see this I can't accept. Why should what you eat bother them?? I guess maybe I don't feel intimidated by people like this. I would flat out refuse to be treated this way. Both my mum and grandmother are diagnosed ceolics and have been following a gluten free diet since the 1970's, long before it was trendy and cool.
I have grown up with my mom and grandmother bringing their own food to places or ordering off menu. As a family we only went to restaurants if my mom and grandmother could eat the food there. On vacations we check the menu first and make sure they can eat something. We have left places because of menu items not being suitable for them.
Why should every restaurant choice be their choice? It sounds to me that you need to ditch these friends, as they are not friends, they are selfish and self absorbed and lack self awareness.
I would eat alone in a restaurant of my choice that spend time with these people. You say they are fun, well then enjoy their company but don't go to restaurants with them, find something else to do.
Sorry if it sounds harsh, but your health and well being comes before some else's fun and enjoyment
I never said it bothered them. I even said that no one is doing anything maliciously.
I've done the "bring your own food to a restaurant" thing before. When I was a competitor, where my food was strictly controlled down to the gram. It always made me feel weird and unhappy, the exact opposite of why one would go out. No one (aside from a stray server giving me a nasty side eye) would make me feel bad about it -
I am capable of making myself feel, as well, and it was always a negative experience. In fact, it was one reason I hadn't competed again, as my choices were feeling weird when I went out to eat out of Tupperware in my bag or being isolated and lonely because everyone else went out without me. Neither is enjoyable.
Never said they picked every restaurant, either. How this usually goes down is, "we know a great place for [food item/cuisine]!" and that's that. We
have gone places I have recommended, where I was able to get something "decent," but I'm only 1/4th of that friend group. No one is being selfish - it's friends doing what friends do, which is share things they enjoy with their friends. It's just that unfortunately, the thing these friends enjoy is unhealthy food.
We do plenty of other things with them. I simply feel the eating out has gotten out of hand, and that it is frustrating. I think that's valid, and I think "don't be friends" is an overreaction.
I think usually something a long the lines of "doctor's orders!" gets the questions stopped. If there are questions on why or what specifics - I would say sorry, but it's personal. I am going to discuss it with my doctor and nobody else
I love eating out and it's important for me. Some people can accept your changing eating habits - getting extra veggies, looking for healthier options etc. Other won't. Some people feel that if everyone overeats, it's ok for them to do so and won't be very happy if you break out of that cycle.
But a true friend will remain friend and support your choice. In the end of the day, do you want to not meet your goal only to please someone else and enable their eating habits?
You can't control how will they react, it's up to you to set up boundaries and control your reactions. But hopefully they accept the new you, but it is not your job to let go of your dreams and goals to please them. It is not your job to eat so they feel better about their own eating. it's your job to eat for your enjoyment and health and goals - that has to be clear
See above. No one is being unsupportive.
My husband goes with these same people when it's outside of his eating window, and will just get a water to drink and no food. No one says anything. Everyone is perfectly supportive, because the rule he set is "I don't eat before 5pm." So, if they go out at 12, they know he isn't eating anything. But they generally just avoid asking us out before his eating window opens.
Even my best friend is still technically operating within the rules I had set forth - "treat meal once a week." It's just that when I set that rule, I wasn't going out to eat much; it usually meant more like I was allowed to have a chocolate bar that day, or maybe on occasion we could order pizza. That is exactly why I said, I'm going to have to tell them all that treat meals are once a month now. They'll all operate within that rule if I state it.
This also isn't "new" at all for me. I've been eating mindfully/healthfully for over a decade. It's just as I said above, the rule was based when I wasn't going out much, not when my closest friends all happen to enjoy unhealthy food. I didn't have to deal with this previously, because I simply didn't spend time with anyone. That's not exactly a healthy habit, either, as I have learned that having friends is pretty important to mental well-being.
My only point with my post is that it is frustrating to be concerned with eating healthy when no one else around you is. And it is. No one wants to sit at home while their friends go out to eat. And no one wants to go out to eat and eat boiled chicken and an apple out of their purse while everyone else eats fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and cake. That's isn't just me - that's everyone.