Chapter 8: The One With All That Jazz
No rest for the weary! Our third day in a row featuring at least 5 hours of driving. This one would be broken up in the middle—two hours east to Vicksburg, Mississippi, and then another 3.5 hours south to New Orleans, Louisiana.
We tried one last time to get together with Lisa, but her court case was early in the morning and she just couldn’t squeeze any time in. So we settled for a hearty wave as we drove by her hometown. Next time, Lisa!
We crossed the Mississippi River once more and entered the city of Vicksburg, MS. It was here that I invoked Dad Privilege and
forced convinced the kids to visit a U.S. Civil War battlefield:
Vicksburg National Military Park. I had my reasons, though.
For one thing, this was the site of one of the most important battles/turning points in the war. The city of Vicksburg is perched high on a bluff overlooking the Mississippi, and thus made a terrific spot for defensive fortifications that essentially guarded and controlled the river. For the first half of the war, this was a Confederate stronghold that enabled them to control all naval traffic attempting to use the river. The South used it as a major supply line and also cut off Northern goods from reaching any international markets using this route. President Lincoln himself spoke of Vicksburg being the “key” to winning the war.
Northern General U.S. Grant was sent out from Tennessee to take the city, but encountered heavy resistance and several failed attempts. In April 1863, he sent the Union naval fleet, commanded by Admiral David Porter, on a daring run down the Mississippi at night past the guns of Vicksburg. Although they did their best to remain silent, they were spotted by Confederate lookouts and came under heavy fire. But despite being discovered, the fleet was able to slip past the city and unite with Grant’s army. This eventually enabled Grant to surround Vicksburg.
The city was so well defended, it was tough sledding for the army of the North to make any progress in capturing it. After two failed assaults, Grant decided to dig in and lay siege to the city. Rumor had it he would be replaced if he failed to take Vicksburg. After 47 days, with all supplies cut off, General Pemberton of the South surrendered the city. Along with the Battle of Gettysburg, this marked the beginning of the end for the Confederate Army.
So, being more than just a run-of-the-mill battle in the war, I forced convinced the kids it was a worthy stop. We watched the film on the battle in the visitor center and then kind of blitzed our way through the driving tour. I knew the kids would see it as the standard monuments and old trenches/fortifications you see on your standard run-of-the-mill battlefield.
However, there was one stop we were definitely going to see: the wreck of the
U.S.S. Cairo.
The Cairo was an ironclad gunboat serving the Northern army. In December 1862, while leading an expedition up the Yazoo River (north of Vicksburg), it had the distinction of being the very first ship ever sunk by an electrically detonated torpedo. There was no loss of life. It sat in its watery grave for about 100 years before recovery efforts began in the 1960’s. After a long process of recovery and restoration, the Cairo was partially reconstructed and put on display at the battlefield in June 1977. We were stopping to see it because—well, it’s a restored gunboat. It’s the definition of awesome.
Don’t believe me? Look:
awe·some
ˈôsəm/
adjective
adjective: awesome
1. extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear. Qualities found in U.S. ironclad gunboats.
"the awesome power of the atomic bomb"
synonyms:
breathtaking, awe-inspiring, magnificent, wonderful, amazing, stunning, staggering, imposing, stirring, impressive; More
antonyms:
unimpressive
o informal
extremely good; excellent.
"the band is truly awesome!"
The museum and gunboat are located in the far northwestern part of the park property. It’s pretty obvious what is original and what has been restored, but the full effect of seeing the gunboat resurrected is pretty cool.
The museum has a model on display showing what the boat would have looked like it its heyday:
You can even board the ship and walk around a bit. Or re-start the siege of Vicksburg, if you’d like. Cannonballs are 2 for $20 in the gift shop.
Once we’d finished oohing and aahing over the ship, we returned to the visitor center, where it was pit stop/PB&J time. Then we set out on the drive south to New Orleans.
Not much to tell you about on the drive. Don’t tell them I said this, but Mississippi isn’t the most exciting state to drive through. Then again, it has trees, which is more than I can say for North Dakota. Somewhere along the way we drove through a thunderstorm but it didn’t slow us down too badly. We arrived in New Orleans sometime after 3:00 p.m. I found a pay lot downtown near the waterfront, and we walked from there to the French Quarter along the Riverwalk, which borders the Mississippi.
True confession time: Many, many people love New Orleans. They love its culture, its history, its vibrant arts scene, its music, and its general sense of “the rules don’t apply here.” But I confess that I am not the world’s biggest fan of New Orleans. Part of it goes back to my last visit as a kid, when we caught people trying to break into our family car. A bad experience can always color your judgment of any place. But I also find that the same attitude of “rules don’t apply” often lends itself to people going way, way too far. Instead of just being quirky or coloring outside the lines, you get a lot of boundary pushing. Weird-for-the-sake-of-being-weird. That’s not really my thing. And if the rules don’t apply, then often your general standards of common decency don’t apply, either.
Still, one bad experience doesn’t mean you should write off a place forever. And so here I was, 30 years later.
In our time walking around the French Quarter, there was music everywhere. That was wonderful. Jazz bands playing on the street corners. Music wafting out from various stores and restaurants. You can see where Disney may have been inspired.
The buildings were lovely, too. Here’s Jackson Square:
And some of the general architecture we saw walking around:
Imagine those sights with a heavy backdrop of jazz, and you can see why this place would have appeal. But, as we walked around, we also saw less appealing sights. A shirtless guy wearing a loin cloth, leg bare up to his hip. Another shirtless guy, in dress pants and suspenders with a porkpie hat, screaming obscenities into his cell phone. A panhandler begging for money, and then cursing out a lady who said no, following her down the street as she did so.
Could I see things like this in any city? Probably. This is purely subjective. It just felt like a higher concentration of these guys here.
We made our way to the Old U.S. Mint building, which was the temporary home of the
New Orleans Jazz National Historical Park. And I do think it’s pretty cool that there’s actually a National Park dedicated to the history of jazz music.
This stop was mostly for Julie, who is a pretty big jazz and big band fan. In fact, she's played both concert and jazz bass for years. Because she's awesome.
Unfortunately, since their regular visitor center was being renovated, the temporary exhibits were a sum total of…two rooms. We weren’t there more than 20 minutes (including the mandatory gift shop visit). So there wasn’t much to write home about.
(I was going to say there wasn’t much to get jazzed about, but then I decided that was terrible. Wait, I guess I just said it anyway. This fills my #Dadjoke quota for the chapter.)
Anyway, we did get to see Louis Armstrong’s first cornet.
And Fats Domino’s piano.
And Pete Fountain’s clarinet. I admit that I have no idea who Pete Fountain is. But apparently he played clarinet.
The other big draw of New Orleans is, of course, the food. This is a premier destination for seafood, Creole dishes (mostly involving seafood), Po’Boy sandwiches (mostly involving seafood), and high-end gourmet cuisine. Foodies come from all over the world to visit the restaurants manned by some of the most famous chefs in the world, such as Emeril Lagasse, Leah Chase, Susan Spicer, Tory McPhail, Adolfo Garcia, and others.
(Lagasse was the only one I’d ever heard of, but thanks, Google!)
You can visit Antoine’s, Austin’s, Arnaud’s, Galatoire’s, Commander’s Palace, Brennan’s, Meril, and so many more high-end restaurants in town—far too many to list.
And of course, we are uncultured swine with an aversion to seafood, so we skipped all of those places and went to a pizza joint. The sense of disappointment I feel coming through the computer screen from all of you is palpable, to say the least. Welcome to the
Louisiana Pizza Kitchen.
You have to admit, that’s a cool building. Thankfully, it was also cool on the inside, as the humidity thanks to that thunderstorm was sweltering. It felt good to sit down and cool off for a while.
The pizza was very good. Best I’ve ever had? No. But a solid choice, even if we’re forced to get at least one cheese pizza every time because Drew won’t eat any toppings. Can you believe my son would be a picky eater?
I think we also had a pepperoni pizza, which was not pictured, because we suck at food pictures.
We couldn’t fill up on too much pizza, because we had one more stop to make. We made our way back towards the riverfront and stopped to grab a table at the world-famous
Café Du Monde.
This place was founded in 1862 and has an extremely limited menu: coffee and beignets. Beignets are French-style doughnuts, brought to the area by French settlers (the original Cajuns). They’re basically square pieces of fried dough covered in enough powdered sugar to instantly turn you into a diabetic. New Orleans is famous for them, so we figured we couldn’t leave town without a sample.
They seemed to be a big hit with the crowd. I mean, it’s fried dough and sugar. What’s not to like? I was worried Sarah would try and hog them all to herself, so I subtly worked to move them out of her range.
Scotty seemed to approve. But it was more fun watching the effect of all that sugar on Drew. Or watching Julie pretend to smile at the effects of all that sugar on Drew.
I mean, it’s like, going straight to my brain, man!
Don’t look now, but I see future memes with that photo.
With that, we took a leisurely evening stroll along the Riverwalk back towards the van. Along the way, we passed one of the famous riverboats—the Natchez, ready to take tourists for a ride down the river.
As we were walking back, we passed Jackson Square again, where a few locals were trying to hustle money from the tourists. One guy was hassling people to pay him after taking their photo for them. Another guy picked me out and told me he could tell me exactly where I bought my shoes from.
Um…ok. I already know where I got them, so I’m not sure why I need him to give me this information. I declined, but he kept pressing me. Scotty wanted no part of this conversation, so he hit the turbo boost and speed-walked ahead of me far down the path. If you’re taking notes, remember in the future that Scotty is not going to have your back in a fight.
Well, that might not be true. But I know he won’t have MY back in a fight. Anyway, I managed to fight off the persistent shoe fetishist and get on my way. We crossed the river to the east side of town, and filled the van up with gas before heading to our hotel. And I think I got ripped off at the pump, but I can’t prove it. I was sure I pushed the button for the regular 87 octane gas, because that’s what I always do. But somehow I got charged for the premium. It’s possible I pushed the wrong button, but…
Sign. Win some, lose some. Onward we march.
Coming Up Next: Our kids’ first taste of the Gulf of Mexico. And for any of you who have ever wondered how I’ve never been struck down by a lightning bolt after some of my comments, well…stay tuned.