Can I vent?

[Jillpie]

I really would like to ask this in a kind way...but why one earth did you tell her of your dates for this trip?? If you know how she is, why would you reveal your plans?

There is no way on earth that I would allow this kind of controlling person in my life. She is controlling you, that is not a friend. I don't know anyone that would book a flight and book a hotel around your friend and not ask first, would you mind if we came along? Its just plain rude and inconsiderate. You do realize this, don't you? I'm not really understanding why you're tolerating it, I would't let anyone interfere with family time, vacations are WAY too expensive for that kind of nonsense.

 

[alldiz]

You have caught a very serious Disney related parasite. The dreaded "Disney Leech", serious enough to ruin even the most avid DVC members good time. Here is our perscription on removing the leech or at least to minimize its blood-sucking... sorry... fun-sucking ability.

Step One.
Upon entering your DVC accomodation immediatley "set-up" your voice mail with a personal message. Add to the end of the voice mail the following... "We are out enjoying everything the world has to offer, try us on our cell"

Step Two.
Shut off your cell!

If the leech still hasn't fallen off by the end of the second day try the following.

Soak! Fill your in room jaccuzzi tub and sit in it while your phone rings, instruct all persons in your room not to touch the phone. If you are in a studio use any hot tub located in the pool area of your resort. If after a good soaking the leech still hasn't released you may wish to take a more proactive approach, ahead of the vacation.

Point out to your "friend" all the bonuses of being a DVC member as opposed to staying off property. Parking, Extra Magic Hours, discounts and such. The EMH's may be a good one to start with. Explain that you will be in the parks before she can get in and that you may or may not do a few attractions ahead of time. Thus negating your "tour-guide" abilities.

Finally if none of these remedies seems good, just rip the leech off and buy her a 2008 Birnbaums guide for Christmas and tell her to read it herself!!!

Kerri

 

[Cee]

This "friendship" doesn't sound like it's any fun. If, after much "soul-searching",
you find no "pros" only "cons", just let it go...............................................

 

[ktbugsmom]

Jillpie,
I had to laugh when you said "why on earth did you tell her your dates for your trip???" My quick answer - I was caught off guard.

To be honest, three years ago, she kept asking to come along. I had everything booked - but I was vague and would change the subject, tend to my daughter or do anything to avoid the conversation. (this was shortly after the dreaded ski trip - and I was not vacationing with them again) About 2 weeks before we were leaving, we were out to lunch and my daughter says "We are going to Disney in 2 weeks. You should come along!" (innocent child! We had started the official countdown for her) Well! The look of pain on my friend's face and then the "you didn't tell me when you were going..." conversation started. It was rough.

Then I avoided the conversation the next year at all costs. I told my daughter not to mention Disney because I didn't want her to "show off" etc. For this year's trip (Jan 2007) - we met up with some dear friends who used to live in our town. When she inquired about Disney, I told her the truth. We were meeting our dear friends to catch up with them. End of conversation.

So - for my next trip (Jan 2008) - she had figured out that we go in January. She casually asked if we were going to Disney again. I said yes. We had an innocent conversation about it was time to take her kids there etc. When she asked my dates and I was just caught off guard. I thought it was innocent and I just told her it was booked and gave her the dates.

That is when she said "We just bought a time share, can we go at the same time?!?" How do you respond? I was flabbergasted. I stumbled through "this is a family vacation....I am a commando...I get up early - 6am each day..." but, again, you can't tell someone "NO - you can't go to Orlando when I go."

Therefore, I guess she "asked" me... but given our history with my Disney trips and me avoiding mentioning them to her, I felt ambushed.

 

[bobbiwoz]

I hope that as you give serious thought to what people are saying here, you will have a better time on YOUR vacation than you are imagining.

Bobbi

 

[draw]

Give her a guide book to read about everything Disney and say how informative it is and how it gets you in the mood. The Disney mood. Then tell her it is so great discovering as a family and watching the looks on the kids faces and that you wouldn't want to take that away from her. It is a big place don't worry;.

 

[deedeetoo]

It sound like these people are late for everything and you have already said you aren't waiting. If you hold to this, I think that you will never really see them while you're there.

If it you would like to, make a schedule for them based on what you think they would like. From the sounds of things, they really won't stick to it anyway. Make your schedule like you would if they weren't going and plan a couple things together like parades and fireworks. If they show up, fine, if they don't, you are fine without them.

Do not make any dinner reservations with them. You don't want to be stuck at a restaurant unable to be seated because you're still waiting for most of your party. In fact making a dinner reservation will be a great way to force yourself to leave them - "Oh wasn't that parade great... now we have to be off to the Poly for our dinner reservation"

 

[Jillpie]

Ktbugsman, thanks for that explanation, now I understand. Haven't we ALL been in that delicate situation before!! I feel for you. You're trying to be a friend, but boy this is really hard. I would make a couple of get togethers while there, but that is it. The being late part would drive me absolutely nuts too, just don't put yourself in that position, or your families happiness! Good luck with this one, I can't believe she did this to you. Repeat after me, "I will never, ever reveal our vacation plans, and I will teach my daughter to never open her mouth!! "

 

[DVC Grammy]

I read a definition of "family" that, (as I age ) I've learned to apply to "friends", too.

Family/friends are those people you love who love you back!

To me, that says it all!

 

[tksbaskets]

very good advise here. What has worked for our friends in the past:
- Introduce them to the DIS boards
- buy them their own special copy of the "unofficial guide to WDW"
- Set up ONE dinner together (a buffet works great for a big group)

Next tell them how you will be looking forward to getting together after the trip for a full report.

We had friends join us on a Disney Cruise and it was a great time! We met up for dinner each night and did our own thing mostly during the day with a few joint activities.

That said, Disney is a big place...you can give them the slip pretty easily!

 

[wtpclc]

That is why so few people IRL know that I own DVC. It's just easier for me.

I only have one firend left like you described, as tehy tend to leave when you stop putting effort it. I completely understand, though.

I agree with the plan to buy her a book send her this way or maybe to TGM adn ask her when and where she's like to meet for dinner one night. That should give her the hint without confrontation. It really is too hard to do much in a big group. Maybe you could even do dinner adn an illuminations or WIshes dcruise one night. That would be a great magical time, but planned and not taking up your whole vacation. Good luck!

 

[Jaaron2]

Dont answer your cell phone

Leave early

Come back late

Mix in with the crowd

I understand EXACTLY where you are coming from. Although I enjoy family and friends there is a time and place for everything! My vacation time is for my IMMEDIATE family. This is my time to spend with my kids and wife. Not to be a tour guide or work on someone elses schedule. We spend half of our time now is Disney doing.....nothing!!!!! Hanging by the pools, eating at DTD...hitting the rides we like. I think we all can relate.It is one thing if your invited....it is another thing if you invite yourself (let alone others )

 

[dianeschlicht]

...snip... I think we all can relate.It is one thing if your invited....it is another thing if you invite yourself (let alone others )

See, it's the inviting themselves along that bothers me. I have no problems inviting folks to go with us, and we usually do just that once a year. The problems I have is when folks either ASK us to invite them or strongly HINT that they would LOVE to come with us some time. I find those are just the ones I do NOT invite. They are also likely to be the ones that will leave us holding the bag with the wrong size accommodations or dates. So far, no one has done that to us. We did once reserve a 2 bedroom before we invited anyone, and for awhile, I thought we were going to be left with 2 of us in a 2 bedroom, but we found someone to come a couple months ahead.

 

[MCourtney]

Buy her the "unoffical guide to walt disney world" (greatest book ever!)......that is really all she needs. I certainly feel for you!!!

With all those people however, chances are they will want to do their own thing anyway - it will be so hard to get them organized and on time, etc. etc.....

 

[heffalumps]

I agree with everyone else that you need to tell her but, be careful with using the emh perk. I wouldn't use that one until the week before the trip. She may just decide to switch the vacation to an on property resort!

I did the whole tour guide thing 2 years ago with my goddaughter's family. I was the one who suggested it. I love to experience WDW with kids when it is their first trip. (we don't have any of our own) I planned and booked the entire thing. They had never even been on a plane before! However, I really stressed over the whole trip planning etc...I wanted it to be perfect. By the second day I was sick and it lasted the entire trip. The only time I ever got sick on a Disney trip! We are going with them again this year but they are arriving a day earlier and staying a day later and we are at different hotels.(Last time we had connecting rooms) We are meeting for dinner's and will spend our goddaughter's birthday together. But the rest of time it is their family time and we are doing are own activites. We did plan almost all of our dinners together and we figure we will call each other if one of us can't make it. NO stress for me this trip, I don't ever want to be sick in my happy place again!!!

 

[ktbugsmom]

Thanks again for all of your help and guidance with this. I am feeling much better... especially since my husband talked with this friend and explained that we would be happy to help create a plan for them and meet them for a few things, but coordinating 3 families (ours plus hers and then the other family she is bringing) is just too hard. My husband knew he could "set the stage" for me (again, I am a wimp!), so now I am going to sit with her and help her create her plan... therefore, we will each have our own plans and I can have my vacation back!

Funny how we obsess over our favorite place - isn't it? But, I just feel better knowing there are others who have been there and understand the whole WDW family experience thing. It is sacred, isn't it?

 

[WDWCPAlumni]

I know you have gotten lots of replies, but I think your husband has it right. Just let her know.
Perhaps it would be best if you said, we really enjoy this as our family time and as much as we love you, we want to keep it just family time. However, since you will be there at the same time why dont we get together one night and do a dinner show........or something.
You could always do the Luau or whatever........and then part.

 

[Glendamax]

I know you have gotten lots of replies, but I think your husband has it right. Just let her know.
Perhaps it would be best if you said, we really enjoy this as our family time and as much as we love you, we want to keep it just family time. However, since you will be there at the same time why dont we get together one night and do a dinner show........or something.
You could always do the Luau or whatever........and then part.

I completely agree. I wouldnt turn off your phone, or try to duck them. I would simply tell them, help them plan, and try to meet up for a meal or two.

 

[Wigit12]

Totally understand. Doesn't sound like this friend would actually listen to any of your reasoning in any case. Good luck !!
DH family has highjacked our next vacation. MIL bought DVC in the early 90's and we were able to take advantage of it for a long time before we had to buy her large contract after my FIL passed. Therefore I really can't ask her not to come sometimes. She actually tried to talk my SIL into coming over to visit DH and I for a few nights during our honeymoon!! (They live about 2 hours north of Orlando)
Our problem is she doesn't like to do any parks. We want to enjoy the parks this time. She thinks we should all sit by the pools and around the resort so we can "visit".

 

[Inkmahm]

Buy her the "unoffical guide to walt disney world" (greatest book ever!)......that is really all she needs. I certainly feel for you!!!

With all those people however, chances are they will want to do their own thing anyway - it will be so hard to get them organized and on time, etc. etc.....

this is an excellent suggestion!

I have a trip planned for my DH's extended family for December. There are 12 people and 5 separate family units (one couple has 2 kids.) We invited them to go with us,they didn't invite themselves. I did buy each family unit a copy of the "unofficial guide to WDW". I also made reservations for us to treat the family as follows:

Day 1 Dinner at Liberty Tree and MVMCP
Day 3 Dinner at California Grill
Day 4 breakfast at Cinderella's castle
Day 5 Dinner at Jiko's

Everything else is on their own. We'll tell them which parks we plan to go to each day as well as when the EMH are scheduled. But I don't plan to try to do the parks with the other family members.