Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[iwrbnd]

? And are you sure your boys don't have executive functioning problems? I

Oh they do!!!!! When I said in my post that they didnt have.. I meant they have NO exec . funct skills at all..


Sure, you can come meet me if you like.....

Oh, I get it now!

And if you're in WDW and see a frazzled looking mom...that might be me!

 

[ratlenhum]

Honestly, i think you should be grateful that your kids are mild enough where the ASD went unnoticed or undiagnosed until they were a little older. I'd also be grateful that my kids are high functioning enough where they can potentially grow up enough to move out and be on their own.

I'd also be happy that I have more than one child, so should one of the ASD kids not be able to take care of themselves later in life, there will be siblings there to look after the well being of that child.


Sorry to sound unsupportive, but I think sometimes instead of an "oh..it's okay...don't feel bad" what people really need is a slap to the back of the head and made to realize it could be a hell of a lot worse.

I have been at my wits end with my son for a while now. We went to a local autism event where there was a boy a few years older than my son. He was wearing a helmet, was skin and bones, had no speech, no eye contact and banged his head on every thing he walked by. If he couldn't find anything close by he'd throw himself on the floor and bang on the floor. His arms were scratched and bruised. You could tell his teeth and hair probably haven't been brushed in a while, probably not for lack of trying.

Think your day has been rough, imagine that mother's life.

 

[iwrbnd]

Ugh, your post is what I'm dreading. I have two boys, oldest one has HFA and probably ADHD too (he's only 5, so not diagnosed yet...). My youngest is 4 and has severe apraxia of speech as well as SPD.

I have NEVER really, truly enjoyed being a mom. I know it sounds awful, but I routinely find myself saying in my head "I hate my life". And, the truth of the matter is, I don't REALLY hate it, but I hate the FACT that my life is SO HARD. DH is military, and is getting ready to leave for his THIRD deployment, leaving me home with the boys alone for the next 7 months (last deployment was for 11 months...). I am dreading it. While I am thankful that they are older this time, I just don't want to do it anymore. I've been SO tired for the past 5 years, and I wonder how I'll be able to do it for another 15+. Seems so daunting because my kids are still SO young, yet it's already so hard. I am a bit hopeful, because they seem to get better as they get older. My HOPE is that they'll both be significantly better in the coming years, but it's just such a murky future.

Some days are good; some days I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. I often wish we'd not had children, but I know in my heart that I really, really wanted kids. I do sort of feel cheated that I got special needs kids instead of "normal" kids, and I'm still trying to work through acceptance and all that. I get mad and jealous of parents of "typical" kids, mostly because I feel like they take their lives for granted. There are so many things my kids will never do, and they're little things, but still... And, NOTHING is ever carefree for us. Everything requires careful planning ahead, scheduling out, etc. The few times I've tried to be spontaneous have blown up in my face, and I know better now.

OP, you are not a horrible person (or else, I am too!). I actually use WDW as my escape too. DH has been so good to let me go THREE times since the kids were born either solo or with my friends. It truly helps to "get away from it all". Maybe you can do that too...you need a break!

Ditto for me and all your feelings! The "I hate my life" is something I say in my head all the time! And like you, I don't really hate my life I just hate dealing with my kid's issues day after day! I have one "typical" child and I often think how easy my life would be if they were all like that! So, count me in on the being jealous of other moms with typical kids, too. And wanting to stay in bed...been there, too! Last year I would have visions of driving past my house and just keep on going!!!

I'm so sorry your husband is being deployed! He's doing such a wonderful service for our country! Thank you to both of you for your sacrifice!

I'm not familiar with HFA. What is that?

I hope life gets easier for you when your boys get older. For me, some things are easier and others are harder. I didn't expect to be dealing with some of the same problems, though. Another thing that's hard is watching my friend's kids in high school do things mine won't do. Going to a hometown basketball game is torture for me!

It's nice to know I'm not alone! I wish we could all get together and share our support and misery!

 

[iwrbnd]

Honestly, i think you should be grateful that your kids are mild enough where the ASD went unnoticed or undiagnosed until they were a little older. I'd also be grateful that my kids are high functioning enough where they can potentially grow up enough to move out and be on their own.

I'd also be happy that I have more than one child, so should one of the ASD kids not be able to take care of themselves later in life, there will be siblings there to look after the well being of that child.


Sorry to sound unsupportive, but I think sometimes instead of an "oh..it's okay...don't feel bad" what people really need is a slap to the back of the head and made to realize it could be a hell of a lot worse.

I have been at my wits end with my son for a while now. We went to a local autism event where there was a boy a few years older than my son. He was wearing a helmet, was skin and bones, had no speech, no eye contact and banged his head on every thing he walked by. If he couldn't find anything close by he'd throw himself on the floor and bang on the floor. His arms were scratched and bruised. You could tell his teeth and hair probably haven't been brushed in a while, probably not for lack of trying.

Think your day has been rough, imagine that mother's life.

That's so true. Mine are mild and I know it could be much worse. I keep telling myself that!!! I still get run down, though.

You know, I read a study where they found mothers of mild ASD were more depressed than the extrememly affected. The results were confusing but they decided it was because moms of mildly affected kids have to make them fit in and perform in everyday life unlike children who are severe. They are living in 2 worlds, the ASD world and the normal world. Moms of more severe children are only in the autim world. Nobody expects them to perform like the other children. Even though this study says this I'm still extrememly grateful that my boys are on the mild side! My sister's son is extrememly autistic and I see how hard it is. She doesn't, however, have to help him fit in with his peers, get his homework done, teach him to drive, deal with frustrated teachers who don't see the disability, etc.

But, I do agree with you. I'm very lucky in many ways and probably need a good slap across the face! Sometimes I just get so tired and fall into a pity party.

It is nice to know I'm not alone, though! I appreciate everyone's stories so much!

(Mine weren't diagnosed until later...signs were there but first he got speech delay, then ADD, and finally in junior high it became apparant he wasn't outgrowing his social issues. The second was diagnosed at 3 yrs when I was pregnant with last baby.)

 

[iwrbnd]

Thank you for this thread! I too feel tired some days/months etc...... to know im not alone is helpful

my ds is only 5 and i think some days how will i ever survive these years.

I feel bad for dd because shes always complaining that we have 2 sets of rule in the house.................and shes right!

i have a very supportive hubby but some evenings beer is the only friend!

I hear ya!

 

[linnell]

I understand you too. This wasn't what I signed on for. My oldest has PDDNOS and he's only 3 1/2 - we're already battling the school about his IEP and he isn't even old enough for Kindergarten yet! I know the long road that is ahead of us and it worries me!

I also know that it could worse - A LOT worse. A year ago we were worried that he wouldn't speak and now the kid won't shut up He has come so far but some days and moments are just so hard.

I'm lucky that I have a wonderful husband that even though he works a lot understands I need adult time. I went to Disney for a weekend with a friend last fall and now I'm planning a trip to Harry Potter World next January. In between he is very supportive of giving me "time off" - there have been a few times that he comes home from work and says "I got it from here, go to the mall and walk around for awhile." Even an hour out the house makes all the difference!

 

[iwrbnd]

I understand you too. This wasn't what I signed on for. My oldest has PDDNOS and he's only 3 1/2 - we're already battling the school about his IEP and he isn't even old enough for Kindergarten yet! I know the long road that is ahead of us and it worries me!

I also know that it could worse - A LOT worse. A year ago we were worried that he wouldn't speak and now the kid won't shut up He has come so far but some days and moments are just so hard.

I'm lucky that I have a wonderful husband that even though he works a lot understands I need adult time. I went to Disney for a weekend with a friend last fall and now I'm planning a trip to Harry Potter World next January. In between he is very supportive of giving me "time off" - there have been a few times that he comes home from work and says "I got it from here, go to the mall and walk around for awhile." Even an hour out the house makes all the difference!

My son got PDDNOS too. That was when he was 2 yrs and then at 3 they gave us the big "A" word! He also didn't talk and then wouldn't stop once he started! I cried through my very first IEP mtg when he was 3 so I know what you're talking about! The rest have been a breeze though so maybe you've just got the hard part done!

Thank goodness for wonderful husbands, right?

I'm so glad to "meet" you and all the other moms on this thread that I feel a kindred spirit to!

 

[dogodisney]

WOW! I love you guys! You don't know how l much better I feel knowing I'm not alone! You've all said what I feel quite often. Thank you!!!!!

I wonder if I will ever have a life of my own again. Every decade of my adult life I have have had a child to raise. Had my eldedst in my 20's, (who is now 26), my 2 younger in my 30s ( they are 17 &15), and now in my 40s I am raising my DGD (6), who we've had since she was 15 months. Since she has been with us we found out she has epilepsy (mild and controlled with meds), she had to have a cyst removed by her eye, was tested and found to be developmentally delayed so she was put in SPEd Pre-K, broke her leg and had to have surgery to put in rods and then a year later another surgery to remove the rods, and a bunch of other little things. I have gone through more with her then I have with all 3 of my kids. We just took her for an evaluation with a neuropychologist last week and we have an appointment on the 3rd to get the results. I believe she is somewhere on the spectrum, if not something else is going on with her. Like the rest of you, I feel like she will be with us for a very long time. I also love school breaks just so I can have a break from the routine. She is only in kindergarten and homework can be such a hassle. Sad thing is we had her retained so she has done this stuff before, she even has the same teacher, but it is still a struggle. There have been many days that I've told my DH that I can't do this anymore and I'd like to send her back to her parents (although that won't happen), so I will continue to deal with it all. I'm hoping we can gets some answers and incite from the evaluation.

brergnat, we are retired Navy so I feel for you!

 

[iwrbnd]

WOW! I love you guys! You don't know how l much better I feel knowing I'm not alone! You've all said what I feel quite often. Thank you!!!!!

I wonder if I will ever have a life of my own again. Every decade of my adult life I have have had a child to raise. Had my eldedst in my 20's, (who is now 26), my 2 younger in my 30s ( they are 17 &15), and now in my 40s I am raising my DGD (6), who we've had since she was 15 months. Since she has been with us we found out she has epilepsy (mild and controlled with meds), she had to have a cyst removed by her eye, was tested and found to be developmentally delayed so she was put in SPEd kindergarten, broke her leg and had to have surgery to put in rods and then a year later another surgery to remove the rods, and a bunch of other little things. I have gone through more with her then I have with all 3 of my kids. We just took her for an evaluation with a neuropychologist last week and we have an appointment on the 3rd to get the results. I believe she is somewhere on the spectrum, if not something else is going on with her. Like the rest of you, I feel like she will be with us for a very long time. I also love school breaks just so I can have a break from the routine. She is only in kindergarten and homework can be such a hassle. Sad thing is we had her retained so she has done this stuff before, she even has the same teacher, but it is still a struggle. There have been many days that I've told my DH that I can't do this anymore and I'd like to send her back to her parents (although that won't happen), so I will continue to deal with it all. I'm hoping we can gets some answers and incite from the evaluation.

brergnat, we are retired Navy so I feel for you!

from me! You are definately not alone! I was parenting in my 20's, 30's and now 40's too! I often wonder if I'll be doing it in my 50's too since I can see myself raising any children my 2 on the spectrum might have!

Keep us posted on your dgd results! I'm hoping for good news! The school struggle is probably the most exhausting thing I deal with! Mine is "Why didn't you do the work?", "Why didn't you turn it in?" "How do you not know if you have homework/test/project due?" Ahhhh!!! I definately feel your pain with school. Hopefully being older in her class will help!

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

I think we all know it could be much worse but It is still nice to know that we are not alone..
Actually, I'm not sure I would want NT kids especially not now when I'm looking at these middle-schoolers...LOL I believe that I would be very bored with "typical" kids at this point... My kids are smart, creative, think outside of the box thinkers. one is a nationally ranked chess player ( the older one with more serious AS0, one is a budding musician and was picked over a class of high schoolers ( he's 12) to be the sound engineer for his jazz institute... But, it is still tiring.. It is frustrating when they can't even find socks in the morning. Tiring when you are on the "alert" all night for mischief and escapes.. Tiring when all they do is fight. Tiring to be constantly nagging to get homework done, to explain that they STINK and must shower, trying to explain why you shouldnt wear a parka over short-shorts, too-tight t-shirt and the forecast is 90 degreess ( and the child is in 7th grade). Tiring all the IEP meetings etc....


I think we all understand that it could be worse but it's nice to vent too...

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

Ok- I'm sure most of you have seen this BUT I felt this is in order right now....




WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley.


c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved



I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......



When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.



After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."



"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."



But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.



The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.



So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.



It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.



But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."



And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.



But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

Celebrating Holland- I'm Home
By Cathy Anthony

(my follow-up to the original \Welcome to Holland\ by Emily Perl Kingsley)


I have been in Holland for over a decade now. It has become home. I have had time to catch my breath, to settle and adjust, to accept something different than I'd planned.I reflect back on those years of past when I had first landed in Holland. I remember clearly my shock, my fear, my anger, the pain and uncertainty. Inthose first few years, I tried to get back to Italy as planned, but Holland was where I was to stay. Today, I can say how far I have come on this unexpected journey. I have learned so much more. But, this too has been a journey of time.

I worked hard. I bought new guidebooks. I learned a new language and I slowly found my way around this new land. I have met others whose plans had changed like mine, and who could share my experience. We supported one another and some have become very special friends.

Some of these fellow travelers had been in Holland longer than I and were seasoned guides, assisting me along the way. Many have encouraged me. Many have taught me to open my eyes to the wonder and gifts to behold in this new land. I have discovered a community of caring. Holland wasn't so bad.

I think that Holland is used to wayward travelers like me and grew to become a land of hospitality, reaching out to welcome, to assist and to support newcomers like me in this new land. Over the years, I've wondered what life would have been like if I'd landed in Italy as planned. Would life have been easier? Would it have been as rewarding? Would I have learned some of the important lessons I hold today?

Sure, this journey has been more challenging and at times I would (and still do) stomp my feet and cry out in frustration and protest. And, yes, Holland is slower paced than Italy and less flashy than Italy, but this too has been an unexpected gift. I have learned to slow down in ways too and look closer at things, with a new appreciation for the remarkable beauty of Holland with its tulips, windmills and Rembrandts.

I have come to love Holland and call it Home.

I have become a world traveler and discovered that it doesn't matter where you land. What's more important is what you make of your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special, the very lovely, things that Holland, or any land, has to offer.

Yes, over a decade ago I landed in a place I hadn't planned. Yet I am thankful, for this destination has been richer than I could have imagined!

 

[ratlenhum]

Holland Schmolland
by Laura Kreuger Crawford

If you have a special needs child, which I do, and if you troll the
Internet for information, which I have done, you will come across a
certain inspirational analogy. It goes like this:

Imagine that you are planning a trip to Italy. You read all the
latest travel books, you consult with friends about what to pack, and
you develop an elaborate itinerary for your glorious trip. The day
arrives.

You board the plane and settle in with your in-flight magazine,
dreaming of trattorias, gondola rides, and gelato. However when the
plane lands you discover, much to your surprise, you are not in
Italy -- you are in Holland. You are greatly dismayed at this abrupt
and unexpected change in plans.

You rant and rave to the travel agency, but it does no good. You are
stuck. After awhile, you tire of fighting and begin to look at what
Holland has to offer. You notice the beautiful tulips, the kindly
people in the wooden shoes, the french fries with mayonnaise, and you
think, "This isn't exactly what I had planned, but it's not so bad.
It's just different."

Having a child with special needs is supposed to be like this -- not
any worse than having a typical child -- just different.

When I read this my son was almost 3, completely non-verbal and was
hitting me over 100 times a day. While I appreciated the intention of
the story, I couldn't help but think, "Are they kidding? We're not in
some peaceful country dotted with windmills. We are in a country
under siege -- dodging bombs, boarding overloaded helicopters,
bribing officials -- all the while thinking, "What happened to our
beautiful life?"

That was five years ago.

My son is now 8 and though we have come to accept that he will always
have autism, we no longer feel like citizens of a battle-torn nation.
With the help of countless dedicated therapists and teachers,
biological interventions, and an enormously supportive family, my son
has become a fun-loving, affectionate boy with many endearing
qualities and skills. In the process we've created . . . well . . .
our own country, with its own unique traditions and customs.

It's not a war zone, but it's still not Holland. Let's call it
Schmolland. In Schmolland, it's perfectly customary to lick walls,
rub cold pieces of metal across your mouth and line up all your toys
end-to-end. You can show affection by giving a "pointy chin."
A "pointy chin" is when you act like you are going to hug someone and
just when you are really close, you jam your chin into the other
person's shoulder. For the person giving the "pointy chin" this feels
really good, for the receiver, not so much -- but you get used to it.

For citizens of Schmolland, it is quite normal to repeat lines from
videos to express emotion. If you are sad, you can look downcast and
say, "Oh, Pongo." When mad or anxious, you might shout, "Snow can't
stop me!" or "Duchess, kittens, come on!" Sometimes, "And now our
feature presentation" says it all.

In Schmolland, there's not a lot to do, so our citizens find
amusement wherever they can. Bouncing on the couch for hours,
methodically pulling feathers out of down pillows, and laughing
hysterically in bed at 4:00 a.m. are all traditional Schmutch
pastimes.

The hard part of living in our country is dealing with people from
other countries. We try to assimilate ourselves and mimic their
customs, but we aren't always successful. It's perfectly
understandable that an 8 year-old from Schmolland would steal a train
from a toddler at the Thomas the Tank Engine Train Table at Barnes
and Noble. But this is clearly not understandable or acceptable in
other countries, and so we must drag our 8 year-old out of the store
kicking and screaming, all the customers looking on with stark,
pitying stares. But we ignore these looks and focus on the exit sign
because we are a proud people.

Where we live it is not surprising when an 8 year-old boy reaches for
the fleshy part of a woman's upper torso and says, "Do we touch
boodoo?" We simply say, "No, we do not touch boodoo," and go on about
our business. It's a bit more startling in other countries, however,
and can cause all sorts of cross-cultural misunderstandings.

And, though most foreigners can get a drop of water on their pants
and still carry on, this is intolerable to certain citizens in
Schmolland, who insist that the pants must come off no matter where
they are and regardless of whether another pair of pants is present.

Other families who have special needs children are familiar and
comforting to us, yet are still separate entities. Together we make
up a federation of countries, kind of like Scandinavia. Like a person
from Denmark talking to a person from Norway (or in our case, someone
from Schmenmark talking to someone from Schmorway.), we share enough
similarities in our language and customs to understand each other,
but conversations inevitably highlight the diversity of our
traditions. "My child eats paper. Yesterday he ate a whole video
box." "My daughter only eats four foods, all of them white." "We
finally had to lock up the VCR because my child was obsessed with the
rewind button." "My son wants to blow on everyone."

There is one thing we all agree on. We are a growing population. Ten
years ago, 1 in 10,000 children had autism. Today the rate is
approximately 1 in 250. Something is dreadfully wrong. Though the
causes of the increase are still being hotly debated, a number of
parents and professionals believe genetic predisposition has collided
with too many environmental insults -- toxins, chemicals,
antibiotics, vaccines -- to create immunological chaos in the nervous
system of developing children. One medical journalist speculated
these children are the proverbial "canary in the coal mine", here to
alert us to the growing dangers in our environment.

While this is certainly not a view shared by all in the autism
community, it feels true to me.

I hope that researchers discover the magic bullet we all so
desperately crave. And I will never stop investigating new treatments
and therapies that might help my son. But more and more my priorities
are shifting from what "could be" to "what is." I look around this
country my family has created, with all its unique customs, and it
feels like home. For us, any time spent "nation building" is time
well spent.

 

[iwrbnd]

I think we all know it could be much worse but It is still nice to know that we are not alone..
Actually, I'm not sure I would want NT kids especially not now when I'm looking at these middle-schoolers...LOL I believe that I would be very bored with "typical" kids at this point... My kids are smart, creative, think outside of the box thinkers. one is a nationally ranked chess player ( the older one with more serious AS0, one is a budding musician and was picked over a class of high schoolers ( he's 12) to be the sound engineer for his jazz institute... But, it is still tiring.. It is frustrating when they can't even find socks in the morning. Tiring when you are on the "alert" all night for mischief and escapes.. Tiring when all they do is fight. Tiring to be constantly nagging to get homework done, to explain that they STINK and must shower, trying to explain why you shouldnt wear a parka over short-shorts, too-tight t-shirt and the forecast is 90 degreess ( and the child is in 7th grade). Tiring all the IEP meetings etc....



I think we all understand that it could be worse but it's nice to vent too...

Very well said!!!

Congrats on your boy's talents, too! I should be more proud of my math and piano whiz! (But, sometimes the tiring outweighs the triumphs!)

 

[iwrbnd]

Holland Schmolland
by Laura Kreuger Crawford

If you have a special needs child, which I do, and if you troll the
Internet for information, which I have done, you will come across a
certain inspirational analogy. It goes like this:

Imagine that you are planning a trip to Italy. You read all the
latest travel books, you consult with friends about what to pack, and
you develop an elaborate itinerary for your glorious trip. The day
arrives.

You board the plane and settle in with your in-flight magazine,
dreaming of trattorias, gondola rides, and gelato. However when the
plane lands you discover, much to your surprise, you are not in
Italy -- you are in Holland. You are greatly dismayed at this abrupt
and unexpected change in plans.

You rant and rave to the travel agency, but it does no good. You are
stuck. After awhile, you tire of fighting and begin to look at what
Holland has to offer. You notice the beautiful tulips, the kindly
people in the wooden shoes, the french fries with mayonnaise, and you
think, "This isn't exactly what I had planned, but it's not so bad.
It's just different."

Having a child with special needs is supposed to be like this -- not
any worse than having a typical child -- just different.

When I read this my son was almost 3, completely non-verbal and was
hitting me over 100 times a day. While I appreciated the intention of
the story, I couldn't help but think, "Are they kidding? We're not in
some peaceful country dotted with windmills. We are in a country
under siege -- dodging bombs, boarding overloaded helicopters,
bribing officials -- all the while thinking, "What happened to our
beautiful life?"

That was five years ago.

My son is now 8 and though we have come to accept that he will always
have autism, we no longer feel like citizens of a battle-torn nation.
With the help of countless dedicated therapists and teachers,
biological interventions, and an enormously supportive family, my son
has become a fun-loving, affectionate boy with many endearing
qualities and skills. In the process we've created . . . well . . .
our own country, with its own unique traditions and customs.

It's not a war zone, but it's still not Holland. Let's call it
Schmolland. In Schmolland, it's perfectly customary to lick walls,
rub cold pieces of metal across your mouth and line up all your toys
end-to-end. You can show affection by giving a "pointy chin."
A "pointy chin" is when you act like you are going to hug someone and
just when you are really close, you jam your chin into the other
person's shoulder. For the person giving the "pointy chin" this feels
really good, for the receiver, not so much -- but you get used to it.

For citizens of Schmolland, it is quite normal to repeat lines from
videos to express emotion. If you are sad, you can look downcast and
say, "Oh, Pongo." When mad or anxious, you might shout, "Snow can't
stop me!" or "Duchess, kittens, come on!" Sometimes, "And now our
feature presentation" says it all.

In Schmolland, there's not a lot to do, so our citizens find
amusement wherever they can. Bouncing on the couch for hours,
methodically pulling feathers out of down pillows, and laughing
hysterically in bed at 4:00 a.m. are all traditional Schmutch
pastimes.

The hard part of living in our country is dealing with people from
other countries. We try to assimilate ourselves and mimic their
customs, but we aren't always successful. It's perfectly
understandable that an 8 year-old from Schmolland would steal a train
from a toddler at the Thomas the Tank Engine Train Table at Barnes
and Noble. But this is clearly not understandable or acceptable in
other countries, and so we must drag our 8 year-old out of the store
kicking and screaming, all the customers looking on with stark,
pitying stares. But we ignore these looks and focus on the exit sign
because we are a proud people.

Where we live it is not surprising when an 8 year-old boy reaches for
the fleshy part of a woman's upper torso and says, "Do we touch
boodoo?" We simply say, "No, we do not touch boodoo," and go on about
our business. It's a bit more startling in other countries, however,
and can cause all sorts of cross-cultural misunderstandings.

And, though most foreigners can get a drop of water on their pants
and still carry on, this is intolerable to certain citizens in
Schmolland, who insist that the pants must come off no matter where
they are and regardless of whether another pair of pants is present.

Other families who have special needs children are familiar and
comforting to us, yet are still separate entities. Together we make
up a federation of countries, kind of like Scandinavia. Like a person
from Denmark talking to a person from Norway (or in our case, someone
from Schmenmark talking to someone from Schmorway.), we share enough
similarities in our language and customs to understand each other,
but conversations inevitably highlight the diversity of our
traditions. "My child eats paper. Yesterday he ate a whole video
box." "My daughter only eats four foods, all of them white." "We
finally had to lock up the VCR because my child was obsessed with the
rewind button." "My son wants to blow on everyone."

There is one thing we all agree on. We are a growing population. Ten
years ago, 1 in 10,000 children had autism. Today the rate is
approximately 1 in 250. Something is dreadfully wrong. Though the
causes of the increase are still being hotly debated, a number of
parents and professionals believe genetic predisposition has collided
with too many environmental insults -- toxins, chemicals,
antibiotics, vaccines -- to create immunological chaos in the nervous
system of developing children. One medical journalist speculated
these children are the proverbial "canary in the coal mine", here to
alert us to the growing dangers in our environment.

While this is certainly not a view shared by all in the autism
community, it feels true to me.

I hope that researchers discover the magic bullet we all so
desperately crave. And I will never stop investigating new treatments
and therapies that might help my son. But more and more my priorities
are shifting from what "could be" to "what is." I look around this
country my family has created, with all its unique customs, and it
feels like home. For us, any time spent "nation building" is time
well spent.

Wow! I've never heard this version of the Holland story! I LOVE IT! The land of Schmolland makes perfect sense to me! Thank you for sharing that story! You put it so well about how in the beginning it felt like a war zone and not a peaceful land of windmills! I used to think that when I first heard the Holland analogy. The rest of your story is so well put! Thank you so much for sharing it!

I'm feeling better tonight than I have in the past year! Thank you everyone for giving me support, stories and a good kick in the head! I needed all three!

 

[steph124ny]

Congratulations! The baby/toddler years are so sweet! How many do you have already?

This baby will be #4. I have:

DS Aaron (14)
DD Casey (12)
DD Allison (4)

This last one is another girl. She will be Bailey Lauren and is due 7/22.

 

[iwrbnd]

This baby will be #4. I have:

DS Aaron (14)
DD Casey (12)
DD Allison (4)

This last one is another girl. She will be Bailey Lauren and is due 7/22.

Congratulations! You'll get to experience all stages of parenting at the same time like I did!

I remember when I had a preschooler, grade-schooler, middle-schooler and high-schooler all the same year! If there was a school function then I was there!

 

[steph124ny]

Congratulations! You'll get to experience all stages of parenting at the same time like I did!

I remember when I had a preschooler, grade-schooler, middle-schooler and high-schooler all the same year! If there was a school function then I was there!

Yup...Aaron is starting high school, Casey is in middle school, Allie is starting kindy in the fall, and I'll have a newborn! Everyone thinks we are absolutely crazy, but I know that when I'm old, I will never be alone at Christmas!! Plus, my DH is one of 6, and his parents are one of 10 and one of 13 respectively, so we are used to large families around here!! It's like a Duggar family reunion! LMAO!!

 

[ratlenhum]

I didn't write Holland Schmolland, wish I could take credit. I just love it!

 

[dogodisney]

from me! You are definately not alone! I was parenting in my 20's, 30's and now 40's too! I often wonder if I'll be doing it in my 50's too since I can see myself raising any children my 2 on the spectrum might have!

Keep us posted on your dgd results! I'm hoping for good news! The school struggle is probably the most exhausting thing I deal with! Mine is "Why didn't you do the work?", "Why didn't you turn it in?" "How do you not know if you have homework/test/project due?" Ahhhh!!! I definately feel your pain with school. Hopefully being older in her class will help!

Thank you!

The other day she had to write the numbers 1-100 on a chart. It took her 3 hours to do it. There are days at scholl that she refuses to work. This is only kindergarten. What is she going to be like in higher grades?!