Is this a bit tacky or no?

[jngwright]

But lately I feel like giving out IOU's as a wedding gift. "Call me in 5 years, and if you are still married, I will send your gift.." A little harsh, but after DH and I have been attendants in 14 weddings, costing us thousands of dollars, of which 8 have ended in divorce....

Would I do it???No-but it's tempting

 

[writersblock42]

I remember I got annoyed when I went to get my good friend a present at Target off her "bridal" registry. On the registry was a backpack (like the kind for backpacking). It made me mad because she does not backpack-she is in a wheelchair-so the gift was obviously just something that her dh wanted and the wedding seemed like a good way to get something he wanted. That drives me crazy. I have seen so many bridal registries ask for stuff like candles, board games, coolers, asking for contributions to honeymoons, money toward a house, televisions all kinds of stuff. The bridal registry is to help somebody get started in making a new life-not a time to get stuff. Also have you guys seen how you can register for birthdays now at Toys R Us. Crazy. A tradition that I have seen is the dollar dance to help pay for the honeymoon. You pay a dollar to dance with the bride or the groom.

 

[Laurajean1014]

I'm married over 17 years and I have never seen such direct marketing techniques for cash.

I'm not against it, I just never heard of such things.

Give what you want to give. Anyone can ask, but it's you that decides what the gift is and how much you care to spend.

 

[Laurajean1014]

A tradition that I have seen is the dollar dance to help pay for the honeymoon. You pay a dollar to dance with the bride or the groom.

Now that is tacky.

 

[Kae]

I had a friend whe registered at Target & on the bottom was Target Gift card, but she said she did not put it on her registry it is just added.

Most of my friends used the money they got from the wedding for their honeymoon, I thought it was just a unspoken thing. Me I bought furniture & DH & I had only a waterbed when we got married.

Kae

 

[dr&momto2boys]

Tacky! They just shouldn't register anywhere and through word-of-mouth via mother, MIL, etc. suggest cash gift is preferred IF people ask.

 

[Donald - my hero]

EEEk the 1st thought I had when I read this post was YES very tacky! cause I don't want the couple to know how much I can or do for that matter spend on their gift. We are MEGA poor and I will take a long time shopping for sales so that I can get a very nice gift that fits our budget. How do you think We would feel if they only got $25.00 from us versus the $100.00 that someone else gives?

 

[kimnkel]

That's what I mean, Jacqueline. But, wait! There's more! How about the bridezilla that makes it very clear (at her showers, engagement party, etc. etc) exactly how much per person is being spent at HRH's wedding reception, and expects a gift to be at least equal to that amount! And, yes, I am sorry to say I know two such blushing <cough> brides.

I am all for IOU wedding gifts! LOL! Think about it: it would provide the greedy little bridezillas with incentive to stay married! That alone might reduce the divorce rate!

Bottom line: I personally find registries tacky. However, I do recognize it can be something a couple's family and friends asks them to do. Okay, that's fine. And certainly I am not saying that anyone that registers for gifts is a tacky, greedy person. That is just too big a generality for me to draw--and isn't fair to say. It is not the act of registering I find offensive, it is the feeling I too often get of greed and gimme that goes along with it. I love to give presents, and I really want to give something that is wanted or needed--- but I don't want to feel *obligated*.

Just--a little appreciation and decorum goes a long way. No person over the age of three is allowed to act a brat over gifts.

Anybody besides me feel like the more we have, the less we appreciate it? I mean...when is enough....enough? Why wouldn't being in love and on your honeymoon at WDW be enough, without it being ten days at the GF, concierge level, no less? Especially when one would need to rely on other people ponying up the cash for it?

 

[Camp Rd. Lady]

I agree with saschab! Besides who doesn't deserve a trip to disney.

 

[mom2my3kids]

Tacky but I agree I would rather give them cash instead of buying something. These days they usually already have toasters and mixers.. Etc..

 

[NHTikiBeckie]

It's that entitlement mentality, I'm telling you. The feeling is that they are entitled to a five star honeymoon, because after all, a honeymoon follows "their day" and "their day" can only be followed up by an expensive vacation--regardless of their particular budget.

As for the guests paying for "pieces of the honeymoon"...hmm...I guess I have a different definition of cool. "Cool" to me is a charity registry, with the caveat that the bride and groom do not pay any attention to who gave what, because there should be no pressure or expectation. "Cool" to me is my friend that recently married, asking anyone that was able to give what they could to the local animal shelter. For pity's sake, if people already have a house, and don't want for Tupperware or a blender, and can afford a wedding planner-type wedding, IMO it's alotta nerve asking/expecting others to pay for their vacation.

As a bride to be, I have to tell you--the whole wedding thing has gotten plain. flat. silly. It's not even about a ceremony that signifies your commitment--it's a pageant, a Broadway play, and the electric light parade all rolled up into a spoiled bratzilla's My Super Sweet 16 party.

Sorry for the rant, and I really mean that. I do not mean to offend. Generally I try to be "live and let live" but just going through the whole wedding thing, and the pressure to turn my wedding into a spectacle, well--it's made me a little . Do people want a big fat party, or a marriage? I want a marriage that lasts a lifetime, and extorting money from friends and family to pay for stuff I *want* (not even *need*--just want) is no way to run a railroad--or begin a life.

Okay. No more soap box.

No offense taken, but FYI, I am actually a budget planner who helps couples save money, most of my weddings are under 10K...many couples I work with aren't typical "wedding planner style wedding" people that you stereotype, they are normal couples looking for ways to cut their budget. Why is registering for china any worse than registering for something fun???

 

[Boncho]

It's not the giving of money, but the ASKING for money I find tacky. If a couple is getting married and they have all the toasters etc. that they need, I think giving them money is great, then they can use it for something that they do need or want. I was brought up to believe that asking for money is just rude. If I asked a bride's mother for a gift suggestion and she told me the couple could always use money to put towards something they needed, that is a different story. I have given money as a gift but it has always been MY decision to give money as a gift ,not the decision of the person I was giving it to. I am not into gift registies but I am not against them if the people use common sense with the items on it. As stated by someone earlier that they had dishes that cost $30 for a placesetting - to me this is someone with common sense The gift registry with television etc. on it - I don't think so.

 

[Boncho]

No offense taken, but FYI, I am actually a budget planner who helps couples save money, most of my weddings are under 10K...many couples I work with aren't typical "wedding planner style wedding" people that you stereotype, they are normal couples looking for ways to cut their budget. Why is registering for china any worse than registering for something fun???

Ten thousand dollars on a wedding??? I'm sorry, but I can think of alot better ways to spend that much money - that is not "normal" if you ask me.

 

[shoney]

Ten thousand dollars on a wedding??? I'm sorry, but I can think of alot better ways to spend that much money - that is not "normal" if you ask me.

I think it depends on where you are from. On Long Island, that is considered an inexpensive wedding.
It is customary to give cash as a wedding gift...that helps pay for it!

 

[suffolkprincess]

Okay, well, I know I am not in the mainstream here, but not only do I think asking your guests to pay for your honeymoon is tacky, I actually think wedding registries are tacky.

Well-- putting registry cards in wedding invitations IS tacky. Where I live, putting registry cards in shower invites is tacky, too. The common practice is to ask when you RSVP (to the shower) if you really want to know. If not invited to the shower, you can always call someone and ask where the bride and groom are registered-- or guess! Its super easy to check online anyway. When I had a shower thrown for me in the NY/NJ metro area, they did include a registry enclosure, because they said that is the common practice there.

My issue with the OP's tackiness question is more with the enclosure in the invite than with the nature of the registry. I think its untraditional, but not a big breach of ettiquette. Had that enclosure been in the shower invite it would have been less tacky. But, if I was in that wedding, I would have helped the couple out by throwing them a fun couples honeymoon shower-- what a fun theme WDW would be!! I have been in too many weddings, as has DH, and we have thrown "honeymoon showers" and they are great fun. People either give the money thru the TA or give related gifts. (Beach towels, high end sunscreens, vouchers for things at the resort.)

In our family, an Aunt took charge and asked several others of her generation to give their planned cash wedding gifts ahead of time because she knew we wanted a certain honeymoon we couldn't afford and she knew we wouldn't book it with just the hopes we'd get wedding gift money. I thought it was sweet the way that they handled it. Please note that we didn't ask. She only knew about our honeymoon planning because she frequently traveled where we wanted to go and so we had been asking her for advice.

OH-- I was also taught that it is SUPER tacky to have a registry that doesn't span the entire price range. IE: only registered for Waterford stemware and sterling flatware. I know some brides might do that because that is "all they still need" or its the only thing they are particular about, but if you are registering, you should include items in the $10- $20 price range that you like / need.

Here's a new one for you: there is a local art/ decorative arts gallery that has a registry. An Aunt of mine has expressed a desire to helps us, thru gift giving at Christmas and birthdays, to get some nice things for our homes. This registry works towards lay-away items and you can lay-away for a looong time. So, Aunt has asked us to pick some art / accessories / rugs whatever that she could contribute towards. The idea is that she wants us to have some nice art, can't buy the whole piece right now herself, but would like to be a part of helping us to get it. And she knows if she gave money it would inevitably go to vacations or bills (we have small kids, etc, she knows how it is.) I am not comfortable with this at ALL.

 

[drag n' fly]

Ten thousand dollars on a wedding??? I'm sorry, but I can think of alot better ways to spend that much money - that is not "normal" if you ask me.

She did say under ten thousand... I do agree with you however. The wedding industry is one of the biggest scams going. Baby industry coming in at a close second. Ours cost 3500 and we paid for it ourselves. We took the money we could have spent and used it as a 10,000 downpayment to build a new house! BTW I already gave my opinion earlier...still tacky LOL

 

[Luvamouse]

I agree with what suffolk princess says...

Well-- putting registry cards in wedding invitations IS tacky. Where I live, putting registry cards in shower invites is tacky, too. The common practice is to ask when you RSVP (to the shower) if you really want to know. If not invited to the shower, you can always call someone and ask where the bride and groom are registered-- or guess! Its super easy to check online anyway.

My issue with the OP's tackiness question is more with the enclosure in the invite than with the nature of the registry. I think its untraditional, but not a big breach of ettiquette. Had that enclosure been in the shower invite it would have been less tacky.

I really like to know what colors, styles, etc. a person may have when buying a shower gift. That said, I tend to give cash for a wedding gift because you never know if people are trying to uprade a honeymoon (fine with me), buy a house, car, I don't really care what they want to do. My gift is because I care about them. I am a firm believer in the "it's now what you say, it's how you say it". Registry=good idea, pushing it on people=tacky. In the wedding invite??=major faux pas IMHO. Then again, many people in the younger generation (good heavens, did I just say that??) don't know it is tacky if no one points out that word of mouth is subtler and more appropriate.

I for one would be happy to contribute Disney Dollars or equivalent etc. to a honeymoon, just let me ask what they need/where they're registered/where they're honeymooning myself.

Now, I really need to find a Disney store to buy Disney Dollars for my best friend's son's wedding gift---'cuz they're going to WDW!! (and no, it was not asked for and no registry card in the wedding invite, it is my idea and I am excited to give a personalized gift in this way!)

 

[disneybass]

I guess I am old school. But that is tacky. No doubt

 

[dbenlee]

I would have to add another vote for tacky.

 

[Fintastic]

Nope, I wouldn't be contributing to a honeymoon. To me that's like asking the guests to help pay for the wedding or engagement rings or the bride's gown. I consider the honeymoon to be part of wedding costs. I'll select something nice off their registry, something that will be around and be used long after the wedding and honeymoon are over.

ETA: I'm all in favor of registries, because I want to make sure that I'm not wasting money on something that will end up on the closet floor for years. What rubs me the wrong way is A) essentially asking guests to pay for part of the wedding and B) paying for something [honeymoon] that's not tangible and once it's over, it's over. I'd rather give them something that will be around for a while.