Do you ever really want to try the snazzy, ritzy dining experiences but....

[Disneyliscious]

...you are well aware of how well refined and mannered other children are but you can barely keep yours from licking the wall sockets?

That's me. Well, my children are grown now but I have a grandchild. My son? He is 25 and about as redneck as they come. He is a nice redneck but he totally doesn't give a crap about "dressing up" and isn't going to do it just to appease some social norm. He has clean jeans and a nice shirt that he brings out for funerals but he isn't clean shaven. He has that typical rough, redneck beard and only wears boots. He has manners but.....he would never "look" the part in a snazzy restaurant.

I want to do one of the Tea Parties for my granddaughter but at the same time.....she'd be the one biting the heads off the swan cookies and laughing about it or randomly yelling out "I WANT IT!" right in the middle of, what I picture to be, this very regal, formal, silent "brunch".

We are private people and don't like to be stared at by others. Anyone else figure out how to solve this dilemma?

 

[NYCgrrl]

Well biting the heads off of swan scones is fun and how else will you get to eat them?.

"I WANT IT!" would eventually bring out my death glare but before I started turning peeps into stone statues I'd familiarise the little girl with the concept of quieter eating by reading with her a book like these:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/kids/6-charming-books-for-tea-time/

Not sure why Eloise isn't included but at least she gets a mention in the opening paragraphs.

Some of the books mentioned on the link are really more about history but a quick read of the summaries will eliminate 'em.
I'd save the Mad Hatter's tea party for last so it's easier to laugh at the absurdist behavior while still knowing the how to really behave. Depending on your DGD's age perhaps bring a favorite stuffed toy as an invited guest for your tea. Now she'll be busy teaching "Stuffy" how to behave.

I wouldn't worry too much. Disney CMs are used to children of all ages.

I raised two ravening wolves who I eventually palmed off on other women............oops.

 

[Nancyg56]

Oh my word, you have me chuckling! I think that you are worrying too much, but I do understand. We took the two little ones on my street with us a few years ago, and they were rather rambunctious. Cute as the dickens but they could forget their "inside" voices at the drop of a hat, and had the attention span of a gnat. I pictured them hopping off the chair and tripping over servers as they skipped to the bathroom. My DD and I would take them out to dinner, or shopping, or something, and then they would show us their best "Disney" manners. We always left Mom home when we "practiced" and I think it made a difference. When they came to my house I would do the same thing, ask them to practice their best Disney manners, and it turned into a game. Drove my DH nuts because he thought their antics were cute, and they were, however I knew that some of the things that endeared these two cuties to us would be the same shenanigans that would make our dining neighbors cringe and write horror stories on their Facebook page.

You could do the same kind of thing. Have practice tea parties, and drag out the pretty cups and plates. Buy some cute cookies at the grocery store and have your tea party. I bet your DGD would love it.

 

[DisneyWishes14]

Are you thinking of taking her to one of the children's teas? Or the afternoon tea at GF? If it's one of the children's teas, I wouldn't worry about it. It won't be the first time a child has laughed at biting the head off a swan scone or screamed, "I want it!". If it's the afternoon tea, I would probably do as PP suggested and "practice" afternoon tea at home. The afternoon tea is definitely a quieter, more refined experience.

 

[kaytieeldr]

or randomly yelling out "I WANT IT!"

have her watch this

 

[bumbershoot]

Are you thinking of taking her to one of the children's teas? Or the afternoon tea at GF? If it's one of the children's teas, I wouldn't worry about it. It won't be the first time a child has laughed at biting the head off a swan scone or screamed, "I want it!". If it's the afternoon tea, I would probably do as PP suggested and "practice" afternoon tea at home. The afternoon tea is definitely a quieter, more refined experience.

I agree, except that even the afternoon one isn’t silent by any means. I think it’s hushed because of room design, but it’s off a busy noisy lobby and the design is open and lofty.

My then 4 year old feisty noisy cousin behaved amazingly well for our girls’ tea. Something about watching her mom, grandma, and I dress up, and dressing her up (please note that not everyone dresses up, but it was our choice) helped her see that it was different. And the way the server doted on her helped make her feel special. And she was quite terrific that day.

 

[JerseyJanice]

...you are well aware of how well refined and mannered other children are but you can barely keep yours from licking the wall sockets?

That's me. Well, my children are grown now but I have a grandchild. My son? He is 25 and about as redneck as they come. He is a nice redneck but he totally doesn't give a crap about "dressing up" and isn't going to do it just to appease some social norm. He has clean jeans and a nice shirt that he brings out for funerals but he isn't clean shaven. He has that typical rough, redneck beard and only wears boots. He has manners but.....he would never "look" the part in a snazzy restaurant.

I want to do one of the Tea Parties for my granddaughter but at the same time.....she'd be the one biting the heads off the swan cookies and laughing about it or randomly yelling out "I WANT IT!" right in the middle of, what I picture to be, this very regal, formal, silent "brunch".

We are private people and don't like to be stared at by others. Anyone else figure out how to solve this dilemma?

IMO there are two ways to solve your dilemma. One is to go wherever you want without your family members who are incapable of presenting themselves properly in a formal setting.

The other is to teach your family that are places and events at which one has to dress and behave formally, but if your son is 25, that ship has probably already sailed for him.

It’s not too late to instruct your granddaughter on how to behave in public, and in fact, I think you should. She is likely to miss out on a lot of things in life if she isn’t taught how to dress and conduct herself in a formal setting.

As you probably know from your son, the time to teach children how to behave and dress in public starts at birth. You can’t wait for them to become adults and then try to show them how to act like they were not raised by wolves.

 

[Disneyliscious]

You can’t wait for them to become adults and then try to show them how to act like they were not raised by wolves.

My son very much has manners. However he has never been one to dress up formally. I never instructed him to do so because that's simply not how we live. We are simple farm people, mechanics, and construction workers. In 30 years of going to Disney I have avoided the "ritzy" places because I knew "our kind" wouldn't fit in with the type of people who frequent such establishments.

Thank you for reminding me I made the right choice

 

[nurseholly]

My son very much has manners. However he has never been one to dress up formally. I never instructed him to do so because that's simply not how we live. We are simple farm people, mechanics, and construction workers. In 30 years of going to Disney I have avoided the "ritzy" places because I knew "our kind" wouldn't fit in with the type of people who frequent such establishments.

Thank you for reminding me I made the right choice

This made me sad. I love dressing up on occasion but also worry that I will be over/ under dressed and that coming from a small town will be so so apparent to those used to dining formally more often. But you know what? Those sitting and judging are going to sit and judge, period. I took my daughter to afternoon tea when she was 10. She thinks of herself as a comedienne and kept saying (loudly)" 'ello govna' can I have a spot of tea and crumpets?" while sticking out her pinky finger and speaking with a god-awful fake British accent. I was a little embarrassed but a lot amused and to be honest, its one of the memories that we talk about the most. Take your grand daughter and to heck with everyone else.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

OP your money is green just like everyone else's. Go where you want and to heck with what everyone else thinks.

I remember being pretty young going to LeCellier with my XH and two kids. I'm pretty good at reading people and we got a couple of snooty looks like we didn't "belong" there. But ya know what...the waiter was lovely to us, was great with the kids and didn't treat us any differently than any of his other diners.

 

[pens4821]

My son very much has manners. However he has never been one to dress up formally. I never instructed him to do so because that's simply not how we live. We are simple farm people, mechanics, and construction workers. In 30 years of going to Disney I have avoided the "ritzy" places because I knew "our kind" wouldn't fit in with the type of people who frequent such establishments.

Thank you for reminding me I made the right choice

I'm like you as far as the "our kind" aspect. We are just a normal working class family. I don't really care what people think of me, and I don't think you should either. Who cares if you go to a nice place and feel underdressed (as long as your not in your normal every day working clothes)? And more, who cares how a young child acts (within reason). People have to realize kids are kids, and they aren't perfect. But if they get too out of control, I do hate when parents don't remove them from the situation and just let everyone suffer with them.

I also do agree with the PP that kids should be taught to dress a little better in certain circumstances. I mean, you can go to Walmart and buy a pair of khakis, a polo/button down shirt, and some shoes for around $30. Keep it in the closet for funerals/weddings/that special occasion. At the same time, I don't think there are too many places in Disney that this is necessary. Most people are on vacation, and a pair of non work jeans and boots should be sufficient.

 

[Bostonbeans99]

Always remember money doesn't buy class or properness.
Please don't sell yourself short or deny yourself nice things!

My middle child always stood at our dinner table or put one knee on the chair. ( No I have no idea why)

He always ate well, behaved himself and was respectful so I let him stand.
Until.......he was about 4 & we went to a very nice restaurant. I realized I needed to teach him to sit when needed. He thankfully complied without making a scene. It was a teachable moment...where you can say to a child "we do this at home but not when we're out in public.

 

[Bostonbeans99]

...you are well aware of how well refined and mannered other children are but you can barely keep yours from licking the wall sockets?

I knew my problem above was quite small when I told it to another mom and she chuckled. She told me her son was 4 and insisted in a restaurant once to the waiter that he was a dog and he needed to eat on the floor.

 

[DisneyArkie]

IMO there are two ways to solve your dilemma. One is to go wherever you want without your family members who are incapable of presenting themselves properly in a formal setting.

The other is to teach your family that are places and events at which one has to dress and behave formally, but if your son is 25, that ship has probably already sailed for him.

It’s not too late to instruct your granddaughter on how to behave in public, and in fact, I think you should. She is likely to miss out on a lot of things in life if she isn’t taught how to dress and conduct herself in a formal setting.

As you probably know from your son, the time to teach children how to behave and dress in public starts at birth. You can’t wait for them to become adults and then try to show them how to act like they were not raised by wolves.

I guess since no one else will say it I will. What a rude arrogant response. You tell the OP that she failed in teaching manners to her son, but yet you have showed you have none yourself...

 

[bwifan]

Just go if you want and have fun. It’s Disney World. Outside of Victoria and Alberts you can wear jeans and I think kids are expected to be a little “spirited”.

People who stare are idiots. You’ll never please them so don’t try.

On a side note, by boots, do you mean cowboy boots? That sounds painful walking around DW!

 

[crabbygal902]

Dear Disneyliscious,

I love you already. We should be friends.

Good manners are simply meant to put people at ease (looking at you, JerseyJanice.) Knowing where to put your teaspoon or saucer is cool, I guess, but is not nearly as important as being considerate of others. It sounds like your family is very nice already.

Maybe you could have some special time for you and your sweet granddaughter to practice for your tea with milk and cookies at home, pinkies in the air. You can YouTube videos about how Afternoon Tea is served. It would be a fun way to enjoy your trip countdown.

 

[tannerandcatesmom]

There are people from all walks of life at Disney! Vacation is just that, a vacation from “real life”. If you want to take your family to California Grill for dinner and fireworks (which I highly recommmend ) then do it! As long as your son doesn’t wear a tank top and flip flops he will be fine. If you want to take your grandaughter to Cinderella’s Table for breakfast, afternnon tea at the Grand Floridian, or to Bibbidi Boppidi Boutique - do it!!! If you and she want to get all dressed up then get all dressed up. For us, Disney is all about the experiences we share as a family! Go, do what you want and have a magical time!

 

[JerseyJanice]

...you are well aware of how well refined and mannered other children are but you can barely keep yours from licking the wall sockets?

That's me. Well, my children are grown now but I have a grandchild. My son? He is 25 and about as redneck as they come. He is a nice redneck but he totally doesn't give a crap about "dressing up" and isn't going to do it just to appease some social norm. He has clean jeans and a nice shirt that he brings out for funerals but he isn't clean shaven. He has that typical rough, redneck beard and only wears boots. He has manners but.....he would never "look" the part in a snazzy restaurant.

I want to do one of the Tea Parties for my granddaughter but at the same time.....she'd be the one biting the heads off the swan cookies and laughing about it or randomly yelling out "I WANT IT!" right in the middle of, what I picture to be, this very regal, formal, silent "brunch".

We are private people and don't like to be stared at by others. Anyone else figure out how to solve this dilemma?

OP, you asked how to solve your dilemma. When I read the bolded words that you wrote, I took it that your dilemma is that you can’t ask your 25 year-old son to dress nicely enough to avoid stares at a snazzy restaurant in Disney World. Then I understood your other dilemma to be that you don’t think your 5 year-old GD can behave at a children’s tea party.

I struggled with how to answer your question and wish I had just backed out of the thread because it is never my intention to insult anybody. But honestly, if you can’t ask your son to dress and groom himself well enough to go to most Disney restaurants and you can’t trust a 5 year-old to behave for an hour, it sounds like you might need to get tougher on the youth in your family.

If my 21 year-old son refused to dress properly for an occasion and told me that he wouldn’t do it just to appease some social norm, I’d insist that he needed to do it to appease me. What will you do if there is a family wedding at a nice place? You sound an accepting parent and that’s not a bad thing, but there are some things that a parent has a right not to accept.

 

[Disneyliscious]

But honestly, if you can’t ask your son to dress and groom himself well enough to go to most Disney restaurants

We have been to Chef Mickey's, Trails End, 'Ohana, Crystal Palace, Rainforest Cafe, T Rex, and a few more and we blended right in. We have never done any type of signature dining.

and you can’t trust a 5 year-old to behave for an hour, it sounds like you might need to get tougher on the youth in your family.

My granddaughter is 2. She isn't quite at the age where she understands commands yet and is learning to communicate/talk without the understanding of societal norms or repercussions. Also, I am her grandmother so therefore I do not raise her. She has a mother and father for that.

If my 21 year-old son refused to dress properly for an occasion and told me that he wouldn’t do it just to appease some social norm, I’d insist that he needed to do it to appease me.

My son has dressed properly for any occasion I have ever asked him to. In fact, I don't need to ask him. He has clean jeans (new, with no tears), a button up shirt, and new boots he saves for occasions such as weddings or funerals. Honestly though, even if he didn't dress up at those occasions no one would blink an eye. We don't host occasions because we care how people dress. We just are thankful they thought enough of us to give up their time to come to celebrate (or cry) with us. That's just kind of how everyone looks at things where I'm from. We've never been to ritzy places as it just wouldn't be our thing. It was only considered this time because of my granddaughter. She is at that innocent age where make believe is real.

There was a time when places didn't accept blacks or gays or even women. To think we still live in a world where you would be so judged because you didn't trim your beard or because you weren't wearing stylish clothing baffles me but I accept this is the world we live in. I also am able to still have a great time with people who are like-minded to me.

What will you do if there is a family wedding at a nice place?

See above comment.

ou sound an accepting parent and that’s not a bad thing, but there are some things that a parent has a right not to accept.

I couldn't agree more. And not accepting those things is the very reason we have never visited any signature dining experience at Disney World. We'd never want anyone to come into our home and tell us how to act, dress, or what to accept and we know when not to do that with others.

It was really only a passing thought because I wanted my granddaughter to feel the true princess treatment. However, I have more respect for others than to risk making anyone else feel uncomfortable while eating dinner. Disney gives us plenty of options to choose from.

 

[Bostonbeans99]

Disneyliscious- you have more arms around you than you know!

Advice boards are about 50 nice/helpful posts to 1 that is not so pleasant. Put on a flame retardant suit & you will be fine.

Sometimes people don't realize their tone...and some do it completely on purpose.

Some will even say well you came on here for advice eh? Don't you want the truth ? Blah blah blah

I hope you make a reservation & have a ball with your granddaughter!