Can I vent?

[BroganMc]

Our problem is she doesn't like to do any parks. We want to enjoy the parks this time. She thinks we should all sit by the pools and around the resort so we can "visit".

Oh that's easy. Just designate her "Home Base" and you can drop in and out as your schedule fits. That's usually what we do when someone decides to vegetate.

 

[Wigit12]

Oh that's easy. Just designate her "Home Base" and you can drop in and out as your schedule fits. That's usually what we do when someone decides to vegetate.

Oh, that's our intention but we'll pay a dear price over the following months!! We're now trying to convince her to invite a friend. No need to turn this thread into the MIL vent thread.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

I would be careful about how detailed a plan you develop for your friend. I know that kind of planning comes naturally to you, but that is exactly what can trip you up with a person like this. You might be doing it out of consideration, and maybe to assuage some guilt, but you run the very real risk that she will wonder why you are developing two plans when it would be just so much easier to hook into the one she knows you have for your family.

As others have said, a real friend would never put a friend in this kind of position. She probably doesn't know how to be a real friend, and when she can get her desperate hooks into someone willing to allow it (and she senses you will), that's what she's going to do. I'm not suggesting she's a bad person, just needy and boundary-less.

Bottom line: Is your friendship with this person more important to you than your family vacations? If it isn't, then how about trying whichever of the excellent suggestions people have made here that genuinely appeal to you (desire, not guilt), and then letting the chips fall where they may? Unless you allow this person to swallow you whole, you probably won't be able to make her completely happy no matter what you do.

And if you can't let go of the guilt, why not choose between guilts - focus on the guilt you would feel by making your own family trade their fun for hers. That strategy has worked for me when I was trying to wean myself away from bending too far backward for people who invariably turned out later not to be worth it.

Good luck!! I've been there, and can guess at the anxiety you might be feeling right now. Maybe it will help to know that one other person in this kind of situation always felt much better after not giving in.

 

[3DisneyKids]

Sounds like this is getting settled, thanks to DH!

I love Diane's suggestion to plan a few select activities that are at NIGHT...at the END of the day. If you plan a lunch, for example, they could end up latching on (based on how this whole thing started, that sounds exactly like something she would do).

Also, as you are making her plan and going over it with her, you can easily point out the big differences in your plans vs. hers. Remind her that since you go to WDW every year, there are many things that you don't want/need to do. But since this is a special thing for them, you don't want to "rob" them of any of the great experiences.

Plus, you can also play the DVC card...how somethings are only for members (sometimes, not often mind you, but sometimes they require bracelets for the BWV pool like they do for SAB...things along those lines).

Will you be on the DDP? That is another big difference. Since she is staying off property, she can't get the DDP, so maybe all of your meals would automatically be different anyway.

 

[ktbugsmom]

I loved the MIL vent! I can feel your pain. My in-laws are coming this weekend... luckily, they don't ever want to come to Disney with us. We have invited - even suggested that they just hang by the pool and walk around (we know they would NOT like the parks) - and they just laughed. So I am off the hook there.

Funny, DH laid the ground work, but I ran into my friend at my DD's soccer game last night. She was saying "I have reserved two condos and have another on hold..." huh? Who in the heck is she taking?! (She bought 1/2 million points and got double points for the first 2 years. A 3 bedroom for a week only costs like 175000 points for a week - so she has plenty!) But, as my DH says, that takes the pressure off of us. There is NO way to coordinate all those people, so we won't even try. Not even for meals. Can you imagine trying to get tables for 4 families?? I'm not doing it.

She even mentioned something about "we are almost 180 days out... " so maybe she will plan some stuff on her own!

 

[dwelty]

Tell her that because you visit so often, you spend alot of time at the resort by the pool. Let her know that Disney is very strict about only allowing guests into the pool area. People who do not go to WDW alot can't stand being out of the parks. They will change plans quick enough.

 

[tjkraz]

Buy her a very basic guidebook (Passporter?), spend a few minutes marking pages with important info, and give it to her saying something like "maybe we can meet-up one night after dinner."

It might cost you $20 for the book and an hour of your time helping her get started, but that sounds like a small price to pay.

The longer you let it go without setting her straight, the worse it will be when you finally bite the bullet.