Is have a SN child something to hide?

[NCmom2NandE]

I went to my son's school for is IEP annual meeting. I signed in and put IEP meeting down as reason to be there. A couple of office works remind me everyone could see it and know he's labeled. I know they can't disclose that information, but it wasn't something I was ashamed of.

When did it become something to hide or discuss in code? I tell anyone who will list all thing thing he's overcome. I'm proud of him and I don't care who knows he's in special eduction pull out classes.

I'm I missing something.

 

[kaffinito]

I'm with you on that one. I am very proud of my two ASD kids, and I'm not ashamed or feel that I have to hide who they are. When someone asks or says "I'm sorry" as if having autism is the end of the world, I always smile sweetly and tell them that I'm glad I have my two instead of regular ordinary kids (how boring would that be!) My youngest is very proud of being autistic, he knows that it means that his brain works differently than other kids brains, and that in some cases his brain works a lot better!

I have gotten that same response at my oldest sons' school, and cannot figure out why it would be bad for others to know that he is in special ed. Isn't it obvious anyway that he is?

At any rate, hang in there, and don't sweat the small stuff - 'cause its all small stuff!

 

[bookwormde]

I agree, if the world is always presenting that the differences in a child need to be “secret” then inevitably the child will think that there is something “wrong” with them and suffer the serious issues that go along with that internalization.

Life is full of diversity it is a shame that society does not celebrate it more fully. My son (as9) and me do not considerer variation either something to hide or brag about even though for us it includes area of abilities which are more difficult and areas where we can function well above neurotypical individuals. It is just different.

The legal protections (from discriminatory people and institutions who are threatened by diversity) do often get in the way of advancing society towards understanding an accepting diversity, but as long as there is significant discrimination a guess it is a necessary thing.

We are very “open” about being spectrum individuals and feel it is our “duty” to offer information and education to interested people to allow the celebration of diversity to move forward (I guess it is part of that aspie heightened sense of social justice thing).

bookwormde

 

[BeckyScott]

I think the schools are usually just hyper-aware of protecting personal information.

They're in an awkward position. Our school district is like that, but every day last year my son walked out of school with a para. So anyone that knew anything about the school staff... duh.

I don't care either. But I know the school/teacher very specifically does NOT tell the kids Justin is autistic, because that would be against the law. But I see where it would be valid, especially as he gets older, to explain autism to his classmates so that they would understand it better.

I don't think there's an easy answer. I think with the OP, the staff at the school just very actively protects information like that, so when they saw what you wrote, it set off the alarm bells. Because they themselves wouldn't ever do that.

What I usually do, in that situation, is write that I'm there to see the SpEd coordinator, I write her name down in the box. I guess it's a little more subtle? Maybe not.

 

[alizesmom]

I don't know about the rest of you but until Alize came along I had no idea what an IEP was. Karen

 

[scojos]

im a high school teacher as well as mom to 2 SEN kids, so i guess my take is slightly different.

i agree with PP, we have to be v careful about disclosure issues, and some people are very nerotic about their kids issues. i also agree that the more we talk about issues the less of an issue it becomes.
i have spoke to many parents "off the record" about having their kids checked out correctly, referrals for behaviour etc, there are too many kids who can not cope in main stream schools, but due to lack of knowledge their parents do not get a diagnosis until its too late.
1 child who had a ASD diagnosis after i spoke to his mom (and yes i accept it wasnt my place but if it was my kid i would have wanted someone to say something, and no i am not a phyciatrist)- quite severe, and im like, what did his teachers do in primary??? why was this not picked up earlier??
knowledge is power, for everyone.
tracy

 

[ireland_nicole]

I agree; although I do not go into full details of DD's dx's w/ everyone, she knows that her brain works in a unique cool way. If I teach my daughter she has to hide who she is, what will she think about herself in a few years? I think a big part of advocacy is awareness, but I'm glad that the school doesn't announce protected information too. I guess I'm saying in a convoluted way that it should be our choice what to say about our lives, not the school's. And they're doing that in their own way. But I say when we're there for IEP meetings too. (and yeah, ya don't have to be around my kiddos long to figure out that they're unique!)

 

[mechurchlady]

There is nothing to hide. You are allowed to announce that your kid is special needs. The workers were merely protecting the privacy of your child. Rumourmongers might start asking questions then imply things and then your kid is the freak from the Black Lagoon who wears 8 leg braces (one for each leg), has buck teeth, mange, and has body odour. It is protection of the child from the evil people who gossip and trust me I have seen enough people hurt by people who spread lies and half truths. On the other hand, how many people would know what the meeting was about, I wouldn't.

 

[kaffinito]

freak from the Black Lagoon who wears 8 leg braces (one for each leg), has buck teeth, mange, and has body odour.

I see you've met my oldest!

 

[BeckyScott]

I don't know about the rest of you but until Alize came along I had no idea what an IEP was. Karen

I don't think I did, either.

Nothing like a little on-the-job training, huh?

 

[clkelley]

IEP is for ANY special education. My son was in the gifted program at his school and has no disabilities. He had an IEP.

 

[churchpilot]

Unfortunately in todays society, the government has gone overboard trying to protect our privacy. In the medical field we are governed by something called HIPPA and we can't even answer the simplest questions when family members call. In schools, labels are considered taboo. My son's class had an incredibly disruptive child for almost the entire year before he finally qualified for a much needed IEP that allowed him to be in an environment that was not so overwhelming to him. My son was bitten twice on the back and had a chair thrown at him. Because of this child's right to privacy, we were not allowed to know anything about the circumstances surrounding my child's injuries except that the child was removed from the classroom for the rest of the day. The parents of this child were just as upset as we were, but they still insisted that no information be released. Only after my son was bitten a second time and needed medical attention did anything happen. The school system said that they had to make sure everything was attempted before this child qualified for an IEP that would remove him from the class. No one was allowed to know what was done to accommodate this young boy---again privacy. The only thing we knew was that he was no longer in the room. I know that more and more people are being educated about autism and the different types and the different ways that it is manifested. The same thing goes for children diagnosed with ADD and ADHD. Each child is unique and deserves attention for their abilities, not their "labels".

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I have a 13 year old son with Asperger's. I also work in the special ed department of his school district (I work w/preschoolers). So everyone in the dept. knows I have a son w/special needs.

So, last March we were in a training session on autism. The program specialist for the district was giving the training. The subject came up about parents who are in denial about their kid's conditions. We discussed whether having an IEP or being in special ed creates a stigma that will negatively affect the child for his/her entire school career.

I raised my hand and related a story about a preschooler we had last year. He was clearly on the spectrum. His mother didn't want an autism evaluation and didn't want to even hear the word. She finally agreed to put him into our class with a diagnosis of speech/language impaired. As we started working with him, we could see the signs of autism - probably mild as he was high functioning. We didn't dare mention it to the mom. It was clear that she had a problem dropping him off each day in a "special" class as it was. But, we could see this boy thriving in our class. He was happy and learning and got very excited when we talked about letters and numbers. He was learning the classroom routine and starting to play with the other kids.

His mother ended up calling an IEP after only a month and announced that she was pulling him from the class. Her reasoning was that having him in special ed was affecting her family. The grandparents didn't understand why he couldn't go to a regular preschool. The entire family was afraid he would have a huge mark on his student file saying he was in special ed. She thought this would follow him for life. So she gave in and pulled him from the class. No amount of explanation from the IEP team would change her mind.

So, back to the class - I asked the program specialist whether being in special ed really affects a child's opportunities down the road. Why are people afraid to put their kids in special ed if that's what they really need? Her answer, "Well, it doesn't make any difference to the child's opportunities down the road. They can do whatever they're capable of doing. But, socially, who really wants to go to a dinner party and have to say that their child is in special ed?" Can you say SHALLOW? And this woman knows all about my son! I wouldn't want to go to her dinner party anyway!

I'm proud of my son. Not only is he in special ed, he's in a special school! That district (the one I still work for) failed him miserably when he entered middle school so we yanked him out of there. I enjoy striking up conversations with people about autism and Asperger's. If they seem truly interested, I am happy to answer their questions. I'm not ashamed at all. I'm proud to be mommy to this remarkable child!

 

[jodifla]

I have a 13 year old son with Asperger's. I also work in the special ed department of his school district (I work w/preschoolers). So everyone in the dept. knows I have a son w/special needs.

So, last March we were in a training session on autism. The program specialist for the district was giving the training. The subject came up about parents who are in denial about their kid's conditions. We discussed whether having an IEP or being in special ed creates a stigma that will negatively affect the child for his/her entire school career.

I raised my hand and related a story about a preschooler we had last year. He was clearly on the spectrum. His mother didn't want an autism evaluation and didn't want to even hear the word. She finally agreed to put him into our class with a diagnosis of speech/language impaired. As we started working with him, we could see the signs of autism - probably mild as he was high functioning. We didn't dare mention it to the mom. It was clear that she had a problem dropping him off each day in a "special" class as it was. But, we could see this boy thriving in our class. He was happy and learning and got very excited when we talked about letters and numbers. He was learning the classroom routine and starting to play with the other kids.

His mother ended up calling an IEP after only a month and announced that she was pulling him from the class. Her reasoning was that having him in special ed was affecting her family. The grandparents didn't understand why he couldn't go to a regular preschool. The entire family was afraid he would have a huge mark on his student file saying he was in special ed. She thought this would follow him for life. So she gave in and pulled him from the class. No amount of explanation from the IEP team would change her mind.

So, back to the class - I asked the program specialist whether being in special ed really affects a child's opportunities down the road. Why are people afraid to put their kids in special ed if that's what they really need? Her answer, "Well, it doesn't make any difference to the child's opportunities down the road. They can do whatever they're capable of doing. But, socially, who really wants to go to a dinner party and have to say that their child is in special ed?" Can you say SHALLOW? And this woman knows all about my son! I wouldn't want to go to her dinner party anyway!

I'm proud of my son. Not only is he in special ed, he's in a special school! That district (the one I still work for) failed him miserably when he entered middle school so we yanked him out of there. I enjoy striking up conversations with people about autism and Asperger's. If they seem truly interested, I am happy to answer their questions. I'm not ashamed at all. I'm proud to be mommy to this remarkable child!

Well, that program director is deluding herself. I've never hid the fact that my son has been in special preschools for his speech and language disorder. But I am is ticked as all get-out at the mass labeling of "autistic" or the all-encompassing "ASD" for any child who's got a communication disorder.

And while unqualified school personnel have tried to "diagnose" my DS as on the spectrum, he actually has a different issue going on, as diagnosed by four different teams, one of whom are leading researchers in the U.S. on his situation. But the school personnel are so "stuck" on their path, they can't get their head out of the sand and see what's really going on.

Stories like these are why there's an explosion of ASD cases.

And what's wrong with special ed for kids who shouldn't be in special ed? (Because certainly, they have their place.) Because in too many school districts, SEPARATE IS NOT EQUAL! Special ed is a ticket to nowhere, a warehouse for kids.

AND, TOO OFTEN, ONCE KIDS ARE IN SPECIAL ED, THEY NEVER CATCH UP!!!!! There are many studies to show this. They just get further and further behind. It's the road of low expectations.

Really teachers, aides and school workers, DON"T try to diagnose autism. DON"T tell parents they are "in denial."

 

[scojos]

Really teachers, aides and school workers, DON"T try to diagnose autism. DON"T tell parents they are "in denial."

i dont think we do. I just think we have an external view of things which allows us to point parents in the direction of people who can give that qualified diagnosis.
I think will all have a little ASD inside us, i do. Treating children with courtesy consideration and respect is what we do.
Tracy

 

[jodifla]

i dont think we do. I just think we have an external view of things which allows us to point parents in the direction of people who can give that qualified diagnosis.
I think will all have a little ASD inside us, i do. Treating children with courtesy consideration and respect is what we do.
Tracy

And that's one thing. But certainly, not everyone is doing that. The above post is an example of that....claiming a parent was obviously in denial and so shallow that all she cared about was dinner party conversation.

How insulting!

 

[scojos]

i agree its insulting, i just wanted to say we are not all shallow sorry if it sounded harsh
tracy

 

[jodifla]

I went to my son's school for is IEP annual meeting. I signed in and put IEP meeting down as reason to be there. A couple of office works remind me everyone could see it and know he's labeled. I know they can't disclose that information, but it wasn't something I was ashamed of.

When did it become something to hide or discuss in code? I tell anyone who will list all thing thing he's overcome. I'm proud of him and I don't care who knows he's in special eduction pull out classes.

I'm I missing something.

Different parents are at different points in their journey of understanding/accepting their children's needs. If you want to be very open about it, that's terrific and your prerogative, but not everyone is ready to do so...and some people keep things like that very close to the vest.

 

[Pennsy22]

I hear what parents are saying- this is such a touchy situation as far as education is concerned. Just please remember that some teachers want what is best for ALL of the children and sometimes their hands are tied by administration and laws. A few years ago I had a student that was difficult to have in class and finally we found out he had Asberger's, the mom hadn't released that information to us, just finding out that information helped me to teach him. I spent the rest of that week researching, talking to parents that have more experience that I do. The rest of that year went great - he grew, I grew, the whole class grew. I had him the next year also and I considered that a priviledge! So the lesson here, not all teachers are created equal! Matter of fact most teachers I work with would do the exact same thing! Please try hard to not judge us and give us a fair chance - I know it is hard but some of us work to teach and want what is best for our students!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

And that's one thing. But certainly, not everyone is doing that. The above post is an example of that....claiming a parent was obviously in denial and so shallow that all she cared about was dinner party conversation.

How insulting!

No, I wasn't "claiming that a parent was obviously in denial and so shallow that all she cared about was dinner party conversation." That comment was made by the special ed program specialist during a training session. I asked her why she thinks having kids in special ed carries such a stigma. As an example, I used the case of the mom who pulled her son from our class because she thought he would carry a stigma for the rest of his life if he had special ed in his school records. I thought it was really a shame that she pulled him because he obviously needed the class and was doing really well. The program specialist came back with that answer. I was shocked by her comment and considered it really shallow. I have no problem discussing my son at a dinner party or anywhere else, if someone is interested.