Need to vent....SIL driving me nuts..

[DarthGoofy]

I know my DW is going to feel guilty going to the parks without her sister. I am just going to have to keep reminding her that the trip is for us and our son. Not for her sister and fiance.

I know that this is a tough situation, but you are right on the money with that statement.

I will be praying for you.

 

[Harley-Mouse]

SIL will by tickets but want tto go every year. I have a Sister & Brother to take. Would like to go just ME DW,DD,DS,DD some time. Going to HH next year and I have to rent point just so we can take SIL to BCV next year. Well atleast Her kids get to go to WDW and think me and DW are the GREATEST aunt & uncle in the world .

 

[lizziepooh]

Are they paying for their own transportation? Do they know how expensive sit down meals can be at Disney? I agree that everything needs to be laid out on the table so there are no mis-understandings or surprises regarding costs and who is paying for what. It seems kind of silly to go on a family trip then not go into any parks with family.

I don't understand why people just assume when they are invited somewhere that it is OK to bring along friends, boyfriends, etc.

 

[LisaS]

I know my DW is going to feel guilty going to the parks without her sister. I am just going to have to keep reminding her that the trip is for us and our son. Not for her sister and fiance.

I usually don't contribute to these sorts of threads because they bring up too many painful memories of vacations that were derailed by one particularly insensitive and oblivious family member... but here goes.

I assume your SIL and her fiance are both adults, capable of making their own decisions. SIL has stated that saving for her wedding is more important to her than going to the parks while at WDW. (Personally I think there is a middle ground somewhere where she and her fiance could buy the cheapest possible ticket and enjoy a few park days, but it's her call.) You planned this trip for your wife, son and your son's grandparents and you simply must go ahead and do everything you have planned. Don't let anything or anybody spoil this very special time for your (immediate) family. Just keep reminding your DW that this trip is for your son and a thank you gift to MIL and FIL. No matter how close DW is to her sister, I cannot imagine she would choose to shortchange your son and her parents in favor of her sister, but she may need to be reminded of this periodically since she is prone to feeling guilty. If she starts to falter and shows signs of staying behind one day to keep SIL company, just say "What a shame you're going to miss seeing our son take his first ride on Dumbo." That ought to bring her back to her senses!

If SIL and fiance want to join you either at the parks or for dinner, they need to pay their own way. If they choose to hang out at the pool rather than go to the parks, then let them do that and suggest a time to meet up later. I'm guessing after SIL realizes nobody is going to hand over the money for their tickets and fiance realizes they traveled all the way to WDW just to sit by the pool every day, they will change their plans and decide to join you. If they don't, it's their decision and you need to remind your DW that she has no reason to feel guilty about that, especially given that fiance has sufficient income to pay for the tickets. And besides, you're all going to be living together for several days, so it might end up being a good idea to have some time apart anyway.

As far as having dinner together goes, if it hasn't already been made clear that they are responsible for paying for their own meals, here's what I would do -- as everyone is looking over the menu and before anyone orders, turn to them and casually say something like "I don't know if they will do separate checks here. How do you want to divide up the dinner expenses?" I would hope that fiance is a decent guy and in addition to paying for his and SIL's meals, he will want to treat you and DW once or twice during the trip to thank you for the free lodging, but at the very least, make sure it's clear there is no free lunch (or breakfast or dinner) here. If you think there is a possibility that SIL and fiance don't know what they are getting into financially when it comes to Disney dining, print out menus from www.allearsnet.com for all the restaurants you will be going to and give them to SIL in advance of the trip. That way, SIL and fiance can decide if any of these places are out of reach and they would prefer to do their own thing on those nights. Otherwise, you might find SIL complaining at the dinner table "Look at these prices! How will I ever be able to pay for my wedding when I'm spending so much money on dinner!"

Bottom line, it's YOUR vacation. SIL has already caused enough disruption by changing her plans at the last minute and bringing along another guest that you never even invited! Remind your DW as often as necessary to keep the focus on your son and his grandparents and carry on with the plans exactly as you made them. Let SIL and fiance decide when (and whether) to join in, but don't let that affect anything you plan to do.

Good luck!!

 

[Shawn]

I don't know your SIL or FBIL at all, so I could be way off base, but

* You were much more generous than I when you changed your plans. I would have stuck to my original plans and went without them. Told them it was too late to change everything, and invited them to come with you on a future trip.

* Since it is too late for that, they may be justifying this as "it's not costing you anything" since you're still only getting the 2 BR, and they will be sleeping in the living room. Cost to some folks being purely monetary, and not taking into consideration the stress and inconvenience that will entail. Be prepared for them to be very ungrateful with the accomodations.

* They seemed pretty clueless about the park, so I imagine they will be pretty clueless about the cost of the trip also. Since they've already indicated they can't afford the trip, they may go into sticker shock antics every time you eat out, or if they do decide to buy tickets. This won't be fun.

* As others have said, don't offer to buy them tickets. With any luck, they will back out at the last minute and decide not to go. Yeah, I know this messes up your redone reservations, but it may be a better trip. If you buy them tickets, then they will go for sure.

And yes, I have friends and family who make way more than I do (ie both parents work in white collar jobs, making good money, while my wife stays home and I am the sole provider in our family), who always complain about being broke. I know it's not the case, they are just tightwads who squeeze a nickel until the buffalo screanms. I love them to death, but I learned a long time ago to ignore their pleas of poverty ...

 

[Esmerelda]

Wow..no wonder you are stressing my dear. Being as you are so generous to even invite your family along...and being as how she (SIL) changed her mind...I would not give her a second thought. I would be upfront with my wife from the get go that you are NOT paying for their tickets. I would presume that these two are adults and can work for a living just as the rest of us do so they need to buy their own tickets. I would make it very clear that your plans were already made and they were initially invited so you can't change everything and "your" vacation does not revolve around the SIL.

I would not let them ruin my vacation with my immediate family however. They should be kissing your ta-ta for even paying for their room and board at this moment. Some folks are just so very ungrateful. If my family offered to take me and my husband to Disney and give us a place to sleep...I'd do a back flip....by the way...where are these 2 sleeping? Will you even have enough room...?

I would not feel in the least bit regretful of my plans with my family..if they (SIL) nix the parks...that is their choice...a rather foolish one but its still their choice.

You have nothing to be ashamed of...hold your head high and have a super vacation!
Esmerelda

 

[dianeschlicht]

Come back and let us know what the decisions were. These kinds of things always turn out badly when the original plans get changed last minute. We had that happen once where we had a trip planned for just our imediate family, and a friend and her teen son decided they needed to come too to get away from divorce stress. We had plenty of room, and she and said son were living with us at the time, so it seemed like a good idea, but I wasn't prepared for my feeling intruded upon. Even though we had a good time, I felt like it butted into our family time. She and teen son acted like it was THIER vacation. We did NOT change our dining plans for them though. They couldn't afford the restaurants, and while we treated them to ONE dinner, they were on their own for the rest. Oh yea, and they did not bother to buy us a dinner either, but I didn't expect it from these two at that time. Usually our guests do take us out to dinner at least once on a trip.

 

[nliedel]

I would have the aforementioned conversation about splitting the bills but do it BEFORE you leave. ASAP actually. You also could gift them with some tickets as a wedding gift if the wedding is soon but make it clear ahead of time that is what you are doing.

Personally the sister in law bringing along her fiancee is just over the top. *She* invited him without asking you and that is beyond rude. Yes, he is going to be a member of the family but she really strained your resources and unless there is more you did not post she is not apologetic for it. I am glad I am not you.. Wait.. I am taking my sister in law with us next month and she is bringing $300.00 for 2 days at the Magic Kingdom and a 7 day cruise. I have told her over and over it is not enough and called Mom who says "well then she may go thirsty" but she knows I cannot pay for her drinks too so I am going to be forgoing some of the things I wanted to do because I cannot let my sil suffer so maybe I am you! lol!

 

[dianeschlicht]

LOL, the $300 MIGHT cover the two days she is at WDW, but that would be it!

 

[kathleena]

Oh, I bet this is stressing you out! Not too much you can do about it except go expecting to have the best time you have ever had - despite anyone else!

To pick up on a few of the comments mentioned:

Have the meal conversation before you leave and for each ADR you have - tell them how much they are. You can still go to the meals with 2 less people without changing the ADR, so don't worry about that. (Except the credit card guaranteed ones, of course).

Point out to them how cheap the 3 or 4 or 5 day non-park hopper tickets are. C'mon - I can't believe that SIL won't spring for a couple of days each.

Give them their holiday (everyone is assuming Xmas, but who knows?) present early - but only if you can resist buying them something later on. Then give them a card that reminds them of it at Xmas (I have had family member "forget" and then complain that they didn't get the "same" as their siblings!)

Stick to you guns! and tell DW ahead of time that you will. Most important you two talk about it before the trip to be sure you are in agreement. The last thing you want is to argue over it there!

 

[OneMoreTry]

....Wow, I just hate free-loaders.....

Sounds like you've got an expert in your family.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Sounds like you've got an expert in your family.

No, but we did have a friend take advantage once. Notice I said ONCE!

 

[Deemarch]

HOW OLD ARE THESE PEOPLE??

Obviously old enough to get married but not old enough to get anything else! Sorry. I also feel that people who freeload are very smart, stupid people! The comment made that if you were already in the park, what did they need tickets for???

This is a disaster looking for a place to happen.

Good luck and hang in there...They may not go after all. (Pixie Dust for that!)

 

[TwirlerGirl]

I'm going to add my 2 cents. I just lived your story in May. I worried and caused myself a hugh headache until I decided to let my family members do as they wished. Just make it clear only the room is your treat. It seems that your biggest problem right now are sleeping arrangements. Make sure everyone knows what they will be. If anyone is unhappy with them than please feel free to make suggestions to the young couple on how to resolve the problem for themselves.

I will also suggest not to try planning everything for everybody. That is a sure way of being unhappy on your vacation. I would let everyone know what I plan to do that day and tell them what time you will be leaving. If they are interested, then feel free to come along. Let them do what they like and you can enjoy your vacation and so will they. Please do not feel they need to go to the parks, only they can decide that. It's their vacation too, they are adults, let them plan their own activities. My only requirement was 2 family activities, one of which was dinner at O'Hannas which was our treat and a family meal in the room one evening with everyone helping followed by fireworks viewing.

Believe me two family events was just enough. We had more fun telling each other our adventures than if we all tried to go to the parks together. It was even fun finding the family members at the pool just by accident. Everyone relaxed knowing there were no expectations, no time tables and no hurt feelings.


I did have my son tell me later that he thought the invitation should have included the park tickets for his family. We are not rich so that was out of the question. He was given the option to go to the beach instead all expense paid but soon decided he would pay for his own ticket rather than miss out.

Good luck! It's your vacation, don't let others ruin it.

 

[JimMIA]

Does FBIL know what's going on? Maybe he is just going about his daily life and has no clue that all this is going on around him. I mean he knows he is going, but maybe he does not know that his future wife is not considering buying tickets.

Have you talked to FBIL?

I think Jim's got a great point. FBIL not only may want to buy tickets, he may GREATLY prefer some other accommodations, rather than sleeping in the living room. [EDIT: Also, I don't know your FBIL, but I know I personally prefer indoor plumbing. Sure, they can sleep in the living room, but what are they going to use for a bathroom???]

You might suggest looking into a package deal, or renting points from another DVC owner (I'd personally stay out of that transaction -- "We don't have any extra points to rent...").

Being the fifth wheel on someone else's vacation may not be his favorite idea.

 

[snowbunny]

I would have stuck to my original plans and went without them. Told them it was too late to change everything, and invited them to come with you on a future trip.

Be prepared for them to be very ungrateful with the accomodations.

They may go into sticker shock antics every time you eat out, or if they do decide to buy tickets. This won't be fun.

Yup. And most likely, they'll show up for all of the ADRs and never reimburse you a penny. And complain about how hard it is to sleep with everybody tromping through "their" room - your living room.

You have my sympathy -- I have a couple of relatives who are world class freeloaders. I know all the signs of an incipient freeloading blitz.

 

[emsip]

Hi everybody. Thanks for all the pixie dust.

SIL and FBIL are pretty much the same. They are both moochers. Just moochers are varying degrees. SIL is used to my DW taking care of her so mooching from us was natural for her. FBIL is just cheap (unless it is something for himself).

At this point we are all still going. DW is fine with SIL and FBIL hanging around the pool and anywhere else that is free. We will going back and forth from the hotel to the parks for my son's naps, so it's not like we won't see them for the entire day. Plus I plan to take my son to the pool a lot.

Crisi....you must be psychic . How did you know that our first breakfast was in Crystal Palace?


9days 23hours until

 

[RadioFanatic]

two concerns I would have:

1. the keys to the room - make sure they don't have the pay with the key option or you may have some charges you didn't expect, especially since you said they are moochers

2. since they won't be doing the parks, it sounds like they will be in the room A LOT. I know you'll have your own bedroom, but it will be lousy not having your main room to use during the day.

good luck - sounds like you're going to need it - sounds like it will be a fun trip report for us though!

 

[JoeEpcotRocks]

two concerns I would have:

1. the keys to the room - make sure they don't have the pay with the key option or you may have some charges you didn't expect, especially since you said they are moochers

2. since they won't be doing the parks, it sounds like they will be in the room A LOT. I know you'll have your own bedroom, but it will be lousy not having your main room to use during the day.

good luck - sounds like you're going to need it - sounds like it will be a fun trip report for us though!

Re 2.
Can you be sure you'll have you own bedroom during the day? Long days with a whirlpool tub and king-size bed nearby -- how convenient for SIL and FBIL.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Re 2.
Can you be sure you'll have you own bedroom during the day? Long days with a whirlpool tub and king-size bed nearby -- how convenient for SIL and FBIL.

LOL, That thought crossed my mind too! You might have to make sure you make the bed and pile a bunch of suitcases on it when you leave each day!