Help! I Don't Want to Be Rude!

[floridagirrl2]

A friend of mine likes to say, "If someone is going to be unhappy, it might as well not be me."

Oh my goodness! That might have to become my new sig line!! TOO FUNNY!!

 

[aubriee]

I am going to WDW by myself in May. :jumping4: I told my mother she can come with me when I go in December, but I plan to get up early everyday to be at park opening, will be on the run all day, and she would need to carry plenty of snacks (for her diabetes) as well as money for her meals and souveniers as I would be traveling on a tight budget. I also told her she would have to pay her airfare as soon as I booked and would need to rent herself an ECV as there is no way she could do the walking required. Well, she immediately started saying she didn't know if she could afford it and assumed that since I had given my two sons (and GD and D-I-L) trips for Christmas that I would naturally pay her way too (afterall she is my only mother and I won't have her forever). I stuck to my guns and told her I simply couldn't afford it. She then suggested I cancel the May trip, so I could afford to take her in December, but again I told her I needed the time alone. Anyway she is thinking about it. I feel like a horrible daughter, but am not changing my mind. As for as my exhusband, I could strangle my dear sweet D-I-L. She has invited him along for our Sept trip and he thinks that would be great as he can keep me company while my son and D-I-L spend time alone and it would give him more time to save some money. Oh well, at least I'm going solo in May and maybe Dec.

 

[spiceycat]

hey I would explain to your DIL that the last person you want around you is your ex...

I bet she is trying to be matchmaker....

she invited him - she can just uninvited him.

tell her you would rather have your mother than your ex....

 

[jghra]

Glad to read you stood your ground in May. I don't have this problem with my Mom (yet), but with my Grandma. She plays guilt trip on my Mom and I. More so my Mom though. We are getting smartier about it!!
We started realizing she doesn't do this to my Mom's sister (my Aunt), so we try to just ignore some of the comments that are made to draw us in. Sometimes we feel bad or mean, but this is our life too!!! So we hold our own and pat each other on the back later saying we did GOOD!!!

DH and I took my Mom last October without telling Grandma (until we got back), even though Grandma was already in Florida visiting her sister and it is only a 3 hour drive away. The last time my Mom had gone to WDW was with all of us and Grandma. I just wanted her to go and enjoy herself with no Guilt Trip. I admit when Mom goes I am always trying to make sure everyone is having a good time (Guilty of this big time). But I had had 2 other trips since the last Grandma trip, so I was ready to spoil Mom a little on the October trip.

Mom and I have invited Grandma along with other family members next December for our first cruise.

I enjoy it so much more when I get to invite someone instead of them inviting themselves!!! I hope you have a great time in May going Solo and whatever happens I hope you enjoy all your other trips as well!!!

You Go Girl!!

 

[Taja]

Wow! I always appreciated my parents, but now I don't think I appreicated them enough! We did things together regularly, but they never said or did anything to make me feel guilty when I wanted to do things (i.e., travel) alone!

I'm glad you stood up to your mother and will be going solo in May! You'll really enjoy it. And congratulations on standing up to her for the December trip, as well.

I agree with spiceycat that your DIL should uninvite your ex on the September trip. You are paying for your DS and DIL--it is your trip. She does not have the right to invite anyone else without consulting you!

Personally, I would "uninvite" both your DS and DIL unless they uninvite your ex--and go solo!

Sometimes I am not a nice person!

 

[MagicKingdom05]

I agree. Since the DIL invited the EX let her tell him the trip is not going to happen. If in the end he still decides to go, then make sure he knows that he's on his own for the entire trip, and that you are there for some alone time.

 

[bmt337]

We took a trip (my husband and I) to Orlando with our two kids in Oct. of 2004. I thought my husband would enjoy having someone around to go places with (hobby shops), nascar, Daytona Speedway so I asked a friend of his to come along, he just retired. Fairly young sixty. We could never have prepared for what we went through when we were away. I had explained to him so he would know beforehand that there would be days that I would do things alone with our kids at the theme parks and he and my husband could go off and do things of their own. And other days that we could do things together as a group. However, it didn't quite go that way. Once we got there, actually it was the first day there, we drove for four hours looking for a hobby shop (he collects model car kids) that he hadn't seen since 1979. The third day we spent another five hours driving around looking for a hobby shop (in a long list of hobby shops he compiled before we left). Later that week we spent twelve hours in a car on the Clearwater/Tampa side driving around looking for hobby shops that he hadn't seen in twenty five years. Any attempts to get him to look in the telephone book or to call to see if they were even still in business fell on deaf ears. To say the least I was extremely upset and extremely unhappy for having put us all in that situation. It didn't matter how many times I told him that maybe we should get on with what we had planned for the day, he completely ignored me. After a couple of days he flatly refused to talk to me or my children, even though he shared the same villa but he would speak to my husband. I had paid for the villa (5* resort) with my vacation pay last year. And never asked him to share in any of the cost except for what groceries he wanted to buy for himself. He wouldn't eat at the villa, go swimming, sit out by the pool, locked himself in his room as soon as we returned to the villa each night and refused to go to any of the theme parks even though he was told where I had wanted to go with the kids before we even left on the trip. His reasoning was that he had done the theme parks when he was there in 1979. The few times he mentoned his wife it was in a almost "put down" way. We were shocked. We saw a side of this person we had never seen. He confided that he had been taking ball room dancing lessons for the last year and a half. And said that his wife didn't know about it. Thinking that he was taking the lessons to impress his wife and that he was planning on telling her when he had gotten good enough. He said he didn't know if he ever intended to tell her about it. He was moody, rude and let it be known that he just tolerated our boys who are 9 and 12. To say the least, it was the worst vacation we've ever had. Never in a million years would have thought that he was like that. I have never had a vacation away from my husband and boys. Before I got married, I used to be spontanteous, and I wasn't afraid to go away by myself. When my husband goes away with work it doesn't seem to bother him. Although I know he misses me he doesn't seem to struggle with going by himself like I do. I know I"m getting older (47) but sometimes I feel like I've lost more than just a few years along the way. I'm great at doing for everyone else, but do little if anything for myself. I can always justify why I don't need it. I want so much to go, especially after our "disaster" trip in October. I just got my vacation pay. I was starting to think that I could use part of it to build a camp/fort for my kids on our property and give some to my husband to go to a Nascar race and realized that I was doing it again. I'm going to look at the fares and see what I can get thats reasonable. I'm not sure what to do as far as a hotel goes. I can be strong and focused when it comes to being there for my family but I feel indecisive and unsure when it comes to planning and making a solo trip to WDW by myself. You have all been an inspiration to me. And I am really going to try to make this happen. Thanks so much.


Debbie

 

[spiceycat]

Debbie - go for it!!!

in the value resorts I like Pop Century

in the moderates - POR

in the deluxes - Polyn, WL or BC

it really sounds like you need to spend your money on you for a change!!!

I am so sorry that person caused you such pain - just never invited him to anything again....

 

[robinb]

I am going to WDW by myself in May. :jumping4: I told my mother she can come with me when I go in December

I think that's a good compromise. Your mother, for all her guilt trips and nagging, is right. You won't have her around for much longer. Your December mother/daughter trip may be the one that you remember fondly when she is gone.

BTW, can you please use paragraphs? It's really hard to read your posts when one idea runs into another .

 

[floridagirrl2]

We saw a side of this person we had never seen.

What a nightmare trip! You definitely deserve to have a fun trip and do the things YOU want to do.

 

[cyndylou]

Let's review: the original plan was to take only your granddaughter with you, then you allowed yourself to be guilted into giving trips to three others, and now maybe your ex and your mother. Sounds like you have allowed yourself to be pushed around for awhile. And now you are crying out to help from strangers! Reality check: no one can make you do something you do not want to do. So stand up tall, straighten your shoulders, and do what YOU want to do. That reflects inner strength, confidence, and maturity. Good luck!

 

[EthansMom]

Okay, so you started with one trip for yourself and your GD. Then, because you were afraid you might hurt the feelings of a grown adult, you invited your son (GD's dad) on that trip. I'm assuming you then invited you other son and DIL, who apparently said, "no that time isn't good for us", so you're taking YET ANOTHER trip for them, at their convenience.

In order to get some kind of peace and quiet, you've decided to take two additional trips on your own. And your DIL invited your ex to go with you on your own trip. And your mother wants you to take her on the other trip in order to wait hand and foot on her.

Stand up for yourself. Let DIL nicely know that you are no longer married to your ex for a reason. Let your both of your sons and DIL know, "This is the time I am able to take everyone, if you can't come, then I will be disappointed." You're planning 11 months in advance, if they want to come, they will.

Also, let everyone know EXACTLY what you plan to pay for. I wouldn't pay for food or spending money for grown adults. And I would ONLY pay for all of the trips for my grown kids if it was something I could easily afford. Even then, I would let the adults know that the trip is their Christmas present -- no need to get anything else.

Also, let everyone know that your other trips are for you. Don't give them your flight info or hotel plans (until and unless necessary) and no one can plan to go with you.

As for your Mom, let her know that your trips are for you and that while you would love to spend time with her, you don't think that you would be able to provide all of the support she would need at WDW. Then discuss something local the two of you might do together -- a nice show and lunch? Maybe plan a few different things.

Don't be afraid to be rude. Be polite, but firm. And don't let others make your decisions for you. If someone wants to be offended by the fact that you are finally standing up for yourself, then let them be offended. You can't be held responsible for everyone else's happiness.

Best of Luck!

EthansMom