Suffering a great loss

[Anri]

Coping with a big loss in my life right now. In July I lost my job, two days later my dog passed away, and three days after that was my 25th birthday. Since then I have gotten a new job, but I still haven't celebrated my birthday or felt better about life because I just can't get over the loss of my dog. I think the reason is that someone in my life, who I thought was close to me, went to my house while I was not there and took my dog to be euthanized. My dog had cancer and I had spent thousands of dollars trying to keep her as healthy and happy as possible. I knew it was time and was going to take her to the vet that Monday. But on Sunday this person decided to take it upon themselves to take my dog for me, even though several people told them not to. Let me just specify that this dog was not just my baby, she was my soul-mate, and my personal therapy dog. I feel so robbed of what should have been my last day with my baby girl. Now her last memory of me will be me leaving to go to the store and leaving her behind. I just don't know how to get over this loss, still. I feel like suing the vet that euthanized her because I wasn't present or consenting, but I don't see that it would do any good or even make me feel like I've gotten any justice for losing her. :/

 

[robinb]

Aw, man. What a terrible violation of your trust of that person. From your description it sounds like they were very close to you and you are probably suffering from that loss too . I'm sure they meant well, but they robbed you of your opportunity to say goodbye and help your pup over the Rainbow Bridge as was your responsibility and right. I remember when I had to help my kitty Nikkei over the Rainbow Bridge. It was one of the hardest things in the world, but it would have been even harder if I was not able to say 'good bye' to him and hold him while he passed .

I don't see where suing the vet will help as I don't think there will be any justice to be had. The best you can do is keep on plugging away day by day and give yourself a chance to mourn. There is a website dedicated to pet loss: https://rainbowsbridge.com/hello.htm with counselors who can help you. In the meantime, here are some more {{hugs}}.

 

[MOpGrad2013]

A lot of people don't understand the relationships that can be forged between a person and their pets. I would recommend you try some grief counseling. Even if you don't want to go to a therapist, check out some of the grief support groups or online materials.

One of the steps of grief is anger. If I had been in your situation, I would likely feel anger toward the person who took the decision away from me. Have you spoken about it?

Acceptance is another part of the process. Your story sounds like you were accepting of what would happen, but you wanted to be in control.

As for celebrating your birthday...well, it's been a little while. I'm not so sure that going to eat cake will make it better. For myself, I would do something that will live each day with passion. The smallest moment that you can cherish will give you happiness in this 25th year of your life.

Congrats on your new job.

 

[stasijane]

I am so sorry for what you are having to deal with. I cant begin to imagine how hard this is for you.

 

[Anri]

Thank you all for your kind words. I have gone to grief counseling in my area. There is a pet loss support group that meets once a month, I did go last month. Unfortunately I haven't been able to go again since I now work late on the days that it meets. For me it just dug up a lot more buried pain then I was planning on dealing with. I'm not sure if it would have helped more if I had continued to go. Honestly, most of the anger is directed towards myself more than this other person. I am fully aware that it was not my fault and I could not have prevented what happened, but I can't help this hatred that I feel towards myself for not being there with her and for not (at the very least) saying goodbye instead of rushing out the door. Because I will never get those moments back. And I can't help feeling that she must have been so sad and alone and wondering where I was and that those were her last thoughts.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

someone in my life, who I thought was close to me, went to my house while I was not there and took my dog to be euthanized. My dog had cancer and I had spent thousands of dollars trying to keep her as healthy and happy as possible. I knew it was time and was going to take her to the vet that Monday. But on Sunday this person decided to take it upon themselves to take my dog for me, even though several people told them not to. Let me just specify that this dog was not just my baby, she was my soul-mate, and my personal therapy dog. I feel so robbed of what should have been my last day with my baby girl. Now her last memory of me will be me leaving to go to the store and leaving her behind. I just don't know how to get over this loss, still. I feel like suing the vet that euthanized her because I wasn't present or consenting, but I don't see that it would do any good or even make me feel like I've gotten any justice for losing her. :/

My jaw is literally hanging after reading what you wrote. If it was your dog, then you have been violated and traumatized. No wonder you feel depressed. I'm going to validate your feelings right now: that person had NO RIGHT to do that. As pet owners, it is our decision when to take the pet in, even if others don't agree with it. I gather from your post it was likely a family member acting under the guise of helping you. I would be very angry at this person and would likely not have him or her in my life unless and until I could forgive. But that would be a very long time away.

Personally, I would start with talking to the veterinarian. Explain how you feel. I take it this person who brought your dog in also had some legal ownership of the dog, at least at one time? Otherwise, I can't imagine them being able to sign the consent form. I also imagine they lied, and said something like you were too distraught to come in yourself, etc.? Talk to your vet about it. If nothing else, he or she can learn from this experience, and in that way, the way your dog died won't be in vain.

I might also talk to the police about it. (Ask for a meeting with your community officer.) I mean, you don't have to necessarily file charges or anything, but maybe they can help validate for you that what this person did was wrong, and illegal, etc. (If it was.) That should help you process that you were violated. I really think that in order for you to move forward, you need to process it this way. I realize it's hard, though, if the person who did it is a family member. A trained therapist would likely be able to help you process it as well. There are also attorneys who specialize in pet issues. Again, I'm not advocating suing or anything, just help with validating that this was wrong, if you have any doubts about it. Once you have it straight in your head, you can move forward. Don't get stuck in a bad place because it's not clear in your head.

When my DH was young, his family got a dog from the pound that they'd integrated into their family. Then one day a young woman showed up to say that the dog was hers, that her MIL had taken the dog to the pound when she'd found out they were having a baby. DH's family understood and gave the dog back, but it always stood out in their memories of what an unjust thing that was to do to people, and to a dog. I hope you can heal from this. It sounds like your pet was very ill, and I'm sorry you didn't get to spend the last moments of her life with her, as it should have beern. I'm sure, though, that the dog knew you loved and cared for her very deeply, and I personally believe we will be reunited with our pets some day. I doubt your pet is upset about this (she's happily frolicking now at the Rainbow Bridge) and I bet she wouldn't want you to be upset about it, either.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Anri]

I take it this person who brought your dog in also had some legal ownership of the dog, at least at one time? Otherwise, I can't imagine them being able to sign the consent form. I also imagine they lied, and said something like you were too distraught to come in yourself, etc.? Talk to your vet about it. If nothing else, he or she can learn from this experience, and in that way, the way your dog died won't be in vain.

Technically speaking, no, this person never had legal ownership over the dog. The person in question shares my last name and gave my spare house key to the people that I rescued the dog from six years ago. The person that picked her up was a foster parent and was never a legal guardian of the dog at all. They took her to a vet that I never took my dog to that was in a different county from where I live. If they had taken her to my personal vet I know they would have flat out refused. There is not a single staff member there that did not know who my dog was.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Technically speaking, no, this person never had legal ownership over the dog. The person in question shares my last name and gave my spare house key to the people that I rescued the dog from six years ago. The person that picked her up was a foster parent and was never a legal guardian of the dog at all. They took her to a vet that I never took my dog to that was in a different county from where I live. If they had taken her to my personal vet I know they would have flat out refused. There is not a single staff member there that did not know who my dog was.

I don't really understand what happened, but if you're saying they "stole" your dog to have her euthanized, I would consider pressing charges. That's just not right. I have no idea about this person, but what business did he have giving your spare key to someone, either? Did the "rescue" people retain rights to the dog? Not sure what difference two more days was going to make. I'm glad it was not your own veterinarian.

 

[mommasita]

Let me start by saying how sorry I am .. I can't imagine the difficulty getting over that, or even forgiving the person (seems related to you)...

Personally, suing anyone would not make me feel any better. Not in the least.. Trying to get past it would be the best plan of action (again, for myself)... Instead of focusing on the last memory, instead picture the life of love you gave her day in and day out.. Sher was blessed..

I am glad you have found a job.. I wish for peace for you.. It will come, there is no question.

 

[Anri]

I don't really understand what happened, but if you're saying they "stole" your dog to have her euthanized, I would consider pressing charges. That's just not right. I have no idea about this person, but what business did he have giving your spare key to someone, either? Did the "rescue" people retain rights to the dog? Not sure what difference two more days was going to make. I'm glad it was not your own veterinarian.

Basically this person is my family member that has a spare key to my house for emergency purposes only. By North Carolina law, animals are technically considered "property" so for all intents and purposes it could be seen as illegally entering my house and stealing property. The person who gave them the spare key does not have any ownership of my house or my dog, and the person who took my dog never had any legal guardianship of my dog either. I'm not sure that it's worth all the hassle but technically what they did is illegal.

 

[Bamagirl43]

So sorry for the loss of your pet and the terrible situation surrounding that loss. I know you are sad and guilty because you were not there at the end. Your heartbroken because of what your believe your dog was feeling at that time. Please know that your dog knew how much you loved her. You gave her a wonderful life and that cannot be erased or taken away by someone else's despicable act at the end. Take comfort in the special bond you shared and remember the good times.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Basically this person is my family member that has a spare key to my house for emergency purposes only. By North Carolina law, animals are technically considered "property" so for all intents and purposes it could be seen as illegally entering my house and stealing property. The person who gave them the spare key does not have any ownership of my house or my dog, and the person who took my dog never had any legal guardianship of my dog either. I'm not sure that it's worth all the hassle but technically what they did is illegal.

Absolutely.

(I told my family about this terrible situation at dinner last night. My DD yelled, "They had no right to do that!!" Guess that apple didn't fall far from the tree.)

So sorry for the loss of your pet and the terrible situation surrounding that loss. I know you are sad and guilty because you were not there at the end. Your heartbroken because of what your believe your dog was feeling at that time. Please know that your dog knew how much you loved her. You gave her a wonderful life and that cannot be erased or taken away by someone else's despicable act at the end. Take comfort in the special bond you shared and remember the good times.

Very well said.

 

[Anri]

Absolutely.

(I told my family about this terrible situation at dinner last night. My DD yelled, "They had no right to do that!!" Guess that apple didn't fall far from the tree.)

Teaching your daughter well! Lol.