All my fears about maintaining a healthy weight once I get the weight off have come to the surface today. First off, I have not overindulged by anyone's standards - even the strict standards I was given by the clinic. I followed their advice, but I'm up two pounds in two days. My logical mind says, there is no way you can physically gain two pounds of flab in two days! But my emotional sense if freaked out.
Christmas eve at my FIL's was interesting to say the least and unsettling to say the most. FIL's GF was inebriated by 4:30pm (we arrived about 3:15) and by dinner (romaine salad with bleu cheese dressing eggs and almonds, roast filet mignon, augratin potatoes, asparagus and bushe de Noel) she we four sheets to the wind (three sheets might have put her in to her usual holiday sentimental weepy mode.) I skipped all the appetizers and stuck to ice water. For dinner I had the right size portion of beef and asparagus but did have a Tablespoon of potatoes - just a taste and they were good. I also had a salad plate full of salad - we made and brought it and it was not on plan with real sour creame, mayo, and buttermilk in the dressing with the bleu cheese. DH and I shared a serving of desert, but I had 6 bites and I had only said I would have three. I also had one glass of red wine. Earlier in the day, I was completed on plan for lunch to make sure I wouldn't be too hungry at dinner and overeat. The sugar in the desert had me hungry by bed, so I did have a cup of left over salad and that kept me from wanting anything else until the next day.
DH's brother was up from So Cal - but his wife didn't come up. She was involved with a disasterous holiday a couple of years ago and was "preserving herself." I wish I had joined her down there instead of being witness to the GF throwing several punches at FIL when he tried to get her to go to bed instead of stumbling into walls etc and making it difficult for us to have a conversation. I've never quite seen her this way, but being around the drunkeness has always made us uncomfortable. However, FIL said it's been escalating as of late. I told DH before he went over to have the yearly "talk" with FIL and his brother that my idea was to ship her off to rehab or pack her duds and call her son to come get her. No inbetween. FIL is nearly 80, unsteady on his feet and although a large man, if he fell while dodging a punch, he'd really hurt himself. No one should have to live with that kind of abuse.
Christmas at my folks was pretty uneventful (even with my mom's brother and sisters who believe Fox News is the word of God - and having worked 6 years for Newscorp, I can tell everyone willing to listen that it's not news, but information disguised to keep you riled up and watching. It's about ratings, not real accurate information - not that you get accurate information from any other source either; all are owned by big corporations that are in it not to be the 4th estate of democracy, but to keep you glued to the screen.) BTW, my folks for all all their churchgoing and upbringing in Utah are surprisingly liberal in politics as they are socially conservative. I tend to mirror that and my DH is very pragmatic; but mom's side of the family believe's Reagan walked on water and GW Bush had the right idea with his tax cuts for the weathly (even though all them are decidedly middle income and see a break during the Republican years.) I just try to keep my mouth shut during any extended family gatherings, while my DH often talks about moving to Canada when pushed. Foodwise, mom held back some ham without the glaze for me, we repeated the same salad for the group, and I also had a deviled egg and no desert. I did indulge in some almonds and macademia nuts and two small cubes of my mother's fudge. (It isn't Christmas without it) But I didn't give in to her amazing rolls - I knew if I had one, I'd eat another one or 10.
Still, I was back up to 155 today from 153 on Wednesday. If I can't even have anything off plan now and not put on weight, what will life be like when I am done with the losing phase and into the maintaining phase? So the fear, as you can see, is real - not imagined. No, I shouldn't be so reliant on the scale and what is says, but this plan is particular about what it says. I'm out of keto strips, but know that they will be negative anyway.
Cats have been playing with all their new toys - after we got home late from FIL on Christmas Eve, we gave them their stockings. Tilda has already detailed 6 "real fur mice" and Sasha has scooted all the plastic twisty toys under the sectional. Niko has thoughtfully carried his catnip toys up and I found them tucked into bed with me this morning. However, DH's brother gave us a cat clock (like the bird clocks that chirp with a different species every hour). This one mews with a different cat breed on the hour (but won't mew when it is dark- has a light sensor). We hung it in the kitchen. Tilda and Sasha come running to find the "cat," when it goes off, but Niko runs and hides under the bed. So much for the giant Maine Coon mix - he's a cowardly lion. I hope he'll get used to it in time. I hate to see him all upset.
My right lowerback/hip area is really tender (I don't know if it is a muscle pull or kidney stone issue again.) I've been using the heating pad at night on it, but it is sore to stand, sit, sleep and twinges something fierce when I move much. I wanted to take a walk this afternoon (since I've not had much exercise lately and the sun it out even if it is cold outside), but I don't feel like I will get far before feeling like I can't move. Uneven ground - stairs - are the worst right now.
My goals for the next few days are to no more overindulge (despite the cookies that came home from FIL's) and to get those pounds gone as quickly as possible and get back on track and losing again. I still have that Pro Cert paper to write (yes, I'm still procrastinating) and some papers to re-grade, but not as many as I'd hoped. Only a handful of students took advantage of the opportunity to turn substandard grades into better ones. (Again, not what I have seen from an honors class in the past - more regular students than honors students did the re-writes and again, not enough of those.)
clementines? They are my favorite, I look forward to them each year. DD likes em too, and they are a good size for her.
I am sorry to hear about your friend. It is so sad when someone who turns themselves around and is living healthy is struck down so young. I know that during this time you want to just turn to food for comfort, but I don't think you or your friend would want that. I wish I could offer some other comfort for you.
