You sound like you have a loving and kind family. Obviously others find you so (or you wouldn't even have a granddaughter ). Bless you and yours.
I have seen and heard family interactions at WDW that have broken my heart. A child saying "I want" wouldn't make that list.
Unless a child walks up to our table and interrupts our conversation or tries to take from/add to my plate, I have no quarrel with how others look or behave. (And that has happened.) Often a situation says more about me and my character than it does about others.
That said, you could take opportunities as you find them to show your granddaughter how to fit her behavior to the setting for her own ease and peace of mind, should she someday turn out to be the kind who cares about those things. But right now, and especially at WDW, please don't let others' attitudes take away from your making the best memories ever (as PPs have shared with us!).
Anyone else figure out how to solve this dilemma?
My son very much has manners. However he has never been one to dress up formally. I never instructed him to do so because that's simply not how we live. We are simple farm people, mechanics, and construction workers. In 30 years of going to Disney I have avoided the "ritzy" places because I knew "our kind" wouldn't fit in with the type of people who frequent such establishments.
Thank you for reminding me I made the right choice
You tell the OP that she failed in teaching manners to her son
Also, I am her grandmother so therefore I do not raise her. She has a mother and father for that.
My son has dressed properly for any occasion I have ever asked him to
Some will even say well you came on here for advice eh?
Actually the OP indicated in every post including the original that her son DOES have manners. She never indicated that he didn't. The thing she indicated is that her son doesn't dress up which in no way equates to not having manners.The Op indicated that her son didn’t have manners, IMO. JJ was responding to that.
This is what you asked, after what sounded to me like absolutely blasting your son and saying your granddaughter was a step away from kicking the wall sockets.
My response was based on my experience with a child who didn’t normally display manners (though I know her family is teaching them and they themselves have them), to reduce your concern. And to help you see that kids can quickly learn from situations that maybe they need to behave differently.
And now I’m a bit confused.
YOU have judged yourselves. YOU have kept yourselves from things.
Go back and read your first post as though someone else wrote it. You wrote those things about your son without saying he would dress up for your sake etc. you expressed extreme concern for your granddaughter.
You’ve judged yourselves (and other people...your expectation that others will judge you is actually you judging them and their hearts) far more than JJ did. She was trying to help, based on your own words.
The Op indicated that her son didn’t have manners, IMO. JJ was responding to that.
Wait what? IMO that’s not how life works. I personally don’t actually want grandchildren, but my son says he wants kids, so... When the time comes there will be tons of things I’ll teach that child. I currently welcome the help of others. There’s one dad of my son’s friends who has a way of putting things that my son gets when we’ve told him the same thing 3000 times. I almost look forward to my son messing up in front of that man because he will kindly gently and with no hesitation tell my son what’s what.
You’re missing out if you’re not helping others or letting others help you.
You say you’re simple farm people who have avoided going to what you call ritzy places. I assume that’s why you’ve reached out for help from people who go there? If I had a question about farming, I’d go to people who do that.
Part of asking for help is then accepting that help.
The little cousin (specifically my cousin’s daughter) in question...her family never felt comfortable even being in the GF lobby before. They felt too low class or something similar. They were focused inside, and weren’t seeing the tons of other people in that lobby who were dressed in park clothes etc etc.
I kinda make it my mission to show that family group the nicer side of things, to show that it doesn’t matter where you feel you came from. My first cousin and I came from the same sort of poverty, only my mom was a hippie so I was taught even less of the “how to be in high society”, while cousin was raised by her mom, our grandma, and our great aunts who had retained the fancier side of things lol. So I’m a bit confused about why I’m showing them this side of life, but then life doesn’t always make sense.
I did not get that from your own first post. Nor did I get that it was tongue in cheek. I felt like you were trying to lighten up a situation that you were having a hard time with, but I took you at face value. (It’s always a bummer when you’re doing someone the honor of taking them seriously then find out they were joking...)
What do you think that line I quoted above is asking for? The one about how have we solved this dilemma?
Or maybe I am reading you wrong?
I agree, except that even the afternoon one isn’t silent by any means. I think it’s hushed because of room design, but it’s off a busy noisy lobby and the design is open and lofty.
My then 4 year old feisty noisy cousin behaved amazingly well for our girls’ tea. Something about watching her mom, grandma, and I dress up, and dressing her up (please note that not everyone dresses up, but it was our choice) helped her see that it was different. And the way the server doted on her helped make her feel special. And she was quite terrific that day.
The topic seriously bothered her.
One poster .....more or less told her she should have raised her son better. SMH
We have been to Chef Mickey's, Trails End, 'Ohana, Crystal Palace, Rainforest Cafe, T Rex, and a few more and we blended right in. We have never done any type of signature dining.
My granddaughter is 2. She isn't quite at the age where she understands commands yet and is learning to communicate/talk without the understanding of societal norms or repercussions. Also, I am her grandmother so therefore I do not raise her. She has a mother and father for that.
My son has dressed properly for any occasion I have ever asked him to. In fact, I don't need to ask him. He has clean jeans (new, with no tears), a button up shirt, and new boots he saves for occasions such as weddings or funerals. Honestly though, even if he didn't dress up at those occasions no one would blink an eye. We don't host occasions because we care how people dress. We just are thankful they thought enough of us to give up their time to come to celebrate (or cry) with us. That's just kind of how everyone looks at things where I'm from. We've never been to ritzy places as it just wouldn't be our thing. It was only considered this time because of my granddaughter. She is at that innocent age where make believe is real.
There was a time when places didn't accept blacks or gays or even women. To think we still live in a world where you would be so judged because you didn't trim your beard or because you weren't wearing stylish clothing baffles me but I accept this is the world we live in. I also am able to still have a great time with people who are like-minded to me.
See above comment.
I couldn't agree more. And not accepting those things is the very reason we have never visited any signature dining experience at Disney World. We'd never want anyone to come into our home and tell us how to act, dress, or what to accept and we know when not to do that with others.
It was really only a passing thought because I wanted my granddaughter to feel the true princess treatment. However, I have more respect for others than to risk making anyone else feel uncomfortable while eating dinner. Disney gives us plenty of options to choose from.
Hey OP! I was just wondering if this is a once in a lifetime trip for your granddaughter or if she will be back when she’s older? The reason I ask is that I’m wondering how much interest a 2 year old would have in afternoon tea. I have a 2 year old myself...granted, I have a boy, but I wouldn’t book something for him that will take an hour. He’s well behaved but...he’s 2. Nothing holds his interest for that long...he’d try to get up and leave halfway through. I feel like that’s something that may be better suited to a 4 or 5 year old girl. Just a thought...you obviously know her best! Have fun with whatever you decide!
Of course jeans, a button up shirt and beard are OK for the signature restaurants. It says jeans and a collared shirt are fine (except V&A). Lots of people come straight from the theme park. I wouldn’t care what other people think. I would rather have polite people dressed down than rude people. All the bestWe will definitely be back in years to come
On another note:
I wanted to clarify that I hold no ill will towards the folks that some of you are seeing as rude. I accepted the fact that my humor went straight over their heads as we are likely culturally and/or geographically different.
My children and grandchildren don't really lick wall sockets. Its a common phrase where I'm from to remark about your kids acting up a little and its always used in jest/humor. Kind of like "swinging from the ceiling fan". Kids don't actually do that, you know? We have never visited WCC or 50'sPT because their antics were too much.
And the advice I was asking for was if clean, untorn jeans, a button up, boots, and a full out beard was acceptable for the more upscale establishments. It appears the answer is no and that's ok Perhaps my exaggerated description of my family, meant with humor that I know some of you understood, is what caused some of these reactions that some might find rude. Oddly enough I found some of the comments entertaining because I never expected anyone to get so riled up over a discussion on this.
At the end of the day we DO judge ourselves and we judge others. That has always been the case. Imagine a world where we didn't judge ourselves and how disrespectful we'd be to those around us by not having the common sense and judgement to say "yeah, I don't think this is appropriate".
I have no qualms about not doing the tea party. For what that would cost us we could spend 2 days at Universal or 2 more days at Disney, which all of us would enjoy more