(standard disclaimer: old straight lady here)
Talking with some friends recently who spent a lot of years living "straight" before coming out has me wondering:
How old were you when you came out?
If you lived a lot of adult years closeted, did you find your friends and family supportive?
I'd love to hear your stories...
Hmm, good question. The first time I fooled around with anyone, guy or girl was around the age of 11 or so when a female friend and I played "house" on a sleep over. We even got to have a bath together. I was truly devastated the next sleepover when she didn't want to play house again. LOL
That was it for me for years. I was always attracted to other females and definitely had it bad for a friend of mine in my early twenties. (ok a couple of friends when I think back) We went on a trip together and had to share a bed. I woke up curled up into her pretty much every morning. She laughed and I said it was because I was cold. I remember hoping that she would just roll over and....well, I won't go there. The weird thing is, it never really occurred to me that I was a lesbian. I really don't know why I didn't clue in when I definitely had an attraction to other girls/women. It's not like I grew up with a strong religious background or with extremely prejudiced parents. I guess I'm just more than a bit thick headed.
I dated many guys on and off. I could never figure out what was so great about sex, I didn't like it. I thought there was something wrong with me. I ended up getting married and had three kids. I wasn't happy in my marriage for many reasons, the least of which was my sexuality. I had wanted to leave for a long time but had no way out because I had moved from Ontario to Nova Scotia and had no support here. Only his family.
Finally, I truly started questioning and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I finally figured out what was wrong with me and why I hated sex, I was gay. (my first real experience with a grown woman proved my theory, it was a whole new ball game, one that I actually enjoyed). I was willing to stay and see what we could work out on one condition, no more sex. Well, he wasn't having any of that. Sex was more important to him so I left.
Fast forward almost 6 years and I am on my own with my kids, bought a house 2 years ago, went back to school and now work in a law office and last summer my long distance gf moved in with me.
The road has been rough and there are still lots of potholes, but life is good.
I must say that although my ex was really hurt(and sometimes hurtful), he has come a long way. He will actually speak to my gf when spoken to now. given time, even though I know he will never be friends with her but it is not as tense as it was I hope that maybe we can have the kids bdays etc together. I actually gave him the option of travelling with us to Disney so he can see his kids at the most magical place in the world. He hasn't answered yet, but didn't say no right away. Part of me hopes he will say no, which I'm sure he will because he never had any desire to see Disney (he always told me when we were together if I wanted to go, I could take the kids myself without him) because then I won't have to worry about making him feel bad seeing my partner and I together.
So when did I come out; somewhere between the age of 11 and 35! It was a long trip.