What Do We Do - FIL in Hospice

[mickeywdw4me]

There is no way to make this short, but really would like to here from others on this.

In Jan 09 my DH had a mild stroke and at that time we decided to no longer wait in taking the grandkids (5yr and 3yr) on their 1st trip to WDW as we do not know when/if he would have another stroke. We planned our trip and now are scheduled to leave on 11-29-09 for 6 days.

Here is our delimma: MY FIL of 30yrs has become terminally ill and is on hospice. We are told that he will not be with us at Thanksgiving, has started showing mottling and other signs of "end of life", however he has a strong heart. Since he became ill on 7-31-09 we have had 2 near death situations which he came through.
Since our trip is non refundable after 11-20-09 (minus a $400.00 fee) and I really am torn about what to do, my SIL says we should not cancel as we have put alot of time/money/effort into the trip and the kids would not understand. She states dad knows we have been there for him (DH goes everyday to stay with FIL and step MIL - abt. 6 hrs) and he would not want us to miss taking " his grandbabies" on the trip. As she has pointed out to me that if dad should pass before we go then we do what we can before leaving and if he should pass while we are at WDW they will wait for our return for the funeral. She and I have both discussed this in length and both agree that funerals are for the living so therefore we must go on living, meaning WDW.

My question to you, would you cancel the trip knowing what could occur, does this make us horrible people if we go. My DH has stated he will do whatever is decided. (His emotions are all over the board since the stroke)

Any thoughts would be helpful.

Grandma Tammy

 

[Teacher03]

I do not think you would be a horrible person if you went, but you need to think about if you would have a good time or not if you did go. This past June my dad went into the hospital for lung surgery (cancer) 5 days before our planned Disney trip. He came out of surgery fine, but had a few set backs during recovery. We went because my adult children couldn't reschedule their vacation time for work, school, etc. However, it was not a good trip for me. I was constantly on the phone checking on him, talking to my sisters, etc. Is there a way you could reschedule the trip a little later on?

Having said that, my advise to you is to do what you would like to do, and don't worry about what others think. It sounds as if your family is supportive, you have been there all along for your FIL, and he knows it. Maybe being with your grandchildren will help you during this difficult time. Whatever you decide, I hope you have a great time at Disney, and your family will be in my prayers.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

We had this dilema too with an aunt. We visited her like a week before the trip and we knew it would only be a matter of time. She knew we were going on the trip and she said, oh I think you are gong to have a great time etc. I knew she was telling us to go know matter what. My cousin callled us the day before the trip that she had passed away. He told us to go on the trip too. Needless to say I didnt have such a great time and it was not refundable too so that was the only reason why we went. But I always had a pretty good relationship with my aunt my whole life so I didnt feel all that bad. Also my one cousin, another one, whom I thought would be really mad at me, is still e mailing me alot so I know they are not mad at me, You have to do what is best for your family etc. to you as you go through this difficult time.

 

[amandamc8]

I can only tell you how we felt... My husband Miles died 5 weeks ago after 3 days in our hospice. My SIL and her husband, our nephew and his partner and their 4yr old daughter we due to go on holiday the day that he died. My SIL and her husband decided the week before that they did not want to be away from home as we knew that time was short, but our nephew and his family decided to go as planned.

As it happens, Miles died just as they were leaving for the airport. Did their decisions make any diference to what happened? No. Did it make his passing any easier for my daughter and I that my SIL chose to stay? No. Was it made any harder because my nephew chose to go? No! Would we have been hurt or angry either way? Absolutley not.

The last thing Miles would have wanted was to be the cause of a family missing out on precious time together, but I know that my SIL would never have forgiven herself. My nephew on the other hand, knew how Miles felt about our very precious memories of our holidays and, as Miles was only 40 when he died, had a very real sense of needing to make the most of every opportunity to spend time with his family.

But this is just us... you know your family, and you know your circumstances, but most importantly, you know how you will feel whatever you decide.

Good luck,
Amanda x