My Brother was killed...

[Adamm]

i am so sorry for your loss.

*virtual hug*

 

[kimis]

You are in my prayers. I have lost two brothers--one to non-hodgens lymphoma and the other in an accident. It isn't easy as you know. I know this time in your life you feel so alone but you aren't. You always have the people on this site praying for you and it will get you through.

 

[Disney Anna]

You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are strong. Stay strong. Take care of yourself. There is happiness ahead. Even though all of us may never meet, there is still love. Never forget that people care and there are people who will help you.

 

[agnes!]

So sorry for your loss .

agnes!

 

[bigbabyblues]

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I can relate about your mom, my grandparents raised me, and my Grandma (mom to me since I was 3 months old) has been in a nursing home for 3 years with Alzheimer's. I hate that disease. She is 67 years old, and her symptoms started about 11 years ago.

 

[CarolynU]

There are no words that can compensate for your awful loss. I'm so glad that you made it through the funeral, and learnt so much good about your brother to add to what you already knew. I am so so sorry.

 

[Charleyann]

Today is just 4 months since my brother was buried. Today has been rough. Christmas songs bring tears because it reminds me of him at Christmas. My mom loss total recongition of us the night we found out my brother was killed (lucky for her , she didn't have to go through this) I've cried several times today.

Thank God I am going to Disney for Christmas. There is no way I could stay here. Friends are coming along and it will make the first Christmas without my brother more bearable. I wish the pain would go away.He is the first person I think of before I go to sleep and the first I think of when I wake. The way he died is hardest to swallow.

Please tell me this is normal. That it will go away or get easier? I thought after 4 months things would get better. I guess I need more time....

Thanks again for listening and your prayers

Charleyann

 

[frdeb1999]

Charleyann...Hope you have a wonderful time in Disney. You deffinately deserve some good times with all you've been through. I can tell you from first hand that it does get easier with time. Although it's never gone away. You are deffinately a strong person. My thoughts and prayers to you.

 

[angel*lady]

 

[JudyS]

I am sorry for all that you are going through, Charleyann. I think going away for the holidays is a good idea. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and feel like you're supposed to feel great every minute just because you're at Disneyworld, though. Just let Disney be a pleasant distraction and enjoy whatever magical moments come your way.

As for how long it takes to heal, I've often heard that the whole first year can be very hard. The first holiday season with the person you lost, the first birthday without them -- it's all tough. But, it does get easier with time. When I lost my mom, it was maybe two years before life reached its new equilibrium.

 

[dee47]

Charleyann,



One thing I remember from my hospice work is that, according to studies, UNCOMPLICATED grief takes about a year (on average) to resolve. I think in your case, with your mom's AD and your child's CF, your grief is anything but uncomplicated. So really, there is no timetable. Just take each day as it comes. It's great that you're going to WDW, though you'll have intense grief moments there, I'm sure. When I lost my beloved grandma, we went to WDW on a planned vacation only 3 weeks after she died. I broke down during Fantasy in the Sky (I think that's what it was in 2000, but it's all a blur). I just felt her loss so intensely when I looked at the fireworks, I don't know why. So you may have some triggers there as well. Just allow yourself to grieve. It will get easier, but not right away.

 

[Charleyann]

Charleyann,



One thing I remember from my hospice work is that, according to studies, UNCOMPLICATED grief takes about a year (on average) to resolve. I think in your case, with your mom's AD and your child's CF, your grief is anything but uncomplicated. So really, there is no timetable. Just take each day as it comes. It's great that you're going to WDW, though you'll have intense grief moments there, I'm sure. When I lost my beloved grandma, we went to WDW on a planned vacation only 3 weeks after she died. I broke down during Fantasy in the Sky (I think that's what it was in 2000, but it's all a blur). I just felt her loss so intensely when I looked at the fireworks, I don't know why. So you may have some triggers there as well. Just allow yourself to grieve. It will get easier, but not right away.

And started crying some in the store. I understand your intense moments.I was buying for my mom and the thought came over me that I should be buying for my brother. A friend made a beautiful neckless and earrings for my mother from my brother for Christmas. My biggest fear is that my mom will have lucid moment at Christmas and not receiving anything from my brother will hurt and confuse her (she doesn't know he was killed) I had to do this for me too. Something needs to be there from my brother....

 

[darlak]

My baby brother (37) died in June after his battle with cancer. I still miss him every day, but I'm beginning to realize that the times when I think of him everyday are now more often warm and bittersweet than grief-filled and heart-wrenching. That's not to say that I don't still have those heart-wrenching moments though. Just less and less as time is going by.

That is also how I remember the grief process being after the death of my parents. This will be my 6th Christmas since the death of my mother and I still feel an emptiness at our holiday table. I feel it when I'm trying to prepare the holiday dishes that I will never make as well as she did and I feel it when we're opening presents on Christmas morning. This was her favorite time of year. I will never stop missing her, but I can take joy now in remembering her. We can laugh about some of her antics, but still cry when we remember our loss. These days, we spend more time smiling and laughing than crying.

This Christmas will be hard, but the next will be just a little better and they will continue getting easier over time. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

 

[safetymom]

Christmas is a tough time if you have lost a loved one. My mother died in December. When we went to the house we found the Christmas presents she had bought for us. She will always be in my heart but I sure do miss her.

Just remember to be good to yourself and it will pass.

Disney is a great place to be to remember your loved ones at Christmas.

 

[lookingforward]

And started crying some in the store. I understand your intense moments.I was buying for my mom and the thought came over me that I should be buying for my brother. A friend made a beautiful neckless and earrings for my mother from my brother for Christmas. My biggest fear is that my mom will have lucid moment at Christmas and not receiving anything from my brother will hurt and confuse her (she doesn't know he was killed) I had to do this for me too. Something needs to be there from my brother....

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Perhaps you can sign your name and your brothers name to your mother's gift so she won't be confused when she opens it.

I am so glad you are going to WDW with friends for the holidays. I hope you get the space and comfort there that you need.

 

[Charleyann]

Christmas is a tough time if you have lost a loved one. My mother died in December. When we went to the house we found the Christmas presents she had bought for us. She will always be in my heart but I sure do miss her.

Just remember to be good to yourself and it will pass.

Disney is a great place to be to remember your loved ones at Christmas.

Especially near Christmas. I think I would have trouble with Christmas after that. You are strong! Thank you for the comforting words.

Charleyann

 

[safetymom]

Thank you Charleyann. I can remember my late husband being so worried about how I was going to handle life without my mother. She died in Dec. He died in April just months later. He was only 47.

Then several years after that I was in the hospital over Christmas with a blood clot in my entire left leg. The scary part of that is my late husband died from a blood clot when the Dr. screwed up his surgery. My kids were worried to death that I was going to die.

So now I always feel really bad for those that have lost a loved one because you are faced with all those family memories. I also feel so bad for those folks in a hospital that can't spend the holiday with their family.

So this is the season of the year I like to do lots of random acts of kindness towards someone else. When I can do something to put a smile on someones face it warms my heart.

 

[Charleyann]

Thank you Charleyann. I can remember my late husband being so worried about how I was going to handle life without my mother. She died in Dec. He died in April just months later. He was only 47.

Then several years after that I was in the hospital over Christmas with a blood clot in my entire left leg. The scary part of that is my late husband died from a blood clot when the Dr. screwed up his surgery. My kids were worried to death that I was going to die.

So now I always feel really bad for those that have lost a loved one because you are faced with all those family memories. I also feel so bad for those folks in a hospital that can't spend the holiday with their family.

So this is the season of the year I like to do lots of random acts of kindness towards someone else. When I can do something to put a smile on someones face it warms my heart.

You too have had your share of heartache! So sorry for your husbands death at such a young age.

My DS who has CF and juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, two years ago developed a large mass on his foot growing up his ankle. Doctors thought it was cancer. I didn't think I would make it through that. I knew CF, amputation, chemo and all else would surely spell death. My dad had just passed away from lung cancer. It ended up being a synovial tumor (benign) caused by arthritis. They found this out after surgery and after biopsy. He lost endurance to this, but he lives. Last fall he was attacked by a rottie and almost killed. He was in hospital for days....

It seems otherwhelming sometimes. However, if I look around and can gain some perspective, I know there is someone else out there who is worse off then me. This keeps me going.

God Bless you all for listening. Yesterday was a hard day. AS you can tell from the post, I didn't sleep much. Today was better.

Charleyann

 

[safetymom]

Charleyann, thank you for posting your feelings. It really does help to write it down.

I learned to take life minutes at a time. Sometimes even that was overwhelming. Every day you have a fresh start to try all over again. I took lots and lots of baby steps and sometimes even stepped backward to get to where I am today.

I am here to listen anytime you want to "talk".

 

[Chuck-PA]

My wife and I are a bit tired of hearing "God only gives you what you can handle"
We also have a son who has CF. He is 19 now. Every time he gets a cold, we worry how much lung damage will this cause. We worry about how many good years do we have left. We do create lots of great memories with him. He has a feeding tube. Life is harder with him having his own mind too and that ole invincible feeling. Those "arguments" are always fun.

I have MS, neurocardiogenic syncope (passing out), sleep apnea, anxiety,
prostate trouble, and as of a week ago, Pulmonary Hypertension (high blood pressure in the lungs and fluid retention in the body and limbs). It is a disease that CF'ers die from.

My wife was just diagnosed last week with extremely high blood pressure.
I wonder why?...lol..... no stress here dealing with all the ailments is there?

My wife lost her father last year to cancer, diagnosed and gone in one week's time.

The best way we have dealt with each diagnose or each little speed bump in life is with laughter. We find the humor or a funnly moment in the past and laugh about it. If not, I am sure we all would be moping and crying 24/7.

Our thoughts are with you....if you would like to share your experiences with CF, we are here for you. Since there are so few people with the disease, you may feel all alone at times.

Have a great time at Disney.
Chuck and Joanne