Do I invite the in-laws?

[BillPA]

#1 rule going to WDW with family....marry an orphan.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Price out the tickets for them. That might fix this discussion for you.

If you're going to do this, I would still move to the LV room a few days. One of my favorites in DVC. Or, heck, try to move to BW our something when they leave.

I would think they would only go one day to MK. Even that might be a tough pill for them to swallow.

 

[MICKIMINI]

The more research I do on these boards and watching videos, it is very intimidating when you are the one having to plan everything.

Been there, done that more times than I can remember! Our DIL now often makes our ADR's and she and our son just text us and we meet them for dinner or lunch or whatever.

Trying to get everyone on the same page is never easy with young or old, family or friends. Honestly, don't do it unless you know for sure everyone will be (mostly) easy going. It will ruin your vacation.

 

[Maistre Gracey]

Do I invite the in-laws?????
Apparently you got married about four minutes ago.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[kilik64]

We have a trip planned in March with both sets of Grands.

Reading this thread has me worried about it now! lol

 

[AstroBlasters]

So, you already took your parents on a Disney vacation and you are going to tell your wife that you don’t want to take her parents? Good luck with that one. It would not fly in my household and saving years of arguments (previously mentioned cost of therapy and/ or divorce attorneys) would be worth one suboptimal vacation to me.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

So, you already took your parents on a Disney vacation and you are going to tell your wife that you don’t want to take her parents? Good luck with that one. It would not fly in my household and saving years of arguments (previously mentioned cost of therapy and/ or divorce attorneys) would be worth one suboptimal vacation to me.

I think in a normal relationship people make these sorts of decisions all the time. OP doesn't have to go to WDW just as a tit for tat. My mom came with us to Vegas and no way would that have been a good trip with my in-laws especially as my mother-in-law won't take another cruise that has a casino because she thinks her husband would be there all the time. Vegas would be a nightmare with my in-laws as a family vacation these days even for other reasons than gambling. They've been there before but not how we would want to visit there with a ton of walking and random stops for gambling here and there.

I would guess that the key is communication and realistically going over just which trips are suitable. The way my in-laws travel is not the same as how my mom would travel. Pretty sure that's normal This is more about thoughtful consideration towards the traveling party. Otherwise we're talking about forcing something in that may not fit just because.

 

[HopperFan]

So, you already took your parents on a Disney vacation and you are going to tell your wife that you don’t want to take her parents? Good luck with that one. It would not fly in my household and saving years of arguments (previously mentioned cost of therapy and/ or divorce attorneys) would be worth one suboptimal vacation to me.

OP stated that his parents took them, def not the same thing.

"... My parents took us this past April, so the boys have had a WDW experience with their other grandparents."

" While our trip in April with my parents was nearly free and they helped a lot at the parks with the boys ..."

For me it is not so much not taking her parents on vacation but taking them somewhere not suitable for them on many levels. I would be more inclined to take them somewhere more low key, not physically overwhelming and probably lower priced since they don't appear to enjoy/appreciate spending lots of money on luxury items.

I think my biggest dark cloud with them might be my FIL complaining. My FIL has a wonderful sister who married a great guy. They are very generous with us, treating us to a family camp every year, doting on our kids, things like that. They don't have kids of their own, so they have always treated my wife and her brother as their kids, and have welcomed me as a SIL of sorts. One year when my wife and I had plans with my family, our uncle and aunt hosted an Easter brunch at a very nice restaurant and they invited my FIL and MIL. My FIL told me the place was so expensive (it is expensive for the suburb it's in, but it's good food) and that the uncle was a showoff (he's not, he's a genuinely great guy who does well and shares it.) So that is in the back of my mind if they came with us sometime to WDW. A lot of it stems from their inability to pay for nicer things, so they complain when others can.

Do you think he would equate you to being a showoff like her uncle? Your "timeshare", the expensive dining and park tickets. No way to hide costs at Disney. Would he say something to others about you showing off?

 

[DebLovesPooh]

I would think they would only go one day to MK. Even that might be a tough pill for them to swallow.

I would offer to plan a different trip with them instead. Maybe a trip with more lounging like a long weekend at the beach?

 

[AstroBlasters]

OP stated that his parents took them, def not the same thing.

"... My parents took us this past April, so the boys have had a WDW experience with their other grandparents."

" While our trip in April with my parents was nearly free and they helped a lot at the parks with the boys ..."

For me it is not so much not taking her parents on vacation but taking them somewhere not suitable for them on many levels. I would be more inclined to take them somewhere more low key, not physically overwhelming and probably lower priced since they don't appear to enjoy/appreciate spending lots of money on luxury items.


Do you think he would equate you to being a showoff like her uncle? Your "timeshare", the expensive dining and park tickets. No way to hide costs at Disney. Would he say something to others about you showing off?

Hmm. I missed those nuances and it definitely changes the way I think about it. Thanks for pointing it out.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

So, you already took your parents on a Disney vacation and you are going to tell your wife that you don’t want to take her parents? Good luck with that one. It would not fly in my household and saving years of arguments (previously mentioned cost of therapy and/ or divorce attorneys) would be worth one suboptimal vacation to me.

My parents treated us in April. We fell in love with it and now I’m out a bit of money due to buying DVC. So slightly different but I know where my wife is coming from.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

OP stated that his parents took them, def not the same thing.

"... My parents took us this past April, so the boys have had a WDW experience with their other grandparents."

" While our trip in April with my parents was nearly free and they helped a lot at the parks with the boys ..."

For me it is not so much not taking her parents on vacation but taking them somewhere not suitable for them on many levels. I would be more inclined to take them somewhere more low key, not physically overwhelming and probably lower priced since they don't appear to enjoy/appreciate spending lots of money on luxury items.


Do you think he would equate you to being a showoff like her uncle? Your "timeshare", the expensive dining and park tickets. No way to hide costs at Disney. Would he say something to others about you showing off?

That would be my fear. I know they say things about us and our kids to my wife’s brother. So there would be no way they wouldn’t say something.

 

[TiggerBouncy]

I understand but for me I want my kids to have good memories of their time with the grands, not one of stress, complaining, kids being held back because of their grands.

My family often took my mother with us to Disney and other places, and even when she remarried we introduced her DH to Disney fun. He did well considering.

While my DH would have loved to travel with his parents too, Disney was not their thing, or I should say not his Dad's thing. He would want to spend an hour in the park then leave to play golf or something else that none of us want to do.

At the core it is about spending quality, vacation, fun time with the grandparents ... and that doesn't have to mean Disney. I would be planning another trip, even if just a long weekend to go do something they might enjoy. Maybe rent a cabin, play board games, cook together OR a beach trip ... factoring in the grandparent likes so they are positive, factoring in their mobility and health needs.

I do not disagree with what you are saying. From my perspective, my MIL had never been to Disney. It was a dream of hers to go one day before she died. She had very little time due to where they lived with her grandchildren. When I was a child, I remember Disney with my grands. Like my kids, they lived far away and it was rare I get to see them. Many families cannot take 80 vacations a year. You get one - maybe 2 if you are lucky. I often do not see my family at all - even at my age now - unless I see them at Disney, since I only have 2 weeks of vacation a year, and at least one of those is Disney (if not both).

So for many of us, it's see them at Disney and make a trip that works for everyone, or don't see them at all. As others have said here though it doesn't have to be an all or nothing trip. When I travel now with my kids, I am in the older generation and it's hard for me to handle the parks all day, so I don't even try. I let my grown up kids do their own thing. We get together for maybe a few rides that we all enjoy, and we have a few dinners together. They get their time to run around the parks and I spend my time at the resort, by the pool and meet them a few times over the course of the trip That works really well FOR US. May not for you. As others have said, have the grands there for a few days. We do that, too. My SIL joins us with her kids at Disney for 1-2 days sometimes and that's just fine. We enjoy the times with our nieces and nephews.

Quality time doesn't have to mean Disney, but Disney can certainly be a background for quality time.

 

[snikki]

Know your audience. Everything isn’t for everyone.

I agree with a pp about the miserable people on multigenerational trips. On my last trip it seemed that 99% of the people on multigenerational trips looked miserable. I know it’s just a second in their day but it was often.

We don’t do Disney with other people. Family or friends. It’s just too much IMO. Most people don’t get the walking, cost and time. We go on other trips with our friends often. Just not Disney.

 

[Jetku]

We took my in-laws a few years ago before we were DVC. They seem similar to your in-laws.

I’m glad we did it - but not eager to do it again literally had to explain how a buffet works

But great memories for both my eldest and for them!

 

[pks_domer]

We just got back last weekend from several days with my parents and our kids-- so, ranging from age 2 to 79. Reflecting on that trip and reading through the thread, a couple of questions for you to maybe think about, OP:

Are there things you can do to take some of the pressure off the trip? We're new DVC members too, and because we'll be back again soon--by ourselves-- we didn't feel the need to fit in every single ride or ADR on this trip. But we added on a day up front on our own so that we could hit a few things that we did want to do before my parents arrived. My parents weren't helpful in planning, as they were just happy to be along for the ride and see the kids experience Disney. So we just took that as license to do what we wanted for the kids, which also reduced the pressure. And my wife was super thoughtful and built in a few specific things she thought my mom would like to do with the kids.

About whether they can walk, OP-- would you or they consider a scooter? A couple of folks in the thread have touched on how great Disney can be with supporting mobility issues. My dad wanted to walk, but we (and my siblings) pushed him-- hard-- to get a scooter. We'd never planned a trip like that before, so we leaned on the wisdom of the Disboards to figure it out. Daily logistics were definitely harder (we were not originally planning to use buses for AK or HS, for example) and it was absolutely more time-consuming, as several folks have mentioned. It was also pretty stressful navigating a stroller and a scooter through the parks, particularly at night. But overall a scooter wasn't as intimidating as I'd built it up to be-- I just needed to frame the trip a bit differently. It definitely affected how much we could do and how we did it, but my dad also conceded he wouldn't have been able to handle the trip without it.

Definitely a lot of tradeoffs to consider in any Disney trip. Good luck with your decisions, OP!

 

[sethschroeder]

So, you already took your parents on a Disney vacation and you are going to tell your wife that you don’t want to take her parents? Good luck with that one. It would not fly in my household and saving years of arguments (previously mentioned cost of therapy and/ or divorce attorneys) would be worth one suboptimal vacation to me.

I can't imagine having a relationship end up in divorce over taking in to consideration that WDW is not a good trip for every person on the planet especially those who hate crowds and hate paying lots of money for things.

Next up you will say its not a good idea to not invite the parents who have severe sickness on a cruise and instead plan a land based vacation.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

We just got back last weekend from several days with my parents and our kids-- so, ranging from age 2 to 79. Reflecting on that trip and reading through the thread, a couple of questions for you to maybe think about, OP:

Are there things you can do to take some of the pressure off the trip? We're new DVC members too, and because we'll be back again soon--by ourselves-- we didn't feel the need to fit in every single ride or ADR on this trip. But we added on a day up front on our own so that we could hit a few things that we did want to do before my parents arrived. My parents weren't helpful in planning, as they were just happy to be along for the ride and see the kids experience Disney. So we just took that as license to do what we wanted for the kids, which also reduced the pressure. And my wife was super thoughtful and built in a few specific things she thought my mom would like to do with the kids.

About whether they can walk, OP-- would you or they consider a scooter? A couple of folks in the thread have touched on how great Disney can be with supporting mobility issues. My dad wanted to walk, but we (and my siblings) pushed him-- hard-- to get a scooter. We'd never planned a trip like that before, so we leaned on the wisdom of the Disboards to figure it out. Daily logistics were definitely harder (we were not originally planning to use buses for AK or HS, for example) and it was absolutely more time-consuming, as several folks have mentioned. It was also pretty stressful navigating a stroller and a scooter through the parks, particularly at night. But overall a scooter idea wasn't as intimidating as I'd built it up to be-- I just needed to frame the trip a bit differently. It definitely affected how much we could do and how we did it, but my dad also conceded he wouldn't have been able to handle the trip without it.

Definitely a lot of tradeoffs to consider in any Disney trip. Good luck with your decisions, OP!

I think there’s a lot of good possibilities and things to think about. But it’s likely going to have to start with my wife and I discussing everything and then presenting it to my in-laws: here are the wonderful things, here are the challenges, here some possible solutions, etc.

I’m really appreciative of everyone on this thread, because I have so many more things to consider, both in potential issues, but also solutions and compromises. So thank you regardless of whether you said I’m crazy to invite the or crazy not to. Thanks

 

[pks_domer]

I think there’s a lot of good possibilities and things to think about. But it’s likely going to have to start with my wife and I discussing everything and then presenting it to my in-laws: here are the wonderful things, here are the challenges, here some possible solutions, etc.

I’m really appreciative of everyone on this thread, because I have so many more things to consider, both in potential issues, but also solutions and compromises. So thank you regardless of whether you said I’m crazy to invite the or crazy not to. Thanks

As you mention potential challenges, one other thing just dawned on me— Sept at DW is likely going to be way hotter/more humid than the Midwest. Can they handle that?

 

[Jack Kerouac]

As you mention potential challenges, one other thing just dawned on me— Sept at DW is likely going to be way hotter/more humid than the Midwest. Can they handle that?

Yes, and that is something we need to discuss as well. The in-laws used to have a place in North Fort Myers. But that was back before we had kids and they were in better health.