was so sad, the country was in such mourning.

Norm and I purchased a little replica of the WTC, because we got engaged there, when the towers came down, it really hit us hard. Nobody sitting where we were that night would have had a chance, and these folks did nothing but get their coffee and go to work that morning, the way that I do everyday.

Sobering, senseless, stupid tragedy.

So we are planning a trip there in 2013, when we have our 25th anniversary. Want to go to Ground Zero, important to me.

Would kind of like to do a race there too - the NY marathon may be a stretch, but maybe the Tunnel to Towers in memory of the firefighter who lost his life that day. Not sure.

I am grateful for this outlet, if only to enable me to be accountable.

Don't see a workout happening today, perhaps some strength training tomorrow.

After that, a new training week. It will involve three walks a week and 2 -3 strength training sessions (mostly on the circuit), with hip exercises nearly every day (they are done on a bed). I need to do this and I will.

Emailed my weight to BL challenge weight keeper, and that was tough, facing the scale is stressful and can put me into a tail spin for days, but gotta do it, part of the journey.

So is food journalling, and pretty well done that for the day.

It is nearly noon and I am still in pjs (love it). Gotta get moving, and am going to relax and enjoy this wonderful day.

Almost into week 69 (remember I am counting down backwards).

Take care, have a magical day. I intend to. Still trying to deal with my rotten thinking and image, and day by day I will.

Linda

 

[jimmduck]

Another beautiful fall day here, and, again, I am feeling hopeful.

Eating still good - even yesterday, when we went to a wedding and I was a little concerned that it would be touch and go.

Ate Chinese food for supper, but it was a controlled portion and not so big as you usually get.

Had two small pieces of both kinds of wedding cake - and, to be honest, would have snuck more if I could have, but my husband was facing it and I would not do so in front of him, thank goodness.

I have learned portion control pretty well, but that type of cake is deadly - the only thing I really could not have in the house.

Today, trying to get household chores and computer blogs finished (doing a travel one on Facebook for our trip to Iceland).

Been a good weekend - will try to get to church tonight.

I appeciate having the opportunity to have this journal, even if I am the only one who reads it, this is a long journey, I need to be accountable.

So week 69 begins tomorrow (remember that I am counting backwards) - and I have the following schedule:

Monday - walk 20 minutes plus weights
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - walk 20 minutes plus weights
Thursday - circuit training
Friday - rest
Saturday - 30 minute walk
Sunday - rest

This is the "gradual" approach suggested by the physiotherapist. I am starting again, pretending I have ever done any racing before, because this time I am doing it right.

I want to be properly trained for my next event - the 10k next May (maybe some fun runs in between).

So I am doing pretty well so far. So far my eating disorder in check,
and I am feeling hopeful.

Today is a sad day - a day of mourning. I am not American, but I love America and as dh and I got engaged at the World Trade Center in 1988, the towers had great sentimental meaning for us.

We have a 25th anniversary coming up and I want to go back to Ground Zero.

For today, I am thinking of the victims and families of this senseless act, and those who have are are continuing to give their lives in this war.

Linda

 

[jimmduck]

Welcome to Week 69 of my (backwards) countdown to Disney, 2013.

Another beautiful day here, man I love fall! The "bers" are my favourite time of year - you know - September, October, ...

I love the fall here in Nova Scotia especially. Beautiful colours, sunshine days, crisp temperatures, yet plenty of warmth from the sun. Nothing beats it.

I love to visit other places but love living here.

Food is still good. Still charting, still avoiding chocolate bars (until October 7th, then we will see) and am heading to the gym in an hour and a half for my first workout of my new (physiotherapist prescribed) training plan.

Still feeling very hopeful, but not particularly pressured at work right now, because I had a couple of multi day trials settle, thus freeing up time.

But I have a multi day extravaganza in October unlikely to settle -so we will see how we do then

That is why it is so important to get into the routine so it will become more like habit, so yeah me!

Not easy to say that you know. Tearing myself down and beating myself to the pulp is a lot easier for me - and I get sort of a sick high from it, not good at all.

I need to change that, to flick off the chains that have had me bound, to "tame the lion" (my ED Scar) and this time succeed in achieving my (and God's) highest and best and to start fulfilling my mission here on earth and, as Oprah says, start living my best life.

And I know, today, that with the help of some supportive people, and with God's help, I can slay the lion day to day and stay the course.

Until tomorrow...

Linda

 

[Terapin]

Yay you! Great journal. You can do it!

 

[jimmduck]

Yay you! Great journal. You can do it!

Thanks! Appreciate you stopping by and reading.

I gotta tell you, tonight I was pretty tired. Though it was technically a "rest" day from training, I was tearing around a lot and quite busy with household chores tonight.

But the eating has been good, a little under calorie allowance actually as we are on the road tomorrow and expect I could be a bit over tomorrow as we will be eating out.

But I know where we are going and I do have a calorie "allowance".

Will be training tomorrow night too.

Tired tonight, but happy that, so far, so good, the "lion" is in check and I still feel very hopeful.

Not much to say, otherwise a pretty uneventful day. Happy to say that some of my multi day trials are settling, but one is going to be nasty.

Til tomorrow folks, if you are reading, I appreciate it. This is largely for my own accountability, but love to have readers and really appreciate all comments and support.

Have a magical day.

Linda

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Hey Linda!

I LOVE the sound of your posts. They are SOOOOO positive and upbeat! I sense a very strong, positive, motivating drive in your words. I LOVE reading your posts, they are very inspiring and uplifting.

Are you doing something fun "on the road" tomorrow?

Where are you tracking your calories?

WAY TO GO!!!!! I am so very proud of you my friend!

Hope you have a magical losing day!

 

[jimmduck]

Hey Linda!

I LOVE the sound of your posts. They are SOOOOO positive and upbeat! I sense a very strong, positive, motivating drive in your words. I LOVE reading your posts, they are very inspiring and uplifting.

Are you doing something fun "on the road" tomorrow?

Where are you tracking your calories?

WAY TO GO!!!!! I am so very proud of you my friend!

Hope you have a magical losing day!

Thanks my friend! So glad you are following my journal. And I, in turn, am following yours - every day.

I am being positive because that is how I am feeling most of the time. But today definitely had the potential to be disastrous.

First of all, I was on the road as I stated. I needed to visit an autistic child, in his home, several hours outside the city. My paralegal comes with me. I represent a lot of children in child welfare matters and this one cannot visit me, I need to go to him.

We decided we would eat lunch at Pizza Delight, and I had the buffet. Scarey stuff

I actually can portion control fairly well now and this was, most definitely, not an "oink oink" session like it could have been, but I feel, tonight like I have eaten too much and calories have not been strictly counted as they should have been.

But I went to see another kid tonight, and ended up talking to his foster dad instead as there was an appointment mix up

And I went to Tim Hortons and just picked up coffee - no food. And I am here in front of my computer drinking it -

Actually, I am not too much of a night time eater any more - even on nights that I train, I just drink a little 1% chocolate milk to refuel.

My family used to have an awful thing called a "bed lunch" - I mean a full meal almost right before bed!

Luckily, I am out of that mode for the most part, but when I let Scar "out of his cage" I can have my moments for sure.

I track calories on My Net Diary - an I Phone program with a huge data base - they have a lot of food in there. Just like WW, only in calories, not points, and I use the caloric equivalent of my allotted point total. So far, so good.

Missed my workout due to the appointment - oh well, I will get it made up as DH is going away for a weekend with the boys and the appointment I had with another kid on Saturday got cancelled. Think I will do so stepping and balance on the WII fit this weekend, the physiotherapist recommends that too.

Anyway, all is good.

Going to watch Survivor soon - got to love reality tv -

Anyway, have a great night friends, til tomorrow...

Have a magical day.

Linda

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Glad you made it through the mine fields today! I too came on quick so that I can watch Survivor! Yet another thing we have in common.

What other shows do you watch?
Mine:
NCIS
Amazing Race
Biggest Loser
Parenthood
America's Got talent
Survivor
Suits
White Color
Covert Affairs
Today Show


A few too many!

 

[lisah0711]

Linda, your comment yesterday about the scale made me think of this article -- it's from me so you know it's from sparkpeople. It's called Break Free from the Scale! How to Stop the Scale from Determining Your Self-Worth. I like it because it talks about the relationship between stress and the scale and we lawyers know a thing or two about stress. Here is the link: http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=1625

Keep up the good work!

 

[jimmduck]

Glad you made it through the mine fields today! I too came on quick so that I can watch Survivor! Yet another thing we have in common.

What other shows do you watch?
Mine:
NCIS
Amazing Race
Biggest Loser
Parenthood
America's Got talent
Survivor
Suits
White Color
Covert Affairs
Today Show


A few too many!

Vija, I watch a few too many too - and some in common with you.

I watch:

CSI
CSI NY
Criminal Minds
Harry's Law
Survivor
Biggest Loser
Amazing Race
American Idol (when it is on)
OWN Network - I like a lot of the programs/documentaries on Oprah's new network.

Linda, your comment yesterday about the scale made me think of this article -- it's from me so you know it's from sparkpeople. It's called Break Free from the Scale! How to Stop the Scale from Determining Your Self-Worth. I like it because it talks about the relationship between stress and the scale and we lawyers know a thing or two about stress. Here is the link: http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=1625

Keep up the good work!

Lisa this is a great article, thanks for sharing it with me.

I need to face the scale in the morning, but I need to put it in its place - if it doesn't say what I want it to say, doesn't mean I have failed, that is what I need to get in my head.

I have done a lot of positive things since I started writing this on September 7th - and it is a long journey, I plan to write until I leave for Disney in January, 2013, hopefully every day, and that's a long time.

You are right about lawyers knowing about stress - I am currently battling hypertension (not medicated yet) and one of the most stressful things is that there is so much flesh on my upper arm (a really unusual shape) that we cannot get an accurate reading. I will be going to a blood pressure clinic soon to try to get some readings. Hard to get an accurate reading when its so painful - its like wondering if a torture victim has an elevated pressure lol.

I am trying to stay calm, that is is challenge too.

Today was a lower calorie day and I did get my training in.

Frustrating though. DH stayed home today because the Sears repair guy was coming to look at our cooktop and freezer. He got the freezer going, but the cooktop still has an element not working - one of the big ones.

It will cost $400.00 to fix it and he thinks we can get away with three, but we cannot, I am the cook and I need both big burners. We are having his family here for Thanksgiving.

I wish he could understand that this is important to me, all he says is "I made my point" and I know that this means shut up.

I can only pray that he will realize that I cannot operate with tools that are not working right - anymore than he can.

His penny pinching does get to me, when there is no need of it. If it were the stereo, well.... He does say it would be better to buy a new one, and he may be right, but I just hope he does it.

Anyway, that is my rant for the day So we move on to thank God for this day and hope that tomorrow is magical too.

Linda

 

[jimmduck]

Well, I am going to admit that this day has been full of pros and cons:

Cons

Weighed in and only lost .2 pound

Spent most of the day fixing the computer after I did something stupid and Outlook wouldn't open (it contains my business email account, my calendar, my contacts...)

Made poor food choices and almost let Scar out of his cage tonight

Had a big fight with DH

Pros

Weighed in (a biggie for me, that is an issue I struggle with) - and lost .2 pounds, even though I had a week where I shared a rich sponge toffee dessert with DH, ate Chinese food and cake at a wedding, had a big feed at a pizza buffet on Wednesday and my training is not yet up to full velocity. I am lucky I lost anything and all and didn't gain!

Used the computer screw up as an opportunity to (finally) do a full backup on a 2TB external harddrive (for my assistant and me)

Did not let Scar out of his cage - not the best food choices and not totally OP, but did chart some and stopped!

DH and I agreed to buy a new cooktop before Canadian Thanksgiving weekend and maybe a new table and chairs.

So, onward and upward. DH is going with the boys on a golf trip tomorrow and I have some peace and quiet. Will finish the travel blog on Facebook, have brunch with friends tomorrow (after seeing a child client and walking) and just chill.

Life is good!

This is a journey folks, not a long distance jump - there will be days like this.

Have a magical day.

Linda

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

OK, this is TOOOOO weird... I practically had the same day in terms of eating! We are on some weird psychic connection. I had a crappy food day too. We need to connect and plan a good day tomorrow... think Magical losing day... Magical losing day... Magical losing day...Magical losing day....

Congrats on the weight loss. .2 is still .2!!!! You didn't go up and that is all that matters. Do you think weighing in was what did it? I always want to be part of the biggest loser competition here on WISH, but I swear the weigh ins always trip me up. Either I lost too much, or too little. I am not sure what I am going to do about the weigh ins.

AND nice job keeping Scar in the cage. I know it isn't easy, and he probably tempted you, just lock that cage, throw away the key!