Jenni's Journal (kind or constructive comments welcome)

[jaelless]

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[jaelless]

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[BabyTigger99]

Good luck on your journey!! Keep your mind focused, and just keep chugging along!! You will do great!!!

 

[jaelless]

Good luck on your journey!! Keep your mind focused, and just keep chugging along!! You will do great!!!

thank you for the encouragement. Your tickers are so cute.

 

[jaelless]

 

[jaelless]

Well no green tomatoes at Farmer's Market so that salsa idea a no go. Instead I think I will turn my surplus of carrots into carrot muffins. Kids might like those and some extra veggies will get snuck in to diet. I remember I used to do that with zucchini bread and spinach brownies. My son never knew he was eating veggies...

 

[jaelless]

 

[jaelless]

About halfway thru the month I set a goal for myself to exercise 700 minutes and I did it For August I am shooting for 900 minutes which if break it down is just 30 minutes a day. I got the idea off this blog I read. Sadly the writer no longer is active, so I just have old ideas to work with. Thankfully they are good ideas. The writer inspires me big time. She has life I wish I had What I am going thru now, she already did and wrote about it so I don't feel like I am totally hopeless. She blogged so now I am since it seemed to help her on her journey.
So far it has, I am staying more focused on goals. Looking for opportunities to do something healthy just so I have something to report in here. Today so far I have managed most of my water and fruit and veggie servings. I got two 30 min workouts in, and will most likely march in place and around while I watch Drop Dead Diva later. That show is great, her mannerisms are just like those of a Disney princess. I have noticed they never lower their hands below their waist. It is kind of funny. Once after visiting Disneyland I had princess voice down and called my little niece. I totally had her believing she was getting call from princess. It was funny.
OK last night off before back to work I so need to win sweepstakes. I would just move to Disney World and live a life of leisure...

 

[jaelless]

Seems no matter how well I follow my plan, the numbers won't budge. I was so good all weekend and yet the scale says I went up a lb not that time of month so can't blame it there. I know it is harder to lose weight after 40 but dang I hate this. I was doing good, I had lost 20 lbs since March, but this past month I gained 5 of them back. Probably because new job has me up overnight and to stay awake I snack. I really need to get that under control. I want to make my personal goal by end of year. I have lots of plans hinging on that happening. UGH I just need to get better control of myself.

 

[jaelless]

So glad last few days are over. I worked hard this week, my feet so sore. So busy on my shifts that I had no time to munch overnight. That was a very good thing. Still kinda tired right now so not very clever in my writing. Let's see today since it was hotter than ever (110+ degrees) we stayed indoors for most part.
Morning after work we got DS his high school schedule. Took longer to get that because they tried to fry his brain by doubling up his science and math courses. Of the classes he asked for he got none, so had to get that fixed. He ended up with drama class he wanted and food & nutrition. I was actually glad he ended up there. I will definitely be glad to help him with homework as I could use more info on good nutrition and recipes. Also glad he will now be forced to try new foods. Maybe he will like a few of them

 

[jaelless]

Is that time of year back to school shopping. Silly me is all excited about it. My son is starting new high school so we need to get him equipped for that. Going to be running around trying to find deals on everything he needs. He isn't in to it, but I am. Have to be pretty tame with his stuff, nothing cutesy anymore. Is a good thing I still have the lil princess to be cutesy with. I know she still too young, but I am so going to be ready to shop when it is time for her to start school. Son laughs at me for already planning bento box lunches for her. I can't wait to buy disney princess lunchboxes and backpacks.

 

[jaelless]

OK it is way too hot here. I cannot wait until the heat breaks. It is pathetic when you can't wait for it to get back into the 90's. This weekend it is Tax Free days. I would have shopped more if it wasn't for heat. With heat index it is close to 120 degrees out. I did get out this morning and bought clothes for both DD and DS. Old Navy had some sales going, line in there was unbelievably long, but I scored some good stuff. Was first time I had ever actually shopped there, but I had heard good things about Old Navy so I gave it a try. I am glad I did.
I was surprised this morning when I got on scale. Yes, I get on scale daily just so I know how I am doing. It makes me make more conscious choices for my health. Anyway scale was down That was kewl since I haven't been doing too much this weekend. I don't know why, but I am so incredibly tired. I got in my 30 minute workout, but it was a struggle to wake up enough to do it.
I did it though, and now I get to post about it LOL strangely enough I am competing with person who blog I was inspired by. Not normal competition, just me wanting to do as well as she did. She posted over 814 times, I figure I have to get to at least that many posts. Yeah for all those who peek in here, I know weird and slightly pathetic, but it works for me. This person is the type of person I want to be, so any way I can emulate her, I will do so. Well at least in the good ways
Tonight still have workout left to do. Have totally been lax about drinking water, since been asleep for most part. Did see on webMD that drinking massive amounts of water to help lose weight is myth. I can believe it. I figure the idea of that came from filling up on water to keep from eating, plus the water flushes out system. I know the water is needed for hydration though, or else all those doctors I work with wouldn't be ordering IV fluids for every patient. Speaking of docs, I work next three nights so posts will be short and sweet. I so need to win the big money...

Joke of the day
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit...
Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad

 

[jaelless]

now when I need to sleep I can't watching Disney channel and trying to get sleepy again. I got hooked on this channel at Disney World when we stayed at Pop Century. DS and I would spend all morning at one of the parks, then come back mid-day for a break. We would get kid's meals at Everything Pop and either swim in Hippy Dippy Pool or relax in front of TV. Watching makes me feel like I am still there in a small way.

 

[jaelless]

Well I came clean in other thread I follow so might as well come clean in here. All this mad drive to lose weight is for a guy. I met him 11 years ago and we dated for a little while. Then he had to move back home to England. Over the years we have stayed in touch via internet and phone calls. I saw him thru a marriage, birth of a child, and a divorce. He saw me thru messy divorce and custody, and two years ago he supported me when I decided I wanted a child on my own. Anyway. We have always maintained being great friends. This past year our communications have gone back to romantic sorts. He is now back in USA and wants to get back together with me.
I want to get back together with him as well. I think we have probability of being the forever type of love. I just can't face him yet. My body looks nothing like it did 11 years ago. After he left I just focused on being a mom to my DS and totally let myself go. Then with DD I gained even more weight. I have been telling myself that it wouldn't really happen with him, so I never tried very hard to get in shape. Well now it could very well happen, all that is stopping it is me. I have come up with every excuse for him to not visit that I can think of. So far over summer I have lost about 20 lbs. While good, that is not enough for me to get courage enough to face him. I want to lose another 30 more. It won't make me slim by any means, but it still will give me the confidence to meet him again.
No I don't think he is shallow that he woudn't want me based on looks, I just know I want to feel good about myself and confident. That way if doesn't work out I can't blame it on my looks. I want to know it works or doesn't because of me inside.
So there is real reason I am trying to lose weight. Yes I do want to be healthy for my kids so I can enjoy life with them, but I know they will eventually grow up and leave home and I don't want to be alone in my old age. I want to be part of that cute old couple who walk down street, still holding hands.

 

[jaelless]

At work and surprise surprise I can log in here to post. Not a lot to say, been running around, patients busy, but not too bad. Didn't make it out in time to get lunch, mickeyD's would have been only option, so good thing I couldn't go. Instead I am drinking my water and munching on my apple slices like a good girl. Five hours left tonight, then another 2 nights to go and off for a few days. Hopefully until Tuesday night, that way I can tke DS to his first day at new high school. This Thursday is his open house. I am curious about who his teachers will be. Also curious to see if he makes friends this year. I hope so, I think it would do wonders for him to get out more. He is entirely too much like me, a total homebody.

 

[jaelless]

frustrated beyond belief at something I can't control. Wishing I was a mean person so could strike out at this person who is threatening my happiness. A little truth for them would go a long way, but it is not my place to do that just yet. So I get to just be pissed and frustrated.

 

[jaelless]

This week I have sort of been slacking. Thankfully didn't do too much damage. Work was so incredibly busy that I burned calories moreso than usual. Then Thursday night I had Open House with my DS for high school. I was shocked at how nervous he was. I guess I see him differently than he sees hiimself.
I see a kid who if he let himself, he would have so much going for him. He is handsome, very smart, taller and bigger than most guys I saw that night, and he is a novelty being from out of state. Nobody knows anything about him, I wish he could see himself as I see him, Was interesting finding out the food and nutrition course he is in, well it is full of cheerleaders LOL that will either turn out to be a good or very bad thing. Also their big project for semester is thanksgiving dinner. I am totally thrilled about that. I cannot wait to help him out with that class. All his teachers seem nice. I just hope this year goes by as well as last years did.
Anyway siince I hadn't worked out last few nights I had to catch up in order to hit my goal of 900 minutes this month. The breakdown for that is 30 minutes a day. So tonight I had to do 90 minutes in order to keep on track.
I think the Fall Biggest Loser Challenge is going to be starting soon, I am looking forward to that. I am hoping that being on a team will motivate me more for losing. I think I might be more prone to trying harder so that I become an asset to the team I am on.

Joke of the Day

It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end.

 

[jaelless]

I am not sure what i am doing anymore. I got some news today that while it didn't affect me healthwise, it totally blasted me emotionally. Spent most of the day in tears which always kills the appetite. Relationships suck, especially long distance ones. I really don't know if there is a future with this man. Here I am literally trying to work my butt off for something that might never happen. I try and tell myself that worse has happened and it always found a way to work out, but i don't know anymore. So now I am in limbo. Still trying to lose on the chance of what if. I have given up many times before, then when I needed to be a certain point I had made no progress, so lost window of opportunity. This time I want to be ready if that window pops open again. I pray it does, because I really don't want to be living this life forever. it is totally unfullfilling.

 

[jaelless]

Not the greatest day today. This morning I was feeling all melancholy because it was son's first day of high school. He enjoyed classes while I hated drpping off and picking up situation. They really need to figure out something to do with that. Took almost 45 minutes just to let him off at school. Traffic was so snarled that nobody was getting anywhere. So much for plan of getting off work and getting him to school. Unfortunately will have to enlist the grandma's help.
So after that I had appointment with lawyer. Had this young kid helping me sign papers, and while he was trying to be nice, he said "not at your stage of life" like I was old woman. While I am not normally sensitive about age, that just struck a nerve.
Came home and still upset of yesterday and the morning, so just laid down and napped a bit. Finally roused self enough to play with lil princess until time to go get her brother.
Like I said, he had good day. He is one of three guys in food and nutrition class, which is just fine with him LOL and 2 seniors and a junior invited him to join drama club. I so hope he does get more involved.
Tonight we had some hot wings and carrot sticks for dinner. Afterwards I worked out for 60 minutes and watched Eureka and Warehouse 13. I like those shows. The men in them are so easy to look at
Tomorrow back to work for 2 nights. I am off orientation at work so who knows what they will do to me. I cannot wait to get paycheck on Friday. I haven't been this broke in years. Is what I planned, but still sux right now.

Joke of the Day

How are politicians and diapers alike?
Both need to be changed often and for same reason.

 

[jaelless]

Totally low key day today seeing as I work tonight and tomorrow. Didn't do much at all. I have however managed to refrain from snacking all day, which is good. Hopefully tonight I will be good busy so won't be able to snack. Tonight is first night off orientation (which was a joke) I feel sorry for new grads because they will so not learn anything and be overwhelmed and quit.
Of course I plan on quitting if I ever get thru this phase. I do not like being in just one area. It is the politics I cannot handle. These people let their lives get intertwined. I broke my own rule and let personal cross over to professional. Only reason I did it was because I wanted son to go to better school.
I figure 12 hours of working, on my feet for a good 8 hrs of it has to equal at least a 30 minute workout, so that is what I am taking credit for. I probably do more, but will only count 30 so that I stay on track for minutes this month. I am going to make the 900 minute goal I set myself.