Someone planning on gate-crashing our holiday (what would u do)

[CottonCandy22]

We are a family of 4 Brits. Our kids are 6 and 3

We just booked our first trip to DLR for next year. Excited beyond words!

Until... I mentioned our plans on Fb. ‍

Father in law replied : u will have to let me know your dates. I told him the dates and said why? He said u never know. So I'm like 'u never know what'?

He says : California is on my bucket list.

Like what? Say that again? He's planning to gate crash my family holiday. Call me cruella de vil but I'm not having this!

Why do people think it's ok to crash your holiday that u have been saving hard for for the past year?

Not to mention this is our first ever visit to Disneyland, our first visit to California? Why do people think it's ok to invite themselves?


Sorry for the big rant

 

[emmybee]

I'm so sorry! That is very awkward I just wish you had the kind of relationship where you would enjoy the extra company. I wish I had proper advice, but I don't have the personality where I would tell him No.

 

[StormyCA]

If he hasn't booked yet, you need to be honest (or rather your DH does) and tell your FiL that this is a special trip for just you, DH, and your children. As is said on particular UK forum, if your DH won't speak to his father then you have a DH problem, not a FiL problem!

If he's already booked and it's non-refundable you may be 'stuck' unless you're willing/able to compensate FiL. If he ends up coming along, tell him that he has baby-sitting duties at least 5 nights so you and DH can have some 'couples time'. That'll learn him!!

Of course you could always 'mess up' your dates and/or where you're staying. Even if you can skew your dates a little this way or that, at least he won't be there the whole time!

 

[az4boys]

Keep your boundaries. California may be on his bucket list, and that is fine. California is a big place. Disneyland is a big place. Maybe make arrangements to meet up for a meal or two, or a couple rides. Don't feel like you have to change anything that you planned. One time we went the same time as my sister and her family. We even stayed at the same hotel but only saw each other a couple times. We both had little kids. She did what was best for her family and I did what was best for mine. (We get along great, by the way.) Another time DH invited his parents without talking to me first. Again, we get along great, but trying to accommodate the wishes of 2 additional adults could have been stressful. I was up front with DH and told him that we were still going to do what we had originally planned. If they wanted to come along, great. If not, they were free to go off on their own. It is better to be up front than to resent him later.

 

[Nonsuch]

Grandfather (to the kids) should treat everyone...

 

[theluckyrabbit]

Lesson learned: in future, keep private holiday plans PRIVATE, unless willing to share said holiday with other people!

 

[CottonCandy22]

He hasn't booked anything yet. Not that I know of. But our dates could always change. ATM we have only booked our hotel and tickets. Not the flights yet as they aren't available.

Just annoys me that people think this is ok. Would u invite yourself to someone's wedding? I wouldn't dare lol

Thanks!
Some replies giving me a giggle

 

[CottonCandy22]

Lesson learned: in future, keep private holiday plans PRIVATE, unless willing to share said holiday with other people!

When u book Disney it's hard to keep that excitement to yourself

 

[bumbershoot]

When u book Disney it's hard to keep that excitement to yourself

I find discussing vacation plans to be awkward, as to me it's talking about how much money you make and are willing to spend on frivolity. So I don't have a problem keeping it to myself.


And obviously any conversation should happen between FIL and your spouse.

 

[SteveMP]

Cliffs : The Brittish are coming! The brittish are coming!!

 

[mousehockey37]

I find discussing vacation plans to be awkward, as to me it's talking about how much money you make and are willing to spend on frivolity. So I don't have a problem keeping it to myself.


And obviously any conversation should happen between FIL and your spouse.

How do you see vacation planning as talking about how much money you make? I'm not getting the connection. Yes, a Disney vacation is pricey. Flying from the UK to California is pricey. However, there's a lot that is unknown. Granted this is a D-land vacation, but look at WDW for a minute. That could be a super pricey venture, but if you're booking DVC via a family member who won't charge you for it, possibly have AP's or discount tickets through somewhere, take advantage of free dining and get some really good deals on airfare, you could actually do a Disney vacation for way less than you'd expect and you don't have to be rich to boot. So again, not sure how your job and what you make is indicative of the vacation you take.

To the OP, regarding your OP:

Be upfront about things and stand your ground. It's great that FIL has a bucket list and he wants to cross that off. I'd remind him that it just says California and nothing about family, Disney or together and it's gonna stay that way. I'd also be putting some pressure on your DH to tell his dad to lay off things as it's gonna be more problems than it's worth if he tries to "tag along". If DH doesn't want to listen, I'd literally throw a bucket at him and tell him his list is gonna get cut short if he doesn't tell his dad to stop, lol.

 

[gottalovepluto]

Yikes! No. Just don't reply anymore or find a way to haha it away. If you're too late & he pesters you I agree with asking the partner to run some interference. The "as much as we love you we want to spend this time with just the kids" line might come across better from him- but idk. EVERY situation is different that's for sure. Sticky wicket so good luck!

 

[smartlabelprint]

We are a family of 4 Brits. Our kids are 6 and 3

We just booked our first trip to DLR for next year. Excited beyond words!

Until... I mentioned our plans on Fb. ‍

Father in law replied : u will have to let me know your dates. I told him the dates and said why? He said u never know. So I'm like 'u never know what'?

He says : California is on my bucket list.

Like what? Say that again? He's planning to gate crash my family holiday. Call me cruella de vil but I'm not having this!

Why do people think it's ok to crash your holiday that u have been saving hard for for the past year?

Not to mention this is our first ever visit to Disneyland, our first visit to California? Why do people think it's ok to invite themselves?


Sorry for the big rant

Will
They babysit? We can't drag out family there fast enough. Lol

WE also dont facebook.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

How do you see vacation planning as talking about how much money you make? I'm not getting the connection...

For some insensitive/thoughtless friends and family members with absolutely no boundaries, any mention of a vacation is an automatic invitation to ask about cost, hotel prices, ticket prices, spending money, comparisons to their friends' vacations and costs, etc. It is also an invitation to criticize how much you apparently are spending with how much they think you earn or should be earning. We get this treatment from certain relatives whenever we bring up ANYTHING that has a price tag (how about a trip to just about any restaurant? -- hey, how much did that cost you?!). So we've learned never to bring up anything that could possibly be related to money with these people.

 

[bethwc101]

We are a family of 4 Brits. Our kids are 6 and 3

We just booked our first trip to DLR for next year. Excited beyond words!

Until... I mentioned our plans on Fb. ‍

Father in law replied : u will have to let me know your dates. I told him the dates and said why? He said u never know. So I'm like 'u never know what'?

He says : California is on my bucket list.

Like what? Say that again? He's planning to gate crash my family holiday. Call me cruella de vil but I'm not having this!

Why do people think it's ok to crash your holiday that u have been saving hard for for the past year?

Not to mention this is our first ever visit to Disneyland, our first visit to California? Why do people think it's ok to invite themselves?


Sorry for the big rant

We had this problem for a trip after we told them it was our romantic getaway. They were very pushy so we just simply gave them the wrong dates. Oops.

 

[cruisehopeful]

This has happened to me before. My response is that they need to make all their own travel arrangements including figuring out where they will stay. Most of the time when they realize that they will basically be taking a trip on their own, they don't go. I am not a travel agent for anyone.

 

[mom2rtk]

Now you know. Ask why before you share the dates. A number of tactical errors here. This is the sort of thing that happens when you go public with your plans too early.

Your choices are pretty limited here. Be honest and explain that you were hoping for vacation with just the immediate family. That you would love to plan something with them later, but then always have trouble committing on a date? Or you'll have to suck it up and share the trip. Which you will likely resent for a long time to come.

 

[lalasmama]

When this happened to me (I've had a few friends think they should plan their family vacation at the same time, because I must be terribly lonely on my solo trips!), I gave really vague timeframes for as long as possible. So they asked when, I said early 201x. They asked when again, I said January or February. And just kind of kept doing that.

 

[MacMama0930]

Is it just me or does his comment seem like just an innocent “you never know” without any real, genuine intention behind it? Obviously you know him better than we do, OP, but it sounds like an empty threat, haha. That’s how I would take it if it were my in laws. I have a MiL with pretty poor boundaries and these situations HAVE and probably will CONTINUE to come up in my life. My husband has definitely had many “uncomfortable” conversations with his mom. If it were one of my parents, I wouldn’t expect my husband to talk to them. Honestly, I would make a joke on his comment and laugh it off. Maybe then he’ll realize how nonsensical his plans really are and if he pushes the issue and says like “no, really” then it’s time to put hubby on it!

 

[lalasmama]

How do you see vacation planning as talking about how much money you make? I'm not getting the connection. Yes, a Disney vacation is pricey. Flying from the UK to California is pricey. However, there's a lot that is unknown. Granted this is a D-land vacation, but look at WDW for a minute. That could be a super pricey venture, but if you're booking DVC via a family member who won't charge you for it, possibly have AP's or discount tickets through somewhere, take advantage of free dining and get some really good deals on airfare, you could actually do a Disney vacation for way less than you'd expect and you don't have to be rich to boot. So again, not sure how your job and what you make is indicative of the vacation you take.

I run into this often when people hear how often I go. I think it's the difference between people knowing how expensive it is. I'm a basic office worker. I go twice a year, sometimes more. So I often hear, "Isn't that expensive?!?" I tend to point out that it's not as bad as most people assume since I have military discounts, stay off-site, eat cheaply, and afford it by saving $100 per paycheck. But, until then, people tend to assume its much more expensive, and they tend to wonder how an office worker and a teacher in a small town could afford it. Maybe I'm just around people that speak their mind more, or open up to me more, because most people mention at some point how expensive it is.