How fast it all changed.

[dreamit]

Thinking of you and your family daily. Sending hugs and love to you and prayers for you.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Thinking of you dear Rodeo with continued love and prayers.

 

[minnie56]

God Bless you as you journey on , a minute at a time...
My heart aches for you, with you..all the ‘firsts’ must overwhelm.
You’re a gracious lady , I hope you have a good support system? I know already that your family is steadfast and side by side with you ... a blessing 8ndeed.

Where are you in Canada ?

 

[fhtpdw20]

Most of the time it's one foot forward, two steps back. Eventually, you will find your new "normal". Right now, you deal with the pool. Next it will lawn mowing, leaves and snow. Every season for the first year you will find out the unexpected things your DH took care of that just was not on your radar. This is one time not to look at the whole picture. Deal with one thing at a time as it comes. You are a strong and capable woman. It takes time to adjust. Hang in there.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I have been traveling and not online, so just now catching up with your thread.

My deepest condolences on the loss of your husband. He knew your love and devotion and you showed it by following his wishes. It was good that you and ds and dd had time with him at hospice after he passed and also at the viewing. I like the idea of writing and drawing special messages and pictures on his casket that would go with him to eternity and the choices of jewelry with his ashes inside will always keep him close to you three.

As others have said, there isn't a timeline for grieving. You will have good days, you will have bad days as you develop a new normal for your lives. Let yourself grieve, let yourself cry. Don't rush to clean stuff out, take it a day at a time.

Several others have posted this, but I want to mention it as well. Hold on to some of dh's clothes--jeans, tshirts, shirts as these can be made into a quilt for each of you. Then when you cuddle under it, it will be your dh's memories and love cuddling you back. I wish I had kept more of my parent's clothes so I could make quilts for our family.

Again, thinking and praying for you and your family. We are a good sounding board. You can say what you need, spill your heart out, no judgments will be given.

 

[MinnieTink]

Thinking of your family

 

[nancygirl1]

Praying for you tonight...

 

[rajak73]

You have our deepest sympathy. We are so sorry for your loss.

 

[Darcy03231]

Also, to answer your other question ronandannette, I'm still dealing with the bank issue. I'll be speaking to a lawyer shortly, the family lawyer who drew up our wills is going to refer me to someone who would be good with this particular situation and I'll go for a consultation. I seriously doubt we'll do anything further. I'm certain trying to go against a bank and insurance company would be a foolish endeavour. I will at least explore the option but doubt it will amount to anything. One curious thing, though, is the bank went silent. I had asked my dad to deal with it right from the start which, you're right, seems like a long time ago, but was actually only about four weeks ago. Initially, they said if it had been missed they'd be happy to reinstate it but could not back date it to September. Of course, that's the only way we'd have a hope. He has asked several times for a complete copy of all signed paperwork but they have yet to produce it. I've been wondering if someone there heard about DH's illness and they've just been waiting it out.

Don't give up too quickly. The fact that they aren't providing copies of the paperwork right away speaks volumes to me. I worked in a law office that did residential real estate work and it's pretty easy to send out copies of all the signed paperwork. In fact, we always gave the people a copy at the closing.

Does Canada have some type of banking/insurance commission? In the US each state has a Dept. of Banking and Dept. of Insurance, as well as the Attorney General's office and all handle consumer complaints. I had an issue with an insurance company one time and wasn't getting anywhere. I filed a complaint with the Dept. of Insurance and copied the Attorney General's office. It was amazing how quickly the insurance company contacted me to resolve the situation before it went to a hearing. We ended up resolving the issue and it didn't cost me a dime.

 

[maxaroni]

Thinking of you, Rodeo.

I’m sure you are so completely overwhelmed. It’s so hard because you are dealing with so much, when you are mourning your loss. I’m also sure this is all starting to hit you, and hit you hard. You went through so much and held it together, in such a short amount of time. Now the reality hits and the fact that you will need to move. I can only say that you have your Dis family that is with you, thinking of you, praying for you and holding you collectively in our arms.

(((((HUGS))))

 

[Feralpeg]

Also, to answer your other question ronandannette, I'm still dealing with the bank issue. I'll be speaking to a lawyer shortly, the family lawyer who drew up our wills is going to refer me to someone who would be good with this particular situation and I'll go for a consultation. I seriously doubt we'll do anything further. I'm certain trying to go against a bank and insurance company would be a foolish endeavour. I will at least explore the option but doubt it will amount to anything. One curious thing, though, is the bank went silent. I had asked my dad to deal with it right from the start which, you're right, seems like a long time ago, but was actually only about four weeks ago. Initially, they said if it had been missed they'd be happy to reinstate it but could not back date it to September. Of course, that's the only way we'd have a hope. He has asked several times for a complete copy of all signed paperwork but they have yet to produce it. I've been wondering if someone there heard about DH's illness and they've just been waiting it out.

Don't give up. We went through an issue with a bank when my father died. He had a habit of taking out loans and buying stock. He'd pay off the loan and purchase more. He did this many times. When he took out these loans, he always paid extra to have the loans insured. He was a fanatic about this. He drilled into us to always take out insurance on credit cards as well.

After he passed, we took his death certificate to the bank assuming the insurance would kick in and pay off the loan. They said he hadn't taken out the insurance. We had a copy of the original form he'd filled out for the loan with the box for the insurance checked. When the loan officer processed it, he didn't enter the option for the insurance. We filed a lawsuit against the bank. It took a couple of years of going back and forth. Unfortunately, the estate could not be settled until this matter was resolved. Eventually, my step mother was running out of money, so we had to settle. In the end, the bank dismissed half of the loan. The rest had to be paid from the estate. If we could have held out longer, we might have won. This wasn't a small bank. The suit was against Citibank.

If you have grounds, don't give up. At least, let them know you are willing to settle for partial recovery. Thinking of you!

 

[Ngwira]

Thinking about you rodeo.

 

[gillep]

You are in my thoughts.

 

[olliesmom]

Just wanted to let you know you are still in my thoughts and prayers often.

 

[Planogirl]

Just dropping by to check on you.

 

[rodeo65]

Wallowing. I think that would best describe it.

I had a visit on Tuesday from my two oldest girlfriends. One I've known since Kindergarten and the other from about grade six. We all went through middle and high school together and then the second one and I also attended the same university and roomed together there on and off. After we'd graduated, when she was engaged, she moved in with me for eight months to save up for her wedding / down payment on a house. I was her maid of honour and she was my matron of honour, so we've been in each other's lives, always. It was a great visit and lasted all day and evening. The first one has bought a heritage house down on PEI and is renovating it as a B&B, so I may head down there to see it this summer. We talked about how much life didn't end up as we'd expected. The first friend has been a divorced mom for more than a decade, the other was divorced and remarried, lost one of the twins she had with her second husband, and then me - the widow. Nothing turned out as any of us had thought and planned thirty years ago.

So, yesterday I was busy but just dwelling on everything. Things I did right, things I did wrong. Things I wish I'd said and even until the last couple of days thought I'd have time to say them. By then he was non responsive. I did say a lot of it but of course he didn't reply. The kids also seem to be having an up and down week. DS is struggling to do much beyond hang out with his friends and dance. He had a couple of great lessons last night with a top guest coach. Said he learned so much and felt like he took a huge leap in his partnering - seemed on top of the world. Then this morning, he didn't get up for school. Said he was awake until four thinking about his dad. I think he's up and moving now so I hope that means he's going to his afternoon classes.

I vacuumed this week. That's it. Vacuumed the main floor and staircase up but not the upstairs or the basement. There is a layer of dust on everything, piles of stuff everywhere and I look at it all and think, yep - gotta get to that. I have a lunch planned today with a friend from the old studio the kids used to train at. I don't really feel like going. But I'm pushing myself to do so because I think it would be so easy to just stop doing anything and sit here indefinitely. But I have kids to raise and can't just check out, much as I'd like to - at least today. I also have to take my dad to Costco. He refuses to buy a membership himself, since he says "everything there is too big for him" but I do end up taking him fairly regularly. Another thing I can't bail on, which I guess is good too. Keeps me moving.

 

[Lynne G]

Yep, just keep swimming. Time will give you the new "normal" that will build new memories without forgetting the old. Lots of hugs. Ups and Downs are very normal. Getting out is not a bad thing. Focus on the good things. I pray your family finds peace and light in your grieving.

 

[fhtpdw20]

Don't worry about dust and piles. There will always be dust and piles. Have you looked into a grief group? It would give you another more face to face outlet to share your ups and downs and validation that everything you are experiencing is normal. We can give internet hugs but sometimes you need a physical touch too. You should plan something for Mothers Day to change up your tradition. Keep posting your heart out. We are here and understand.

 

[ADLFAN]

"There will always be dust and piles!"

So true! Feel free to ignore them as you see fit!

I recently lost my dad, and I sympathize with your son. It's so painful to have even happy feelings because grief is constantly reminding you that dad can't take part in the progress of your life...

It sounds like you have a pretty great support system of friends and family, maybe even someone who would volunteer to help with housework... When my group of friends started having their first babies and adult life got overwhelming, we'd occasionally organize cleaning parties where we'd group up and attack one person's neglected messy house and hang out while scrubbing the kitchen and shuffling loads of laundry. A little 'whistle while you work' mentality always made it easier to tackle.

Hope your lunch is fantastic!

 

[Pembo]

A friend of mine lost her husband when her kids were 18 and 14. She said that she wishes she had gotten them all into some kind of grief support. When I had another friend lose his wife when the kids were middle school age, that was her number one piece of advice, grief counseling/support for the whole family.
Take it one minute at a time if you have to.