Weddings Sure Have Changed..

[SandyinMonterey]

I got married 20 years ago at WDW. I was living in California at the time, 3000 miles from family. It was a small wedding, I wanted it that way and I didn't expect anything from anybody. I was just happy if they could attend. My husband and I did the planning, well mostly me. My husband wasn't interested in flowers and such. He did have a lot to say about food, liquor and music. With my husbands help and the wedding planner at Disney, it was pretty straight forward and simple. It would of been nice to have my family more involved though. My parents did give us some money towards the wedding as a gift. My Mom gave me a surprise bridal shower at the Grand Floridian which my husband helped plan and my MIL took immediate family only out to dinner at the Yachtsman. My husband and I took everyone before the wedding to the Polynesian Luau (that was fun). I am very big on thank you notes and I wrote everyone a very personal thank you after the wedding. Even my parents and my Mom commented how nice it was. I do agree that thank you notes nowadays are lacking. Not just for weddings but any occasion. But I don't think it's either which way any more. There are some really fancy weddings and I hear of couples requesting money instead of gifts to help for down payment on a house or to pay for their honeymoon. Then I hear of more simpler weddings like running off to Hawaii to get married and a small reception at home.

 

[White Cat]

Life goes in cycles. Barn weddings are the big thing just like in pioneer times. After a few decades pass large church wedding will be back in style. Change and life cycles are nothing new.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

That last two weddings I went to seemed fairly traditional to me. One in a church, the other at a venue. Both had full dinner receptions. Pretty much right out of the book. The one thing I think has changed is people aren't going for one set of every day dishes and a set of china nearly as much as they used to.

One "tradition" (and I use that term very loosely) I'm glad to see go away is smashing the cake in your spouse's face. In neither case did I see it.

Another one I'd like to see go away is people banging their glasses every 30 seconds to get the couple to kiss.

 

[ronandannette]

No puffy dress for me. I had my wedding 6years ago and we did it in my dad's living room (pretty small only 12 ppl). Had the dress (only cuz my mom wanted to see me in a dress once in my life) my grandpa made pasta and I had Carvel ice cream cake for my wedding cake. I changed into a sweater and jeans right after the ceremony (was a December wedding).

Including the dress total cost was about 2k. My dad hired a friend to do the photos idk the cost of that. I don't see the point in spending money on a party.

I have memories and photos and my family was there. Spending another 20k to make it BIG would not change the outcome.

To each there own.

$2,000 actually seems like a lot for a 12 person living room wedding but I hope it was lovely and just what you wanted.

 

[Meglen]

$2,000 actually seems like a lot for a 12 person living room wedding but I hope it was lovely and just what you wanted.

The darn dress I didn't want was 800$.. and renting the tux was about 200$ than.. your right idk what the other money was on.. was prolly less than I thought haha.

 

[disneyseniors]

This is a fun thread!
When the pandemic started, my grandson and his GF had planned their wedding right in the middle of it, in July! They of course, had to cancel their big church wedding but didn't want to wait for the pandemic to die down.
So, they had a small gathering of family and friends OutSide in freezing Northern Minnesota . The brides parents fixed up a beautiful area on the porch for them. The preacher was a personal friend. They started campfires around the yard, and we all huddled around them. We did keep social distancing though. There was no hugging and handshaking. We had cupcakes and something to drink afterwards.
Then later on they had their reception in an event center in the woods to celebrate with family and friends.
It was a different wedding, but still beautiful (though COLD), and the reception later on was really nice to celebrate their marriage. It was a unique wedding they will always remember!

 

[DisneyHardin]

I am very big on thank you notes and I wrote everyone a very personal thank you after the wedding. Even my parents and my Mom commented how nice it was. I do agree that thank you notes nowadays are lacking. Not just for weddings but any occasion.

You sound like me. I write thank you notes for any occasion that warrants it. After our wedding 13 years ago, I did the thank you notes and to anyone that came to the wedding I started with thanking them for joining us and then thanked them for the gift. There was no real rhyme or reason why I did it that way, but did have several guests tell later that they really appreciated that I thanked them for coming to the wedding first and then thanked the for the gift second.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Same with us. My wife's mom insisted we register for the China. When we got some we returned it all to Macy's and got the stuff we really wanted. High end pots/pans, good knives.... I think the fancy china is a thing of the past.

My Mother-in-law gave us a set....we never used it...not once. I gave it my cousin's new wife almost 10 years ago. Betting she's never used it either.

 

[goofyernmost]

I got married almost 50 years ago. My wife's father paid for the gown, Hand made by a neighbor, charged just for material, the slimmest of meals for a small group of relatives (25, I think). Two choices chicken or fish. The man was wealthy but one of the cheapest people on the planet. No bar (open or otherwise) and only basics for liquids, coffee, tea or juice. We had no music and paid for our own cake. I paid for my tux, all the flowers and whatever odds and ends that were mostly decretive, the church and the music at the church. And the photo album. Wedding gift from them as a nice set of dishes that we used many times on special occasions during our marriage. I think that happened because her mother threatened to kill him if he didn't shut up and open his wallet for his only daughters wedding. My parents paid for the rehearsal dinner.

In fairness, I think he was upset because she had not looked like she would be getting married and he had decided that she would take care of them in their old age. He actually told me before we got married that her "marrying me was like cutting off his legs". I was just back from Vietnam and wasn't in the mood to be intimidated so I told him that "I was sorry you feel that way, but when all is said and done I don't give half a damn what you think".

That said, almost every other tradition was followed. We got married in the Chapel at the University of Vermont and it didn't have a center aisle so my parents and I entered from one side and they from the other and met as a family that gave us to each other in the middle. That was the only alteration we made. We had the traditional wedding march played on the way out and the Hawaiian Wedding Song on the way in. I guess that is all pretty much a traditional thing, but it seemed different in many ways. Anyway we lasted for 29 years before extenuating circumstances caused us to separate and divorce. We still made it work for a long time.

 

[Hisgirl]

What??? You can’t be serious?? No. And also the use of the word “gal” makes me think the op is seriously out of touch.

OP here. What's wrong with the term 'gal'? I literallly have no idea what is wrong with this term. It's just a casual way of saying girl, woman, lady, female. Like fella, guy, dude etc. I don't know what you mean by out of touch, but if you feel the need to educate me, I'm standing by.

 

[Hisgirl]

So last year, riiiight before the quarantines, like RIGHT before we were all shut down, I put together a last second back yard wedding for a friend. Her mother and I pulled it off in 48 hours.

She wore an altered sample gown from a boutique. The shop owner had her seamstress come in the day of the wedding and the dress made it to the house 2 hours before the wedding.
We found a local florist to copy a pinterest bouquet.
Blue Nile sent the wedding band overnight, we found a photgrapher and gathered some food.

It was precious and so intimate.

I made her a wedding mask!

 

[Boopuff]

I was married 32 years ago (back in the good old '80's) I couldn't (still can't) stand the overpriced wedding industry. I ended up renting my dress for about $200 It was perfectly fine and I didn't have to fall into the "preserve your dress" trap that so many bridal places have. The thing I really can't tolerate is the "sexy bride" thing. I understand that some of the people getting married are older, but really? a see-through gown?

 

[evilmommie]

My parents paid for our wedding and we will pay for our daughters weddings as well. My parents and I planned my wedding, very traditional. Gorgeous, simple church ceremony and beach reception.

Our oldest daughter is getting married next May, she got some $$$ from her Dad and I...and she's been off to the races making the plans with her fiancé. That is definitely a departure but we are in different states and recognize that we can't be there for all of her decisions. Still a very fun process and they will do whatever makes them happy.

 

[bobbiwoz]

We were married 53 years ago. Oldest son was married 23 years ago and younger son was married 11 years ago. All three weddings were very similar. In church, wedding gowns, for all three the bride’s parents paid.

We opted for no big anniversary parties, and I doubt there will be a 25th anniversary party for older son, but if they choose to have one, I am pretty sure we will offer to help as they will probably have two in College.

We haven’t been to many weddings in the past 5 years, children of my cousins, but those were pretty traditional, except not in a church. That’s the main difference.

 

[dvcgirl67]

I was married 32 years ago (back in the good old '80's) I couldn't (still can't) stand the overpriced wedding industry. I ended up renting my dress for about $200 It was perfectly fine and I didn't have to fall into the "preserve your dress" trap that so many bridal places have. The thing I really can't tolerate is the "sexy bride" thing. I understand that some of the people getting married are older, but really? a see-through gown?

I fell into that stupid trap....."preserved my dress".....it's in my attic. We have no children, and even though I do have a niece and my dress choice was more of a classic/timeless dress at that time....I'm not so sure my 16 year old niece would want it whenever she marries. And she'll have her mother's dress to choose from as well....who also fell into the "preserve the dress" trap. The other insane cost of a wedding is the photography. We looked at the wedding album for the first year or so...maybe. I don't even know where it is...probably in the attic with the dress.

 

[Hisgirl]

I fell into that stupid trap....."preserved my dress".....it's in my attic. We have no children, and even though I do have a niece and my dress choice was more of a classic/timeless dress at that time....I'm not so sure my 16 year old niece would want it whenever she marries. And she'll have her mother's dress to choose from as well....who also fell into the "preserve the dress" trap. The other insane cost of a wedding is the photography. We looked at the wedding album for the first year or so...maybe. I don't even know where it is...probably in the attic with the dress.

I did!!
It's upstairs in my closet taking up room

However, one day, I was watching say yes to the dress with my daughter, and I casually mentioned I had my old wedding dress upstairs.

She was shocked and immediately wanted to try it on, haha!

We ran upstairs during a commercial and she quickly put on my ruffled, poofy, 1984 wedding dress. (Although she's a tiny thing, it was too tight and wouldn't button up, Lordy how skinny I must have been!)

Regardless, she ran back downstairs and watched the rest of the show all poofy and ruffley.

 

[dvcgirl67]

I did!!
It's upstairs in my closet taking up room

However, one day, I was watching say yes to the dress with my daughter, and I casually mentioned I had my old wedding dress upstairs.

She was shocked and immediately wanted to try it on, haha!

We ran upstairs during a commercial and she quickly put on my ruffled, poofy, 1984 wedding dress. (Although she's a tiny thing, it was too tight and wouldn't button up, Lordy how skinny I must have been!)

Regardless, she ran back downstairs and watched the rest of the show all poofy and ruffley.

I'm glad you got at least that experience out of it. And who knows, maybe your daughter can use a piece of your dress in hers if she marries in the future. I'd love to give my niece a piece of my dress to incorporate into hers if she ever wanted that.

One thing I will say about the dry cleaner who "persevered my dress"....he did a good job getting the red wine stains out of the bottom of my dress. I married into an Italian family......and so there was a lot of red wine at our wedding....and as we'd say in NJ...."whadda you gonna do?" One of the things we still do have from our wedding that I smile when I see....it's up in a cabinet in our kitchen....it's an empty bottle of 1994 Opus One. We love wine....and even though we married in Florida, we were living in California at the time. We shipped 18 bottles of the 1994 Opus One vintage to Florida.....and we had only one bottle left when the reception was over. We saved it...and had it when we hit our five year anniversary....then saved that empty bottle. In a weird way, that means more to me than the dress.

 

[kymom99]

I got married the first time 30+ years ago. I had the big dress, church ceremony, and reception in a different church hall. Had about 250 people and several showers. I did my own hair and makeup. Girls got dressed and met us at my parents house for pictures. We had a limo from the church to the reception paid for by the grooms family. My parents paid for the wedding. I did not register for China.
My niece got married recently. They had the bridal suite with a team of hair dressers for the wedding party. They also had a 2:00 ceremony with a 6:00 reception. The wedding was 2 hours away, as that is where she lives now. We had to piddle around town for 2 hours in between. She also had a shower that I went to. The wedding was lovely and she seems very happy. I guess that’s what matters.

 

[Hisgirl]

That is a precious memory!

 

[MrsPete]

Back in the 1980s when my friends and I were all getting married, the gal wore a floofy white dress, her parents were the 'host' of the wedding, inviting their friends and circle of peers, showers were thrown, the gifts put on display at the mother's home, thank you notes were written, china/crystal were chosen, etc etc. And if the girl's parents could afford it, they foot the bill. The groom's family hosted a rehersal dinner.

I was married in 1990, but -- yes -- that was my experience too.

Changes I've seen lately:
- Smaller wedding parties
- Less formal bridesmaids' dresses -- like nice dresses you could buy at Penny's or Belk
- Meals instead of punch-and-cake in the church fellowship hall

What a waste, I have drug that china around the country through many moves, it almost never gets used and is generally just a waste of space.

I love my china! I also own my grandmother's wedding china and Christmas china, and they all get used!

My 20 something kids and I just had a conversation about their generation getting married. DS24 was horrified that his fraternity brother just got engaged at 25. DS thought he was “packing it in” way too soon. In his opinion, guys shouldn’t even think about marrying until they are 30-32 ...

I read an article about changes in attitudes towards marriage. It said that older generations see marriage as something you do when you're young /that you expect to grow together and build a life together /go through hard times together. In contrast, Millenniels see marriage as "the cherry on top of your life" -- something you do once you've already finished your education, started a career, etc. and are "established". The article says young people see marriage as "too restrictive" if you haven't already done your traveling, etc. I think the article might be onto something.

If the guest wants to be funny they can wrap the money in something sticky / gory (think a box filled with €50 in pennies, saw dust and syrup).

That's not funny at all.

Life goes in cycles. Barn weddings are the big thing just like in pioneer times. After a few decades pass large church wedding will be back in style. Change and life cycles are nothing new.

I think barn weddings are "a thing" now because so many people aren't involved in church /don't want to be married in a church ... so couples must search for venues, and barns are an inexpensive venue for entrepreneurs to build for weddings.

The darn dress I didn't want was 800$

Dresses don't have to cost a fortune. My dress was on a clearance rack for $99 (admittedly, 30 years ago). My daughter wore a white bridesmaid's dress, which was $299. Extremely expensive for a bridesmaid's dress -- reasonable for a bride's dress.

The other insane cost of a wedding is the photography.

We had a wedding on a shoestring, and the one thing I regretted was not having a "real photographer". When my daughter married, I paid the price -- aside from food, it was our biggest expense, but I don't regret it. I love those pictures.

We ran upstairs during a commercial and she quickly put on my ruffled, poofy, 1984 wedding dress. (Although she's a tiny thing, it was too tight and wouldn't button up, Lordy how skinny I must have been!)

My daughter and I had the same experience!