Weddings Sure Have Changed..

[Hisgirl]

Back in the 1980s when my friends and I were all getting married, the gal wore a floofy white dress, her parents were the 'host' of the wedding, inviting their friends and circle of peers, showers were thrown, the gifts put on display at the mother's home, thank you notes were written, china/crystal were chosen, etc etc. And if the girl's parents could afford it, they foot the bill. The groom's family hosted a rehersal dinner.

I do realize this was not the same for everyone and I am painting with a broad brush.

Nowadays, it seems only the couple does the planning themselves, the parents are told when to show up, no more showers, not a lot of thank you notes mailed out.

This has been the experience for me, my best friends and their 20 something kids.

Is it the same in all parts of the country?

I'm not complaining at all. AT ALL. So please don't assume I am.

I'm just pointing out how things have changed.

We're in the southern part of the US. My 20 something kid is getting married this fall and hasn't needed my help although I have offered to do anything at all they might need. I'm super excited for this event!

Thoughts? What's been your experience? Do you think all the old traditional wedding events have forever changed?

 

[White Cat]

One thing hasn’t changed. The couple will expect the parents to pay.

 

[NYCgrrl]

There have been many lifestyle changes between the ‘80s and the present. Women now go to college in greater numbers and not just to get a “Mrs“. Couples have more funds, better jobs and as a result and often chose to host their own nuptials and thus the rules change.

 

[georgina]

All good changes IMO. When DD got married 5 years ago, we told her an amount we would give her toward the cost. We didn't live in the same area, so she planned it all. We did have a small shower for local relatives who wouldn't be making the trip to the wedding. It was basically an afternoon tea. I do know a few people who have had elaborate showers with 80 people in a restaurant though

 

[MIGrandma]

I know what you mean. Around here weddings weren’t the elaborate affairs they are today. Church wedding, reception immediately following in the basement or hall, the couple opened their gifts in front of everyone, and there was cake and punch. My jaw drops at the expense of most weddings today, and then most of them end up in divorce.

 

[DisneyHardin]

My sister got married 3 years ago and her wedding was very traditional. Other than a Poufy dress, hers was very much like you described as "80's weddings". We are in KY, so the northern part of the south.

 

[georgina]

I know what you mean. Around here weddings weren’t the elaborate affairs they are today. Church wedding, reception immediately following in the basement or hall, the couple opened their gifts in front of everyone, and there was cake and punch. My jaw drops at the expense of most weddings today, and then most of them end up in divorce.

From what I have read the divorce rate has been falling. Off to find a link -

https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/articles/states-with-the-highest-divorce-rates

 

[neverlandsky]

We've seen it all. From traditional to micro-weddings to elopments. Have to say love micro-weddings! In fact, thinking about a micro-anniversary for our 25th anniversary. We told the kids, it's about the marriage and relationship and not the day. They are each are receiving a check to do whatever they please once engaged. We have a son & daughter and we've always been equal and fair when it comes to gifts. They are both receiving at least $5,000 on-time gift once engaged and then $1000 once married. Could be more, depending how finances are. We only will help plan if they ask us and it's what they want, not us. It's about their day and not us. Unlike our wedding where it was about everyone else and not us. Hence this plan for our children.

 

[Karin1984]

One thing hasn’t changed. The couple will expect the parents to pay.

In your negative world-view perhaps.

Does the couple expect it or do the parents offer it? Some parents save up for it out of tradition or because getting married is the end of an era, a rite of passage.
With the couples getting older on average when they marry, the chances of them having a steady job and being able to save up for the wedding themselves increase.

According to a study from 2019 under 25.000 couples, it's on average an almost 50-50 split between the couple and parents.
https://go.weddingwire.com/newlywed-report/2020
Who’s Paying for the Wedding
The average couple pays for roughly half of the wedding cost, mostly pulling from savings (45%). However it’s the parents who are often footing the majority of the bill (52%). While nearly 60% of parents agree to pay for certain items, such as dress or venue, roughly one-third write a check for the couple to spend at their discretion.

 

[olwyngdh]

In your negative world-view perhaps.

Does the couple expect it or do the parents offer it? Some parents save up for it out of tradition or because getting married is the end of an era, a rite of passage.
With the couples getting older on average when they marry, the chances of them having a steady job and being able to save up for the wedding themselves increase.

According to a study from 2019 under 25.000 couples, it's on average an almost 50-50 split between the couple and parents.
https://go.weddingwire.com/newlywed-report/2020
Who’s Paying for the Wedding
The average couple pays for roughly half of the wedding cost, mostly pulling from savings (45%). However it’s the parents who are often footing the majority of the bill (52%). While nearly 60% of parents agree to pay for certain items, such as dress or venue, roughly one-third write a check for the couple to spend at their discretion.


View attachment 588267

When my daughter was married in 2014 we paid for the dress and the wedding and reception at Shades of Green. They paid for a second reception when they returned from their honeymoon at Disney back in PA. I think even with the dress we paid less than they did.

 

[Southernmiss]

Our son married in the deep South in 2017. Your 1st paragraph summed up his wedding, minus the China and crystal pattern. No one does that anymore.

Still happens quite often here.

Nephew got married at Disney last month. Still, many of the traditions were followed.

 

[E&Cmom]

I was married in 2001 so almost 20 years ago.We planned it ourselves and paid for it on our own. We did get money from my inlaws as a wedding gift.We were in our 30s and already had careers. My mom passed away 5 years before, my dad was not one to be interested in wedding planning and my inlaws lived across the country at the time.

 

[sjberg79]

I've been married twice (still married to the 2nd guy) and paid for both weddings. My parents were poor, never expected anything from them. We paid for college ourselves too. I'm not sure if I would pay for my son's wedding. We are saving to pay for his college. I would much rather pay for his education. Honestly, I'd rather give him a lump sum to help pay for his down payment on his first home than pay for a wedding. It seems much more practical and useful. I think I'd rather worry about his education and future than his one day party.

 

[ronandannette]

In your negative world-view perhaps.

Does the couple expect it or do the parents offer it? Some parents save up for it out of tradition or because getting married is the end of an era, a rite of passage.
With the couples getting older on average when they marry, the chances of them having a steady job and being able to save up for the wedding themselves increase.

According to a study from 2019 under 25.000 couples, it's on average an almost 50-50 split between the couple and parents.
https://go.weddingwire.com/newlywed-report/2020
Who’s Paying for the Wedding
The average couple pays for roughly half of the wedding cost, mostly pulling from savings (45%). However it’s the parents who are often footing the majority of the bill (52%). While nearly 60% of parents agree to pay for certain items, such as dress or venue, roughly one-third write a check for the couple to spend at their discretion.


View attachment 588267

Hi Karin I’d be interested to hear what weddings are like in NL.

 

[tvguy]

Kind of a mix here of parents paying everything, something or nothing.
My son and daughter in law's wedding was traditional. Her parents paid for the venue, the meal, the dress etc, my wife and I paid for the rehearsal dinner and flowers. Only thing that caught my bank account off guard was the rehearsal dinner was more than just the wedding party, it was all the wedding party's spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends and all the out of town guests.
39 years ago, my mom paid for the rehearsal dinner and flowers, however her neighbor was a florist who just charged for the actual flowers, her gift to us was putting the arrangements together. My MIL paid for Hors d'oeuvres for the reception which was in my mom's backyard. We got married at 11 am, and the reception was at Noon. Our entire wedding including the dress cost $1,500. Our portion of our son's wedding came to $10,000 by comparison. My daughter has made it clear when and if she gets married, the total cost will be less than $500.

 

[Hisgirl]

We're offering some money to help with the cost, and my parents, the grands, bought her dress. It thrilled them to help out!

I was kinda hoping to be a bit more involved just for the fun of it I suppose.

Also, when I was growing up, every gal I knew did go to college and we all had a career, even if we eventually stayed home for a bit to raise the kids. Things were just more traditional back in the day when it came to weddings. I remember my future mother-in-law's friend hosted a wedding shower for me. I literally didn't know a soul in the house, besides my MIL to be. It was so weird, as I was really shy.
They were making sure I had all the household items I needed. We had registries back then, but only at one department store and it was only for the china, crystal, plates, flatware. So you ended up with all sorts of ugly towels and sheets that weren't your taste.

 

[Donald13]

One thing hasn’t changed. The couple will expect the parents to pay.

What??? You can’t be serious?? No. And also the use of the word “gal” makes me think the op is seriously out of touch.

 

[RogueX]

I think weddings have evolved over time, but are also different with people.

I got married to my first husband at 20 and we had about 65 people at the wedding. Would've been more, but his family were in another country and it was cost prohibitive to fly them out. We rented a hall, DJ, had a small bridal bridal party, shower, etc.

It was nice and all, but at the end of the day, we could have used the money spent for better use and just had a small ceremony with immediate family for far less.

Fast forward to post-divorce from husband #1, several years later I met the man I'm married to now. We decided instead of having a wedding, we'd elope and let the family know via a printed announcement in which our newborn daughter was wearing a onesie printed "flower girl" next to a teddy bear with a shirt printed "ring bear". Our 4 closest friends came, a JP officiated, and we went out for dinner at restaurant to celebrate.

 

[Lilsia]

You mean the parents(usually the mother of the bride) isn't forcing her ideas of how the wedding should be on the happy couple? I remember those times well, with the parents saying "I am paying for it, so I get to decide what we are having". No thanks. I rather pay for it myself and have what I want. That is a big reason why hubby and I just went to the courthouse and got married without anyone there. We tried to plan a wedding but it turned into a nightmare. Also, back then, it was more of a status symbol for the parents. They would try to "impress" people they know with this wonderful wedding they were giving their kids. That is why they wanted to make the decisions.

 

[Hisgirl]

You mean the parents(usually the mother of the bride) isn't forcing her ideas of how the wedding should be on the happy couple? I remember those times well, with the parents saying "I am paying for it, so I get to decide what we are having". No thanks. I rather pay for it myself and have what I want. That is a big reason why hubby and I just went to the courthouse and got married without anyone there. We tried to plan a wedding but it turned into a nightmare. Also, back then, it was more of a status symbol for the parents. They would try to "impress" people they know with this wonderful wedding they were giving their kids. That is why they wanted to make the decisions.

Aw, that's too bad. We didn't come from 'try to impress' people. Our rehersal dinner was in the church reception hall, catered by a family friend, and our wedding was not a brag fest. In fact, it was a very sweet event that my parents pulled together and ran everythiing by me to keep me informed of what was going on. No nightmares, no forcing ideas, no brag fest.

Glad you were able to pull a happy wedding together that was perfect for you.